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by - December 10, 2007 - 11:37 PM
It’s no secret that the sports universe in America is pretty sheltered- we’ve got football, baseball, basketball and a bunch of other miscellaneous ones. Still, there are those few random games that capture our attention – poker had its day and people are even starting to pay attention to soccer now that Posh Spice’s husband plays here. In the interest of expanding our culture’s sports horizons, here’s a look at five sports that ought to become more popular, along with tips on how to get the word out.
Cheese Rolling
Cheese rolling is an exercise in simplicity – the event literally entails rolling a wheel of cheese down a hill and chasing it. The official event takes place in Gloucestershire on Cooper’s Hill, a rather steep incline. The event, not surprisingly, attracts plenty of drinking, which can lead to injuries when combined with a high-speed chase down a steep hill. One year, two thirds of the contestants got injured and in 1998, the police shut down the event for public safety. Cheese rolling has a rich history, having combated food rationing (contestants instead chased a wooden wheel with a small piece of cheese inside) and a ban on rural activities due to the foot-and-mouth disease outbreak.
How to make it popular: Make a cheese rolling movie. Ryan Gosling stars as a British man whose family has been chasing the cheese for three generations. However, when he finds out he is lactose intolerant, he flees the country and abandons the sport. He receives word that his father is on his deathbed and emotionally returns to Gloucestershire to honor his family by participating in that year’s race. Woody Harrelson co-stars as his cantankerous, yet loving, personal coach, a former cheese roller himself.
Tuna Throwing and more after the jump…
Kabaddi
Kabaddi is a lot like Red Rover; it sounds easy enough for kids to play during recess, but it wouldn’t go a week before someone got hurt and the game got banned. To play, all you need is a field, two teams and the lung capacity of Louis Armstrong. Each team – usually 12 players with five reserves - takes one half of the field. They then take turns sending one person across to the other side. He has to run around and touch as many opposing players as possible, then make it back to his side, all while chanting “kabaddi” in one breath. If the other team blocks him from getting back before he breathes (or passes out), he is out; if not, anyone he touched is out. The sport is popular in rural areas of Asia and has made minor splashes on the world scene, including a rumored demonstration match at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. Today, the sport draws players from around the world to its annual World Cups, clips of which are available on YouTube.
How to make it popular: Any press is good press, so why not use scandal to get the name out? Riding the coattails of the Mitchell Report, news can break of underground Kabaddi players using steroids to increase their lung capacity.
Tuna Throwing
Coming up next January, the Tunarama festival is arguably the highlight of the year in Port Lincoln, South Australia. Even though the festival has such attractions as a slippery pole competition and camel rides, nothing can top the tuna throwing competition. For a grand prize of $7,000, contestants have to launch a full-grown tuna like a hammer throw. For those who were concerned, the competition only uses only spoiled fish, so the event is even somewhat Peta-friendly.
How to make it popular: Current record-holder Sean Carlin (who hurled his tuna an astounding 122 feet) can pull a David Beckham and give tuna throwing some star power here. The undisputable hunk (shown here in his days as an Olympic athlete) just needs to marry a former pop star and sign a huge contract to do professional tuna throwing in Los Angeles. ESPN can take care of the rest of the marketing.
Man versus Horse Marathon
This event is pretty self-explanatory. It’s literally a marathon (actually, the route is 22 miles, but who’s counting?) where humans and horses race against each other. The race is held annually in the tiny British town of Llanwrtyd Wells. Last June marked the 27th running of the marathon and only the second time a human has topped the horse. In fact, the horses were so dominant that a runner didn’t win until the 25th running in 2005.
How to make it popular: This begs for a reality show in the vein of “Dancing with the Stars.” With celebrity horses, that is. Who wouldn’t want to watch the former Black Beauty compete against one of the Budweiser Clydesdales and a gaggle of marathon runners?
Buzkashi
The national sport of Afghanistan, Buzkashi is kind of like polo, except that it’s played with a calf’s carcass. The calf (or goat, if a calf isn’t available) is decapitated and placed in a hole in the ground. Riders on horses compete to grab the body, ride around two poles, then get it back in the “circle of justice.” The winner is the one who gets the calf into the circle, even if he didn’t carry it around the poles, which makes the game mostly pointless until the end. Still, it’s eternally popular in Afghanistan (the Taliban even allowed infrequent matches to be held) because of the way the spirit of the game mirrors the Afghan spirit.
