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by Ian Lendler
Turns out, the best drinking stories in history are actually, well, historical. So raise a glass to your forefathers and marvel at these tales.
1. Admiral Edward Russell’s 17th-Century Throwdown
Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.
The record for history’s largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer’s party that employed a garden’s fountain as the punch bowl.
The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.
A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests’ cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.
The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn’t end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.
2. The London Brew-nami of 1814
The Industrial Revolution wasn’t all steam engines and textile mills. Beer production increased exponentially, as well. Fortunately, the good people of England were up to the challenge and drained kegs as fast as they were made. Brewery owners became known as “beer barons,” and they spent their newfound wealth in an age-old manner — by trying to party more than the next guy.
Case in point: In 1814, Meux’s Horse Shoe Brewery in London constructed a brewing vat that was 22 feet tall and 60 feet in diameter, with an interior big enough to seat 200 for dinner — which is exactly how its completion was celebrated. (Why 200? Because a rival had built a vat that seated 100, of course.)
After the dinner, the vat was filled to its 4,000-barrel capacity. Pretty impressive, given the grand scale of the project, but pretty unfortunate given that they overlooked a faulty supporting hoop. Yup, the vat ruptured, causing other vats to break, and the resulting commotion was heard up to 5 miles away.
A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark beer washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by means of “drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness.”
The story gets even more unbelievable, though. Rescue attempts were blocked and delayed by the thousands who flocked to the area to drink directly off the road. And when survivors were finally brought to the hospital, the other patients became convinced from the smell that the hospital was serving beer to every ward except theirs. A riot broke out, and even more people were left injured.
Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an annual memorial service and/or reenactment.
3. New York State of Mind: The Dutch Ingratiate Themselves to the Natives
In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware Indian tribe.
To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk — literally, “The High Island.”
And not “high” as in “tall;” high as in “the place where we got blotto.” Most people would agree that Manhattan has stayed true to the spirit of its name ever since.
4. The D.U.I. That Roused a Nation: Paul Revere’s Medford Pre-Party
The key to a good drinking story is not really how much you consumed, but what kind of idiocy you engaged in afterwards. Idiocy like, say, sparking a war.
Turns out, Paul Revere’s famous ride didn’t start out as a hootin’ hollerin’ wake-up-the-villagers sort of trip. According to historian Charles Taussig, Revere embarked on the stealth mission from Charlestown to Lexington in order to warn Sam Adams (the beer guy) and John Hancock (the big signature guy) that the British were coming. But by chance, his route took him through Medford—the rum capital of America. At the time, rum was colonial America’s number one commercial industry. So naturally, Revere stopped in for a brief rest at the house of Captain Isaac Hall, the leader of the local Minutemen and distiller of Old Medford Rum.
By the time Revere saddled up again, he’d sampled his fair share of Captain Hall’s hospitality and “he who came a silent horseman, departed a virile and vociferous crusader, with a cry of defiance and not of fear.” Not surprisingly, Revere was “pulled over” by the authorities (Redcoats) and detained for an hour before being released. So, it was actually Revere’s drunken caterwauling that roused Adams and Hancock at about 4:30 in the morning, only half an hour before fighting broke out on Lexington Green. Unfortunately, history has no record of Revere’s reaction when he awoke the next day (presumably nursing a hangover) and was informed of what he’d done.
5. Indian Elephants Raid the Liquor Cabinet
No wonder they don’t sell beer at the circus. Apparently, elephants like to get wasted. In fact, an outpost of the Indian army in the jungle region of Bagdogra has been under attack ever since a local herd of elephants raided the base in search of food and discovered the soldiers’ entire winter rations of rum.
Since then, the pachyderms have regularly raided the base for a drink and have smashed down all defenses put up by the army, including electrified fences and firewalls.
According to The Daily Telegraph, “An officer recently posted there explained that the elephants broke the rum bottles by cleverly curling their trunks around the bottom. Then they empty the contents down their throats. They soon got drunk, he said, and swayed around. They enjoy themselves and then return to the jungle.”
This is by no means a singular incident, though. The animal kingdom is well-known for its ability to identify fruit that’s begun to ferment. Anthropologists even believe this is how early man discovered alcohol — by observing the strange behavior of animals on a fruit bender.
Comments (22)
Comment
Where’s the Andre the Giant love? The Modern Drunkard article about his drinking prowess is amazing. He once passed out in a hotel hallway, only to be covered by a sheet and passed off as a small piano. Priceless!
posted by Mark on 12-18-2007 at 2:05 pm
After the London Brew-nami of 1814 was the Boston Molasses Flood of 1919.
