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A fantastic headline in this week’s St. Petersburg Times caught my eye this morning. (Wait, you mean you don’t read Florida’s newspapers online? Well, you clearly don’t know what you’re missing, as this story is about to reveal.)
Scientology nearly ready to unveil Super Power
Huh?
I mean I know Tom Cruise and the gang have a certain affinity for eye-catching blockbuster verbiage, but really:
HUH?!
Well, it turns out that
a) Marvel Comics and Scientology are soon to have a lot in common. Because
b) “Super Powers” as defined by the Scientologists, are, indeed, Super Powers in the Superman sense of the expression. And
c) Clearwater, Florida, famous for baseball during Spring Training, is about to become famous for something else, namely:
d) A new, secret, program that’s been in the works for decades.
Through the use of technology “Super Power uses machines, apparatus and specially designed rooms to excerise and enhance a person’s so-called perceptics.”
Okay, so what the heck are perceptics? Simple: Scientology’s 57 (yes, I said 57) senses.
Things like “body position,” “sound direction” and “rhythm.” Or my personal favorites, “awareness of awareness” and the “Perception of having perceived.” (See the the article for a complete list of all 57.)
I think I would join the Scientologists if they could give me the ability to fly, and perhaps also the ability to wear tights and a cape in public.
I don’t understand all the so-called powers on that list — what on earth is “tasten colorn depth?” a typo? — but I’m hoping one of them refers to that weird sensation when you know someone is looking at you, even though they’re behind you and you can’t see them. Maybe that’s “awareness of awareness.”
posted by Mary on 5-11-2006 at 7:17 am
I’m not at all surprised that scientologists have supernaturally good powers of rhythm and sound direction. I mean:
John Travolta, who’s an excellent dancer.
Isaac Hayes, who can sing.
And Beck, who can sing AND dance.
Although man, the scientologists are really going to have to work their superpowers on noted member Lisa Marie Presley, because I heard her last album and it’s the aural equivalent of staring at the Sun.
Fantastic stuff, David.
posted by John on 5-11-2006 at 7:20 am