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It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve mentioned Tom Swifties in the Word Wrap, so I thought I’d return to them once again for this giveaway because, well, they’re just so endearing (and so much fun!).
As I’ve said before, Lorrie Moore introduced me to these extraordinary puns in her story “Community Life” (one of the many brilliant shorts in her collection Birds of America). Some of the characters in the story are librarians and pass their downtime at work thinking up Tom Swifties such as, “I have to go to the hardware store, he said wrenchingly” or “There’s never been an accident, she said recklessly.”
The term “Tom Swifty” was coined in the 1920s and comes from a series of adventure books about a boy named – surprise, surprise – Tom Swift, who regularly employed a qualifying adverb like quickly or jokingly when he spoke. The series was written by Victor Appleton, who you might think you’ve never read. But there you’d be wrong, as Appleton was a penname for Edward Stratemeyer, the creator of The Hardy Boys, The Bobbsey Twins, and Nancy Drew.
But back to Tom Swifties: to create one, all you need do is make a pun out of your qualifying adverb, such as Lorrie Moore did in this example: “This hot dog’s awful, she said frankly.”
So go ahead, try one and drop it in the comments below. We’ll pick one as The Best Tom Swifty in the World!! and send the talented winner a t-shirt of his/her choice from our store. Enter as many times as you’d like, so long as each is in a separate comment. Tom Swifties are easy. And once you start, you’ll be hooked, he said, casting about for his rod and reel. Okay, so that wasn’t a true Tom Swifty as there was no adverb. So I’ll leave you to your weekend with this one then: “David! Cut it out already, his readers said sharply.”
Oh, and be sure to tell use which t-shirt you want just in case we pick your Swifty as The Best Tom Swifty in the World!!
Check out all past Weekend Word Wraps>>
Comments (192)
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“I don’t believe you actually have flat feet,” Tom said archly.
“Son of a bitch!” exclaimed Sam doggedly.
“I for one welcome our new robot overlords,” John droned mechanically.
“My snowman was much better than his snowman,” Francis sniffed frostily.
“God, she really does suck all the oxygen out of the room!” Paul exhaled breathlessly.
“Have you ever ironed a shirt in your entire life?” Rose said pressingly.
“I swear, this never happens to me,” Steve said impotently.
“I assure you, I am a size M,” I said shirtily.
posted by Terence Chua on 1-25-2008 at 4:44 am
“It’s rated R, so I’m sneaking into the new Rambo movie tonight.” The teen uttered slyly.
posted by Jake Le Master on 1-25-2008 at 5:07 am
Oops, medium slate gray mental_floss logo tee please.
posted by Jake Le Master on 1-25-2008 at 5:10 am
We spent an afternoon at work doing these once. My favourite: “I’ve already posted that letter twice” said Tom resentfully.
Marx tee if it happens please!
posted by ajbajb on 1-25-2008 at 5:27 am
“I really should not have eaten all those beans”, he said breezily.
Scurvy, XXL
posted by John on 1-25-2008 at 5:47 am
” ,” he said blankly.
posted by Sam on 1-25-2008 at 6:25 am
“Hey! Put that snake down” he said venomously!
Pythagoras T-Shirt Please?
posted by Chris on 1-25-2008 at 6:30 am
“That’s not a real turtle” he said mockingly.
Pythagoras T-Shirt Thanks again.
posted by Chris Murley on 1-25-2008 at 6:32 am
“Get to the back of the boat,” the captain said sternly.
Scurvy tee, Large. Thanks
posted by Ed Hart on 1-25-2008 at 6:35 am
“We’re in a pickle, Scout.” said Dill sourly.
slate gray mental_floss logo tee
posted by Bill Host on 1-25-2008 at 6:45 am
“I’m gonna be late for the gunfight, Marshall Dillon.” said Festus lamely.
posted by Bill Host on 1-25-2008 at 6:47 am
“The sun will comeout tomorrow!” sang Annie brightly.
posted by Bill Host on 1-25-2008 at 6:51 am
“I would NEVER have sex for money! she said horridly”
Large Green Gregor Mendel T-Shirt
posted by Ryan on 1-25-2008 at 6:55 am
“Cartoons are my life!” he said animatedly.
