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Infomercials — as close as you can get to intentionally-produced visual white noise — are great to fall asleep to. But as charmingly weird and hokey as they can be, there are very, very few that I would ever subject you, dear reader, to watching on purpose. Consider these products the sideshow freaks of infomercial sales items; gee-gaws and gimcracks so bizarre that one could only imagine buying them as a joke. But if we don’t confront our mistakes face-to-face (Hawaii chair, I’m looking at you), then we’re doomed forever to repeat them. In other words, let’s get this party started.
The Hawaii Chair
This now-famous “hula chair” was featured on the Ellen DeGeneres show a few weeks ago, and since then has gone a good ways toward proving it deserves a place along other immortalized bits of weird junk like the Flow-Bee and the Pocket Fisherman. “If you can sit, you can get fit …” It’s the American dream! Here’s how it works:
Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask
Oh, you thought the Hawaii chair was weird? Well, you’ll really look like a freak when you start using the Rejuvenique mask and the Hawaii chair at the same time … no, it’s not some Kafkaesque form of torture; it’s like “doing 8 crunches every second … with your face!” Intrigued?
Dr. Hos’s Electric Impulse Massager
Somewhat akin to the Rejuvenique in concept, the fun part of this ad is less the product (quackery though it may be) and more the shill who’s talking about it. Enjoy!
Almighty Cleanse
This amazing — nay, holy — cleanse is so effective, users never know what they’ll excrete! Hilarious — and definitely NSFW!
Comments (21)
Comment
Those people in the Hula Chair looked like they were scared to death.
posted by Jake Le Master on 2-4-2008 at 8:01 am
While “featured” on ELLEN, the Hawaiian Chair probably did not get many buyers, unless someone wanted it as a gag gift. It was obvious from the way Ellen had trouble using it — as well as its dysfunction with other users. However, I will say it was one of the funniest things on TV, watching Ellen try to pour water and talk to her guests while being tossed to and fro by the rotating chair!
posted by WizardBoy on 2-4-2008 at 8:19 am
I wish i could’ve flipped to that while it was on TV. That would’ve been an amazing life-altering experience.
This chair brought the Hawaii-Hula stereotype to a new level. What wonderful cheese!
posted by Nathumus Maximus on 2-4-2008 at 9:18 am
If people want to burn calories while they’re sitting, all they need to do is develop a healthy leg-jiggling habit.
posted by Katherine on 2-4-2008 at 9:55 am
That electric mask gave me chills. Is that the same one from “Vanilla Sky?”
posted by Joe on 2-4-2008 at 10:16 am
Ironically… I’ve never seen the Almighty Cleanse infomercial, but I did fall for a very similar infomercial by Dual Action Cleanse… what a waste of my time and money!
posted by Dual Action on 2-4-2008 at 10:28 am
see informercialscams.com - I found it to be entertaining reading.
posted by Moon on 2-4-2008 at 10:30 am
I saw an ad for the Hula chair while I was eating in a Vietnamese restaurant last year. We couldn’t take our eyes off of it. How would you get anything done?
posted by Sara on 2-4-2008 at 10:38 am
Alas, all three YouTube clips have been removed. How dare you try to increase viewership for these ads!
posted by Griner on 2-4-2008 at 10:50 am
Aaaand now they’re back. Either I’m crazy, YouTube is buggy, or you guys did some fast switcharoo on links.
posted by Griner on 2-4-2008 at 10:54 am
Wasn’t there a similar facial mask that Linda Evans was hawking a few years ago?
Don’t you just look at it and think, “Jason’s coming to get me?”
posted by beth on 2-4-2008 at 1:20 pm
I love the regular commercial informercials also. Like the one for the laundry detergent ball… at the beginning of the commercial, like five different people try their damndest, and FAIL at opening a box or bottle of laundry detergent. Im thinking, if you can’t complete a simple task like opening and pouring from a box, I cannot fathom how you would be able to eat your own food, or take yourself to the bathroom, let alone complete and fold an entire load of laundry. So what good’s the 300% marked-up soap ball going to be anyway.
posted by Celeste on 2-4-2008 at 1:43 pm
Wow, that facial mask is all kinds of creepy.
And, as for “Dr. Hos,” he totally reminds me of the Appliance Direct guy from Orlando: youtube.com/watch?v=CgxcYz5cLN8
posted by Harry on 2-4-2008 at 1:51 pm
How can one be taken seriously if their sitting on that chair and participating of a meeting???
I’ll second Beth about the mask…Jason is back!
As for the Dr. Hos massager, the first impression I had was that the girl was having an orgasm, then she said she wouldn’t need a man, so I wonder what is the purpose of that massager…lol
Okay…did he say THAT thing was coming out of the woman??? Nah…I must have misunderstood it, even tho I watched it thrice…no way he said that on TV…no way…that’s disgusting…
posted by Insolent Minx on 2-4-2008 at 3:02 pm
Whoa! I’m *totally* getting a Hawaii Chair for MY office. It’s perfect if you’re tired of coworkers stopping by… my favorite part of the ad is how the users all act as though there’s nothing out of the ordinary about having their lower body rotating.
posted by Roger on 2-4-2008 at 4:21 pm
in reaction to the colon health thing:
a black encrusted foot and half long piece of rope is how God heals you? eeeewwwwwww. that guy is an idiot.
posted by the creature on 2-4-2008 at 6:32 pm
Man, I caught that cleanse infomercial one afternoon and could not believe what I was watching. I had to see the whole thing.
My favorite infomercial is for the Magic Bullet Blender. it’s a little playlet set in what is apparently a boarding house run by an amiable english guy and his american wife. mesmerizing.
posted by Mudi-B on 2-4-2008 at 7:08 pm
By far, my favorite infomercial is the “Shortcuts to Internet Millions.” If you haven’t seen it, it features two “actual users” who just happen to be wearing some EXTREMELY low-cut tops. It definitely holds your attention for a half-hour.
A close second is the one for “Extenze”, the “male enhancement” pill. The host goes out on the street to see whether anyone would consider trying the product and EVERYBODY she meets is taking it (and are more than happy to talk about it in front of their girlfriends).
posted by Pete on 2-4-2008 at 7:22 pm
OK, so I’ve seen the Hula chair, the “massager,” even the creepy-a$$ face mask thing…. But let me tell you this: If I EVER encounter a human being who will willingly and openly testify that having a partially digested garbage bag descend from their body was a healing act from GOD, I will go fully postal and end up imprisoned forever for sending them to meet their healer.
Seriously, who sponsors these ads? Someone has to give people money to make them, because it’s fairly obvious that they’re either a) related to a rich eccentric and are vying for the inheritance, b) crazy themselves and honestly believe this crap, or c) conducting a social experiment in which they’re trying to determine the gullibility of insomniacs.
Aaaand, that is all.
posted by adrienne on 2-4-2008 at 9:01 pm
Mudi, I LOVE the Magic Bullet infomercial (though I’d never buy the thing). Where else do you see Lucy Ricardo come back from the dead to enjoy a delicious tunafish salad sandwich and berry sorbet all courtesy of the Magic Bullet?
posted by beth on 2-5-2008 at 9:39 am
All three ads are boring and fake
Seriously, who sponsors these ads? Someone has to give people money to make them.
posted by Gurlfaa on 2-13-2008 at 4:55 am