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For today’s installment of our Friday Happy Hour series, I’m handing the keys to Brett Savage. He’s the one responsible for yesterday’s ‘Nietzsche, Clinton, Yorke or Yoda?’ quote quiz, plus recent challenges on ’80s movies, Shakespeare and the Nintendo Entertainment System. Brett told me that his stint as a mental_floss quiz master is unquestionably the greatest temp job he’s stumbled upon. Then he told me about his other temp jobs. So today’s question is this: what’s the worst temp job you’ve ever held? Here’s Brett…
I move around a lot, and finding writing jobs in new cities isn’t the easiest thing to do. Unfortunately, those kinds of jobs don’t grow on trees like money does, so I’ve spend a fair amount of time (way more than I should have) in the temporary employment game. If you keep an open mind and maintain an attitude of knowing unconcern about whatever outlandish and random things these companies have you doing when you’re indentured in their employ, you can get by tolerably well and even learn a thing or two. Maybe.
Por ejemplo: in my time as a temp I’ve learned that having a “working knowledge” of Microsoft Office is “by far the most valuable asset an employee can have.” That actually being busy isn’t nearly as important as LOOKing busy – Costanza was absolutely spot on when he observed that looking annoyed will trick people into thinking you’re overwhelmed with work (shuffling papers around distractedly and sighing clangorously will work wonders, too). That the word “collating” doesn’t really mean collating at all…it means “stuffing envelopes.” That birthday parties and other related office celebrations will always be painfully awkward for you. That bending and reshaping paper clips into the those weird jumping-grasshopper-things CAN entertain you for hours. And, finally, that the vast majority of the time you realize that you most likely hurt, rather than helped the company you were working for. Good stuff.
What was the worst temp job you’ve ever had? I’ll get the ball rolling with my worst working experience. I was sent by a temp agency to a cereal manufacturing company. They had me sit in a room with three other temps and measure the precise weight of the freeze-dried cranberry stuff they put in each box. This process involved opening each box of cereal, dumping the contents into this quasi-sieve, psuedo-colander device to separate the flakes from the cranberry thingies, then measuring the weight of the cranberries in the box and recording the information on an absurdly elaborate chart. I lasted two hours before I’d reached the limits of my boredom endurance and left. The only thing worse than actually doing the job was having the woman sitting next to me attempt to convince me (or herself) that “this isn’t that bad…once you get the measuring part down okay.” Too true.
Your turn.
Previously on mental_floss:
• Your Worst First Jobs
• Your Worst Interview Experience
• Your Worst Interview Experience (as an interviewer)
I worked for a Temp service that sent me to a dial up internet provider. They had figured out they could save some money by switching their phone numbers to a different company, without telling their customers. My job was to make people who had not been able to connect to the internet for weeks calm down and help them reset their numbers so they could connect to the internet. The customers were very angry, called me names and insulted me. They also didn’t understand computers enough at all to follow my directions to reset the numbers. After a few hours, I gave up and started telling people this would be a good time to just get high speed internet. Today, that is what I do, I help businesses get away from dial up and get high speed internet to make their business’ better.
posted by Shannon on 11-30-2007 at 8:47 am
I was sent by my temp company to a chicken processing company in Atlanta. The plant no longer actually processed chickens at this location, it was mainly a distribution hub. We were sent to the former killing floor which was piled high with old equipment and told to to look for particular files that were being kept in stacks of boxes. The boxes were all the waxed cardboard variety and covered in old chicken blood. To make matters worse they allowed smoking everywhere. Everyone had an ashtray at their desk. This was only 3 years ago and I was shocked they still allowed it. I lasted a full eight hour shift and requested that I not be sent back. The most interesting part though was looking at the invoices for equipment like Neck Breakers and Chicken Evisceraters. Who knew a Neck Breaker would set you back several hundred thousand dollars.
posted by Willylumplump on 11-30-2007 at 8:54 am
Several years ago, the temp company I worked for had a Clerical division and a “light industrial” division. I preferred the former, but that wasn’t always an option. Well, our company was contracted by a HUGE medical organization (it may have been the AMA)that had to send out information packets to ALL of its members for an annual conference. Well, some genius at the organization had ordered hundreds of thousands of stickers to go on the front of these packets, but the stickers didn’t fit the sticker sticking machine. So me and about 6 other people ended up sitting at a large card-type table in a warehouse sticking stickers on folders for about two weeks. Talk about mind-numbing!! But it paid fairly well (about $7/hr in 1993).
posted by Kary on 11-30-2007 at 9:15 am
I blogged about this ages ago, but by far my worst day as a temp was working at a Giant — hanging crap on the impulse buy strips that hang all over the place.
