I know the mental_floss mission is to make learning a lifelong endeavor, but this guy just puts us to shame. In his undergraduate career, Johnny Lechner has racked up 234 credits, five majors (education, communications, theater, health and women’s studies), and 12 years of study. This makes him, I guess, a 12th-year senior, and he’s still going. Apparently, five days before graduation this semester, he decided that nah, he really wanted stay another year and study abroad – because he hasn’t gotten around to that yet. Johnny predictably has become a demi-celebrity, appearing on Letterman and inspiring his home state of Wisconsin to pass a “slacker tax” that doubles tuition for those who dilly-dally too long on campus. He also has a blog full of Deep Thoughts, such as “Why does it feel so empowering to have a bowl of cereal for lunch or dinner?” Clearly, he is shooting for a sixth major in philosophy.

I know that this is essentially what would have happened had Spicoli had enough spare cash in the non-weed portion of his budget to fund 12 years of college. This guy is a dingbat. And yet… and yet… a teeny tiny part of me is fiercely jealous of him. How many times have I thought, “man, if I were only still in college, I’d appreciate the privileges of it so much more, knowing what I know now?” I’m thinking that Johnny should stick around as long as he can until the slacker tax threatens to bankrupt him, then go enroll at the Sakya College in India, which requires 13 years of study for its highest degree. He ought to be able to stretch that out until at least retirement age.