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If your name is Angus MacGyver, all you need to lay waste to life’s obstacles—from hotwiring a moped to breaking out of a heavily guarded Soviet prison—is a tube sock, a jar of mayonnaise, and a roll of duct tape. If you’re anyone else, you’ll probably need this guide. But don’t push your luck. Being a diabolical genius is not for the faint of heart. So unless you’re willing to be maimed, arraigned, and shipped off to Gitmo, we suggest you don’t try this at home.
1. Pick your teeth, pick a lock
If you consistently find yourself locked out of your house, and you’re fanatical about dental hygiene, today is your lucky day. Meet the Oral-B Hummingbird. It flosses, it gyrates, it messages your gums. But most importantly, it can easily be converted into a remarkably effective, motorized lock-pick. With minimal effort, and a few dollars worth of supplies, a converted Hummingbird will pick just about any padlock in seconds.
First, you’ll need to dissect the Hummingbird. Break open the casing and swap out the AAA battery for a beefy 9-volt by melting a small hole in the bottom of battery shell. Next, lace the wires to the battery terminals, cut the tip off of your store-bought lock pick, and superglue it to the Hummingbird. Easy as pie.
So next time your dentist tells you that you need a root canal, don’t get a second opinion, just break into the office at night and swap out your dental records. Not only will you avoid painful, costly oral surgery, but after the medical malpractice lawsuit, you can just let your teeth rot and buy some shiny new dentures.
[Learn more at InventGeek.com]
2. Make free phone calls
Tired of paying for long distance? No worries. Just buy a box of Cap’n Crunch.
Believe it or not, in the early 1970s, that would have been an acceptable answer. That’s because, beginning in the mid-60s, Cap’n Crunch cereal came with a small plastic whistle that was easily modified to emit a tone at 2600 hertz—the exact frequency used by AT&T to indicate an available trunk line to route a new long distance phone call.
John Draper, a Vietnam War veteran, and lifetime “phreaker”, discovered the secret of the toy whistle with longtime friend Joe Engressia in 1971. Phreaking—a portmanteau of the words “phone” and “freak”—was a relatively new field at the time, and Draper and Engressia were on the cutting edge. By blowing the whistle, Draper, who later came to be known in phreaking circles by the pseudonyms Captain Crunch and Crunchman, was able disconnect one end of the trunk, allowing the end that was still connected to enter operator mode, thus circumventing the automated billing system. Through further experimentation, Draper was able to build a blue box, a small electronic device capable of reproducing many other tones used by the phone company.
Before long, Draper became a household name. In 1971 an article in Esquire, “The Secrets of the Little Blue Box,” detailed his phreaking exploits. The article also brought him to the attention of Steve Wozniak, who, along with Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, did a little phreaking of their own under Draper’s tutelage.
But all good things must come to an end. In 1972 Draper was arrested on toll fraud charges and sentenced to five years probation. Which just goes to show, if you play with little plastic whistles, eventually, you’re gonna get burned.
[Learn more at JetCityOrange.com]
3. Blow up your kitchen
If you’re an aspiring chemist (or current pyromaniac) this one’s for you. One would assume creating a volatile, highly flammable gas would, at very least, require a fully stocked laboratory and a PhD. In fact, it requires a bottle of Drano, some aluminum foil, and a glass bottle.
First, take a sheet of aluminum foil and stuff it into the bottom of a bottle. If you’re really particular about your diabolical experiments, tear the aluminum foil into small pieces instead of crumpling it. This creates more surface area, which speeds up the reaction. Simply pour the Drano over the chards of foil, and voila, hydrogen gas will begin to form.
The chemical reaction at hand is actually quite simple. Drano acts as a reducing agent. It’s primarily sodium hydroxide. Aluminum is the oxidizing agent. The protective aluminum oxide coating on the foil is dissolved by the sodium hydroxide forming a complex ion:
Al2O3 + 2NaOH + 3H2O ‡ 2Na+ + 2 [Al(OH)4]-
The exposed aluminum surface then reacts with water to form hydrogen:
2 Al + 6 H2O ‡ 2 Al(OH)3 + 3H2
You can capture the gas by sliding a balloon over the mouth of the bottle—think of it like a poor man’s Hindenburg. Just remember, an enormous amount of heat is generated during the reaction, so you’ll want to have a container of cool water on hand to neutralize the temperature (and probably an ambulance, too, just to be safe.)