The clip strips are those things that impulse crap hangs from in each aisle–jump ropes, slotted spoons, garlic presses, microwave omelet makers…you name it. And my job was to Hang. All. The. Crap. On. Them. And not just any crap could go anywhere. The toys had to go in the cookie/candy/cereal aisles. The citrus peelers had to go in the juice section. The shrimp de-veiners (I kid you not) had to go in the canned meat aisle. Let me ask you, when was the last time you bought canned shrimp that had to be de-veined?
Gahhhhhhhhh!
Oh, and one of the meat guys followed me around all day. That was fun, let me tell you. He seemed like a really nice guy. My age. Decent job, I think.
Shoot me now.
posted by Kristen on 11-30-2007 at 9:23 am
I worked for a grocery store in high school and was sent to their store-brand potato chip factory to push through productionn for their big sales period around the 4th of July. Mostly I stuffed the bags of chips into boxes as they rolled off the end of the production line. These bags came at you FAST and required very precise timing and coordination to get the boxes set up, stuff 8 bags in there at a time, close the box and arrange it on a forklift before too many bags rolled off the conveyor belt and got all squished. One day I got moved to monitor the potatoes themselves as they rolled through the other end of the production line. I was given this chain mail glove for one hand and a sharp switchblade knife for the other, and was instructed to watch for any rotten or discolored potatoes– but to only discard the offending end (the rest of the potato was “good”). It was pretty gross. Worst part was the stench of salt that hung in the air and still clung to you even after a shower. The people were really nice and they were really short staffed but I just couldn’t take it. I was there for only 3 days then blissfully was sent back to being a checker.
posted by Karen on 11-30-2007 at 9:33 am
My scariest temp job had to be when I worked for a major HMO, who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. My job was to audit the doctors’ applications to the HMO- if they were approved, that doctor would now be “in-network.” One of the things that had to be disclosed was whether they had had any malpractice suits. A few of them had, and my job was to go to a secondary supervisor type person and check whether they could still be approved based on the complaint. Without exception during my tenure the answer was YES. There were some real doozies in there, but I still can’t believe they approved a doctor who was sued for circumcising the same infant twice. How do you even do that?
posted by Lebetho on 11-30-2007 at 9:47 am
Picture it: Long Island, the dead of summer, 2002.
On the grounds of a giant Entenmann’s factory, I - a college sophomore on summer break - performed data entry at an Internet-less computer in an office that hadn’t been renovated [in neither decoration and technology] since the mid-eighties.
Right outside my window, which was permanently stained with uncleaned pigeon excrement, was the lot in which all the trucks were parked. Covered in smushed doughnuts and rat poop, the ground was always covered with hungry birds.
In attempt to keep the birds away without the use of pesticides, the staff at Entenmann’s employed looping a constant track of angry, loud, screeching “hunter birds” over a P/A. All day long. Constantly. Never-ending.
Right outside my window.
Needless to say, it was an odd complaint for my temp agency to hear, and there was nothing they could do about it.
So I stuck it out for three months, eventually losing my mind and weeping silently as the persistent screeches rang in my ears even after I left the office.
…And, yes, I tried heavy-duty head phones and ear plugs. But nothing overpowered the birds.
posted by fast_hugs on 11-30-2007 at 10:24 am
i temped at a 1800flowers call center when i was 19. they hire on extra people for the big holidays, and i got on for the valentine’s day rush. my job was mostly to take complaint calls and try to settle the customers down. i had one lady call me with her baby screaming in the background. she was screaming at me that i, personally, was ruining her marriage. how could i do such a thing? well, her husband lived a state away and she had sent him flowers. obviously he hadn’t gotten them or he would have called her. obviously. so the only conclusion was that the flowers hadn’t gotten there, by my orders apparently, and her marriage was now officially ruined because of it. i had to mute my end of the phone because i was laughing so hard. my supervisor even came over and was listening in and couldn’t help laughing. i also had to call florists sometimes to ask whether they had delivered things already and stuff like that. it was a pretty boring job mostly, but it had its funny moments.
