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[There’s still time to get your caption in!]
As promised, today we have a very special guest cartoon kindly donated by Zach Kanin. If you missed my conversation with him about his new book The Short Book, make sure you check that out here. As he mentioned in the interview: “One of my main responsibilities [at The New Yorker] was to narrow down the caption contest entries. For those who don’t know, on the back page of The New Yorker there is a drawing of a cartoon that needs a caption, and about 7-8,000 people send in captions every week. I had to read all of them, which almost made me blind.”
But he didn’t go blind, and it’s a good thing, too, because guess who is going to pick the finalists for this contest? That’s right, ZK. And his publisher has been kind enough to give us a copy of his new book to give away to the caption voted the winner. So sharpen those fingers and get typing. Enter as many times as you’d like, so long as each caption is in a separate comment!
click cartoon to enlarge
I shouldn’t have made fun of your height.
posted by Chris Coultas on 1-29-2008 at 9:59 pm
I changed my mind. Not even for a Klondike Bar.
posted by Alan Hochbaum on 1-29-2008 at 10:23 pm
See, Timmy, this is what happens to Santa when little boys don’t do their homework.
posted by Alan Hochbaum on 1-29-2008 at 10:25 pm
“Hey kid! Come here and I’ll give you some candy…”
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 10:26 pm
“Pssssst, I don’t think I am the only one in here.”
posted by Kevin on 1-29-2008 at 10:31 pm
“This was supposed to be a realistic costume, but I may have taken it too far.”
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 10:35 pm
“George W, get back here…you can’t keep doing this with your toys!”
posted by Noah Ward on 1-29-2008 at 10:36 pm
The only thing worse than a coprophilliac is a coprophillic pedophile.
posted by Piotr on 1-29-2008 at 10:40 pm
“Where is the rest of the Live Action Role Playing group?”
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 10:42 pm
“The organ is out of tune.”
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 10:43 pm
Little Billy walks away as he predicts yet another game of hide and seek will go horribly awry.
posted by adrienne on 1-29-2008 at 10:45 pm
Young Timmy finally realized that not even death could stop his childhood molester.
posted by Piotr on 1-29-2008 at 10:45 pm
After realizing a magician was taking the “sawing a person in half” bit a little too seriously, Little Lenny decided he’d make a break for it and scratch foot model off of his resume.
posted by Jason on 1-29-2008 at 10:49 pm
Harold, frozen and assumed to be dead after he was not “rescued” during a game of freeze tag, could not be helped by James, who was doomed to silence after being jinxed just minutes before the wake.
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 10:50 pm
I messed up my above post, I meant for it to be:
After realizing a magician was taking the “sawing a person in half” bit a little too far, Little Lenny decided he’d make a break for it and scratch foot model off of his resume.
posted by Jason on 1-29-2008 at 10:54 pm
As Melvin’s son, his last remaining chance for any sort of rescue, walked past just outside of his reach, he wished suddenly that he had heeded the boy’s wishes and invested in a pair of those ridiculous (albeit EASY TO GRAB HOLD OF) parachute pants.
posted by Becca on 1-29-2008 at 11:00 pm
“I know there’s still one day left until April Fool’s day, but apparently I left the wrong people to schedule the final part of my prank…”
posted by Karen on 1-29-2008 at 11:09 pm
Little Timmy went the extra mile to earn his Mortuary merit badge; however, the end result did not make his troop leader a happy camper.
posted by Amy on 1-29-2008 at 11:12 pm
What we’ve done was all for the best … that ‘boy who lived’ act was getting really tiresome!
posted by Amy on 1-29-2008 at 11:29 pm
Jimmy was dismayed to see that Grandpa stole his excuse for missing future family gatherings.
posted by Anna on 1-29-2008 at 11:49 pm
“Now, Thomas, just because you think you’re rid of me doesn’t mean you can go about shuffling your feet!”
posted by Erik Bussinger on 1-29-2008 at 11:57 pm
Whether a prank or life itself, we all fear the end.
