Comments (34)

1. They’re everywhere! I had a helicopter parent in my daughter’s Girl Scout troop who would show up unannounced anytime between 6 a.m. and midnight to complain about how other girls spoke to her daughter or demand special things just for her daughter. “My daughter must have one person at every activity who is there JUST to play with my child.” That nightmare ended when one of the other parents filed harassment charges against the mother. The saddest case is a 21-year-old woman whose mother was her constant companion until the girl went away to college. The young woman is unable to function around her peers without her mother beside her telling her how brilliant and talented she is. “Why aren’t people telling me how good I look every day?” To make sure her daughter is a social misfit, this mother calls and complains to the parents of the girl’s college dorm mates and e-mails the professors demanding that her daughter passes.

   posted by Cathy on 12-3-2007 at 3:09 pm

2. I’ve only heard these stories second- and third-hand, but still, they’re doozies.

   A friend worked in the office of a dorm complex on a large college. There were 5 soaring dormitory buildings, with a central office overseeing them. He was called repeatedly by the parents of one student, who continued to demand that they change the hour of garbage pickup because it inturrupted their son’s rest. While looking into the matter, he discovered that the student’s room was 6 stories above the dumpsters, and that the garbage pick-up time was the “ungodly” hour of 10 am!

   Another friend has been on the hiring committee for several entry-level jobs with a city government. She said that in the last few years, she’s recieved numerous phone calls from parents demanding to know why their “child” (we’re talking people in their 20s, with college degrees) wasn’t hired for the positon.

   posted by Jenny on 12-3-2007 at 3:20 pm

3. Well, my former in-laws were totally helicopter parents. Especially my ex mother in law.
   After we were married a few months we got a bigger apartment. The week we moved in we also took a vacation to Florida. While we were gone, the m.i.l. went to the new apartment with her friends to see if she could go in and make sure the apartment was nice.(nice enough for her sin that is- and btw she was only able to see a similar empty apartment, not ours) She then called the landlord and asked why he used such fancy and expensive upgrades in the building. Couldn’t he swap them out for cheaper things so that our rent would be lower????

   Anyone see why she is now my ex -in law? Or more famously my outlaw?

   posted by qt314159265 on 12-3-2007 at 3:32 pm

4. My best friend teaches at LSU. She had a student come in with her mommy to dispute a failing grade.

   We had a big, long laugh over that one on the phone.

   posted by Amy on 12-3-2007 at 3:40 pm

5. My Dad disputed my grades with my college professors a few times…

   But!

   I was a sophomore in highschool at the time…

   posted by Ashley on 12-3-2007 at 3:45 pm

6. This one is second hand as well.

   A great old psych professor at my alma matter had given a young lady a fail due to cheating. Her mother called and started threatening him and insisting he change his mind. She even went so far as to threaten getting her congressman invloved. His reply was classic, “Madame, I have the proof, and most importantly, tenure. You can go get the President of the United States for all I care. I love a good fight.” He was a great professor, intelligent and feisty.

   posted by Dusty on 12-3-2007 at 4:01 pm

7. I take my grandson to a play area at our local mall and watch them hover. I saw the opposite one day when a man, with three kids, placed a one-year-old on the floor and let him crawl freely. When I commented on his lack of hovering he replied’ “he has two older brothers”! One parent placed her daughter on the small slide and held her on the way down. When the girl climbed up on her own mom freaked and took her down.
   We are doomed as a society!!

   posted by gus on 12-3-2007 at 4:11 pm

8. My parents were the exact opposite of helicopter parents – they dropped me and my luggage off at the curb in front of the dorm, said their goodbyes and sped off (”We want to get home before it gets dark!”) What would that be – hit and run parents?

   The next time I had made it home, it was Christmas and they had turned my bedroom into a nice tv room for themselves. I spent my vacation on a cot in the unheated storage room and didn’t visit much after that. I always did catch on pretty quick… (They did pay for all my tuition and expenses, though, for which I am eternally grateful.)

   posted by Redddy on 12-3-2007 at 4:26 pm

9. My mom is a total helicopter parent to my brother but never to me. She spent many years negotiating deals with his High School teachers to not fail him when he very clearly deserved it. She got very sick for a while so I took over as a contact for his teachers. They were so surprised the first time I told them, “If he earned a failing grade, that’s what he should get. There’s always summer school!” Oops. My brother is 19 and my Mom’s hovering has increased.

   posted by Mis on 12-3-2007 at 4:29 pm

10. Secretary for a high school counseling office. This job title roughly translates to: “Sad sucker whose job is pacifying and placating helicopter parents.”

