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A recent New Yorker article on Strike Beards suggests a broad spectrum of circumstantial beardification — the article is primarily about beards grown in response to the writers’ strike, but it also touches on thesis beards, neck beards, Wimbledon beards (Bjorn Borg, anyone?), and the unforgettable Unabomber beard (I shall call this facial adornment a “lone gunman beard”). During the writers’ strike, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman are growing strike beards — and the trend extends to writers on the picket lines:
The strikers themselves were looking a little hairy on the picket lines in midtown. Colin Jost, a writer for “Saturday Night Live,” estimated that ninety per cent of his friends were now barbati.
All this beard talk reminds me of the “Holiday Neck Beard” (warning: a little coarse language), an annual celebration of neck-only beards. If you want to participate next year, just begin growing your neck beard at Thanksgiving. Be sure to document its progress with photos, which you can share with your horrified family at the holidays. After growing a luxurious one-month neck beard, shave it off at Christmas (or whatever date you feel is most impactful) as a gift to your mother. Thus far I’ve been too pusillanimous to attempt a holiday neck beard, but I must say it’s tempting.
There’s also the “thesis beard,” which is just what it sounds like — the gentleman in question grows a beard while writing his college thesis. Then there’s the age-old question — to shave the beard prior to thesis defense, or after? Only you can decide. (For what it’s worth, a search for “thesis beard” on Flickr turns up only fourteen beards! Let’s get those beards on, academics!!)
I’m considering growing a “book beard” this year — the idea is that I’ll start growing the beard when I start writing the book, and only shave it when the first draft is complete. But I’m worried that this will stray dangerously close to the aforementioned “lone gunman beard” (based on previous personal beard experience), and in the event of failure to finish a first draft, may render me permanently bearded. So…maybe not.
So here’s the inevitable question: have you ever grown a beard for some special circumstance? I’m particularly interested in social bearding, where men grow beards together (ahem, in solidarity — anybody grow a “nuclear submarine beard” or a “playoff beard?”). Also, ladies: what’s your take on this business?
Several years ago I wrote a ten page term paper on the sociological importance of the mustache.
posted by Becca on 1-2-2008 at 10:13 am
A friend of mine is requiring all of his groomsmen to grow beards before the wedding. He’s joining them at the moment, but is then shaving it off completely for the day itself. It’s sort of a five-person holiday neckbeard at the expense of four of those people. They’ll look scrubby, he’ll look great.
posted by Greg on 1-2-2008 at 10:21 am
My boyfriend’s dad talked for months about his impending “retirement beard,” where he would no longer have to shave for his job in law enforcement. After retirement though, the beard never even got it’s hairy foot in the door as he joined ranks with a neighboring county’s sheriff’s department.
posted by bas on 1-2-2008 at 10:21 am
I was in a beard growing contest for charity this holiday season, sadly I did not win the judging.
The link should be on my name, but if you can’t get it for some reason, try macho dot mattworld dot com. Don’t make the mistake of typing mattsworld though. That’s a pr0n site.
posted by zack on 1-2-2008 at 10:30 am
I actually started a charity two months ago called Beards BeCAUSE that is raising money for the Battered Women’s Shelter of Charlotte, NC. We have 36 guys that have grown beards since November 3rd and have raised almost $5,000. We hope to double that amount by next week’s finale. www.beardsbecause.com
posted by Yerg on 1-2-2008 at 10:33 am
Every year at the start of football season, I grow my “Steelers” beard. I don’t shave it off until their season ends. Depending on what happens saturday, my handlebar moustache might be a little bit lonelier.
posted by ArtF on 1-2-2008 at 10:44 am
I would add exam beard, similar to the thesis beard. Every time in law school when it was exam time I (and many other guys) would take off work for a few weeks to study and therefore could grow a beard. Another kind would be vacation beard. For similar reasons, no work, so one can afford to look scruffy.
posted by AD on 1-2-2008 at 10:44 am
I have grown many a meaningful beard…
The grossest was in an effort to be a motorcyclist with a flowing beard i went from august 14 (my buddies wedding) until january without trimming anything… it was a disgusting abomination that effected the way my math students looked at me.
This year, the varsity soccer team i coach all had an octo-beard contest… it was tremendous! twenty young men at various stages of puberty attempting to grow beards for the month of october… we looked great, and not surprisingly it coincided with an upswing in our fortunes as a team
posted by Jon on 1-2-2008 at 10:55 am
A recent trip to Machu Picchu was the perfect opportunity to grow one. I found it is perfectly acceptable to go through that initial scraggly phase while doing a 4 day, 3 night hike and shaving would have been an annoyance/inconvenience at best.
