Where Knowledge Junkies Get Their Fix
David K. Israel
Caption Contest #5
by David K. Israel - January 5, 2008 - 11:10 AM

[there’s still time to get your caption in!]

It’s a new year and time for a slew of new caption contests! Our latest brilliant cartoon is by another regular _floss reader, the hugely talented Raymond Nakamura. To repeat the rules, the idea here is quite simple: Your job is to come up with a gag. Make us smile, make us laugh, extra-points for those who are able to drop some interesting fact or trivia along the way.We’ll narrow down the entries to our favorites and then let YOU guys pick one winner. Remember: when dropping your gag in the comments, also let us know which t-shirt you prefer in case your caption is selected the winner. (T-shirts can be found over in our store.)

As always, if you’re good with the pen and think YOU’D like to contribute a cartoon of your own for a future caption contest, or want to pitch me an idea for one, please leave a comment and I’ll be in touch with you via e-mail.

penguins.gif

click cartoon to enlarge

Comments (153)
  1. “I know it doesn’t say “waddle’, improvise!”

    Pavlov, black or blue, large

  2. Did we leave anyone behind? 1, 2, 3… God, why is it always so hard to get a head count?

    marco polo, M

  3. Narrator: The Male Emperor penguins huddle close together to withstand the next 4 months of bitter cold as the sun fades away, and they wait for the females to return with food.

    Lead Female: “Look girls! TIFFANY’S!

    Simple as 3.14 (XL)

  4. After their long trek from the South Pole, the penguins were tired.

    -

    Think about it!

    “Sharing is Caring, Men’s small

  5. And this here, boys, is why home melted.

  6. I think this Al Gore character may be on to something with this whole global warming scare.

    I’ll take any ole t-shirt in a large.

  7. “Trust me, girls. You’ll like this ‘Wet Seal’ a lot better than the one back home.”

    Entropy, Small, Men’s.

    *Ed, it took me a minute, but after that minute, I groaned and rolled my eyes.

  8. “This beats chicken’s crossing the road any day of the week”

    or

    “Hey, what’s black and white and red all over? Let’s stand here and find out!”

    Beethoven deaf jam, men’s medium

  9. god, we’re SUCH assholes.

  10. Don’t you find it awfully strange that the street is the same color we are?

    XY Chromosome, Medium

  11. “Listen…they’re play PenGwen Stefani!”

  12. oops!

    “Listen…they’re playing Pen-Gwen Stefani”

  13. “Everyone remember where we parka’d.”

  14. Oops! Mental Floss T - XL

  15. “You’re absolutely right, Carl, we don’t need a convertible. I bet all the girls think we look SO cool sliding up to the club on our bellies.”

    Medium Logo Tee

  16. “and now folks, if you look to the left, you’ll see the second most feared creature in the concrete jungle… the used car.”

    - aboard the concrete jungle cruise -

    pi shirt, women’s medium

  17. “Our wings are useless here. Let’s get one of those Toyota Tundras.”

  18. Lady Macbeth, M

  19. “This is New York City. If they honk it means they really like you.”

  20. “Where did we park? They all look alike to me.”

    (Idioms XXL)

  21. For crying out loud…You’d think by now a couple’ve guys woulda gotten lucky. This is the Empire State!!!

    Mental Floss XL

  22. See, another red light district. The guys are never going to believe this back at the rookery.

    pi tshirt /size S

  23. Sorry.

    See, another red light district. The guys at the rookery are never going to believe this.

    pi tshirt /size S

  24. “And you thought we wouldn’t get a cab because we’re black…”

    Pluto men’s M

  25. “It’s simply not politically correct! I say we sue and force them to modify the crosswalks to read ‘PINNI-PEDestrian crossing’!

    Pluto — Women’s Small

  26. “These modern cars all look alike.”

    Fact: Penguins resent the fact that puffins can fly.

  27. Look, why should we bother trying to find that Mens Formal Wear store? We’ve already got tuxes!

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  28. I know it’s been a long trek boys but I swear the fish at chef Ramsays’ new place is worth it, besides we’re already dressed.