How to make it popular: Let’s be honest, Buzkashi wouldn’t last half a match in America. Any attempt to make it popular would get hit with a backlash even Michael Vick didn’t experience. Still, it could probably merit a special on Spike TV.
What about rugby? 80 minutes fifteen positions and a hooker.
posted by Scrum on 12-11-2007 at 12:31 am
Not even you guys could come up with a way to make soccer popular in America, huh? Doesn’t bode well for MLS.
posted by SpaceMonkeyX on 12-11-2007 at 12:44 am
Cricket, maybe ?
posted by None on 12-11-2007 at 3:41 am
I love that when you mouse over the hyperlinked text “movie” you get a sponsored ad for The Bourne Ultimatum on DVD.
A few cheese-rolling scenes might have made that inanity a bit more tolerable.
posted by Aaron on 12-11-2007 at 7:37 am
Buzkashi was huge in America in the late ’80s. after being prominatly featured in Rambo III literally 3 people played it. Unfortunately, just like the movie, a soviet helicopter flew in and shot missiles at the players, and Stallone wasn’t even there to rescue them. Tragic.
posted by Witty Nickname on 12-11-2007 at 8:08 am
I agree with scum, if this blog was anything more than a joke, rugby should have definitely been included.
posted by BigBen648 on 12-11-2007 at 8:27 am
Wow. Good thing you previous posters brought your sense of humor today.
Everyone knows soccer is the most popular sport in the world. That fact is known in America, and still we don’t care. David Beckham came here for pete’s sake and still WE DON’T CARE!
It’s fashionable to like soccer, and yes it is a cool sport. But give it up already, soccer will never be America’s pastime!
posted by mrs.djs on 12-11-2007 at 8:35 am
they already do play rugby in america. a guy i went to high school with plays pro in los angeles. i don’t think there’s many pro cheese rollers in the states though, hence the point of this post.
posted by tami on 12-11-2007 at 9:00 am
Bicycle racing. The Tour de France is bigger than the Superbowl and World Series combined. Here in the states, people talked about bike racing for like five minutes when that guy was winning. What was his name? Oh yeah, Lance Armstrong.
posted by fixedgear on 12-11-2007 at 9:04 am
Wow, such love today. Breathe and reboot!
I’m pretty sure there’s a significant push to increase the popularity of soccer, lacrosse, rugby, and cycling, even in the midwest US. Kabaddi and Cheese Rolling are the real under-appreciated events out there. Thanks, J-Plautz, for opening my eyes to all the wonderful sport I missed by attending public schools. :p
posted by Trena on 12-11-2007 at 9:40 am
Forget about Cheese Rolling…
How about the Ottery St Mary Tar Barrels event? Get a whole town full of drunks, then take a barrel full of Tar, light it on fire, then slap it on guy’s back and send him running thru the crowd. What could be more fun than that?
It’s a tradition that dates back to 17th Century, and is thought to originate from a pagan ritual of exorcising evil spirits from the town.
The barrels get passed from man to man as they make their way to the River Otter. The barrels are then used to make up one of the biggest bonfires in the region.
Tihs year, only 36 people went to the hospital.
posted by stuart on 12-11-2007 at 11:22 am
Cheese rolling sounds fun, but don’t forget cheese *racing*, in which contestants place slices of still-wrapped processed cheese on the grill, watch them inflate as the cheese begins to boil inside the plastic (which doesn’t melt!), and compete to see whose will go the longest before it bursts.
Really. I’ve played it. Google it.
posted by Mary on 12-11-2007 at 11:23 am
I tried to watch american football a week ago. Most boring sport ever. I have no idea how Americans can actually sit down for 3 hours and watch this horribly slow and actionless sport.
posted by Kells on 12-11-2007 at 12:25 pm
You left out the all time best sport…curling. All those people brushing the ice furiously is a load of fun to watch.
posted by Mongo on 12-11-2007 at 12:55 pm
Kells must have been watching the wrong teams. To truly appriciate American football you must watch the Dallas Cowboys.
As the scripture says, “and on the seventh day God created football, but it was formless and void, so on the eight day God created the Dallas Cowboys to show the world how to play football with professionalism and class. He plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on a blue background, and left a large hole in the top of their stadium so he could watch from above.”