posted by Abby on 1-30-2008 at 12:09 am
A tomb with a view
posted by el on 1-30-2008 at 1:09 am
Mark Foley?! You’re alive?!
posted by Michelle on 1-30-2008 at 1:09 am
I bet he saved a bunch of money on Geico insurance …
posted by Andrew Schott on 1-30-2008 at 2:13 am
Even when he was just a kid, John Edward (International Psychic Medium) knew he was special.
posted by Alison on 1-30-2008 at 4:02 am
Psst! Hey, kid! I got a Rolex in here that’s yours if you bring me a Bud Light!
posted by Lisa on 1-30-2008 at 4:27 am
“Hey Waiter…little service?”
posted by Amauriel on 1-30-2008 at 6:00 am
Father Nelson needs to let go.
posted by gus on 1-30-2008 at 7:01 am
Always the one to take a joke too far, Hank had really caused Billy some real psychological damage this time.
posted by Olson on 1-30-2008 at 7:02 am
“Those people at Dreamworks really know how to send off their former employees. It’s amazing what they can do with animatronics these days.”
“I know. George looks so real - it’s eerie.”
posted by Irene on 1-30-2008 at 7:03 am
“I think we’re doing the right thing. College is going to be expensive by the time both twins would have been ready to go.”
posted by Rachel on 1-30-2008 at 7:19 am
Billy the Hide-and-Go-Seek Champion’s career ended tragically.
posted by don on 1-30-2008 at 7:28 am
“Little Harry Houdini made modifications after failing his debut performance of ‘Escape from the Open Casket Funeral’.”
posted by Andrew on 1-30-2008 at 8:00 am
“Hey kid, wanna see something really funny?”
posted by Ellen on 1-30-2008 at 8:16 am
“Grandpa Don always said he’d watch over us after his time comes… I didn’t think he meant it so literally.”
posted by Joe on 1-30-2008 at 8:32 am
“Peek-a-boo!”
Or alternatively,
“They knew the guerilla marketing campaign was going to be a bust after the fourth coffin salesman was buried.”
posted by Ashley on 1-30-2008 at 8:40 am
Its just a cold, I swear. Really, I am fine.
posted by Rich on 1-30-2008 at 8:44 am
I dont know any of these people. I cant believe it. I am at the wrong funeral.
posted by E on 1-30-2008 at 8:47 am
I dont mean to complain but there is no bathroom in here and I kinda have to go.
posted by good times on 1-30-2008 at 8:49 am
As he followed his little brother through the park, Dave realized the remote controlled casket was his best idea yet.
posted by Pearl on 1-30-2008 at 8:54 am
Hey, Zach: Am I really dead or are they trying to keep me from entering the latest caption contest?
posted by Steve F on 1-30-2008 at 9:01 am
Timmy suddenly realised that the inscription “In memory of the nearly departed” was not a typo.
posted by i6uuaq on 1-30-2008 at 9:29 am
It wasn’t until he reached his car that Rondo noticed his wallet was missing.
posted by Tom on 1-30-2008 at 9:32 am
I just wanted to cash in on the insurance policy
posted by Bekah W on 1-30-2008 at 9:33 am
“Coming up next on The Bachelor: The most dramatic Rose Ceremony ever”!
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 9:38 am
Sonny, bring Grandma some of those finger sandwiches for the trip and I’ll double your inheritence.
Pi ladies XL
posted by Lisa H on 1-30-2008 at 9:40 am
Dude, the trap door underneath doesn’t work. Hey, come back… Oh, I’m gonna be grounded forever for this one.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 9:57 am
Mr. Rogers was certain that young Bobby would think twice about his dangerous pranks from now on.
posted by Mej on 1-30-2008 at 10:08 am
I finally find a nice place with reasonable rent and a good view of the park in the city, and people won’t stop staring!
posted by Lesley on 1-30-2008 at 10:21 am
“See, I told you my campaign wasn’t dead!” - John McCain
posted by Tina on 1-30-2008 at 10:26 am
Umm… does anyone have a Redbull?? I could really use it right now.