Though I must say it was quite nice to get back to civilization and tidy up the neck and edges.
posted by Mean Joe on 1-2-2008 at 11:09 am
A friend of a friend runs a beard growing cotest of sorts, centered around a website called Whiskerino (www.whiskerino.org)
The same man also is in charge of a “Mustache May” event every year. I think they are both worth mentioning!
posted by Micaela on 1-2-2008 at 11:29 am
I’m legtally blind, so shaving is a bit of a chore. So I grow a “freebie” beard. I let it grow until someone in my family or church gets annoyed enough to pay for a haircut and shave. I haven’t done my own or paid for it to be done in two years. come to think of it, looking in the mirror I am about due for another offer.
posted by Patrick on 1-2-2008 at 11:36 am
being a lady of a certain age, it dismays me to see whiskers on my own chin……
But my dad who as an adult, was either inthe military, law enforcement, or a fire fighter and was thusly required to have a clean shaven face and short hair. He wore his hair in a Brill Creme pompadour until her retired. then out rolled the retirement beard- and the shoulder length hair. He looks like a big bad a$$ biker dude, or a roadie for ZZ Top, maybe. But since he retired to the Northern Rocky Mountains he just kinda blends in with all the other mountian men.
posted by qt314159265 on 1-2-2008 at 11:43 am
The Navy still requires virtually all personnel to remain clean-shaven (excluding a well-maintained mustache)… SEALs, EOD, and certain other occupations are allowed to grow facial hair “to better blend in with local cultures”, but even then it’s an “as-needed” thing.
So the nuclear submarine thing is probably out… It would be interesting, though.
posted by neurotictim on 1-2-2008 at 11:52 am
I enjoy a good beard (not a sad beard), and have often encouraged guys to have one. One boyfriend in particular I threatened with Breaking Up if the beard were to be offed. He would have looked less like a pirate and more like a 12-year-old. Unacceptable.
Bring on the beards. They’re sexy.
posted by Sarah on 1-2-2008 at 11:52 am
I grew a “playoff beard” for finals one year at college. After finals, I packed up my dorm and drove home without shaving off the beard. Unfortunately, my mom was expecting me to meet the rest of the family at a garden for a family photo. She was horrified when she saw me drive up with my beard. I hastily dug out my razor, and shaved it off in a parking lot, with the help of a canteen cup and my rear view mirror.
posted by Jim on 1-2-2008 at 12:11 pm
Female commenter adding in my two cents here.
The guys in the physics department on-campus at my university have what they call “No-Shave November.” Sometimes a lot of the engineering guys get in on it too. They shave the last day of October, then don’t shave at all during November. I think there’s a contest involved at the end of the month as to who has the longest beard, too, but I’m not sure on that one.
I’m not usually a big fan of facial hair. Very occasionally there is a guy that looks better with it, but in general I think most guys look better without it. Though, there are a couple I know that look great clean-shaven (would probably be pretty scary with a full beard), but look *great* with just a little bit of scruff…
posted by Amber on 1-2-2008 at 12:16 pm
Being a lady, I don’t have any beard stories myself. But I do have two from men close to me…
My husband is currently “experimenting” with the beard. He’s typically clean-shaven and wants to see what he looks like with facial hair. Honestly, I can’t stand it. But he’s going from Jan. 1 - Feb. 5 (his birthday) without shaving. Yesch.
His best friend and his friend’s brother had “Manvember” this past November. Neither guy shaved or trimmed. They both looked pretty grubby.
posted by Erin on 1-2-2008 at 12:16 pm
My boyfriend has a beard full time, and he looks very nice with it. I’d like to convince him to shave it just once so I can see his actual face, but so far there haven’t been any clean-shaven contests or celebrations for him to partake. Can we start Shave Every Day May? Something?
posted by o-line on 1-2-2008 at 12:24 pm
While in college at Auburn, generally some fraternity would all be growing beards/not shaving leadin up to a big party/weekend. KAs for old south weekend (which also encouraged them to have mullets for some terrible reason) and sigma nus for Valhalla. you could always tell something big was coming up when scraggly manface hair was ubiquitous among the polo-ed and boat shoed.
posted by WarTiger on 1-2-2008 at 12:26 pm
I think it’s important to mention the insulating properties of a beard. Working outside, I can’t imagine life in the winter without my full beard. Even in the mild spring when I shave, the difference is phenomenal. Besides, what says manliness more than icicles in your beard?
posted by Walter on 1-2-2008 at 12:32 pm
My husband grows in a beard whenever it’s a holiday. Basically, if he doesn’t have to shave for work, he won’t. He hates shaving and only does it because most offices prefer a clean shaven man. I don’t care either way.
posted by Alice on 1-2-2008 at 12:42 pm
I know many men very proud of their beards and many who have grown them for different reasons. I agree with Amber that there are a very, very small proportion of men (probably like .001% of all of them) who look better with facial hair.