In the north end, the Purity Distilling Company was in the practice of making alcohol from molasses-based ethanol.
On an unseasonably warm January day, a tank storing millions of gallons of molasses exploded. How? There are a few theories, most pointing at the Purity Distilling Company (which was later found liable for all damages), but my favourite involves some shoddy architects who didn’t test for leaks, and a quick-fix problem-solver who painted the tank molasses brown to cover them up.
There may not be many – okay, any – records of people dying of suffocation by molasses these days, but at an average speed of 35mph, the Boston Molasses Flood knocked out a couple of buildings and 171 people, 21 of whom would never recover.
This was two days before the 18th Amendment, which prohibited the production of alcohol. I suppose the Purity Distilling Company wouldn’t have needed all that molasses after all.
posted by K. on 12-18-2007 at 4:06 pm
I think you will find that the good Admiral no longer holds the record for the world’s largest cocktail in history. In 2001 a Margarita measuring 7039 gallons was mixed at Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville in Florida.
posted by tillerman on 12-18-2007 at 4:56 pm
An Irishman working at the Guinness brewery slipped, fell into a vat, and drowned. The manager goes over to the man’s house to tell his wife the bad news.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this.”, the manager told the new widow. “But I have some terrible news. Your husband had an accident at the factory and died.”
“Oh No!”, exclaimed the wife. “What happened?”
“He slipped and fell in a vat of beer. I’m afraid he drown.”
“That’s terrible. Did he suffer?”, she asked.
“I don’t think so.”, answered the manager. “He got out 3 times to pee.”
posted by Ron Larson on 12-19-2007 at 12:39 am
the British have a long and illustrious history of drinking…according to the TV show “the thirsty traveler” (fine living channel for those of you who have cable)back in the late 1700s, there were over 2000 gin distilleries (known as the bathtub distilleries)making up to 2 MILLION liters of gin per WEEK. It’s no wonder they missed a “small” revolution across the pond…they were all pickled…
posted by ziggy on 12-19-2007 at 9:43 am
John 4:02:
Note that the one vat caused other vats to rupture. Enough vats, enough beer to crest a million gallons, no?
posted by Dave on 12-19-2007 at 10:10 am
Here’s one – during WWII, during the naval battle of Cape Matapan in the Mediterranean Sea, the Italian heavy cruiser Pola was hit by British gunfire and abandoned by its crew. However, later that night, several of the Italian lifeboats noticed that the Pola had not yet sunk as expected, and decided to return to their ship. Upon reboarding the Pola, the intrepid Italian sailors promptly broke into the officers’ quarters, and spent the rest of the night emptying the officers’ liquor cabinets. The next day, British ships returned to the scene and boarded the still immobile Pola – the boarding party discovered several hundred Italian sailors strewn about the ship in various stages of inebriation/ unconsciousness. The British took the entire crew prisoner without a struggle, and sank the now-empty – and dry – Pola with torpedos.
posted by Doug on 12-19-2007 at 5:22 pm
I read a couple of these stories in a book calles Alcoholica Esoterica, by Ian Lendler. Great read if you’re interested in alcohol-related stories and history.
posted by Andres Marcos on 12-21-2007 at 4:47 am
There was the time about 15 years ago me and a friend talked an off duty officer “officer Justice” into partying with us. Last we saw he was passed out over a bush and the motel put him up for the night! I guess that was his first encounter with Georgia drinkers.
posted by John Brown on 1-10-2008 at 2:10 pm
Witness the grief at Lambeau Field when beer froze before fans could drink it, and then the Packers lost in overtime.
posted by Lucy on 2-1-2008 at 5:06 pm
Ah… you missed my favorite of all, from my favorite little town – Rothenburg ob der Tauber in Germany.
According to legend, the town was under siege by Field Marshal Tilly in October of 1631. In a last ditch effort to save the council from execution, the daughter of the wine steward suggested offering the Field Marshal a large tankard of their wine. 3 1/4 Liters large!
Tilly accepted the wine (but no agreement to spare the council) and took a few small sips. He then looked at the tankard and made a proposition… if any of the town’s people could finish the entire tankard in one draught, he would not only spare the council, but would spare the town.
Mayor Nusch took the challenge. In one large draught, he finished the wine. Tilly was good to his word and spared the town. (Nusch promptly fell asleep for the next several days.)
If you go to Rothenburg, check out the Ratstrinkstube. There you will find a large clock. Hourly from 11AM to 3PM, and 8PM to 10PM, the doors above open and statues reenact Der Meistertrunk (the Master Drink). (Not to be outdone, they also have a festival each year about it!)
posted by Lew on 2-4-2008 at 9:10 pm
Subject: A Little Navy History, American Naval History.
