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Most political junkies can name all 16 major presidential candidates, but there were 42 candidates on the ballots in the New Hampshire primary! And that’s only the candidates running for the republican and democratic party nominations. Who are all these people? Last March, I posted Those Crazy Candidates. Now that the primary season has started, I look back and see that the article centered on celebrities and fictional characters, including some who hadn’t even declared. There are plenty of real people running that you’ve never heard of.
1. Jack Shepard
Jack Shepard is running his presidential campaign from his home in Rome, Italy, where he fled 25 years ago to avoid prosecution for arson. He is also on parole for a 1979 sexual assault charge. Shepard is a practicing dentist in Italy, although his liscence was revoked in Minnesota in 1983 due to a string of violent incidences. Shepard was on the ballot in the New Hampshire Primary.
2. Gene Amondson
Gene Amondson is the National Prohibition Party nominee for president, as he was in 2004. Amondson is a minister who garnered almost 2,000 votes in the previous race, and appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart in a segment called Party Like It’s 1929. His website also contains his artwork and recipes for pies.
More declared candidates, after the jump.
3. Vermin Love Supreme
Vermin Love Supreme was the first candidate to file for the New Hampshire Primary. He received 41 votes. Supreme’s priority issue is mandatory toothbrushing. His favorite color is plaid, and his favorite sport is women’s rollerderby.
4. Chief Jack Boulerice
Jacques Yves ‘Chief Jack’ Boulerice is running on the Native American Party ticket, which he founded. Chief Jack is anti-immigration, anti-union, and wants to eliminate term limits. As president, he would insist that all immigrants speak English and all government and business dealings be conducted in English only. He has a plan to control wages, not by raising the minimum wage, but by capping all wages at $200,000 a year, with a limit of $25,000 for bonuses. Chief Jack ran for president in 2000 and 2004 also.
5. Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias
Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias has a graphic-based campaign website with little text. From the front page:
Christina born to be President of ‘Our America.’ ©™. ‘The Chosen One, ©™ as proclaimed by Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, friends of Theodore and Evelyn Gerasimos, first Greek in Detroit 1890. People’s King of the Greeks emanating from Spartan Royalty Warriors.
Although she has extensive information on her family tree and ancestors, I couldn’t even find her birthday, much less an explanation of “The Chosen One”. She alludes to a story of kidnapping and murder in her family, but does not elaborate. Billing-Elias is running as a democrat. She was not on the New Hampshire ballot.
6. Daniel Melzine Kingery
Daniel Melzine Kingery belongs to no political party, and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is.
At various times in my life, I’ve been a thief, adulterer, verbally insulted others, drank, smoked, and lied among many others that I’m not so proud of. Because of the lessons learned, I’m not ashamed of them either.
Kingery, as president, would abolish the electoral college, declare all judgeships to be elected positions, and make corrupt leaders subject to charges of treason. He favors a flat tax and a national ID card with DNA information to be issued at birth.
7. James Wellington Wright
James Wellington Wright is a democratic candidate for president, with pages of political opinions on his site. I decided to include him on this list when I found this graphic that explains his immigration policy under the heading “Let me make this perfectly clear!”
It’s a curious combination of old-fashioned jingoism and modern internet slang. Wright was not on the New Hampshire ballot.
8. Joe Martyiuk
Joe Martyniuk has more policy than biography on his campaign website. But he does have this on the front page:
Joe’s an inventor and entrepreneur. He’s short and dumpy. He stutters and stammers. All the bad things you hear about him are true. But there are 300 million of you to help him get the job done. He’s pro-birth control, conceal carry, stem cell research, unions, separation of church and state, open internet, balanced budget, import brain power, and extended unemployment benefits. God bless and defend our troops.
9. Jonathon Sharkey
Jonathon ‘The Impaler’ Sharkey is the founder of the Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans Party, but shows up as Independent on most candidate lists. He is the commanding general and “Death Dealer” with the 1st Vampyre, Witches, Pagans Militia Regiment. Despite those titles, he has a political agenda that covers trade, taxes, health care, taxes, and foreign policy.
10. Caroline Killeen
Caroline P. Killeen is 81 years old and has no home or permanent address. She lived in Italy for most of 2007, and came back to the US to run for president. Her platform has one issue: global warming. Killeen advocates the use of solar clothes dryers, also known as clotheslines. She had to borrow money for airfare to the Unitesd States, and used three of her Social Security checks to get on the ballot in New Hampshire.
11. Jack Grimes
Jackson Kirk ‘Jack’ Grimes is running for the United Fascist Union party, which he heads. The party was incorporated in 1996 to “promote the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein.” Grimes’ priorities are to abolish paper money, freeze prices on consumer goods before reducing those prices, and to form a league of nations with the aim of world government.
12. Bennie Lee Ferguson
Bennie Lee “Ben” Ferguson is running for president and simutaneously for the Kansas State House of Representatives. She explains on her website that the presidential run is mainly to provide publicity for her statehouse campaign. Bennie Lee is an openly transgender candidate and college student who makes a living entertaining with the Bennie Ferguson Band.
Information for this article came from Project Vote Smart and from the Minor Candidate Report. I have barely scratched the surface of these resources.
Comments (19)
Comment
Oh man!