Most women I know (including myself) hate how it feels when we kiss bearded/stubbly guys. It’s sort of akin to rubbing your face with a Brillo pad. I’ve threatened to let my leg hair grow for a while and rub it against my boyfriend’s cheek so he can see what a lacerating experience skipping a day shaving can be. :)
posted by kate on 1-2-2008 at 12:47 pm
Sorry for the double-post, but I forgot that I wanted to excuse it for charity events. They’re of limited duration and for a good cause, so go for it!
posted by kate on 1-2-2008 at 12:48 pm
I started my beard in 2003 the day the Red Sox lost the ALCS. I vowed to not cut my beard until the Red Sox won the World Series. Thankfully, it was only a little over one year. Unfortunately, I did not photo document this, but my friends know.
posted by Paul on 1-2-2008 at 1:06 pm
The beard post is an interresting subject- mainly because my husband is a beardophile. He is 28, but looks like he’s 19 or 20 without a beard. So, he keeps at least a goatee so his professors will take him a little more seriously- he’s a grad student. When we were first married though, he decided to go ALL summer growing out his beard (we were in Alaska)- He made it to about mid-july before HE couldn’t take it anymore- apparently, beards can be really itchty.
Personally, I dont mind the “full grown” stage, but I’m going to agree with kate- stubbly kisses are a major turn-off!
posted by Ashley on 1-2-2008 at 1:09 pm
i am 3 months pregnant and my husband was going to grow a “pregnancy” beard as well as his hair and shave it after the baby is born. it got so long that he decided to try and dye it white to be santa claus for a work christmas party. well because his hair is so dark to begin with it just turned yellow. he shaved it off and it starting the “pregnancy” beard again.
posted by nicole on 1-2-2008 at 1:29 pm
as a “lady”… i do the same thing with my toenails. went i went to rehab, i didnt cut my toenails for about four months until i was discharged. i think i’m gonna try this on leg hair…
posted by v on 1-2-2008 at 1:34 pm
I don’t really complain one way or the other with my boyfriend’s facial hair or lack there-of. I prefer the goatee thing he used to have, but mostly these days he goes for clean-shaven or scruffy, depending on how he’s feeling (he has rheumatoid arthritis, which makes holding a razor painful at times). The stubbly kisses aren’t so fun, but since I don’t shave my legs every day either, I just deal with it!
posted by nutmeag on 1-2-2008 at 1:36 pm
Moustache since I was old enough to grow one, like 15. Beards off and on since then (I’m 46 now). Lumberjack beards, thin Prince-style beards. Fu-manchu ’stache. Ill-advised soul patch. For the last twelve years it’s been shaved head and goatee (pudding ring!) but now that every balding white guy in America has copied my look it might be time to go clean shaven for a while. I’ve never grown one for a special purpose.
Oh yeah, you forgot the ‘meat beard’ which was nspired by something that Merlin Mann wrote.
posted by fixedgear on 1-2-2008 at 1:45 pm
My husband (fiancee at the time) grew a beard several months before our wedding. it was a goatee with out the moustache part. Once it grew out enough it wasn’t prickly I liked it. It was like kissing another man there for awhile. He decided to shave before the wedding becuase he felt that his hair didn’t “match” the style of the beard.
posted by Sabrina on 1-2-2008 at 2:19 pm
My father grew a beard upon his retirement from the Air Force, an organization which does not allow beards. His growing a beard and wearing it for about 6 months was his public announcement of his retirement status.
posted by Eric on 1-2-2008 at 2:36 pm
The last time I was clean shaven was the morning of my wedding day, May 21st 2005. The beard was unplanned–throughout the honeymoon (in Morocco) I kept putting off shaving, until I decided that it was beard time.