    The Binary Social Club T-shirt-Lrg

  29. (with apologies to Ratso Rizzo)

    We’re walking here! We’re walking here!

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  30. “This spot would be perfect for the nest, we blend in nicely and not a seal in sight.”

  31. Look, guys! Morgan Freeman !!! We’ll surround him and he won’t be able to weasel out of paying us our fair share of the earnings for March of the Penguins!

    Pavlov, long sleeved Womans small

  32. (with apologies to director John Hughes)

    The penguins make the sudden discovery that the smallest member of their group is not to be found “Oh my god, we forgot Kevin!”

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  33. “i’m sorry, randall, but if you want us to guess that your shadow puppets are anything but cucumbers or italian loafers, you’re gonna have to grow a thumb.”

    pluto medium, please…..

  34. “Jeez, can’t he see I’m gliding here?”

    Small men’s easy as pi

  35. “So youse guys wanna know why we are going this way? Because I am the Emperor Penguin… and whatever I say goes!”

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  36. Perhaps if we stay together as a UNIX, we’ll have a better chance of finding Linus Torvalds,Alan Cox and Larry Ewing!

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  37. You’d better hit the gym, Fred. No one uses their bellies for transportation in the city.

  38. Oops. Pluto women’s XL

  39. “I still say global warming’s a myth - that’s just a zamboni.”

    Pluto women’s XL

  40. “And this was where I met my wife back in 2007. Global warming was still a myth.”

    Men’s large.

  41. “Used to be these things never migrated this far south.”

    (Mental_floss logo t, large)

  42. “So I said to the bum; Listen buddy, I may look like I’m from out of town, but there’s no way in hell I’m getting into that cage.”

    Pavlov long sleeve XL

  43. Caption :

    I just got me one of those on credit, but its the 2 litre v8 model, You here that? My cars better than yours.

    The Binary Social Club T-shirt
    Large
    Male.

  44. “OK, there’s a Starbuck’s. Go get your @#$% iced latte so we can all go home!”

    Simple as pi, men’s large

  45. “I know this is the big city and everyone else is, but just because THEY are doing it doesn’t mean it’s ok for YOU to crap on every statue you see!”

    Ship Happens - XL

  46. “Bob Saget is going to regret making that movie. I’ll show him how to roll with saget.”

    Alaska- M

  47. “Leaving town for the celebration, the birds were due back April 30th to kick of ‘March of the Penguins’; however, they missed their flight…”

    Beethoven Med.

  48. So I says to Murray “Look, I don’t care how long you have to hold that egg on your feet, all us girls are going out on the town and there’s nothing you can do about it.” I did promise to bring him back some whitefish.

    Pluto XL

  49. They said the South was colder than Alaska, but where’s all the ice and snow?

  50. “And this is where our friend, the chicken, crossed the road and and began the Animal Equality Movement”

    Easter Island - XL

  51. “So this is why I brought you guys down here. There really is a better way to get around. With these babies we can seriously eliminate the two months it takes for us to walk to the mating ground. I’m gonna show you some 4 runners and Land Rovers that’ll get us over those icy hills in no time!”

  52. “..Hey! Hey, I’m waddling here!”

  53. “Guys, I think we should consider changing the act’s name to ‘Happy Feet’… we’re getting a lot of disappointed audiences when we bill ourselves as ‘Pole Dancers’.”

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  54. “I’ve heard this place on the corner is great for a formal dinner.”

  55. with apologies to “madagascar”

    “just smile and wave boys…smile and wave….”

    easy as 3.14 XXL

  56. “Guys, just for revenge, let’s crap in that guy’s tailpipe. . .”

    Rhesus, XL

  57. …and then, in 2075, the final ice sheets melted from Antarctica, clearing the way for the cities and industries you see today.

    Binary social club men’s large

  58. See, I told you there were endangered species here! I present to you, the American automobile.

    Rhesus, XL, please.