    Up to 50 phone calls a day for a year and a half. It would be pointless to try to relate even a best of list.

    Two words sum it up: Oy gevalt.

    posted by Sarah on 12-3-2007 at 4:33 pm

11. My previous employer refused to deal with helicopter parents, going as far to tell new hires and interns that if mommy or daddy started calling, it would reflect poorly upon that associate.

    This, of course, led to the parents calling and complaining about the policy, but we were allowed to hang up when they did this.

    posted by Dan on 12-3-2007 at 4:53 pm

12. Like Redddy, I experienced absolutely no hovering from my mother. The day I went to college, she gave me fifty dollars…everything she had at the time. Of course, with three other children still at home, and being a single parent, I can understand her need to get rid of me as quickly as possibly. I think I’m better for it; I’m completely self-reliant and have been since I was a child.

    posted by natlynn on 12-3-2007 at 5:44 pm

13. Yeah thats deffinitely tr- no mom I’m not doing anything- ue my m- yes i finished my homework- om is a total- no mom don’t come in here wait no this article, its nothing don’t read it mom wait mom don’t…

    posted by aaron on 12-3-2007 at 6:25 pm

14. Like Redddy and natlynn, my parents also dropped me off on the curb in front of the dorm and said, “Good luck!” The college was only 45 minutes from home, but when I called for a ride to come home for a long weekend, I was told, “You know where Amtrak is.” I learned to plan carpools with people after trying to get a months worth of laundry and all my study stuff onto a crowded commuter train :)

    posted by Raven on 12-3-2007 at 7:12 pm

15. I teach at a large university. I had a parent show up at my office after her son got a low B on his first test to let me know that “her son was going through a hard time right now and needed all the support we could give him”. I reminded her that he was in my intro class (one of 180 students). Her reply? “Oh, I know you have a lot of students, but B—- is important.” Give me a break.

    posted by fabby on 12-3-2007 at 10:03 pm

16. I was conducting research for my masters thesis by appointment. One student didn’t show up but apparently had been standing outside the door waiting for me to come outside and fetch her (didn’t bother to knock on the door which had a huge “Please Knock” sign on it…). When she didn’t receive credit for her class, her father came to my adviser and demanded the credit or else he would sue. I didn’t mind giving her the credit, but obviously her dad wasn’t doing her any favors- the girl was clearly unable to function without someone telling her what to do.

    posted by Lindsay on 12-3-2007 at 10:04 pm

17. like gus, i met the opposite of a helicopter parent while working at disneyland. on a routine check of tarzan’s treehouse (2 flights of stairs and winding wooden pathways) i came upon a terrified and crying 2 year old. she refused to go through the proper way, she wanted to get back to the entrance. i escorted her in reverse to the entrance all the while looking for a panic stricken parent. instead i found 4 very calm adults and several panic stricken children. the parents had decided that 5 children ranging from probably 8-4 could manage to get the baby through the treehouse without them. lazy parents could have lost a child that day, it would be pretty easy for a 2 year old to have a fall on a massive set of uneven stairs.

    posted by tami on 12-3-2007 at 10:25 pm

18. So as a public school teacher in a relatively homogeneous and affluent community I have wwwwaaayyyyy more than my fair share of stories about these charming parents. One time I had a teenage boy who didn’t turn in a very minor assignment. So the kid tells his mom that I have it in for him, out of all of my 150 students per day, and that I purposely lost his assignment. The kid would have gotten a B in my class even if he had turned in the assignment, but this mother came into my room in the middle of a school day as I was teaching. So I’m in the middle of a lesson, and this woman is SCREAMING at me wanting to know why I lost her son’s assignment. She’s accusing me of sabotaging her son’s academic career, as a 6th grader, because I refuse to give her son credit for an assignment he swears he did. Needless to say, she wasn’t welcome back into the building any time in the near future…. There is a book called “Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads” by Rosalind Wiseman. It’s got great insight into this issue.

    posted by Christina on 12-3-2007 at 10:34 pm

19. Oh yes, oh yes. My mom tried has hard as she could to be a helicopter parent to me, but I was determined to be independent. Unfortunately, now my 16 year old sister is ‘the last child at home’ and has it harder than ever… especially since she’s not as likely to speak her mind as I am.