I do keep it trimmed though. Too unvcomfortable otherwise.
posted by Dinghao on 1-2-2008 at 2:37 pm
Contrary to neurotictim’s post (#13), you CAN grow a nuclear sub beard in the Navy. I’ve done it several times. While strictly contrary to Navy grooming standards, sub skippers have wide latitude on uniforms while underway. Who’s going to find out, anyway? The price for your underway beard is usually a “donation” of $20 to the boat’s recreation fund, which buys you a “no shave” or “dirtbag” chit.
Along with beard privileges, you usually get to wear non-uniform T-shirts and ballcaps with your coveralls (or “poopy-suits,” as they are known). You can also wear sneakers instead of boots, but everyone is encouraged to do that, regardless of whether they’ve purchased a chit. It’s easier to be sneaky when your entire crew isn’t clomping around with steel-shanked boots.
So, for the first three or four weeks of a five or six week deployment, I’d grow it out willy-nilly, then start shaving interesting bits off. Tiger stripes, mutton chops, goatee, soul patch, then back down to clean shaven before hitting port again. $20 well spent, imho.
posted by Jeremy on 1-2-2008 at 2:43 pm
I’m pro-beard.
Bring me your bearded, and I will love them.
posted by Emily on 1-2-2008 at 2:52 pm
Amber,
The guys in Campus Crusade at my campus did the same thing, except it was “Facial Hair February”
… yeah. I never really understood it either.
The XA guys though would just come up with random reasons not to shave. They usually have “Man Day” in the spring where they do man things, which apparently involves much grunting, big fires, the chopping of logs and possibly flaming tennis balls (and is typically followed by quite a bit of sickness and soreness XP) Traditionally, the guys stop shaving a couple weeks before this time-honored event.
posted by Ashley Keen on 1-2-2008 at 3:01 pm
In response to post #33, I’m aviation side Navy - never fooled with boats designed to sink. ;) Brown shoes only for me.
That being said, skippers are the same everywhere, some will go for it, some won’t. A friend of mine was on the Minneapolis St. Paul and it was strict there - with the exception of the tennis shoes, of course, and the relaxed uniform.
posted by neurotictim on 1-2-2008 at 3:35 pm
First of all I am a huge fan of facial hair (and somewhat jealous that I can’t grow any).
Anyway, there is a judge in Staten Island that has been growing a protest beard since August (so before the writers strike). New York judges have their salaries tied in with the legislature and as such, they have not recieved a pay raise or cost of living increase in over nine years. It’s been almost five months and the beard is getting long!
posted by Amanda on 1-2-2008 at 3:57 pm
My hubby is in the Army, and is allowed to have a moustache, but must otherwise be clean-shaven…except when he’s on leave. So, we have the R&R beard two weeks a year. I like it, because when we met he had facial hair, but those first few days are murder on my skin!
posted by Tracy on 1-2-2008 at 3:59 pm
When I was teaching English in Korea a bunch of us decided we would have a mustache contest. The winner lasted about 4 months, but we all looked pretty fantastic for 1/3 of the year. The funniest part of it (aside the students and teachers thinking we were insane) was the fact that we all shaved on the same day and showed up at a group breakfast not knowing everyone had given up sans one of us. It sort of helps to know that Koreans cannot / do not grow facial hair generally, so the cries of “teacher.. dirty!” were plentiful. At least they learned two words from me lol.
posted by Dan on 1-2-2008 at 6:26 pm
Interesting comments here… I also can attest to the nuclear submarine beard phenomenon, and interestingly,neurotictim, one of the boats my husband was on was the Minneapolis St. Paul (or “Menopause,” as it was affectionately called by the crew). Most sub skippers will allow beards, because, as Jeremy points out (#33), no one sees them while the boat’s underway. But for the first few years of my husband’s career (he was commissioned in ‘82), any Navy guy could have a beard. I treasure a handsome portrait of my husband wearing his SDB uniform and a nice short beard. Now he’s retired Navy and sports a beard all the time, since he hates shaving and grows a 5:00 shadow by noon. Scratchy kisses, though…
posted by Terry on 1-2-2008 at 6:52 pm
My girlfriend prefers that I have a scruffy face, although it dries her skin out like crazy when we kiss. I prefer myself this way as well. I shaved recently and looked like I was 16(I’m 22).
posted by Shane on 1-2-2008 at 7:32 pm
Shoot, when I was writing my thesis, I didn’t shave either. Of course, I didn’t take pictures of it or share it with my friends… Heh.
