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In a city (LA, holla) overflowing with strikers and “collateral damage,” unemployment is on the agenda. After a period of what production people call hiatus (e.g. show canceled, creative differences, internal restructuring, blah blah blah: no work), I’m back on the TV show wagon again, and it feels good to leave the fetid batting cage of the for-all-practical-purposes unemployed. But lest I soon forget what it’s like to be, um, radiating lack, I thought I’d take a poll and see if anyone else out there wants to revisit those halcyon times when you were desperate for work.
Back in ‘95, with my high school career languishing, my parents told me it was time to get a job. The first place I applied was Kroger’s–the nation’s largest grocery store chain! I picked up their application, filled it out at the counter and handed it back. A week later they called to set up an interview and in I went. Now, this was the grocery store of my childhood, the one I grew up with and so there was a mild thrill in entering its mysterious recesses, like suddenly finding myself in Johnny Carson’s Green Room. That excitement was short-lived, though. The manager–a four-foot-tall woman who used to work in the now-defunct video section back in the middle-late-80s–asked me why I wanted to work at Kroger’s.
And seriously, why does anyone want to work at Kroger’s?
“I really like lettuce,” I told her, because at that moment the smartass in me wasn’t desperate enough for minimum wage.
Oh, how times change. I didn’t get the job then, but four years later I crawled back to the grocery store and became the best damn Night Stock Clerk the Kroger’s union has ever seen. Two weeks in, I quit. Something about dialectics and liberal guilt. I was going to a $40,000-a-year school in the northeast and spending my summers with guys who’d spent ten years getting to $10/hour one $0.25 raise at a time.
Ten years of my own have now passed and back amongst the ranks of the occasionally unemployed, I find myself almost addicted to the occasional job search.
Some people shop for flat screen TVs. I’m just shopping for an alternate life.
So, today I found the perfect job. It pays $50,000 to $70,000 a year, it’s a job in communications, defending some “confidential” health care provider in San Jose. The full posting can be found here but I’m giving you all the pertinent information and all you have to do is send your resume and cover letter to the gatekeeper for this confidential employer — the email address is Mircalla@statonhughes.com.
Anyway, the best part about this job is that you have to understand the health care industry to represent the health care provider, and even though they pay you $70K and give you paid holidays and sick time and vacation… they just can’t afford to give you health insurance.
They really do need communications help, don’t they?
So, what is your worst job hunting experience?
I’ve applied to work for Hillary Clinton’s campaign about eight times now. I just do it to fulfill my unemployment obligations.
posted by eeyore on 12-15-2007 at 2:41 am
Great timing on this post. I just saw the funniest job posting ever this morning. $5 to prove the world is ending!
Writer / End Of The World.
—————————————-
Reply to: job-508818312@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-13, 10:18PM PST
I am making a small book and needs fact in regard to End of the world. If you believe that now is the end of the world and you have solid fact I will buy the info from you for $5.00 each fact, For example you can say: According to ABCD- EFG this is the end of the world. I need a total of 200 solid believable facts it equals $1000. I will buy as little as 1 fact for $5.00 All payments are done by paypal.com please do-not email any facts until you have talked to me and you get a confirmation. You can call or email for us to call you back.
I suppose it’s what I deserve for trolling Craigslist for work.
posted by Meg on 12-15-2007 at 6:40 am
Pardon me while I vent one of my top pet peeves. It’s even worse because I live in Cincinnati where there are Krogers on every store.
It’s KROGER! Not Kroger’s! There’s no ‘apostrophe S’!
Thank you and I return you to your regularly scheduled programming
posted by Dan on 12-15-2007 at 8:37 am
in the 90s i applied for an HR position at Thomas Kincade inc, San Jose. The interview was a long discussion of my religious background and beliefs.
Hello lawsuit?
