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Profiles in Carnage: 4 Fictional Bullies
I stole this short trip down magazine lane from Volume 3, Issue 4's Scatterbrained section on Bullies. Thought you guys might enjoy.
OUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL BULLIES
Name: Nelson Muntz (from "The Simpsons")
Sightings: Often seen pointing and laughing at things wherever there are things to be pointed and laughed at. Also, a strong presence on the playground.
Motto: "Ha-ha!"
Greatest Hits: Conscientious about the big picture. "We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let's pound his kidneys."
"Persuasiveness": While Nelson does great solo work, he also manages an effective team of delinquents. Definitely, one of the better bullies on the block.
Insight:
Lisa [reading]: "Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe that, do you?
Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something.
Name: Sensei John Kreese (of "Karate Kid" fame)
Can always be spotted bossing around kids at the Cobra Kai Dojo.
Motto:
"Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy."
Greatest Hits:
Generally reserved for beating up his own students.
"Persuasiveness":
Sure, he's intimidating with all that "no mercy" talk. And he can coerce little Johnny into sweeping legs. But he's hardly a menace if you've got Mr. Miyagi on your side. Just stay out of his Dojo.
Insight:
Chuck Norris turned down the role of the Sensei because he didn't want karate instructors to be shown in an unsympathetic light.
Name: Moe (from "Calvin and Hobbes")
More bullies after the jump...
Often caught lurking in the hallway. Perfect gym and recess attendance.
Motto:
"Give before it hurts."
Greatest Hits:
Usually to the abdomen.
"Persuasiveness":
Although his train of thought is generally stuck in the boarding station, Moe makes some fairly eloquent arguments with his fists. The fact that he's a 6 year old who shaves doesn't hurt.
Insight:
Bill Watterson, Calvin's creator, claims, "I remember school being full of idiots like Moe. I think they spawn on damp locker room floors."
Name: Tommy "Butch" Bond ("The Little Rascals")
Slinking around anywhere the kids are trying to put on a show, with his sidekick "Woim" tagging along.
Motto:
"I usually prove it by lickin' everybody "¦ but to save time, I'm just gonna lick the toughest one of ya."
Greatest Hits:
Rarely has to resort to fisticuffs. His mean looks say it all.
"Persuasiveness":
For four years, he kept the gang in check, usually picking on Alfalfa. Butch took on the hair-challenged singer in both the boxing ring and in the wrestling ring, and caused many a black eye in the Rascals' neighborhood.
Insight:
Bond went on to play a good guy as Jimmy Olsen in scores of episodes of the "Superman" film serial beginning in 1948, but turned down the role on the TV version with George Reeves.
Got a favorite Fictional Bully that we missed? Write it in the comments below. And be sure to check out this and other back issues, available at the mental_floss store.