And I thought we had strange politicians with one that talked to his dog and attended seances.
posted by Mike on 1-15-2008 at 7:56 am
This was an awesome post. I’ve always wondered what kind of whack-jobs were running for president, other than the ones we see one the news. I wonder what would happen if any of them got elected. Honestly, the only one I’d probably vote for is the vampire guy. everyone else freaks me out.
posted by Gilbert on 1-15-2008 at 8:01 am
I’m voting for Ben.
posted by Jared on 1-15-2008 at 9:15 am
What a country, hmmm? :)
posted by kate on 1-15-2008 at 9:21 am
Vermin Love Supreme! All the way to the White House! Yeehaw!!
posted by Andie on 1-15-2008 at 10:03 am
Can we talk about Chief Jack Boulerice? Capping wages? Are you insane! Some people just can’t accept the fact that others work harder, longer, and just plain deserve more then themselves.
posted by Tricia on 1-15-2008 at 12:47 pm
The vampire guy at least looks like he’s joking, the rest seem deluded enough to think a) they are right b) they could win… scary.
posted by Scott on 1-15-2008 at 1:10 pm
What gets me is that these are the ones that “made the cut.” Just think about the ones that didn’t….
posted by Ed Hands on 1-15-2008 at 1:40 pm
Ed, there really is no “cut”. Anyone can file for the office, as long as they are over 35 and a natural-born citizen. Getting on the ballot in each state is a hurdle that has different requirements, but anyone can be a write-in candidate. For example, in the New Hampshire primary, you must be a native who has lived in the US for at least fifteen years total and pay $1,000. I’m not sure if there were any specific requirements to be included in the Vote Smart Project list.
posted by Miss Cellania on 1-15-2008 at 1:49 pm
I kind of like Caroline Killeen. She seems to have a lot of common sense . . . except for spending 1/4 year’s income on running for president!
With that income cap, Chief Jack is looking for extreme corruption. It’s sad and funny to imagine a Native American chief banning immigration. If they could have done that 400 years ago . . .
posted by Andrea on 1-15-2008 at 2:25 pm
God Bless America
posted by John P on 1-15-2008 at 2:34 pm
@mike - Would you perhaps be referring to Mackenzie-King?
It’s a wonder he was elected in the first place!
posted by Sean on 1-15-2008 at 3:26 pm
Reading this post reminds me of watching the first couple episodes of ‘American Idol’.
“I know I can sing and I don’t care what Simon says *boo hoo*!”
“I know I can govern and I don’t care what logic says *boo hoo*!”
By the way, that Princess Christina lady is COMPLETELY off her rocker. I found another site with more info on her.
www.vote-smart.org/extended_bio.php?can_id=82713
Also, that picture? Yeah, that’s about 50 years old, as Miss Billings-Elias was born in 1935! On her biography page, she references several names, NONE of which come up on Wikipedia or Google.
In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “Who are these people?”
posted by Vitajex on 1-15-2008 at 5:09 pm
Oh, and here’s an old TIME article from the 1920’s about her famous grandfather. Seems he decided that destroying a church was worth getting his revenge.
www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,723498,00.html
posted by Vitajex on 1-15-2008 at 5:15 pm
I’m sorry, but the more I read about this woman, the more fascinated (and appalled) I become. I just spoke to a Greek friend of mine about the “Princess’” favorite actor and relative Alekos Alexandrakis. My friend tells me that Mr. Alexandrakis made a name for himself as an adult film actor before becoming a moderately successful soap opera actor.
The ‘Princess’ and her husband reportedly own a company called ‘Nickris World Movie Corporation.” Seeing as how I can’t find anything about this company anywhere on the net, is it possible that this is a pornographic film production studio?
If she would only claim to have been abducted by aliens, she’d give Dennis Kucinich a run for his “Bat-Poopy Crazy” award.
posted by Vitajex on 1-15-2008 at 5:41 pm
I’m SO sorry (Miss Cellania, I won’t blame you if you ban me), but EVERYONE has to see this picture from the Princess’ website. It’s an ‘ad’ for ‘Christina for President’ T-shirts.
www.christinabillings.com/c31/
NOTE: Not safe for those with sutured wounds as you will UNDOUBTEDLY pop your stitches.
“Looks like Grandma’s playing with PhotoShop again!”
posted by Vitajex on 1-15-2008 at 5:45 pm
@ Vitajex:
O. M. G.
Seriously? That’s the most bizarre thing I’ve ever ever seen. Thank goodness we live in a country where it’s perfectly legal to be insane.
posted by adrienne on 1-16-2008 at 12:47 am
Jackson Grimes Presidential Priorities
“Abolish paper money. Establish a ‘Transferable Work Point Card’ as an electronic credit and debit system which would bring about a cashless/checkless society.” “Establish a ‘Universal Price Index’ designed to first freeze and then greatly reduce the cost on all necessities of life like rent, groceries, car payments & etc.” “Create a league of none or ten nations that would form a Confederacy of States to create a global government. The keystone of which will be Corporate Statism. Import Canadian-Style, Hate Laws, that would outlaw hate groups like the American Nazi Party & the Ku Klux Klan. Then grant “SPECIAL PROTECTIVE LEGAL STATUS” to Afro-Americans, homosexulals, Jews, women and, certain other minorities, that have been traditional targets of bigotry in the past.
posted by Heather Goldsmith on 1-23-2008 at 2:34 pm
Wow, Mr. James Wellington Wright has a masterplan, and it can´t be clearer. YOURS - NOT YOURS LOL
posted by rainbow on 4-3-2008 at 11:05 am