Left a horrible taste in my mouth
posted by lauraebk on 12-15-2007 at 9:55 am
Many years ago I answered an ad for a part-time job during the evening hours which would’ve been perfect for me since I had classes during the day. The job was operating a telex machine for a satellite office of some Japanese company. I had tons of telex experience, but the interviewer didn’t seem particularly interested in that. He handed me an incoming telex from their headquarters which was written in Japanese. He asked me to read it out loud. I explained that I didn’t speak Japanese. He encouraged me to just try. I’m sure I was mispronouncing everything, because he just sat and grinned at me. He then excused himself and returned with two other men. He told me to continue and the three of them giggled wildly while I stumbled through the message (stopping every four or five words to remind them that I don’t speak Japanese). I got to the end of the telex and thought that they were going to wet themselves they were laughing so hard. I scooted out of there shortly afterward, but they called the next day and offered me the job. I politely declined. To this day I’ve never figured out what the heck was going on…were they having me read some kind of Japanese porn story or something?
posted by Kara on 12-15-2007 at 12:02 pm
I have two:
In the early 90s, I was called in to interview for the p.r. department of a video monitor company. My would-be boss asked me to write a press release so she could see what my work looked like, and to find her when I was done. Fifteen minutes later, I looked for her, and she’d gone home (at 2 p.m. in the afternoon.) Never got the job, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she hadn’t just used me to do her job for her.
Also, in college, I applied for a summer job leading a tour group of high school students through Russia. My interviewers commented that since I’d worked my way through college (instead of having a rich daddy to pay for it), they were afraid I wouldn’t fit in with the rich kids I’d be showing around. The job, by the way, paid all of $400 for six weeks.
Now I’m on the other end of things and have sordid tales about job applicants.
posted by Carolyn on 12-15-2007 at 5:00 pm
A few months back I was browsing through Craigslist looking for jobs out of boredom and frustration. (I had been working for the same restaurant company for 8 years and decided that I needed a change before I turned into one of my managers.) I found what seemed to be a great job as a personal assistant for a local artist. It paid $75,000 a year and all it required was organizational skills, light office work and a willingness to travel on occasion. The only other requirement was that you had to be an attractive female. I was a young, pretty college grad, so I called the number to find out what the deal was. Boy did it turn out to be too good to be true. The artist guy let me talk about myself for about 2 minutes before he asked how comfortable I was with “companionship”. I knew right away what he was talking about. I told him the truth- that I would be more than willing to pretty myself up and look like I was interested in him during shows but I was not going to sleep with him. He said that’s what everyone says, thanked me for the inquiry and told me to give his number to anyone I knew who would be down for it. Hands down the weirdest job hunting experience ever.
p.s.-I no longer look for work on craigslist.
posted by Marta on 12-15-2007 at 8:12 pm
Dan, there is a reason why everyone calls it Kroger’s. When Mr. Kroger started the chain, everybody called “Old Man Kroger’s” store. So the possessive stuck. Similar story in NYC, where they have a Houlihan’s on every corner. The story I heard was that Mr Houlihan had a restaurant that failed. The new proprietor heard people saying that this was “Houlihan’s old place” referring to the new owner’s place. So he called it Houlihan’s. These are stories, bear in mind.
posted by Marshall G Boyd on 12-16-2007 at 7:12 am
Wow. What kind of union grocery job pays only $10/hr?
I think the average STARTING wage is more than that.
posted by Moon on 12-16-2007 at 6:02 pm
A little over a year ago, I was laid off by the company I had been working for for about 10 months (while I was in the middle of a week-long California vacation, no less). They told me I was eligible for rehire, so a few months later, when my former position opened up, I applied. A week or so later, I recieved a letter thanking me for the opportunity to look at my resume, but at this time, they were reviewing other candidates that were more qualified for the position… I really hate that company.
posted by Chris on 12-16-2007 at 6:33 pm
The summer after I graduated from college, all burnt out and tired, I applied to (count em) 74 different jobs, ranging in difficulty from retail sales all the way up to staff writer for a local newspaper. This was over a 4 month period, mind you.
I only landed two interviews; one I was 10 minutes late to because the person gave me the wrong address for the company (they wouldn’t let me reschedule) and the other one, I got the job… selling CDs at a chain music and books store… for &7.25 an hour. Really felt good about my degree at that point.
posted by Molly W. on 12-17-2007 at 9:07 am
I am currently looking for biotech jobs in San Diego and I came across one job for the San Diego Eye Bank. Some of the requirements were
being well groomed
have had the Hepatitis B vaccine
handle death, dieing and the grieving process
yeah, going around and gathering EYES from recently dead people… no thanks Craigslist
posted by Cheri on 12-17-2007 at 11:00 am