posted by downchez on 1-30-2008 at 10:41 am
Honey, close that door. It’s just too creepy how life-like he looks.
posted by downchez on 1-30-2008 at 11:02 am
Hey Kid! I am dying to find out! Did the Patriots win ?
posted by Chuck on 1-30-2008 at 11:19 am
After staging his own funeral and noticing that only 3 people showed up for the wake, Don realized that he may have been a jerk.
posted by lmborgmeyer on 1-30-2008 at 11:37 am
Makers of the ZombieMaster 3000 soon realized that due to an engineering glitch zombies could only be ordered in size ‘extra small.’
posted by Bob on 1-30-2008 at 11:43 am
Wes Craven didn’t believe in zombies, but was suddenly becoming worried that he had done a little too much research for his film “The Serpent and the Rainbow.”
posted by Phil on 1-30-2008 at 11:48 am
I’m not dead! I’m getting better! I think I’ll go for a walk!
posted by Melodye on 1-30-2008 at 12:12 pm
Grandpa takes hide-and-seek to a whole new level.
posted by Miranda on 1-30-2008 at 12:58 pm
“Psst! Hey kid, if you get me a bottle to pee in, I’ll let you in on some of the insurance money I’m getting out of this.”
posted by Brittany on 1-30-2008 at 12:59 pm
Little did Timothy know, he wasn’t the only one playing hide-and-seek at the service.
posted by Pointy-Hatted Geek on 1-30-2008 at 1:01 pm
Grandma Lane had always said she wanted to be buried next to her husband, but after the coffin was closed, she realized that maybe she should have been a little more specific.
posted by Pointy-Hatted Geek on 1-30-2008 at 1:06 pm
Shhh. This is just going to be between you and I, O.K. son? There’s no need to tell Mom.
posted by AMR on 1-30-2008 at 1:08 pm
I figured this was the best way out of my sub-prime problems.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 2:00 pm
“Hey kid, can you nab me some shrimp cocktails? I’m starving to death in here!”
Rhesus women’s large
posted by heather on 1-30-2008 at 2:12 pm
In a British accent: “I’m not quite dead yet.”
posted by John C on 1-30-2008 at 2:18 pm
Uncle Roy would go to great lengths to avoid babysitting.
posted by Dan1101 on 1-30-2008 at 2:19 pm
Now you don’t HAVE to kiss grandpa goodbye!!
posted by Chelsea O. on 1-30-2008 at 2:26 pm
So we were playing “Truth or Dare”, and it was either this or admit that I once dated Britney Spears.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 2:28 pm
Little Johnny’s parents could not afford the operation to separate him from his siamese twin.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 2:31 pm
Geez, I’m all for steering your kids away from drugs, etc. But this goes a little to far to discourage little Johnny him from researching vampires.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-30-2008 at 2:35 pm
“Who are you? Who invited you? I’ve never seen you before in my life. Leave, please?”
posted by Erik Bussinger on 1-30-2008 at 3:57 pm
“Olly olly oxen free!”
posted by Dan Gapp on 1-30-2008 at 4:42 pm
Always the meticulous planner, Grandpa felt a practice run was in order, but someone really should have told Billy that this was just a dress rehearsal.
posted by barbara j. on 1-30-2008 at 4:46 pm
“After their lack of commercial success, ‘Out of the Box’ decided to cater to the afternoon soap opera crowd. This resulted in a strangely dark interpretation of the original title.”
Pluto RIP Men’s small
posted by Ed on 1-30-2008 at 5:20 pm
oops… feeling stupid…
disregard that shirt thing!
posted by Ed on 1-30-2008 at 5:22 pm
Billy’s parents sent him to get some soap and water. They didn’t mind him drawing funny pictures on the walls, but frowned upon them being drawn on coffins.
Idioms XL
posted by Terry on 1-30-2008 at 6:59 pm
“Psst….Hey, you…..Hey….Hey….
