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Although a roast turkey is most impressive on the Thanksgiving table, its usually the simplest part of preparing the meal. The basic recipe is to put it in a the oven and wait a few hours. Women do it this way because they need time to prepare the dressing, gravy, pies, and other side dishes, plus straighten the house, round up more chairs, and make sure the kids are clean before company arrives. On the other hand, a man will put in the extra effort to try something new and different in order to show off his culinary skills.
Cooking a Turkey the Scientific Way explains (in a throughly geeky manner) the important parts of the cooking process. Once you understand the most important concepts, you can depart from the basic recipe.
You can improve almost any food by wrapping it in bacon. It’s the American way. Bacon-Wrapped Turkey is becoming quite popular. Here’s the recipe, with a video.
Cajun Deep-Fried Turkey has become so popular in the past few years that KFC will cook one for you. But the manly thing to do is fire up the fryer and do it yourself, while trying to not get burned. Here is the recipe, and instructions for deep-frying.
Deep frying is particularly dangerous, because of the size of the cooker and the huge amounts of hot oil needed, not to mention the size of the turkey. Cooking must be done outside. Here is a list of safety precautions, and an impressive video of what could happen.
Beer Can Turkey is a natural extension of the Beer Can Chicken recipe. The bird is propped up on a mostly full can of beer, and cooked so that the liquid from the can moistens and steams the bird from the inside. You will want to measure your cooker vertically before trying this.
A Turducken is a turkey stuffed with a duck that is in turn stuffed with a chicken. This is a very involved and time-consuming recipe, as the birds need to be deboned. The cooking time is around nine hours. But the result is so impressive to guests. Bonus: Use sausage stuffing for a fourth meat. Yes, you can add some bacon if you like.
What could be more manly than Bourbon Whiskey Turkey? As to the step that says to discard the marinade, don’t be tempted to treat it as a cocktail, since raw poultry may have introduced unsavory microorganisms, despite the alcohol content. You can also inject the whiskey marinade. No, inject it into the turkey! If you’re wondering what kind of bourbon to use, Wild Turkey would be fitting.
The most manly turkey of all is the one you bagged in the wild. Wild turkeys are usually older and always leaner than farm turkeys, so recipes recommend that you marinate it, parboil it, or bake it in a cooking bag to keep it as moist as possible. Deep-frying is also recommended. Always remember, you lose manly points if you ask someone else to clean your kill.
If you want to be super manly, shoot a wild turkey, marinate it in whiskey, steam it with beer, stuff it with other animals, wrap it in bacon, and deep-fry it. Even if your manly turkey preparation turns into a disaster, there is a bright side. Your story will become a part of the family’s holiday tradition. Every year, you will hear, “remember that time you tried to cook the turkey and…”
Comments (13)
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My husband thinks I’m crazy, but I’ve always wanted to try making a turducken.
I’ve had wild turkey as well (my father-in-law bagged and cleaned it himself), and it’s delicious.
posted by Amy D on 11-27-2008 at 7:52 am
Turducken – Do YOU want to eat something that starts with the word TURD?
posted by big_guy on 11-27-2008 at 9:57 am
We brought a Turducken from the Cajun Grocers to last years New Years Eve party. It was a huge success. It was the first to go. The important part is making sure someone is sober enough to slice it properly.
As for the wild turkey, make sure you get all the shotgun pellets out before you serve it.
posted by Sue on 11-27-2008 at 11:17 am
Turducken….how fowl.
posted by Carley on 11-27-2008 at 7:54 pm
I bagged a wild turkey in PA a couple of weeks ago. I smoked it behind my house. It takes a whole day but it is fantastic if its done right.
posted by Saurkraut on 11-28-2008 at 1:25 pm
I can’t believe you didn’t mention cooking the turkey on a grill. I had a neighbor who did this and it was simply delicious. And very manly, too. You need one of those ball-domed grills – the bird will pretty much fill it, so be sure to clean the inside of the lid before you start.
posted by RaraAvis on 11-28-2008 at 10:52 pm
We’ve made a turkey marinated in whiskey before. It was whiskey, molasses and orange juice. The turkey was very moist and delicious. I attempted to make gravy with the leftover marinade, but it tasted just like whiskey!
This year, we cooked turkey breast on the grill that were marinated. These were so much better than conventional turkeys. They were extremely moist!
posted by Aimee on 12-1-2008 at 9:08 pm
My dad read about the turducken in National Geographic & LOVED the idea. My sisters & I sent away for one from New orleans for him for Christmas. He thought it was fantastic, as did my 7 year old nephew, who wanted leftovers for breakfast.
My dad is a retired butcher, and he has since made his own turduckens for family get togethers. There’s a lot of boning out involved, but he’s happy to do it. Much cheaper to do it at home! My nephew still asks for it on Christmas & Thanksgiving.
posted by Paula on 7-11-2009 at 5:09 pm
Hard part about smoking a turkey is that they never stay lit. And you look silly with a 14 lb. turkey dangling out of your mouth.
posted by Dinosaur on 7-17-2009 at 1:45 pm
Doh…Dinosaur……you’re probably lighting the wrong end!!! Typical beginner mistake but we won’t tell anyone.
posted by Greycat on 9-7-2009 at 1:38 am
growing up in LA, thanksgiving was a big family affair with up to 35 relatives at my parents’ house. To accomodate so many people we got really big turkeys, and to make room in the kitchen we put them in the barbecue, a stretch-Webber that dad amended with a metal flashing extension to accomodate the size of the bird. As soon as I was old enough I was in charge of cooking the turkey out in the garage. This was a good gig as everyone would wander by at some point in the day to check on things and my sisters would bring out margaritas (hey it’s LA) for me and deputized crew.
posted by Ed on 9-28-2009 at 3:31 pm
BBQ turkey, my way.
Brine turkey overnight.
Debone just the ribs and spine out, leaving wings and drumsticks.
Stuff sparingly just before with hot, cooked stuffing.
Sew up back. BBQ with foil packets of water soaked cherry and apple wood chips.
The reduced size from deboning allows it to fit in normal sized BBQs, the hot stiffing reduces cooking time. Cook until 170 degrees for thickest part of meat and stuffing.
posted by Mmmmm Turkey on 10-16-2009 at 6:39 pm
I tried to smoke a turkey last year. I have had great success smoking pork butts for years. The pork cooks for 12 hours. I figgered the turkey should be about the same. Wrong answer, Hans… I got a turkey so black and plasticized that it could have been a prop on “I Love Lucy.” I’ll try it again…sometime.
posted by Jersey Petey on 10-23-2009 at 9:34 am