I’m getting married in nine days. And so I’ve been thinking a lot about weddings and marriages. Admittedly, most of my time the past few months has been wasted accomplishing the little tasks inherent to a 450-guest wedding. But now and again, I’ve found myself researching the wider world of weddings. Here’s what I’ve learned:
My all-time favorite marriage certificate comes from this apparently true story: Amidst a thunderstorm, Swift had sought refuge under a large tree. A man and his pregnant fiancee showed up soon thereafter, and Swift (who was, besides being the best satirist ever, a priest) offered to marry them quick before the baby popped out illegitimate. He then wrote them a marriage certificate:
“Under an oak, in stormy weather,
I joined this rogue and whore together;
And none but He who rules the thunder
Can put this rogue and whore asunder.”
Long-standing rumor has it that Nobel laureate George Bernard Shaw‘s 45-year marriage to Charlotte Shaw (nee Payne-Townsend) was never consummated.
And finally: Did you know that today in America, the average wedding dress costs more than a space shuttle?
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rumor has it your better half’s dress cost more than the war in iraq. i’m just saying what i heard.
posted by Will on 5-11-2006 at 6:40 am
It’s true. I can’t even pronounce the name of the Swede who designed that thing, but s/he is undoubtedly the world’s richest Swedish person, just by virtue of having sold that one dress.
That said, I can’t wait to see it. I bet it’s a hell of a dress.
posted by John on 5-11-2006 at 6:44 am
450 guests?! I know you’re Southern and all, but come on, you’ve gone straight past my sister’s list of 400 and into Runaway Bride territory there. (Have I mentioned that the Runaway Bride and I had the same wedding planner?)
posted by Mary on 5-11-2006 at 6:56 am
Oh, and, um, congratulations! Don’t get too stressed out. Once the blessed day arrives you’ll discover you have total tunnel vision and are incapable of thinking about placecards, or dance steps, or for that matter anything but how happy you are.
posted by Mary on 5-11-2006 at 7:11 am
No, but that’s hilarious. We didn’t have a wedding planner at all, tragically.
I wonder if any famous people ever left their would-be spouses at the altar.
posted by John on 5-11-2006 at 7:13 am
Jews don’t usually invite 450 people to a wedding because we usually eat our body weight in food at such functions. And, well, that’s just a catering bill no one wants to pay. Not even the Swede with the unbjronounceable bjname.
posted by David on 5-11-2006 at 7:16 am
unbjronounceable bjname is my nominee for funniest joke in the long and storied history of the mental_floss blog.
posted by John on 5-11-2006 at 7:23 am
The real question is, do you guys have teddy bear guns at your blessed event. You can read about them here. Instead of rice, bubbles or releasing butterflies, apparently your guests can shoot teddy bears up into the air, and the stuffed animals parachute down on the festivities.
posted by Mangesh on 5-11-2006 at 12:17 pm