Gaaaa, what’s a guy gotta do to get to get resurrected around here?”
posted by el on 1-30-2008 at 7:02 pm
Fortunately for Bob, he had added an “escape clause” to his will.
posted by Greg VA on 1-30-2008 at 8:44 pm
Many people regret dying….Only one or two actually do something about it.
posted by Greg VA on 1-30-2008 at 8:46 pm
No one will be allowed to be seated during the final scene of - “Behind the Velvet Lining”
posted by Greg VA on 1-30-2008 at 9:28 pm
A good friend of a clever taxidermist, Harold had no idea the kind of psychological damage their little joke would inflict on his grandson at the funeral.
posted by Karen on 1-30-2008 at 9:33 pm
It didn’t matter WHAT they could escape from, to Billy, magicians rated about the same as clowns.
posted by Greg VA on 1-30-2008 at 9:36 pm
No matter how he tried, Uncle Ned was never going to be able to put the “fun” back in funeral again.
posted by Greg VA on 1-30-2008 at 9:39 pm
Little known careers - Slide 7 of 10-
“Last Respects coach”
posted by Greg VA on 1-31-2008 at 7:46 am
You call that last respects, kid?!
posted by Marcy on 1-31-2008 at 8:48 am
“Tell Blaine to suck on this!”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:00 am
“Hey kid, tell them I forgot to sign the insurance…oh, nevermind.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:02 am
“Go get the funeral director, it doesn’t smell like oak from in here!”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:04 am
“Hey kid, can you grab one of those empty cups, that line is looking pretty long.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:05 am
“Did your mom throw away my lawn ornaments? I keep turning over in here.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:07 am
“Run to the car and grab me a pair of pants. Somebody screwed up.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:12 am
“What do you mean there wasn’t enough money to pay for the mausoleum!?”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:13 am
“Three people! Three people! I knew you hated me!”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:16 am
“Listen kid, I think I’ve made a huge mistake. The guy in here looks a lot like Allen Funt.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:17 am
“Have you SEEN the new fall line-up?”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:23 am
“Your mom is a piece of work! I’m not even cold and she brings a date.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:26 am
“I think I’ve made my point.”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:28 am
“Make sure you tell the cook, I take mine VERY rare!”
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:29 am
Some taxidermists have a sick sense of humor.
posted by Chris on 1-31-2008 at 10:32 am
I told them they should vote for Hillary.
posted by It's good to be the King on 1-31-2008 at 11:05 am
I’m not dead yet. Actually, I’m starting to feel a little better.
posted by jen on 1-31-2008 at 11:56 am
Stuart’s parents would never forgive themselves. Sure his hiccups were cured, but at what price.
posted by Dave on 1-31-2008 at 12:42 pm
jimmy get your old pep-pep a bruski
posted by ithidet on 2-1-2008 at 4:53 am
I guess short lives run in the family.
posted by Jake Le Master on 2-1-2008 at 5:41 am
“Braaaaaains”
posted by Ellen on 2-1-2008 at 8:16 am
this is the only way they would let me come home from Iraq!!
posted by chad on 2-1-2008 at 8:41 am
hey jimmy….let me know when those tax auditors leave….
posted by chad on 2-1-2008 at 8:45 am
“Man, how much did I drink last night?”
posted by Jake on 2-1-2008 at 9:19 am
It’s not fair. How come Timmy always gets to be buried.
posted by DW on 2-1-2008 at 9:27 am
“Leave Brittney alone!!!!!!”
posted by Sean on 2-1-2008 at 9:38 am
One last time, for old times sake…pull my finger.
posted by Jenny on 2-1-2008 at 10:14 am
“I see dead people - no, literally! Oh, forget it…
Women’s Pluto, S
posted by aTribe on 2-1-2008 at 10:33 am
Tommy finally realized that grandpa took the phrase ‘over my dead body’ a tad bit too seriously, and began to regret his decision to get a bull ring in his nose.
posted by suzanne on 2-1-2008 at 10:55 am
It was little Johnny’s turn to learn that Uncle Frank takes practical jokes too far.