    16, no license in sight. Not even a learners permit. No indication of ever getting a job of any sort.. is home schooled (to make matters worse). The poor child never leaves and house and has no friends.. everywhere she goes is with my mom. I mentioned to mom about how she isn’t going to live forever (she’s almost 60), and my sister should have some sort of life skills so that she’s not totally lost when my mom dies.. but unfortunately I get the cold shoulder when I mention it with an ‘Oh, she’ll be ok!”

    posted by Kelly on 12-4-2007 at 6:42 am

20. I was a camp counselor for five years, and I had every type of parent possible. Some parents didn’t even care to get to know my name; this didn’t offend me personally, but seeing as how I would be taking care of their daughter for the next 2-4 weeks, I felt they should have been at least a little interested. On the other end of the spectrum, some parents called every day to check in on their little darlings, or even dropped into camp unannounced to visit them.

    When I was in charge of an entire division (~90 girls), the threats were coming in daily: Where is my daughter and why hasn’t she called me? Because phone calls are not allowed at camp, ma’am. But I gave her a cell phone! Which are expressly forbidden at camp, ma’am. Don’t you know who I am? I don’t care who you are, ma’am, your daughter is no more or less important to me than the other 400 boys and girls at this camp.

    Really, most of the girls with parents like that were so happy to be rid of them, they were little angels for the entire two weeks (MOST of them).

    posted by Jess on 12-4-2007 at 7:27 am

21. A girl at my college who happens to be a distant cousin of my roommate has her parents (retired, they moved to Tuscaloosa with her) follow her around all day. They will sit outside of her classes and wait then walk her to the next class. They’ll sit with her at the library for a set number of hours each day and help her study. The girl is very disruptive with the number of questions asked during classes and I’ve seen a couple of professors snap and tell her to see him after class.

    posted by Jeremiah on 12-4-2007 at 7:38 am

22. I attended a 2 year tech college in upstate NY and would like to relate this story. I knew the young lady in question and she was a down to earth beautiful woman who was still under the thumb of her RICH parents.

    Her father saw her as his gift to the New York City social elite and wanted her to be of the same social standing at college. This community that she had inserted herself was based on dairy farming and the college had a fine AAS course in Vet. Medicine which she had entered. Maybe the father, who worked on Wall Street, pictured her with her arm up inside some horse …… that he contacted the college and told them that he would foot the bill for a formal dinner dance if his daughter would be crowned as the “Bell of the Ball”. This event required formal attire (read tuxedo and evening gown), engraved invitation only, guests announced on arrival and well you get the idea. It was held in the largest available area on campus, the Gym.

    She and her boy friend, brought north for the event, were the highlight of the Ball. They were there with their families (read Mom and Dad) and 3 other couples. No,I did not go although I did receive an invite.

    She hated the whole affair and it widened the gap between her and her parents. I wish I kept in contact with her over the years, wonder how she really turned out.

    posted by Owen on 12-4-2007 at 9:39 am

23. I have a helicopter mom from hell! I am an only child, 29 YEARS OLD with a college degree, living on my own for eight years now. My example comes from this very afternoon — a few days ago I moved into an apartment which is very close to the university where I work, in an area that is a mix of both very affluent and very low-income urban. Ever since I started working at the university, she has “dropped by” the office a couple of times a week to bring things we “need,” to chat, to show my aunt the pretty office space, whatever. She’s running out of excuses to come check up on me, so the local move was well-timed for her. :-)

    My mother has made it a point to call me at 7 a.m. each morning since I moved, to make sure “everything is all right,” with the promise of doing so for the rest of my life. She has bought door alarms for the apt. and has called &/or visited my landlord on several occasions for various reasons.

    Today at work, I heated up my lunch and had just sat down to eat it when — you guessed it — here comes mom with a bag full of mace and other safety items, admonishing me to “please use them, for your mommy!” As though I should walk up & down my street randomly macing people, just in case they’re thinking of pulling off some shenanigans. She went on to admonish me, while my lunch got ice-cold, about the upcoming snow storm (”Be careful — I want to talk to your landlord about whether he’s hired anyone for snow removal”), putting up the new door alarms, forcing my boyfriend to come check and make sure I do it right, or just make him do it for me, blah blah blah, then she finally left.

    Ten minutes later, as I’m attempting to finish my now-freezing lunch, she calls me to ask, “Why do I feel like you’re sad? What’s going on with you? Why are you acting so sad?” Mom, I’m fine, really! Not sad, just holding back all this rebellion-inspired frustration while pretending to be appreciative for all the things you force upon me in the name of helping me! MOM, PLEASE RELAX. (Now if only I could say this to her face, sigh.)