Amen.
posted by Witty Nickame on 12-11-2007 at 12:56 pm
What about women’s flat track roller derby? Over 100 teams around the country. Athletic women in sexy outfits knocking each other around for your entertainment!
posted by jason on 12-11-2007 at 1:06 pm
Looks like a lot of research went into it, but the side comments are the best. “Any attempt to make it popular would get hit with a backlash even Michael Vick didn’t experience.” lol!
posted by josh on 12-11-2007 at 1:11 pm
There’s a Man Against Horse (www.managainsthorse.com/) race up in Prescott, AZ, which is pretty awesome. I had the distinct pleasure of racing the horses in the 50 mile version of the race this year… and at that distance, it’s pretty much even money whether man or horse will win.
posted by jon on 12-11-2007 at 3:19 pm
They need to import the Finnish wife-carrying competitions. Now THAT’s a sport!
posted by Tim on 12-11-2007 at 4:12 pm
Like Buzkashi, there’s Pato from Argentina….though, it has rules and stuff now, and doesn’t use a real duck anymore.
posted by Amanda on 12-12-2007 at 12:18 am
I recall that cheese rolling got its 15 minutes on a recent _er_ episode.
I also recall that buzkashi got some ink in he first ever issue of _Games_
posted by Randy MacDonald on 12-12-2007 at 9:17 am
The movie idea for cheese rolling is hilarious, and I would love to get the chance to play Kabaddi (especially against a bunch of smokers).
posted by Sniff Bug on 12-12-2007 at 2:11 pm
cricket for sure…
those listed don’t even qualify as sports
posted by Bell on 12-13-2007 at 7:50 pm
Seriously, where are you guys’ sense of humor? Obviously most of the activities J-Plautz has listed, Americans will not seriously consider as sports. Cricket, soccer, rugby… how would that be funny if those were the sports he chose to write about??
posted by CK on 12-17-2007 at 4:21 pm
To heck with all that. PLAY ULTIMATE!
posted by Joe Maz on 12-17-2007 at 8:38 pm
Kabaddi is big in India. They’ve won all the golds so far in Commonwealth Games ( or is it Asian?)
n boy, is it fun to play..Once I took out 4 of the opponents in one go ::proud remniscient smile:: although my shirt n waist were totally ripped apart..but it was fun sitting barechested thru the school after recess :p
-V
posted by Vizzard on 12-18-2007 at 10:41 am
How about taking a bunch of guys and dressing them in womens clothes. Then pair them of in two’s and have them run a foot race. DRAG RACING!
posted by dex on 12-29-2007 at 6:40 am
Personally, my vote goes to Purring, a classic old shin-kicking contest from the British Isles.
Article from the Journal of Manly Arts
August 2004
(ejmas.com/jmanly/articles/2004/jmanlyart_couch_0804.htm)
posted by Tex Arcane on 12-31-2007 at 11:23 am
but there is always the question as to WHY do the americans call football that thing when they actually almost never touch the ball with their feet??? At least on the REAL football, the game is played with the feet.
posted by Fign on 1-4-2008 at 8:25 am
The UK is full of crazy sports like these. Locally to me is the yearly ‘worm charming’ competition where yo have to coax as many worms out of the (3 square yard) patch of grass as possible (record is 550 in 11 minutes), and the barrel race where teams of 4 adults (usually men) and an 7 gallon barrel of strong (6.8%) beer compete to cross several tallish mountains to the finish line. The first team to carry the empty barrel across the line wins. The question is whether you drink your 14 pints at the start (and therefore carry an empty barrel) or drink them on the finish line…
And of course a proper british pint is 24 fluid ounces rather than the american ‘junior’ pint of 20 ounces.
posted by Tugger on 1-22-2008 at 12:11 am
How about Snooker? We used to watch hours and hours of the tournaments on TV when we were in Britain. It’s basically billiards squared times two.
posted by Astrogath on 3-22-2008 at 9:20 pm
My vote goes to Caber Tossing. Kilts + tossing telephone pole sized logs for distance is a formula I can agree with.
posted by Obvious on 3-27-2008 at 11:52 pm
How can one forget the Silver Jubilee Outhouse Races?
posted by Ella on 5-1-2008 at 12:02 pm
Obvious- cabers are not tossed for distance, they are tossed for landing positions. They have to go end over end one time and then the position in which they land determines th equality of a toss. Landing at a “12:00″ position is the ultimate and VERY difficult to accomplish.
posted by Scot on 5-6-2008 at 9:26 am