Karl Marx tee
posted by ArtF on 1-25-2008 at 6:57 am
“I’ll have the richest, darkest beer on tap,” she said stoutly.
posted by thirty7 on 1-25-2008 at 7:04 am
oops! women’s pythagoras small.
posted by thirty7 on 1-25-2008 at 7:06 am
“I’m thinking of taking up needlepoint,” he said craftily.
Rhesus shirt, Medium
posted by Ira on 1-25-2008 at 7:08 am
I saw this somewhere –
We went upon a cycle ride,
my girlfriend Ruth and me.
I hit a bump at 85 –
and went on Ruthlessly.
Mental floss logo XL
posted by lleachie on 1-25-2008 at 7:26 am
As Chad pulled Felicia close in scorching embrace, “You ignite me.” he said feverishly.
pythagoras, xl.
posted by Julianna on 1-25-2008 at 7:35 am
“I dropped the toothpaste!” she said, crestfallen.
Mental Floss T-shirt, Small
posted by Karen on 1-25-2008 at 7:37 am
“Umm. Start paddling over to the shore, now!” He said rapidly.
“You can decide what shirt I’ll receive” he said largely
posted by Greg VA on 1-25-2008 at 7:37 am
“Ouch! That cat’s tongue is like sandpaper!” he said abrasively.
posted by Bob B on 1-25-2008 at 7:41 am
“Yeah, That’s the one thing I never liked about Riverdance.” He said flatly.
posted by Greg VA on 1-25-2008 at 8:12 am
“This rocket’s a dud,” he said blastingly.
PI XL
posted by Cass on 1-25-2008 at 8:14 am
“He up and vanished like a fart in the wind,” he said softly.
PI XL
posted by Cass on 1-25-2008 at 8:19 am
“I believe in flying pixies,” she said airily.
“And that’s where I want to be buried,” he said gravely.
Pavolov Womens XL please
posted by kitsana_d on 1-25-2008 at 8:19 am
“Rrrrr, don’t drink the Atlantic waters,” he said saltily.
PI XL
posted by Cass on 1-25-2008 at 8:20 am
“I left my viagra at home,” Tom said softly.
or
“The breast augmentation surgury was a failure,” Sally said droopingly.
Pluto, L
posted by EV on 1-25-2008 at 8:24 am
“This is addictive,” Mr. Jones said habitually.
“Here, try my poodle kugel,” he said doggedly.
posted by lleachie on 1-25-2008 at 8:24 am
“This really hurts!” Jesus said crossly.
posted by Ben on 1-25-2008 at 8:26 am
And isn’t it, “I left my viagra at home,” he said IMPOTENTLY?
posted by lleachie on 1-25-2008 at 8:26 am
oh, entropy L please
posted by Ben on 1-25-2008 at 8:27 am
“The Iliad is just TOO thrilling!” she said bookishly. (Pavlov large)
posted by Genevieve Foskett on 1-25-2008 at 8:48 am
Well since it’s Tom Swift, lets go back to the era.
“You be the one to start the car,” he said crankily.
(Pi XL)
posted by beth on 1-25-2008 at 8:48 am
“You sure hit that one,” Marilyn said strikingly.
posted by Jessica on 1-25-2008 at 8:53 am
“Yes, me too, Ceasar,” Brutus said slashingly.
Pavlov M
posted by Jessica on 1-25-2008 at 8:59 am
I trudged off to work laboriosly.
Forever Jung – Large
posted by Bud De Santis on 1-25-2008 at 9:01 am
“Oooo, the Polka’s my FAVE!,” she said, dancingly.
posted by Jessica on 1-25-2008 at 9:05 am
“If you keep scratching it’s just going to spread,” she said rashly.
posted by Jessica on 1-25-2008 at 9:06 am
“What are these small metal fasteners?!” she snapped.