posted by lindsay m on 11-30-2007 at 10:25 am
A couple years ago…I had a temp job that I loved and, ended up staying with the company for several months. They joked that I was “the temp that never left.” After the job ended, I trusted the company to find me something else… I was wrong. I worked one day at the new assignment and, called the company and said I was quitting… Haha. 1. It was in an incredibly part part of town and I didn’t even feel safe going there. 2. The job was doing background checks on truckers. I had such a bad feeling about it, I’m glad I quit right away!
posted by Rosie on 11-30-2007 at 10:31 am
I forgot to mention, on a side note, I love that you used a picture of Ryan for the article. *lol* “Watch what you’re doing, fire guy…”
posted by Rosie on 11-30-2007 at 10:32 am
It wasn’t exactly a temp job, but I only worked there for a couple of months so maybe it counts. About 10 years ago I worked as a telemarketer, trying to get people to sign up for credit cards. It was a small company - they had two shifts of about 15 people each. We had lists of people with bad credit, and the card we were hawking was aimed at them, to help them improve their credit score. It wasn’t a secure card, but there was about $300 in random fees, and we had to get their CHECKING ACCOUNT INFORMATION over the phone. I was amazed at how many people were willing to do this. We were supposed to really pressure people into signing up and if someone was hesitating, one of the supervisors would get on the phone and many times they’d harass the people into submission. I was terrible at high-pressure sales, so I let people blow me off pretty easily.
I never really felt good about the job. Every once in a while we’d get someone on the phone who would be livid, telling us that they’d already signed up with us and we had taken their money, but they never received a card. We had an 800 number for “customer service” that we were supposed to give to them, but the only answer you ever got on that number was a machine.
Only a few weeks after I was gone, the place got raided by the FBI because it was a complete and total scam. None of the workers knew it (but we all had a pretty good gut feeling), but I’m not sure about the management. The owners were never on site, so they could have been running the whole thing from the Cayman Islands or something for all I know. None of the workers were prosecuted and I never found out about the managers, or if they even caught the owners.
posted by caitlen315 on 11-30-2007 at 11:05 am
One summer as I was in between jobs in college I worked as a temp for the city at the water treatment facility in the admin. office. The city had just imposed watering restrictions because of an ongoing drought, and my job was to answer the “hotline” phone that people would call to report those who were violating the terms of the watering restrictions. Usually it was really boring, but I did get a call where a woman threatened to kill her neighbor who had just put in new sod. I kid you not. Threatened to kill someone over watering their lawn. My supervisor called the police, and I had to be deposed. Good times.
posted by Christina on 11-30-2007 at 12:32 pm
I moved from a small town to a big city when I was 19. I was very tech savvy, I knew a lot about computers, but I was very naive about most of the world. I applied for a “computer sales” position where to my surprise, all the applicants were interviewed together around a restaurant table. I got a call back and “hung out” with the boss for about a week. I went to his house for dinner, fixed his personal computer, sat in his car while he did errands… etc. Then he finally brought me to the “office”. It was an old house and inside was an amazing array of computer equipment. Turns out they were illegally copying software, packaging it, and shipping it all over the world. I was told I could work on any part I wanted, but the boss had an excellent idea for a website he thought I’d be perfect for… a place where people could buy their groceries online and have it shipped to their door… “an excellent front operation.” That night I called the boss and nervously told him I had found another job and wouldn’t be returning. I was never paid for my time.
posted by Trevor on 11-30-2007 at 12:36 pm
*********
My worst(yet best)job was cage cleaner at a not-for-profit shelter.
Getting poop in my hair when I’d have to clean the dog cages was much more delightful than having to stick my hands in the cages of newly aquired cats with questionable temperments.
Being violated by a 120lb rottweiler during a walk was also a trip.
But it was the best job because no matter how tiring or gross…it was all for the animals and to get them healthy and adopted.
And it also directed me to a new career path. I’m back in school to become a Veterinary Technician.