  59. “Even though we are Isabelline* Penguins I am going to have to change my drawers because of that jerk-off”

    *check out wikipedia’s article on penguins

    pavlov large blue

  60. And This is The Far Side…

    Pi - Women’s Small

    p.s. I’d vote for ‘this is why home melted’! Made me laugh.

  61. And here is another type of pengiun, subfamily automobile. All of them have a clutch, some come countershaded, and, just like us, the daddies wash and pamper new borns and even put them in nice warm rooms to protect them and keep them warm.

    Karl Marx, XL, please.

  62. #3 - That made me laugh out loud. I won’t be able to top that.

  63. These things used to come with wings and fins and now look at `em. No wonder they’re stuck on land.

    Idioms, XL, please.

  64. “I’m telling ya. Paul is dead.”

    Lady Macbeth XL

  65. “Remember what Al told us. Everyone act hot and confused and we get to star in An Incovenient Truth 2!”

  66. Guys, I know it’s not home, but it’ll have to do. Just think of it is a man-made glacier — the Chevy Vega.

  67. “Guys, Do you remember the large glacier which used to be right across this street in your grandpa’s photographs?”

    Tshirt:Sigmund Freud T-Shirt
    Sigmund Freud: There Egos Again! (Medium)

  68. “Guys, Do you remember Grandpa’s photograph in which he a was standing beside a large glacier? That one was right across this street!!!”

    Sigmund freud T shirt (medium)

  69. the Emperors have no clothes.

    pluto medium, please….

  70. Instead of tobogganing, look where we could have been if we had invented the wheel.

    rhesus, XL, please.

  71. Now that the global warming problem has been solved, over population of penguins threaten metropolitan regions nation wide…

    “I wonder if Al Gore has ever seen “the birds?”

    [beethoven womens med]

  72. “no Paul I said, “I am the EGG MAN!”…whatever John you’re no WALRUS either”

    [idioms womens med]

  73. Drivers are rude, when they give you the finger give them the flipper back. Then waddle as fast as you can for the sidewalk.!

  74. Anything in any size you have XXL or larger.

  75. “I tell you, we are a shoe in for the internship at Penguin Publishing”

    Rhesus XXL

  76. Get ready… This is Saget’s place right over here.

    XL pi

  77. “You see, kids, this walk used to be a lot different back when I was a boy. We’d march seventy miles inland, through the snow, barefoot, up hill both ways. And we did all this just *you* to keep warm. So don’t give me this “but Daaad, global warming makes our life so hard”—because you don’t know a thing about hard!”

    women’s pluto - l

  78. I’m telling you guys, there really is a club just for penguins. They give you your own igloo and everything. I heard it was online, but I just can’t figure out which line.

    rhesus wm lg

  79. Memphis, TN: Outside the Peabody Hotel

    “I’m telling you Hal… ducks are so last season. Everyone wants on the penguin bandwagon”

  80. opps!
    small Forever Jung

  81. “Stop chuckling, Bill. THAT ENGINE is what I meant when I said it looks like someone blew a seal!”

    You’ve Got Male- XXL please

  82. “I told you the Planet Earth series would be our big break! Tonight we do Letterman, tomorrow we do Leno…who knows, maybe even Larry King!”

    Simple as pi, men’s L

  83. C’mon, the striking writers are this way. Maybe we can join forces with them to help us get our share of income on all those penguin movies.

    Rhesus, XL.

  84. “Hey guys, look! Rear wheel drive! You don’t see too many of these back home.”

    Scurvy T–Woman’s Large

  85. “And here on your left is the internal combustion engine vehicle - one of the principle causes of human extinction and of our ascenion to rulers of planet Earth.”

    Ladies “Lady Macbeth”

  86. ok guys, so we just got finished watching “Farce of the Penguins”. I think standing in traffic will be the fastest way to kill ourselves, therefore the fastest way to get that awful movie out of our heads.