“Hand me that newspaper,” he said periodically.
posted by J. Greenstein on 1-25-2008 at 9:25 am
“I can’t get this carburetor to work!” Ned fumed haltingly.
posted by Toby Henry on 1-25-2008 at 9:44 am
“Barack, Don’t be such an Ass”, brayed Hillary.
Pluto xxl
posted by Stuart on 1-25-2008 at 10:12 am
I actually snuck this one by my editor as a joke and it stands in print in my 2004 novel, Raising the Griffin. One character tries to determine the contents of a small glass bottle:
“It’s coke,” she snorted.
posted by Melissa W. on 1-25-2008 at 10:20 am
she did it again, over and over, redundantly.
p.s. redun == re-done :D
pluto small woman’s…’Pluto will make a monumental move into this same area of your chart on January 25, proving that love can, and will, bring a positive transformation in years to come.’ says astrologyzone.com fatefully.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 10:29 am
“I must think up a good pun,” he retorted.
“If you want peace you must prepare for war”, she said paradoxically.
“I don’t know if that one line is good enough,” he said despairingly.
“Ouch, twist the knife why don’t you?” she said piercingly.
“I didn’t mean it as an insult,” he said insultingly.
“Fine, then you come up with a better Swiffer,” she said homophoningly.
“It’s pronounced Swif-ty,” he said phonetically.
“Then you come up with one, just a single one,” she said sparingly.
“Please don’t put me on the spot like that,” he said pressured.
Hip B2 shirt in large please.
posted by Jeremy B. on 1-25-2008 at 10:32 am
“Can you BELIEVE the lack of defense in this game?” she yelled, offensively.
“I just can’t seem to shift the weight off my shoulders,” he shrugged.
(although, I have to admit, the toothpaste one is my personal favorite so far ;) )
posted by Ashley on 1-25-2008 at 10:36 am
“The climate is changing!” Dr. Weathers said warmly.
Entropy, Large
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 10:51 am
“I wish these cows would all be quiet,” Joe said moodily.
Rhesus, Large
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 10:52 am
“I’m still adding up the receipts from the Christmas party,” he noted summarily.
“I think we should clone president Reagan!, he exclaimed moronically.
“Truth is, I ended up drinking beer off the floor of the tavern,” she admitted publicly.
large nobel
posted by Jon Host on 1-25-2008 at 10:53 am
“Two times two is four,” said Miss Prim squarely.
Pythagoras, Large
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 10:53 am
“Oh, well the child is a bastard you know,” she was quoted illegitimately.
S Easter Island shirt :)
posted by Brittany on 1-25-2008 at 10:55 am
“I can’t reach that,” Tom said shortly.
Mental Floss, slate gray, small
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 10:56 am
“Don’t forget to _floss daily,” he reminded himself mentally. ;-) Actually, there’s something about Jessica’s Caesar/Brutus/slashingly that speaks to me…
posted by Roger on 1-25-2008 at 10:57 am
“Get down from that tree!!” she yelled arbitrarily.
posted by Brittany on 1-25-2008 at 10:59 am
Oh, just in case…
Lady Macbeth – lg
posted by Toby Henry on 1-25-2008 at 11:02 am
“This is some good shit, he said bluntly”
Pi Medium
posted by Kevin on 1-25-2008 at 11:04 am
Make a left at the cemetary, Tom said gravely.
Binary Club – Medium
posted by Sue on 1-25-2008 at 11:11 am
“I hate the smell of gas”, Tom fumed.
Binary – medium please
posted by Sue on 1-25-2008 at 11:13 am
“It must be the spark plug!”, said the mechanic, glowingly.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 11:23 am
Are verbs allowed instead of adverbs? That opens so much more possibility….
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 11:25 am
‘You are coming to church!’, she exclaimed, unbelievably.
No offense intended.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 11:30 am
#9 “Get to the back of the boat,” the captain said sternly
is my favorite so far.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 11:31 am
“I don’t care for italics,” he said boldly.
Rhesus, Small
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 11:33 am
“More cake please,” he said heavily.