The USS Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried
48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men.
This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea.
She carried no evaporators. However, let it be noted that according
to her log, “On July 27, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston
with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh
water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400
gallons of rum.”
Her mission: “To destroy and harass English shipping”. Making
Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons
of rum. Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She
provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese
wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she
defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English
merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless,
although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in
Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred
40,000 Gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no
cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and
38,600 gallons of stagnant water!
Reenlistment rate was 100%!
posted by Ed Durivage, USNR on 2-14-2008 at 3:18 pm
The British have a long and illustrious history of drinking…according to the TV show “the thirsty traveler” (fine living channel for those of you who have cable)back in the late 1700s, there were over 2000 gin distilleries (known as the bathtub distilleries)making up to 2 MILLION liters of gin per WEEK.
posted by Patio Ideas on 4-9-2008 at 6:14 pm
The British have a long and illustrious history of drinking…according to the TV show “the thirsty traveler” (fine living channel for those of you who have cable)back in the late 1700s, there were over 2000 gin distilleries (known as the bathtub distilleries)making up to 2 MILLION liters of gin per WEEK.
posted by Redundant on 5-6-2008 at 1:24 pm
My apologies for the following ethnic humor: Three sailors go into a pub: an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. Each orders a pint of ale, but as it is a hot day with flies buzzing about, a fly lands in each of their glasses. The Englishman pushes his glass away in disdain. The Irishman plucks the fly out, tosses it away and proceeds to drink his ale. The Scotsman grabs the fly, starts pushing it on its back, shouting “Spit it out ye wee bugger, spit it out!”
posted by Dean on 5-7-2008 at 3:28 pm
No Andrew Jackson? When he was around 18 him and some friends were at a bar and had an amazing time drinking together. In fact, they had SUCH a good time that they decided no one should ever drink from the glasses again, to commemorate them. So they smashed them to pieces. And surely no one should sit in the chairs they had been in, as they would not be able to live up to that night’s good times, so they threw them in the fire. In fact, the whole bar could never host such a good time for some friends, so they did the only logical thing and torched it to the ground.
That’s right, Andrew Jackson, America’s 7th president, committed arson because he had such a good time.
Plus his inauguration ceremony is the stuff of legends.
posted by Jon on 11-9-2008 at 7:54 pm
hi, this is unrelated to this post, sorry, the powers-that-be can delete this but im just too lazy to look for the correct place to report this. i was trying to send this article to a friend, and the response that came back after filling in the email info on your send this article link was “Your message is deemed to be an attempt to hijack the originating email form, and has been rejected.” uh yea. so letting you know you have a technical issue.
posted by meg on 11-9-2008 at 9:17 pm
What of the exploits of the late British actor Oliver Reed? In Malta he outdrank the creww of the MHC Dorchester and promptly died, thus stiffing the sailors with the bill.
posted by Paul Mack on 11-20-2008 at 12:32 pm
I’m not so sure about the statistics on the alcohol consumed on the constitution. If you don’t include the portugese wine, it comes out to roughly 1.88 gallons of spirits (rum and scotch) per person per day.
Here’s something to think about, unless the rum was not as strong proofwise as it was today. these gentlemen would probably never be able to see what foot they were putting infront of the other. Not to mention drinking that much liquor with very little water on board would dehydrate you unbelievably. I call BS on these statistics. Even if you were to reduce the numbers by a factor of 10 and include the portugese wine. That would be the same as drinking a fith of spirits (750ml) a day. A little more believeable then drinking an avg. of 10 (750ml) bottles per sailor today. I just don’t buy it. Most common people cant handle 10 beers in a sitting. I doubt constantly blottoed/drunk/incredibly inebriated saliors also couldn’t have functioned and taken down the entire list of ships that they did as well.
The capt. probably poured the rum over the side in an atempt to curtail the madness that was going on.
The only way i’d believe this story is if it was reduced alcohol content. I can see 2 gallons of beer a day. but not 2 gallons of the hard stuff. that would kill a man.
posted by Bob on 11-20-2008 at 3:46 pm
Fortunately for the good admiral, his cocktail still holds as no one with any sense has ever cared what Jimmy Buffet does…
posted by Dann on 11-26-2008 at 11:57 am
Bob, you say no one can handle that…apparently you’ve never been to russia during the holiday season.
posted by Duh on 12-2-2008 at 9:49 pm
Elephants in India are known to attach illicit manufacturers of liquor. The liquor is distilled in remote locations to avoid detection.
The elephants raid these hooch joints, chase away the men and drink from the barrels of hooch.
They have a ball, you bet.
posted by vinay kumar on 4-17-2009 at 10:30 am