  87. What! We didn’t walk all this way so you could vote for Obama, Hillary needs our help and I don’t care what Oprah says!

  88. “Call me old-fashioned, but I sure miss the days when an Antarctic traffic jam just meant a problem with the ice floes.”

    women’s small Pavlov

    Cheers, mental_floss mavens!

  89. Quick, pretend to be Catholic. That way they won’t run us over.

  90. Sorry…

    Quick, pretend to be Catholic. That way they won’t run us over.

    women’s Pluto, large

  91. What happens when penguins go on vacation:

    “And over here sisters, we have the Bascillica of St Francis…. What it’s doing here in New York and not Assisi, Italy, I have no idea….”

  92. “And as we can all see, Randy has BETTER things to look at.. Randy! Her eyes are not in her CHEST!”

    pluto womens size m

  93. “Spago’s and a Broadway show? We are totally dressed for the occasion!”

  94. “Cmon Amigos the INS will never figure out these disguises. We are EEEnn!!!

    any in a large

  95. We could tell right away they were tourists by the way they used the crosswalks and gawked at all the “ski-less motorized sleds.”

    Mental_Floss L

  96. That guy says we are an art installation called “If Linux Were Vista”

    Marx XXL

  97. “Hey, Penny, did you remember to bring your slingshot for the Polar Bear exhibit today?”

  98. “Are you sure it was black tie?”

  99. “Now this model has a remote control starter, for those really cold mornings.”\

    Lady MacBeth T

  100. “Now this model has a remote control starter, for those really cold mornings.”

    Lady MacBeth T, XL

  101. “…and to your immediate left you will find one of the chief reasons why we’re here.”

    Simple as 3.141592, Medium

  102. “Living in this town you we have the potential to be the best dressed roadkill ever.”

    Rhesus large please

  103. 1. “I TOLD YOU TO STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!”

    Pavolove Short sleeve tee, small womans thanks.

  104. “We’re Chordata, not Chrysler. I don’t know what he’s saying.”

    Womans Pavolov small please, thank you.

  105. Every year we waddle our sorry butts 70 miles across the ice - when we’re on vacation couldn’t we take a cab just ONCE?

    I like the scurvy shirt - Large!

  106. “I told you, we should have asked for directions. This is the LAST time you lead us all over Antarctica!

    Rhesus women’s small, pretty please!

  107. While these sea lions won’t bite, they are still very dangerous!

  108. “Look guys, I know its no Red Lobster, but my favorite krill grill is right around the corner.”

    Pi, men’s M

  109. They warm themselves & don’t have to be taught how to hunt!

  110. “Well, I’ve heard them called ‘zebra crossings,’ but I figure that’s close enough.”

    Scurvy women’s M

  111. Sure the bagels are better, and I don’t miss the melting ice, but I wish they didn’t make us move to New Jersey.

  112. Now, listen carefully - you may need a PEN…GUIN to tell you only once!

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  113. ” A car is a lot like a tuxedo, it’s better to buy than to rent.

    Pluto men’s M

  114. “We could have flown, but Larry lost the tickets.”

    Pluto men’s M

  115. I told you we should have swam LEFT off the Ross ice shelf, not RIGHT!

    pluto xl

  116. (In a Jewish accent)

    It’s like no one has ever seen a black and white mix walk on a crosswalk.

    Pluto XL

  117. Hey Margaret, do you remember what Harry the Chicken did when he crossed the street?

    Pluto XL

  118. “Stop sight seeing…….our home is melting and we are here for a Zamboni!”

    Plotu shirt M

  119. “See Randy, it’s no use. You just can’t communicate with these people without a middle finger.”

  120. Oh, yeah, I forgot……… Pi men’s XL

  121. “since the ice bergs have melted, we’ve had to find new ways of transportation!”

    pavlov shirt

  122. “..and then they picked that damn gecko over me..”

    Pluto Men’s M

  123. “I tell ya, we get ahold of a few of these, and not only can we ditch the ‘march’ thing, we freakin’ WIN the war on polar bears.”