Not that they would have cared. Biostatistics for the win! Weeks and weeks of trekking through various flora and fauna during the summers counting insects will do that to a group of people. I’d rather carry an extra bottle of water than a can of shaving cream any day.
posted by Stephanie on 1-2-2008 at 10:39 pm
For what it’s worth, I think beards are /awesome/. And any guy growing a beard temporarily, if only to say he has done it, is worth my praise.
posted by Shaina on 1-2-2008 at 11:14 pm
I have fond memories of guys on my floor in residence during university getting their study beards on during exam time. And also playoff beards during the Stanley Cup finals.
posted by Emily on 1-3-2008 at 12:44 am
For years I’ve had a closely trimmed goatee, but in late september I decided to let it grow and see how long it would get, at least until Christmas before trimming it. Well, I just decided to keep letting it grow, it’s only about 4 inches (rough average). Before I leave the house I put a little rubber band around it so it has a neater appearance. I’m just going to keep letting it grow.
My beard hair is medium brown and curly. The hair on my head is straight, fine, light brown (almost dark blonde) and there is a distinct, abrupt borderline at my ears. If I grow a full beard it looks as if I glued it on and made a lousy choice in fake beards (haha).
posted by Tdave on 1-3-2008 at 4:01 am
My brother has been growing a “playoff” beard since early October. It is actually his “quite smoking beard”. He hasn’t shaved yet and I couldn’t be prouder.
posted by Jessica on 1-3-2008 at 9:18 am
When I went to Africa with a group of friends we decided to have a “master of your own domain” contest (I know young and stupid) and for 4 weeks prior to leaving and during the trip we all grew out beards and when one broke down (we were on the honor system) the rest of the group got to decide how the beard was shaven off. Needless to say this resulted in some ridiculous looking facial hair by the end of the trip. Also in high school the wrestling team would all grow out beards after the season was over because you had to be clean shaven during the competition season it was always fun to watch freshman try and grow out beards, they would end up being fluffy patches.
posted by Chris on 1-3-2008 at 12:34 pm
My husband and his friends grow a beard for the first snow and have a contest on who can grow the best beard. It’s kind of sad, because it’s always the same person who loses. They usually shave them off when they get bored or annoyed with them. Personally, I think it’s a silly contest, and cannot wait for the day he shaves!
posted by Shann on 1-3-2008 at 1:47 pm
Women have beards too. They start growing about age 55. Oh, okay, maybe not as thick as you guys, but there’s definitely plenty of shaving opportunities, especially after death and before being viewed in the coffin. What woman wants to be remembered with long white hairs poking out of her face? “Did you see the hair on Myrtle’s chin? Shocking! Just shocking!”
posted by MaReade on 1-4-2008 at 12:41 am
I am not big on my beard, but my mutton chops are glorius. I put Chester Arthur to shame. Now I’m in the Army, however. So everytime I take leave I let everything grow out. My wife hates it.
“All great men have mustaches!”
-Rod Kimble, Hot Rod
posted by Codius on 1-4-2008 at 8:03 am
my friend mark always tries his best to grow the best beard he can.. going through many stages throughout the year. he’s currently in japan teaching english and he apparently hasn’t shaved since he’s been there (august). it’s down to his chest these days… can’t wait til he comes back so’s we can catch LOST!
posted by Holly on 1-4-2008 at 11:56 am
My husband’s nickname at work is Chewy. Before I met him, in the winter he would not shave or get a hair cut in order to protect his face from the weather (he works outside all season). His beard and hair would grow so long that all you could see were his eyes and a little bit of his cheeks – he was full hair all the time until the spring thaw. There are pictures of him like this – he had that lone gunman look going big time.
These days once it starts getting cold out he stops shaving completely. During the summer he only shaves about once a week because he doesn’t need to keep that clean shaven look for work – but it only takes about a week to get a full beard going. When he does have a full beard he now keeps it trimmed so it has a nice shape and he shaves his cheeks and neck clean to keep it looking neater about once a month. I trim up his mustache so I can feel his lips when I kiss him (otherwise it’s very prickly).
In the spring he shaves his beard off and I don’t often notice it because I see him both ways all the time. Part of the reason I like it when he saves is I love the smell of his after shave – Polo Blue (my sister is trying to convince her husband to switch as she loves it too)
When you look at his father you would swear you are looking at Santa Clause with how full and white his beard is – during the summer he often gets mistaken for being Amish (based on how he keeps it trimmed). All of his brothers have full beards in the winter as well that can get very long.
I married into a very hairy family.
posted by Beth on 1-4-2008 at 1:25 pm
Several of my friends got together for “No-Shave November.” My girlfriend couldn’t wait for December 1st and for me to shave.
posted by Nathan on 1-6-2008 at 12:18 pm