Pluto, Small
posted by Linda Ash on 1-25-2008 at 11:37 am
” Take the prisoner down to his cell,” said the judge, condescendingly.
Entropy, large
posted by Michelle on 1-25-2008 at 11:41 am
“I’ve been cut in half!” Tom said intuitively
“These parasites are eating my organs,” Tom said wholeheartedly
“You always spell my name wrong,” Tom said swiftly
“My ribs are gone,” Tom said decidedly
“My fingers are gone,” Tom said disjointedly
“My feet are gone,” Tom said defeatedly
“My wrists are gone,” Tom said offhandedly
“I hate Shakespeare,” Tom said unwillingly
“…” said Tom blankly
marx small please
posted by emilyz on 1-25-2008 at 11:43 am
I am a 3rd grade teacher and I feel compelled to add:
“Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the young crab, a little snappishly.
(from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland) I don’t know if posting Lewis Carroll’s Tom Swifty is against the rules, and I think the italics one will win anyway, but XL pi if I have a chance…
posted by Matt on 1-25-2008 at 11:47 am
I gotta say, I love the toothpaste one too.
“Just cut your ties to that awful family of yours!” she said snippishly.
“I never screen my calls.” he said phonily.
“I’ll just put that in the garbage”, she said gladly. (Glad brand)
“My freshly drycleaned clothes always appeared wrinkled at these Press junkets!” she said ironically.
“Cold water showers keep my libido down”, she said frigidly.
Pie 2XL pls.
posted by Marion on 1-25-2008 at 11:59 am
“This isn’t lemonade!” He exclaimed completely pissed.
posted by Jake Le Master on 1-25-2008 at 12:00 pm
“Make a left at the cemetary” Tom said gravely.
posted by Sue on 1-25-2008 at 12:24 pm
Sorry. Computer glitch. First 2 comments didn’t show up.
posted by Sue on 1-25-2008 at 12:26 pm
Ah! the italics one’s Smart!
Anyways, another (this is unstoppable! – says, I, stammeringly)-
Models eat barely.
(More correct – ‘Models walk. Barely.’ But that sounds mean.)
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 12:31 pm
“Julia, did you do your homework?” the professor asked laboriously.
“No, but I did learn who wrote Tom Swift AND what a Tom Swifty is!” she said quickly and flossily.
Marx women’s XL
posted by Julia on 1-25-2008 at 12:44 pm
“I finally got introduced to this integer that’s been standing next to me,” Mr. Three said metaphorically.
posted by Jon Host on 1-25-2008 at 12:55 pm
Michelle’s “condescendingly” = HA!
posted by Roger on 1-25-2008 at 1:06 pm
“It’s dark!”, Tom said, delightedly.
(Pluto, L)
posted by Klatuu on 1-25-2008 at 1:22 pm
“I’m your new Dictator!” proclaimed Tom, deliberately.
(Pluto, L)
posted by Klatuu on 1-25-2008 at 1:27 pm
The O and the Zero stared at each other gapingly.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 1:33 pm
“Your future doesn’t look good,” said Zoltar unfortunately.
Karl Marx, XL.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 1:42 pm
“Oh no, another tire blew!” She cried despairingly.
medium mental_floss slate gray
posted by Jake Le Master on 1-25-2008 at 1:46 pm
“I’m a little embarrassed,” Tom said sheepishy.
Karl Marx, XL
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 1:51 pm
“Never give up, never surrender” Tom said tirelessly.
“I’m not sure I can commit to it”, Tom said half-heartedly.
“Can’t we all just get along?”, Tom said neighborly.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 2:05 pm
(I didn’t write this but I have to share it; no shirt please.) “I am a homosexual necrophiliac!” Tom ejaculated in dead earnest.
posted by thatbob on 1-25-2008 at 2:12 pm
“I’m too tired to check it twice”, Santa said listlessly.
Karl Marx, XL
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 2:32 pm
“A match made in heaven” said Cupid lovingly.
Karl, xl.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 2:35 pm
“I want you, for the US Army”, said Uncle Sam forcefully.