**********
posted by Sweet Pea on 11-30-2007 at 1:00 pm
I’ve held my share of demeaning temp jobs, but this was by far the worst. I was filling in for a secretary at an oral surgeon/dentist’s office. My day started with the dentist’s hygienist sitting her fat ass on my desk and trying to gossip about the number of lawsuits this guy had against him. I passed the time by listening to patients crying and screaming in the back room. The cherry on top of my day was when I was asked to sit on top of a girl and hold her arms and legs down while he pulled out her wisdom teeth. For a while after that loveloy temp job, I was convinced I had committed some sort of crime and that it was only a matter of time before I was summoned to court and jailed. Luckily, it hasn’t caught up with me yet.
posted by Kate on 11-30-2007 at 2:41 pm
In College I spent an entire summer “Preparing Documents for imaging” which means removing all metal (including staples) from boxes upon boxes of forms. 8 hrs a day 5 days a week. Yuck.
posted by Witty Nickname on 11-30-2007 at 9:49 pm
i took a temp job during college doing “accounts payable” work (the quotation marks will make sense later), which i had done a lot of in the past. when i got to the job i discovered my supervisor would be a particularly odd smelling middle aged man (i found out later he wore diapers). he was constantly eating something guaranteed to leave a smudge on paperwork and especially liked to partially lick his fingertip cheeto mess before sticking his finger onto something on my desk, leaving the dreaded orange slime. now, i’m a pretty intelligent girl, so when he asked me “do you know how to alphabetize?” i felt pretty confident saying “yes, i did it at my old job frequently.” apparently my supervisor was not satisfied and proceeded to explain to me how the alphabet works and how you follow it to alphabetize. he then sat with me to watch me alphabetize using my handy alphabet sorter just to make sure i wouldn’t screw it up. next, i found out that was my entire job, sort invoices alphabetically, put them in a tray and occasionally take them to data entry. i stayed at the job for 2-3 weeks, but only because my mom’s friend worked there. when i quit, another employee told me she was happy i was “getting out”.
posted by tami on 11-30-2007 at 10:38 pm
That’s a tough question… Was it the bus boy job, the moving agency job or the telemarketing job…? I would have to say it was the telemarketing job. I didn’t last long.
I was selling city coupon books - you know the ones, $1500 coupons for only $50. What a bargain!
Anyway, the Supervisor gave me this lame script that I was supposed to follow without fail, regardless of who answered the phone. “Mr (or Mrs) Public, allow me to tell you about this great deal I am selling.” On many occasions, children would answer the phone. I knew they were kids and it seemed pretty ridiculous to start my sales pitch with them, so I departed the text. I would ask if their mom or dad were home. As it turns out, this is a no-no in the telemarketing world. Don’t ask me why. The supervisor heard me do this on several occasions and warned me to stop. I didn’t. The next time, she took me out into the hall and told me that she thought this job just wasn’t for me. I agreed and happily left. I think I lasted about three hours.
posted by T.R. on 12-1-2007 at 3:05 am
When I was a teenager still living at my parent’s house, their next door neighbor asked me if I’d like to do some AP/AR work for her boyfriend’s business. The pay was great, about 10/hour and I was working from his house in the hills. It sounded perfect.
I showed up and met her boyfriend who proceeded to explain that his business was internet based and they did some filming inside the house…Hmmm. I thought it sounded strange, but this was 1999 and it was plausible.
It was an internet porn site. “Real” girls pretending they lived inside his house and doing whatever it was naked girls did on camera.
I sat in the next room, but there was no door and I could hear the guys telling them what to do around the corner.
I tried to block it out, after all this was my neighbor’s boyfriend and I was making good money, but when they said I could make even more money… I split.
After I left, he tried to say I had used one of his credit cards, because there was a charge he didn’t authorize on it. Even though this guy had between five and ten people walking around his house at any given time and none of his financial stuff was kept locked. To this day I have no idea what the charge was or who did it but I know it wasn’t me.
The neighbor still lives next door to my parents and she seems nice, but it was weird knowing what her boyfriend did for money. He bought her a new Mercedes and all I could think was, “Some girl took her clothes off for you to get that car.”
posted by Mahtayla on 12-1-2007 at 1:29 pm
I temped when I first moved to New York in 1985 (and other times). One job was typing addresses of people in Japan onto Christmas card envelopes. Typing several lines of multisyllabic name and address information in a language I don’t know, over and over, was really, really tiring.
posted by kittymama on 1-4-2008 at 11:33 pm