    Pluto XL, if I’m so lucky!

  124. Because of this, my colors have faded so bad I’m gonna have to start renting!

    Marx - Male medium

  125. I don’t care about pashima, the best pickeled herring cart is on the next corner

  126. oh-pi in xxl

  127. hey, i don’t care if that is Burgess Meredith, Mary Poppins starts in five minutes

    pi xxl

  128. “Happy Feet?” My Ass! This devil’s wearing Prada baby!

    Mens Large - your choice

  129. I’m telling you! We’re not stopping until we find the Oracle and she tells us if the white guy is the “chosen” one!

    check out www.neatorama.com/2008/01/06/white-penguin/
    for more clarification…

    pavlov, medium.

  130. There’s the theater. Now, O’brian follow me. Kimmel, Colbert, Stewart, wait for us to create a diversion. Letterman, you’re on your own. Jay’s waddling to the Golden Globes if he has to, Strike be damned!

  131. Friends, this is the same kind of car that took out our inspired leader. Chilly Willy died before he realized his vision. We must embrace the fear of bumper death. Our purpose is to continue waddling the streets of New York until our offspring enjoy protected species status. Now, where did you say that herring vendor was?

  132. There was a lot less traffic here before they came up with that Global Warning idea.

    T-shirt Simple as 3.14, men xxl

  133. “Wow…these things really do stop on a dime!”

    Mental_Floss Logo T-shirt, large.

  134. The poorly conceived and disastrous sequel “Jaywalk of the Penguins” went straight to DVD.

    Scurvy, men large

  135. “And this class… is the automobile. Over the last century, the number of automobiles in the U.S. alone has risen from 8,000 to 218 million! Engineer Henry Ford is credited for the automobiles popularity, with his mass production methods, which made automobiles affordable, and transformed Homo Sapien travel around the world!”

    Mental_Floss Logo T-shirt, Large.

  136. At Antartic U, professor Chilly Willy will teach how to avoid these 4 tired monsters in “Ha Hee Achoo - Survival in the 21st Century” and let us not forget Professor Emeritus Opus and his Penguin State of Mind seminar.

  137. Oops.

    Women’s idioms small.

  138. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you the “The Car.” Its primary purpose is to keep homo sapiens off his feet.

    Mental floss - womens 1x

  139. Look at those guys behind us… Scraw-ny! I don’t think we’re in any danger here. Car? What car?

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  140. You cannot be black and catch a cab in this city without standing in front of it…I swear

    Alaska XXL

  141. I know I’m way past late, but until they list the actual finalists, I’ll still submit captions (well, until I run out of ‘em) ;-))
    ___________________________________
    And here is the spot where our poor friend Mr. Frogger met his end.
    ___________________________________

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  142. “Hey, we should pretend to look for our contacts.”

    Women’s Alaska Med

  143. Ok guys, let’s get those happy feet moving.

  144. To avoid detection, six geese decided to dress up like nuns.

    Pavlov XXL

  145. And it’s to this specimen right here, gentlemen, that we owe all credit for the fabulous Antarctic Mega Mall that we’re standing in today.

    –rhesus, mens XXL–

  146. “Of course we won’t get in trouble, we’re not jays!”

    Lady Macbeth shirt, Small

  147. A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Chilly. Always be Chilly, always be chilly.

    Pavlov, long sleeved womans small

  148. “Hurry up - you penguins don’t wanna end up as the stripes in this zebra crossing!”

    Pi tee, Women - M

  149. Gentlemen, it appears we will have to fight global warming more directly. Mr. Rico, time for the ka-boom.

    Scurvy, size large.

  150. Hey, I’m not saying flying wouldn’t be easier…

  151. oohh, wait here…I’ll be right back, I think I see that spotted White Sea-lion coat I have been looking for..

  152. lmkdbu vtqnkihb cuzxlqogy ypmgtnek xmclkp mwuzegxbp rmkqv

  153. “Demarch of the Penguins”

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