Karl, xl
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-25-2008 at 2:37 pm
These right-wing Christian Republicans scare me”, she said reverently.
Pluto, xl
posted by terri on 1-25-2008 at 2:51 pm
“We could all turn our thermostats down to a certain degree,” Al LeGory offered coolly, anticlimatically.
Entropy shirt in XL!
posted by cybergoober on 1-25-2008 at 3:20 pm
The electrician was powerfully impressed by the band. He then cut their mic on.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 4:37 pm
At the stroke of 12, Cinderella picked up her dress and ran out alarmingly.
Note to self – this is the last one.
posted by septer on 1-25-2008 at 4:49 pm
“Your Honor, if you reject this motion I’ll just submit it again!” Tom retorted.
posted by Timo on 1-25-2008 at 5:09 pm
“I can’t go anywhere because my car has a flat tire”, Tom said deflatedly.
Pavlov long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 5:11 pm
whoops
physics family reunion L
posted by Timo on 1-25-2008 at 5:11 pm
Hey, Cass … that is my favorite ‘Shawshank’ quote!
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 5:15 pm
“How dare you call me MENTAL because I FLOSS several times a day”, Amy shouted insanely.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 5:18 pm
I haven’t read them all, so I hope this one hasn’t been done:
“I can’t believe you don’t like Anne McCaffrey,” Tom said perniciously.
Lady MacBeth hand soap!
posted by Freezair on 1-25-2008 at 5:48 pm
Ooops, forgot to add: Size M.
posted by Freezair on 1-25-2008 at 5:49 pm
In tribute to Martin Scorsese :
“You talking to me? Well I’m the only one here”, Travis said singularly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 6:18 pm
with apologies to Tennessee Williams :
“Sometimes I feel like I’m on a hot tin roof”, Maggie said cattily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 6:22 pm
“What makes you think I have all of the answers!”, Tom exclaimed testily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-25-2008 at 6:25 pm
Ooops, made a mistake on #11. Should have been “I’m gonna be late for the gunfight, Marshall Dillon. My gimp leg been hurtin’.” said Festus lamely.
I feel like I”ve been caught with my trousers down. (I say embarassedly!)
posted by BH on 1-25-2008 at 6:45 pm
To all the folks who are voting for the toothpaste/crestfallen one:
Yeah, it’s good, but it’s old! I have a children’s magazine from 1975 with an article on Tom Swifties that uses that very example!.
I, personally, vote for #23, the Riverdance/flatly one. That cracked me up.
I’ve enjoyed reading these. :)
posted by apaperbackwriter on 1-25-2008 at 10:03 pm
“You’ll get a fair trial, everyone does.” The judge exclaimed blindly.
“Honey I, um, think I broke your antique spice rack.” He said gingerly.
“Read the fine print, it says I get your soul, you even signed it, in blood.” Satan exclaimed eternally.
Entropy Large
posted by Greg VA on 1-25-2008 at 10:07 pm
“This sweater is made of wool,” he said sheepishly.
Idioms M please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-26-2008 at 12:03 am
“I love my new box of 96 crayons,” he said colorfully.
Pythagoras M, please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-26-2008 at 12:06 am
“You will never borrow my books again!” he said unrelentingly.
Physics M, please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-26-2008 at 12:08 am
“You can’t keep going!” he cride haltingly.
Rhesus M, please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-26-2008 at 12:13 am
“Someone cut off my arm,” Tom said disarmingly.
There is a wonderful book called Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie where the protagonist discovers Tom Swifties and writes a school newspaper article about the football team using them. It’s a fun book.
posted by Janel on 1-26-2008 at 1:21 am
Oops I forgot.
Women’s medium Rhesus please.
posted by Janel on 1-26-2008 at 1:30 am
“Fee, foe, fum,” Tom said, defiantly.
“Stacked deck,” Tom, said tenaciously.
“I’m going out with a mermaid,” Tom said, sedatedly.
“I deduce that we have to take the left fork,” Tom said, pathologically.
