Comments on: Voice mail greetings: chipper, brusque, or designer?

By: kr

kr — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:14:45 +0000

I prefer recording a fax machine noise on my voice mail. Most people give up before reaching the beep which suites me just fine.
My usual message is just “You have 10 seconds .. Go!”
Unfortunately the people who have driven me to hating voice mail find this far to subtle.

By: tami

tami — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 04:13:58 +0000

i have to say, the fake out messages are the worst. closely followed by the recorded song ones where the person wasn’t smart enough to make the music loud enough to even be audible.

my best message wasn’t even mine. i once grabbed my friend’s cell phone and re-recorded her voicemail greeting by singing in an opratic voice. the message was a hit.. too big of one, word got out and she was taking calls from strangers asking her to hang up and let them hear her voicemail message. sadly, the message had to be short lived so strangers would leave her alone.

By: MoneyPenny

MoneyPenny — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 21:59:14 +0000

When I was younger, I would use the answering machine as a personal recorder. I would sing, read Shakespeare, fart, have a fake radio show, flush the toilet, etc., then play it back to see what I sounded like. (Let me clarify,I was/am a dork.) I’ll never forget the day when I forgot to erase this Bjork-esque song I created(featuring beats made by shaking a can of bacon bits). After going to bed, I woke up the next morning to the sound of my “song,” followed by a message from my parent’s insurance agent.

More recently, my favorite voicemail message ploy is to have a member of the opposite sex (points for accents) leave the outgoing message, while still using my name, info, etc. Right now it’s my grandpa.

By: Bilal

Bilal — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 20:11:04 +0000

I’m infamous for funny recordings, on the answering machine, now that I don’t do it people miss them!

Some famous ones:

-Apu from the quickie mart sharing the weeks squishy flavors.
-Camel Rental Shop
-Ahab the Jewish Lawyer and his rates
-Mohammad the electronics store owner who’s got a sale going on
-Message in french. (that’s it)
-The fake out (yes shameful but I’ve done it)
-Amir the persian rug sales man who comes to your house and gives you hugs
-Joann the old lady looking for her cat while recording her voice mail message (hilarious)

By: James T. Savidge

James T. Savidge — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 19:58:35 +0000

This is the message I used to have on my answering machine years ago:

Greetings.

You are listening to a cronoally recusive answering device.

I’m not here at the moment because I’ve gone to the future to buy this device, so that I can take to the past and install it for your use now.

At the sound of the tone, please remember what you are going to tell me, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.

By: lainey

lainey — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 19:14:37 +0000

My grandparents cannot *stand* telemarketers… so my nana says “Hi. We are currently unavailable to dialogue with you. We will return your call expeditiously. Please leave your name, phone number, and communicae after the tone.”
They figured if someone was bright enough to understand the message, then they probably weren’t telemarketers. (sorry!)

By: Stef

Stef — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:48:37 +0000

I’m guilty of the fake out too… but I was in college and I hope that serves as a valid excuse.

I really cant stand music on someone’s voice mail.

Two minutes of your favorite pop/bad emo/trance song recorded from your CD player means I have to waste 120 seconds of my life listening to a scratchy recording that I dont a)like or b)recognize.

Unless you’re still in high school – Just. Don’t. (those extra periods mean business)

By: Leslie

Leslie — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:31:41 +0000

My friends dad had the most annoying message on their voicmail it home. It was a parody of that song “Don’t Worry be Happy” except it was “Don’t Worry, Leave a Message” I swear it went on for five minutes. Needless to say I never left a message, just hung up!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:59:07 +0000

Oh! I just remembered the voicemail I had that garnered me the most abuse:

Hi this is Ashley, and I’m either at work, in class, asleep or I’m screening my phone calls and you just don’t make the cut. Leave a message.

My mom was quite upset that I would “screen” her calls and requested an immediate change. ;)

By: Molly N.

Molly N. — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:59:26 +0000

Every time I call someone whose greeting says, “Please leave a brief message,” I want to leave a message about the history of underpants.