    Whew, that was cathartic. Anyone know a good therapist?

    posted by Amy on 12-4-2007 at 12:11 pm

24. Please. My parents didn’t even drop me off at college. No, I flew, 3,000 miles to a place I’d never even visited. My things were shipped ahead. My father never saw the place till I graduated–valedictorian. And I did it all on scholarship. How? You can be an incredibly supportive parent without hovering. Mine were and are.

    posted by Lori L. on 12-4-2007 at 12:17 pm

25. When I was a senior in high school I attended the senior banquet for our theater class. One of the guys brought a lovely young lady along as his date. When dinner was served, she was unable to eat. Why? She didn’t know how to use a knife and fork. Her mommy had always cut up her food for her.

    posted by Anthony on 12-4-2007 at 12:40 pm

26. My mother-in-law is exactly like Amy’s mother (two posts above). She stops by our house to “check up” on my wife and grandson at LEAST three times a week, calls my wife AT LEAST 3-4 times a day to “make sure” everything’s OK, and if we don’t pick up the phone because it’s off or someone’s in the shower or whatever, she FREAKS out and comes over.

    I literally can’t even go out with my wife anymore because all she does is answer phone calls and/or text messages from her mother. It’s not even like being married, it’s like living in a house with a woman that’s married to her mother.

    posted by Ian EBH on 12-4-2007 at 12:46 pm

27. I’m on both sides of the fence here as I am a teacher who gets regular experience dealing with these persons who are a limit to their children’s success and sadly deal with my own Chinook of a parent on a regular basis.

    I teach the “gifted and talented” students of three school districts as a traveling teacher and spend half of the very limited office time I have answering the phone calls of these over-involved nitwits. Even to the level of Kindergarten do I see this as parents who want things to be the best for their little angels do everything in their power to make students who already feel out of step because of higher than average perception ability now can be more of an outcast because mommy and daddy are ALWAYS there to make sure “nothing bad happens”. How are you supposed to challenge someone who is never allowed to grow and develope through failure?

    My mom also sounds so much like many of these folks. When at college, I was expected to call at least three times a week and any time I had a major test or paper. Repeatedly, as I was away at school, it was suggested that I “just come back, live at home, and go to…” the local University. Thank God for personal determination and plain old stubbornness on my part because I would havve regreted that decision my entire life. It makes me really sick and I now have a better understanding why my college educated brother decided to give up a $50000 a year job in our home town to become a Marine Corp officer: just to get out from under her thumb. She will call at least twice a week to see how her grandchildren are doing but will expect my wife and I to come to see her at least once a month. While this may not sound bad, the drive is 5 hours round trip and my youngest is only 7 months old. At 30 years old, it is hard for me to imagine parents less willing to let go than my mom. I guess some of you are even less lucky than I.

    posted by Kyle on 12-4-2007 at 2:17 pm

28. I remember once when I was around 18 and still living with my parents, I owed my friend Steve some trivial amount of money like $5. I had a regular job and I was planning on paying him back the next time I saw him. He knew that, I knew that, no worries. One day I got home and my mother told me that Steve’s mother had called *her* and asked her to remind me that I owed her son $5. Mom and I had a good laugh over that one, and so did Steve and I when he found out.

    posted by Ken on 12-4-2007 at 4:15 pm

29. Unfortunately I believe I am a helicopter parent-in-training. Growing up as an only child, my mother was extremely committed to knowing where I was every second of every day, along with who I was with, what was I doing, etc. I got so used to the routine that I have inadvertently forced it upon my boyfriend. Now I feel like I should be calling him to see where he’s at/who he’s with/what he’s doing several times a day, all-the-while keeping my mother posted on my whereabouts so she won’t worry. I don’t know if this is the worst or the best part, but apparently he has accepted this behavior and doesn’t seem to mind. I’d like to think I wouldn’t hover as much around my children, but in all honesty I can’t promise anything.

    posted by ABS on 12-5-2007 at 8:24 am

30. My parents aren’t as bad as some of these, and I never considered them to be ‘copter parents, but when I look back at my life in high school, I begin to wonder. I was not allowed to get my drivers license (or permit) until I was 19, “in case I got in an accident.” I wasn’t allowed to go to parties (unless it was at one or two of my “responsible” friends’ houses) because “there might be drinking.” I did all my rebelling quietly right under their noses, drinking at those “responsible” friends’ older brother’s apartments… haha. However, I have to say that I owe most of my anxiety and fear of responsibility to their hovering; I am constantly afraid of making mistakes or failing… and am treated for severe anxiety. To copter parents: STOP HOVERING and start letting your kids live!!!

    posted by M. W on 12-5-2007 at 11:11 am

31. There was a girl who lived in my dorm Freshman year of college — let’s call her Sue. Sue’s mother lived a few hours away, but showed up at the dorm every Wednesday to bring Sue a bunch of homemade food and “see how Sue was doing.” She would then spend the night in Sue’s room. But that’s not all: Sue’s mom would also show up *every* Friday afternoon and stay the ENTIRE WEEKEND until Monday morning. Every time Sue left the room, her mom was glued to her side, and you couldn’t even have a conversation with Sue because her mom would rush in to reply to everything you said. Everyone felt horribly sorry for her and her friends went out of their way to take her out on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays (the only nights she had free from Mom!) — can you imagine spending your whole freshman year of college NEVER doing anything on weekends? I admit I didn’t know Sue all that well, but she was always nice and didn’t really seem to need constant supervision. No one was surprised when she spent her entire sophomore year studying abroad somewhere godforsaken.