Surprise me, XL
posted by David Lubar on 1-26-2008 at 7:07 am
“Son, these grubs are delicious, but if the guy that lives here, comes out and scares you, do what you feel is right” The father skunk said instinctively.
posted by Greg VA on 1-26-2008 at 8:59 am
“Is beastiality wrong?” he asked sheepishly.
posted by Tom on 1-26-2008 at 9:59 am
“It’s time to transplant the heart”, he said whole-heartedly.
Womens Pi/xs
posted by Rachel* on 1-26-2008 at 12:57 pm
“I am finished,” said Tom conclusively.
posted by Pete on 1-26-2008 at 3:21 pm
“I am finished” Tom said conclusively.
Simple as 3.141592, large.
posted by Pete on 1-26-2008 at 3:26 pm
“Where is my underwear?” He asked briefly.
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 4:28 pm
“I will use any typeface I want!” He said boldy.
(pi shirt, small)
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 4:42 pm
“My jester and I shall not be parted!”, King Lear intoned foolishly.
Pavlov, long sleeve womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:12 pm
“Fiber is an important part of a balanced diet,” he said regularly.
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 5:19 pm
“I only drink vodka,” she said absolutely.
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 5:20 pm
“I just know I am going to come out victorious in this Tom Swifty Weekend Word Wrap”, Amy expressed winningly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:25 pm
“That glass slipper is mine”, exclaimed Cinderella fittingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:33 pm
“Your dog just peed on my leg!” She said markedly.
(I’d like to change my t-shirt request – Women’s pi shirt, size M – thanks!)
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 5:34 pm
“Those border guards will never look in here,” she said smugly.
Womens pi, size M
posted by Abbie on 1-26-2008 at 5:41 pm
“That little portabello better explain what she meant by calling that shitake a real ‘fun guy’ or she’ll have to face my wrath”, the jealous boyfriend railed punishingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:46 pm
“Oh my, did I come to another court hearing dressed only in my undergarments?”, Britney wondered scantily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:50 pm
“____”,_____ ______ wordlessly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 5:52 pm
“It’s not the apple I’m worried about you hitting,” Walter told his father piercingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 6:01 pm
“You know why barren chickens cross the road? To go to the ‘Old Yolks Home!’, exclaimed an exasperated Farmer John only half jokingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 6:12 pm
‘To go to’ should probably be ‘To GET to’
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 6:20 pm
“Here try this coat on, I think the PETA folks are busy reading shampoo labels.” Tom said furtively.
“Make mine a large lemonade.” he said scurvily
posted by Greg VA on 1-26-2008 at 6:23 pm
“Sure, I’d love to dance with Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.
“And I say that my dog IS in season,” he argued heatedly.
XL Entropy
posted by Jill on 1-26-2008 at 6:35 pm
We just can’t fit any more sheep in the pen, the farmer said usefully.
pythagoras L
posted by SamRiddleburger on 1-26-2008 at 7:14 pm
“I sure could use a drink with these pretzels”, he said thirstily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 7:39 pm
With apologies to Paul Williams in Phantom of the Paradise :
“Read it carefully, then sign at the bottom in blood. Messy, I know, but it’s the only way to bind. Tradition”, said Swan sanguinely.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 7:44 pm
“Don’t taze me man! Please don’t taze me!”, he pleaded stunningly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 7:49 pm
I insist you do something immediately about this blouse – it’s completely wrinkled!”, she demanded pressingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 7:52 pm
“My body is completely racked in pain!”, the prisoner cried out torturously.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 7:55 pm
“Those darned hogs have made a mess of their food again!”, he cried out sloppily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 8:00 pm
“A penny saved is a penny earned”, postulated Ben F earnestly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 8:03 pm
“I’ve had such trouble sleeping lately”, sighed Tom fitfully.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 8:05 pm
“There something wrong about putting corned beef, kraut, swiss cheese, and Thousand Island dressing on Italian bread”, said Ruben wryly.