posted by Bilal on 2-1-2008 at 4:23 pm
Vincent Price pulls one last scare
posted by chris S. on 2-1-2008 at 7:19 pm
I wish we could afford health care for him, but I guess President Bush knows best.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:25 pm
Ha! I told you, honey. With the money I saved taking a coffin making class instead of fort bluiding, we could afford the wood. It seems the kids don’t even notice.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:31 pm
I knew letting her read that biography of Poe was a mistake.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:32 pm
We know you miss Grandma, honey, but this is too much.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:33 pm
I don’t think the Vampires will be fooled, dear. They’ll know you’re not undead.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:34 pm
I’m going to Jimmy’s house. His paretns got him a double-wide.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:36 pm
He died in the belief that Timmy was the one who was stealing his lawn gnomes
posted by Jason on 2-3-2008 at 12:37 pm
Come on Sally, give Billy a turn. We all have a morbid fascination with death.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:37 pm
You’re still not getting an X-Box, and it still won’t kill you to keep using your Playstation.
posted by mungley on 2-3-2008 at 12:38 pm
i do NOT see you. no i dont.
posted by geoffrey on 2-3-2008 at 12:50 pm
“I can’t believe he’s gone. I swear, sometimes I actually believe I can hear him screaming for help.”
posted by john on 2-3-2008 at 1:21 pm
“Get back here you little ingrate. Rehearsal isn’t over for another 10 minutes”.
posted by Mary M on 2-3-2008 at 1:30 pm
Ok guys, is it ok to have little boys in your bed when you are dead? I can offer some Jesus juice from the priest.
posted by Denise on 2-3-2008 at 2:07 pm
After the first forty minutes, Geoffrey couldn’t help but wonder if his dad hadn’t been right and this CIA deal wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
posted by Pointy-Hatted Geek on 2-3-2008 at 2:33 pm
“Thank Youuuu…Next!”
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:05 pm
“Grampa is sure to leave you in his will when he finds out you ordered him the Speak Easy coffin.”
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:09 pm
Billy was sure Grampa’s passing meant an end to those boring yarns he’d spin….Billy was wrong.”
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:12 pm
“Phew! Smells like death in here….Ahh! That’s better.”
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:14 pm
Whoops! Sorry! Everyone said “Go toward the light.” Wrong light I guess. Goodbye.
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:15 pm
Uncle Phil was only following the light. He’d no idea it would lead to this.
posted by Greg VA on 2-3-2008 at 4:18 pm
Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy! Meet me on the other side!
posted by Wiley on 2-3-2008 at 7:02 pm
“You can’t just BURY priests. You have to stab them through the heart with a wooden stake!”
posted by Moon on 2-3-2008 at 7:54 pm
You know, I used to look just like you when I was little.
posted by Ash on 2-3-2008 at 10:28 pm
“could you get me a sandwich?”
posted by Jeff on 2-3-2008 at 11:25 pm
One stinking flower……uh, yeah,
thanks
posted by el on 2-4-2008 at 12:56 am
Truly tasteless…
“Even in death Michael Jackson still found a way…”
posted by Bruno on 2-4-2008 at 8:08 am
“Seriously kid, my name is Allen Funt.”
posted by John C. on 2-4-2008 at 9:14 am
Hey kid, tell your parents that I’m the mystery guy in the coffin on ‘LOST’!!
posted by John C on 2-4-2008 at 9:19 am
George was disappointed that the only folks who showed up for his funeral were the neighbors, and just to show their son the mean old man next door was gone.
posted by Leslie B on 2-4-2008 at 11:57 am
“psst . . . psst. Hey kid help me out, I got inadvertently Romeo-and-Julieted.”
posted by scott on 2-4-2008 at 2:13 pm
Sometimes Dad’s jokes went too far.
posted by eric n on 2-4-2008 at 2:55 pm
Ohhh… “Grandpa’s having a COFFIN fit.” Those kids and their malapropisms!
posted by Amy on 2-4-2008 at 10:10 pm