    One of my friends (we’ll call him Bob) was fortunate enough to buy his first house only a year after graduation. He was looking for roommates, so I moved in, as did Bob’s cousin. Less than two months later, his parents moved in next door. His dad was a great guy, although he worked a lot and wasn’t around much. His mother… well, the upside was that she cooked dinner every night, cleaned the whole house at least once every couple of weeks, and did Bob’s laundry for him. The downside was that she spent most of the time she wasn’t doing that screaming at Bob and his cousin for everything. She had a key and felt free to show up anytime between 8 AM and 1 AM, any night of the week, to do anything — I was once awakened Sunday night at midnight by a FAX MACHINE that she had just dragged into the house for no comprehensible reason. (To be fair, this was in a major city and Bob was charging me peanuts compared to the usual rent in the area.) I got a place with my boyfriend after a year, and I kinda miss living with Bob and his cousin, but I don’t miss living with his mom one bit!

    posted by Rebecca on 12-11-2007 at 9:02 am

32. In 1977, my sister’s university sent a single sheet of paper to my parents with an ALL CAPS statement: “After you leave your son/daughter’s items in his/her dorm room, please leave the campus within 45 minutes so he/she can begin acclimating to his/her new environment.” As the director of parent programs at a highly competitive national doctorate university, parents call me at home (unlisted number) at all times of night to ask me to go visit their kids because they have: stopped returning the parents’ e-mails; stopped calling them and will not return the parents’ calls; have not changed their away IM message in 12 hours; have had an unusual number of expensive credit card charges on the parents’ credit card; are not telling them that the packages from [insert store name here] have arrived at the residence hall; etc. Only once in 7 years has a parent called me after hours with a true emergency of the mental health variety, although I’ve had some freaky false alarms. It seems to me that the students are saying ’stop hovering,’ although the parents aren’t getting the subtle hints. (big credit card charges = spring break reservations)
    There’s a good book on this topic by an author named Karen Levin Coburn called “Letting Go.” I get no kick-backs for mentioning it, but I recommend it to parents all the time.

    posted by Thomas on 12-13-2007 at 6:55 am

33. Two stories, almost 10 years apart.

    My senior year in high school (boarding school) I dated a guy on and off for the better part of the year. During one of our breakups he starting hanging out with another girl in our class. Come time to ask out for prom he asked me and not her. He felt that he had spent more time with me and I guess the ‘other’ girl was only a fling. Come two nights before prom, my phone rings and it’s the girls mother asking me to turn down my invitation so her daughter could take my place. Her 15 year old son (the girls younger brother) would be glad to take me instead… She also called the guy and told him she would pay all his expenses for prom if he dumped me for her daughter. Need I tell you we both turned down her offer? Did not take long for our entire campus and class to know about this story…

    My mother-in-law is the culprit today. Not to my husband but to his youngest sister. My sister-in-law has graduated from college, holds a great job but her mom still takes her to all her doctors and dentist appointments AND she sits in. My husband and I are not allow for my my m-i-l to go to see his sister (she lives in a different town) as we might scare off my s-i-l’s rich boyfriend. This girl can’t do her own taxes let alone clean, do her own laundry or make dinner. My m-i-l believes she will never need to since she will have ‘help’ once she’s married the rich guy. Feel sorry for the girl!

    posted by Patsy on 12-13-2007 at 2:04 pm

34. My goodness… I can relate 100% to the helicopter mother in-law… I am dealing right now, and to be honest she is at the root of why we have had so many issues within our first year of marriage. It amazes me b/c i read these articles and students are annoyed and irritated but then you get people (So-called) adults that are raised with this and either like it or think it’s normal.

    I think its a big issue, their parents before them allowed them to be their own person, but these parents are becoming dependent on their kids needing them in order to make themselves feel good and important. It’s sick, b/c now we have a generation that is dependent on their parents and lack the necessary traits and characteristics needed to fully function in society. Children calling their grandparents ‘mommy’ and a generation of parents expecting their kids to be raised in schools and daycares.

    posted by foofchairs on 1-10-2009 at 3:31 pm

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