[Learn more at ScienceDemonstrations.com; Image courtesy of Governing.com]
4. Hallucinate
If you’re bent on hallucinating this holiday season, but you can’t bring yourself to approach smelly Phish fans, look no further than your local garden supply store. For just a few dollars you can pick up a packet of morning glory seeds, and learn why the term “flower power” isn’t exclusive to hippies and anti-war protesters.
The morning glory flower, true to its name, blooms early in the morning, and dies quietly when the sun goes down. It’s known for its colorful funnel-shaped flowers, heart-shaped leaves, and its tiny black seeds, which, when ingested, elicit a mild hallucinogenic experience. Scientifically, this comes as no surprise. The active ingredient in the morning glory is d-lysergic acid amide, known commonly as LSA. It’s a chemical cousin of d-lysergic acid diethylamide, Sgt. Pepper’s favorite—LSD. Scientists estimate LSA is roughly 5 to 10 percent as potent as LSD, so you’ll probably need to scarf down a solid handful.
Aztec priests have used morning glory seeds for millennia in religious ceremonies to communicate with the gods, predict the future, and alleviate fear amongst the soon-to-be-sacrificed. It’s a veritable wonder drug! If you’re worried about jail time, well, you should be. The chemical ergine (contained in many species of morning glory) is illegal to posses in its purist form; however, the seeds are readily available in many gardening stores. So now you know why Martha Stewart is terminally happy.
[Learn more at Elephantos.com]
Evan Schiller is an occasional contributor to mental_floss, and the sole proprietor of Conventional Stupidity. His last article featured crazy Facebook groups.
Comments (16)
Comment
I just htought I’d mention that, maybe it’s not such a good idea to post that one about the hydrogen.
posted by Gilbert on 12-19-2007 at 1:21 pm
I haven’t had Cap’n Crunch in twenty years, but I do remember that whistle. Do they still include that in every box?
posted by The Captain on 12-19-2007 at 1:24 pm
Gilbert - I’m actually very glad to have read about the hydrogen thing. You never know - someday I might have poured Drano into a clogged sink with little bits of foil floating in the water… now I know better.
On a related note, my boyfriend’s great aunt used to dip her home-made pretzels in lye and water before baking them (apparently it made them crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside). When she could no longer buy lye in the store, she used Drano instead. Apparently they were very good pretzels… I’m a little glad I never got to try them!
posted by Molly on 12-19-2007 at 1:48 pm
Drano Pretzels. Wow. W. o. w.
posted by Sarah on 12-19-2007 at 2:05 pm
As a boy, my 75 year old father used to frequently make hydrogen with Drano/lye & aluminum. He used it to inflate toy balloons which he subsequently sold to his sister and cousins (they float great). The problem is that the H2 leaks out a LOT faster than helium, so his buyers got mad when their balloons were empty by the next morning. Dad became a chemical engineer by the way…
The near-suggestion about getting goofy on morning glory seeds is a really bad one. First, there are HUNDREDS of different species (in several genera) under the general family of “morning glories” that are in cultivation and commercially available. Not all of these have hallucinogenic seeds and those that do have WIDELY varying concentrations. Unless you really know your botany, you are liable to overdose yourself. Even if you don’t, it can be really hard on your liver and can also stress the heart… Frankly, it’s just a bad idea to post homme drug lab ideas stuff like this… If kids are stupid enough to sniff toulene in glue (a real brain-destroyer), they’d do this in a snap as well…
posted by Sid Morrison on 12-19-2007 at 2:23 pm
Good point, Molly. Never use Dran-o in a sink that has aluminum foil floating around. Since it is so caustic I try to not use Dran-o, I am trying to be kinder to my pipes and am using greener solutions to get rid of clogs.
