Finally, a modern version of The 12 Days of Christmas that involves no singing and no repeating! Here are the gifts from that song you’ve heard way too many times by now, internet style, because you deserve a bit of Christmas silliness.

1. Partridge

The Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga welcomed the birth of a single crested wood partridge recently. The baby lives in the aquarium’s Butterfly Garden. They don’t have a pear tree, but the partridges perch in the annatto, olive or pachira trees at night.

2. Turtledoves

How to make Two Turtle Doves

Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 oz Smirnoff vodka
- 1 oz coconut cream
- 1 oz half and half
- 1/4 oz creme de cacao
Rimming: shaved white chocolate rim

Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled martini glass rimmed with shaved white chocolate rim. Found at Cocktail Times.

3. French Hens

The French version of a hen is poulet, which sounds yummy, especially if you have a French chef to prepare it. I found three great recipes for poulet; you’ll have to find your own French chef.

Bouillabaisse De Poulet (Chicken Stew). Stewed chicken with vegetables, from the kitchen of Julia Child.

Poulet en Cocotte Bonne Femme (Chicken Casserole by a Good Woman). Any recipe that starts with a half-pound of bacon can’t be all bad. Also from Julia Child.

Poulet au Vin d’Ail (Chicken Breasts with Garlic Wine). Garlic wine is a new one on me, but it sounds delicious! From southwest France by way of Paula Wolfert.

Four calling birds and lots more, after the jump.

4. Calling Birds.

It’s not so difficult to get a bird to talk, but dialing the phone has been, until recently, beyond most bird’s abilities. With voice activation, it’s a distinct possibility. Here are four of the best birds you’ve ever spoken to.

Riley is an Eclectus Roratus Parrot. Here he is having a little conversation.

These mynah birds speak Chinese!

Wee-Woo is a talking starling.

The smartest, of course, is Einstein.

5. Golden Rings

The five Olympic rings symbolize the quest for the gold at the summer and winter games. These Chinese soldiers have them glowing gold with candles as they mark the one-year countdown to the Beijing Olympics in 2008.

OK, I’ll admit that the first thing I thought of was golden fried onion rings, but I think we have enough recipes here already.

6. Geese Laying

Metzer Farms has a goose hatchery with 13 different breeds of geese, and yes, they are laying as fast as they can! The farm ships goslings and other poultry stock all over the world. Pictured are two Canada geese and four Sebastopol geese.

7. Swans Swimming

It wouldn’t represent the internet if there wasn’t a game of some sort here. How Stuff Works posted this puzzle challenging you to find the seven swans a-swimming and the other fowls in the song. You can see a larger image at the site, or download it in the .pdf form. Bonus: Other Christmas games and puzzles are linked on the same page.

8. Maids Milking

1. Threecollie at Northview Dairy runs a family dairy farm in upstate New York and was so kind as to help me find seven other woman who are in the milk business.
2. Her daughter at BuckinJunction is also a cow person. Her first love is rodeo, but she has plenty of milking experience.
3. Her other daughter, Breezy375 also qualifies as a milking maid from a lifetime of experience, although her site is about her college experiences.
4. Joni at My Piece of Heaven raises cattle for beef, but also has a few cows for milking.
5. Caroline of Nexus Farm and Alpacas has an alpaca farm, but also a few dairy goats. What? Nothing in the song says the maids were milking cows!
6. Rosemoon at Moonmeadow Farm has both dairy cows and goats.
7. Rose at Smokey Mountain Breakdown is a writer and a dairy goat farmer.
8. The Kansas Milkmaid obviously qualifies, as she writes about the joys of farm life.

9. Ladies Dancing

The first thing that came to mind for this is The Rockettes. According to Wikipedia, the Rockettes have performed “5 shows a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year for more than 75 years.” They are now starring in the Radio City Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall in New York, through December 30th.

10. Lords Leaping

Did this ever make any sense at all? No doubt the original song referred to lords as the titled nobility. Now it could refer to the House of Lords in the British parliament. Do they leap to conclusions? Or maybe they are hopping mad! Whichever, it’s difficult to get ten of them to agree on anything, much less pose for a picture doing it. So how about some Christmas music? Lords a Leaping Volume II is a collection of original Christmas music written and performed by a group of songwriting friends in Central Pennsylvania. And it has more than 10 songs!

11. Pipers Piping

The Strathclyde Police Pipe Band performing at the 2005 British Championships. There are slightly more than eleven pipers, and they are all good at it.

12. Drummers Drumming

John Bonham, Buddy Rich, Animal, Gene Krupa, Keith Moon, Billy Cobham, Karen Carpenter, Neil Peart, Phil Collins, Elvin Jones, Sheila E, and Alex Van Halen. See them all here.

Bonus: In researching this article, I ran across 12 mental_floss quizzes from several years back, each having something to do with a verse of The 12 days of Christmas. Good luck!
Drummers.
Pipers.
Lords.
Ladies.
Maids.
Swans.
Geese.
Rings.
Birds.
Hens.
Doves.
Pear tree.