Scurvy/lemonade XL
posted by harold on 1-26-2008 at 9:08 pm
“Those delicious hot buns always disappear before I have a chance to get one!”, whined Tom crossly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 9:51 pm
“You’ll find the treasure located at this here X”, Pirate Pete stated markedly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 9:55 pm
“I will go insane if just one more person doesn’t put the correct amount of postage on their package!” the clerk ranted postally.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 10:05 pm
“I have a feeling we could keep this Tom Swifty Weekend Word Wrap running forever”, says Amy instinctivly.
(and now, *I* had better stop!)
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 10:08 pm
“Where did you say I should screw my courage?”, Macbeth inquired stickily.
(Ok, THIS is the last one, I mean it this time!)
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-26-2008 at 10:14 pm
“So, how do you like my roux?” she asked saucily.
posted by Emily on 1-26-2008 at 10:37 pm
“How do you like this frozen beef on a stick?” he asked musically.
(Pluto, medium)
posted by Harold on 1-26-2008 at 10:47 pm
“Please do not show up early, Mr. McMahon.” he said belatedly.
(Pluto, medium)
posted by Harold on 1-26-2008 at 10:58 pm
“You get me so hot when you clear away those fallen leaves!”, she gushed rakishly.
(Ok, so I can’t seem to stop!)
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 12:25 am
“How much longer will that paint be wet?!,” the impatiently watching Jake asked dryly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 12:29 am
“I told that waitress I wanted the ends removed from my bread!”, Tom complained crustily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 12:39 am
“The Eiffel Tower is on a different street – in the opposite direction…”, Pierre explained ruefully.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 12:45 am
Ok, maybe this is too tasteless, but I’ll chance it:
“It seems my wife has had too much insulin”, Klaus announced sunnily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 12:53 am
Have to put my two cents in…
“Why did you have to buy baking chocolate for the fondue?” she asked bitterly.
“Gingersnap cookies are an art form,” he said crisply.
“Oh, sure, you HAD to take my candy!” she exclaimed deresively.
“All this blood makes me want to fight,” the unbelievable war hero said readily.
“I left your To Do list on the desk,” the secretary said promptly.
Better stop now, I said finally.
Small women’s Scurvy, please!
posted by Allison on 1-27-2008 at 8:22 am
“Crew! Prepare to dive!” the captain called subserviently
“An IRA has a better rate of return,” said the banker interestingly.
(weirdly obscure)
“My congressional district resembles Cthulhu,” cried Gerry eldritchly.
“Don’t forget your proctologist’s appointment,” she reminded him anally.
“I’d like the ‘rhesus’ in men’s XL,” he grunted apishly
posted by Erik N. on 1-27-2008 at 8:57 am
“Anything you want, baby…I’ll go get it and bring it back here,” she said fetchingly.
Womens pi, medium
posted by Abbie on 1-27-2008 at 9:29 am
“Captain! We are tired of diving. We quit!” The crew announced subversively.
posted by Greg VA on 1-27-2008 at 10:01 am
“..and sure, it makes me laugh, but I wish my Mom would get that damn feather away from me,” Tom added parenthetically.
posted by Jon Host on 1-27-2008 at 2:24 pm
“I’m switching to silent mode now,” Tom’s wristwatch enunciated meticulously.
posted by Jon Host on 1-27-2008 at 3:17 pm
“I’m telling you people, diet and exercise can work. Look at my waistline.” Richard said tirelessly
posted by Greg VA on 1-27-2008 at 4:31 pm
Didn’t read all the comments.
“I can’t row any more, my hands hurt”, said Tom callously.
Binary – men’s medium please
posted by Sue on 1-27-2008 at 6:58 pm
“Don’t you dare turn your nose up at me!”, she snapped snottily.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:04 pm
“This my first archery tournament”, Tom anounced quiveringly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:09 pm
Oops! Left out the 2nd n in announced.
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:10 pm
and the is after this in same entry.
Oh well, let’s try a fresh one:
“Ah, there is indeed something to this madness!”, he exclaimed methodically.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:15 pm
“It’s true what they say about LAYS – you *can’t* stop at just one!”, Tom exclaimed chipperly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:19 pm
“I use only the best lures and will therefore catch the most and largest fish”, Tom said bittingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 8:25 pm
“I’ll never feed lions at the zoo again”, Tom muttered offhandedly.
posted by Sean on 1-27-2008 at 8:37 pm
“I lost an electron.” the atom said positively.