Evan - not sure this post was such a good idea. Might give someone a Darwin List incentive (tho most flossers are far too smart to try these things).
Cool info though
posted by JaneM on 12-19-2007 at 2:47 pm
@The Captain-
The whistle isn’t included in the cereal anymore, and even if it was, phone phreaking via the 2600 Hz tone hasn’t worked in years (at least not in the US).
Many years ago, a friend built a “red box” out of a Radio Shack tone dialer. “Red Boxes” differed from “blue boxes” in that they were targetted at ripping off the phone company via payphone calls (remember those?). Red Boxes simulate the tones that payphones put out to the phone company when coins were deposited in therein. By using his modified tone dialer, you could just hold it up to the phone’s mouthpiece and press the “quarter”, “nickel”, or “dime” button on it which would generate the tones for a US 25, 5, or 10 cent piece. He’d then be able to call anywhere he wanted for free (4 “quarter” button pushes = $1 of credits, &c.). My friend being a geek more than a thief, only tried it a few times to prove that it worked (it did), and then retired it — it would be pretty stupid and risky to actively use so (not to mention morally wrong) because unless you were placing calls from pay phone to pay phone, the phone company could always put the screws on the party at the other end. I doubt red boxes work anymore either, at least ones as simple as this. “2600 Magazine” was a great publication for stuff like this in the 1980s, though…
posted by Sid Morrison on 12-19-2007 at 2:48 pm
DRAINO pretzles!!!!!
I used to work at a fancy soft pretzle chain outlet- it rhymes with Auntie Ann’s - and I SWEAR we dipped the pretzles in a lye solution before baking them.
gross
posted by qt314159265 on 12-19-2007 at 2:54 pm
Word of advice: don’t do the morning glory seed thing. I hear it’s a bad trip and you barf for days. Also, most seed companies coat the seeds with poison, which just makes you sicker.
posted by TMo on 12-19-2007 at 3:16 pm
I would suggest checking the package of morning glory seeds before ingesting, becuase they are a known drug, they are generally coated in a mild poison so that they are not eaten. Usually it is mentioned some where on the label.
posted by Dan on 12-19-2007 at 3:43 pm
When I worked at a local county jail, inmates would always blow into the phone while they were talking. This would allow the person that they had called collect to be able to conference call another party in who would not have to pay the collect call fees. Some ambitious inmates actually attempted to call central records in order to find out information on other prisoners.
posted by Jon on 12-19-2007 at 3:49 pm
I think the ‘pretzels in lye’ thing is somewhat predominant. I know they did it for the pretzels that they sell on the boardwalk here in Jersey.
posted by caitlen315 on 12-19-2007 at 3:54 pm
I certainly hope no one eats a handfull of store-bought morning glory seeds, or dabbles in Drano/AL-bomb-making.
Clearly this behavior falls under the umbrella of diabolical idiot, rather than genius.
That said, I’ll take two Drano pretzels please.
posted by evan on 12-19-2007 at 4:05 pm
The morning glory seeds sold here in the US are treated and bred to not have this sort of power anymore… they have been doing that for years now…
this is right along the lines of smoking banana peels and ingesting highly concentrated nutmeg extract…
thats right… smoking banana peels… what do you think the song Mellow yellow is about?
posted by Rodney on 12-20-2007 at 7:03 am
I can’t wait to get high, brake into a house, blow it up and call my mom for free.
Seriously though, good post. Everyone else relax… It’s the innerweb for christ sakes.
posted by Paul on 12-21-2007 at 6:43 pm
When we were about 11 my friend and I read about the fact that draino was a base the boolet taht came with a chemistry set.
So being budding pyros we went to the kitchen and mixed it with everything we could find to see if we could get a reaction.
One was some kind of acid (lemon juice maybe) and another was tin foil. Fortunatly her dad discovered us and ran water into the bowl we had it in.
It’s all a bit fuzzy, but I know that’s the basics.
posted by vicky on 2-6-2008 at 6:32 pm