(Pluto, medium)
posted by Harold on 1-27-2008 at 8:53 pm
“Which movie had the better male lead role, Gone With the Wind or Casablanca?” he asked rhetorically.
(Pluto, medium)
posted by Harold on 1-27-2008 at 9:22 pm
“Renoir’s paintings are quite lovely”, she agreed impressionally.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 9:57 pm
“I think you need to water your plants,” she said witheringly.
“I trimmed her nails too much!” the manicurist said quickly.
“And where was the insertion point on the monitor screen?” the officer asked cursorily.
“The exam will be entirely objective, but none of the questions will be true/false or multiple choice,” the professor stated blankly.
“The manifest says this package weighs five pounds, but I find that it’s a pound underweight,” the inspector said shyly.
idioms shirt XXL
posted by kittymama on 1-27-2008 at 10:05 pm
“Fetch a veternarian … I fear poor Mr. Ed has lost his voice!”, Wilbur rasped horsely [MISSPELLING INTENTIONAL]
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 10:25 pm
“Well, you didn’t do very well, but you didn’t quite fail,” the professor said degradingly.
Binary M please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-27-2008 at 10:33 pm
“We shall have to coin an official name for your fear that our planet is tilting”, the psychiatrist remarked swiftly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 10:35 pm
“The more entries I submit, the better the chance I have of being chosen as the winner!”, Amy reasoned increasingly.
Pavlov, long sleeved womans small
(And with this, I really really quit!)
posted by Amy on 1-27-2008 at 10:40 pm
“My face is red. This blog was fun. we filled it full, of many a pun. The time has come for floss to cut, and crown the king of the swifty-est nut. I feel like I won cause I laughed ’til I hurt, even though it may happen and someone else gets the shirt.” Greg commended Seussically
read you later
posted by Greg VA on 1-27-2008 at 11:08 pm
“Would you like cheese with that?” she asked gratingly.
Easter Island M please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-27-2008 at 11:08 pm
“The dumpster is full again!” he said trashily.
Beethoven M please.
posted by PeacefulValley on 1-27-2008 at 11:22 pm
“The kitten ran away” my brother caterwauled
“I have to go the the restroom” he said whizzingly
“look left” he said sinisterly
Binary Social club XXL
posted by Chris Coultas on 1-27-2008 at 11:41 pm
“I couldn’t help myself, so I had to help myself,” I offered selfishly.
“This is taking forever! The iron’s still cold!” she steamed pressingly.
“The laser works!” he beamed energetically.
(Scurvy L)
posted by Dan L on 1-29-2008 at 2:29 pm
“I passed,” Tom said unfailingly.
Pluto, R.I.P., XL
posted by Adam Lipkin on 1-31-2008 at 11:12 am
“Plop, Plop, Plop,” Tom said onomatopoetically.
posted by Adam Lipkin on 1-31-2008 at 11:14 am
“I dropped the toothpaste,” Tom said crestfallenly.
(Rhesus, pls.)
posted by Rose Fox on 1-31-2008 at 11:18 am
“Sit on my lap, babe, and we’ll talk about the first thing that comes up,” said Tom indicatively.
posted by David Fogg on 2-8-2008 at 6:51 am
Wups!: “Idioms R4 the Birds” Tee 4 me.
posted by David Fogg on 2-8-2008 at 6:55 am
… erm, Male XL (sri agn)
posted by David Fogg on 2-8-2008 at 2:00 pm
“Let us go,” Tom said crisply.
posted by Craig U on 3-3-2008 at 7:57 pm
“Ow, that stung”, she cried waspishly.
posted by Vickey on 8-23-2008 at 6:56 am
“I see a periscope off the port bow” Tom said subconsciously.
posted by Carlisle Phillips on 5-19-2009 at 5:07 pm