mental_floss magazine
SUBSCRIBE >
GIFT SUBSCRIPTIONS >
subscriber services >
I’m not one of those people that needs bombs dropping outside my window to wake up. Depending on various factors I have yet to understand, some nights a sound as gentle as the air-conditioning clicking on or the gentle smell of my cat using the litter box, wafting past my nose from the next room, is enough to wake me. Unfortunately for me and all those like me, I am frequently gifted with roommates who sleep like they’re in comas, and are nearly unwakeable come morning. (I usually end up turning their alarms off for them, then poking them rudely in the head until they stir.)
That’s why I fear the alarm clocks on this list like the plague — not because I need them, but because it’s very likely that people near me will. Recently, my wife and I came into the possession of the most annoying alarm clock I’ve ever personally encountered, which is of Japanese vintage. I don’t understand what it says, but it sounds a little something like this:
Seriously, just kill me. Kitsch value aside, however, it’s not nearly as irritating as the skin-crawlers on our list. For instance:
The climbing clock
Certainly the work of evil geniuses, the climbing clock hangs above your head and starts climbing while it rings. Don’t wake up fast enough, and you won’t be able to shut it up without a ladder.
The anemone clock
From the Anemone Clock’s product literature: “The Anemone Clock is designed to rumble, tremble, and literally bounce away from your beside when the alarm sounds forcing any sleeping beauty out of bed to wrestle it down, pick it up, get shaken awake, and finally turning it off.” I can’t think of a worse way to wake up.
Puzzle alarm
It wakes you up by firing four puzzle pieces up in the air, and then it is your task to get the pieces and put them back in the alarm clock - it won’t turn off until then. (If you ask me, anyone who can complete puzzles first thing in the morning — even simple ones — never went to sleep in the first place.)
Chicken and egg problem clock
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? (At 6:15 in the morning, I guarantee you won’t care.) To shut this baby off, you have to put all the expelled eggs back in the chicken’s hollow body. Perfect for those animal gynecology students who have trouble making early classes. (Also, who ever suggested I needed a problem first thing in the morning? It being super early in the morning is already a problem. So as Jay-Z said, I may have 99 problems — but this clock ain’t one.)
what? no Clocky reference? search thinkgeek for clocky, since links are disabled for some reason.
posted by professafresh on 2-5-2008 at 7:12 pm
My sister had surgery that left her deaf in one ear, and her previous alarm clock just wasn’t cutting it anymore. For a while she got herself up for work at 5 am by setting four separate alarms, hoping at least one of them would do the trick. Then she figured that there were plenty of deaf people out there who needed to get up on a regular basis, so there was sure to be something that would work for her. She did some research, and came over the next weekend with something called the Sonic Boomer. It was a two part system: there was the noise-maker that sounded like an air-raid siren, and then there was the ‘vibration unit’ that you were supposed to place under your pillow so that it could shake you awake. It worked like a dream, apparently, and my sister made it to work on time.
The only problem I had (aside from being awakened at 5 on a Sunday morning by an air-raid siren) was that occasionally she would forget to unset the alarm before going back to her house for the week. If that vibration unit got loose in the house and started to shake, it would hurl everything on my shelves violently to the floor. On one occasion, it flung itself right through a window.
posted by Keri on 2-5-2008 at 8:07 pm
These are excellent! WHERE can I find them? I’m not kidding - can I have a link?
posted by Al on 2-5-2008 at 8:28 pm
and don’t worry… I’m not your roommate…
posted by Al on 2-5-2008 at 8:36 pm
you also missed the one that launches a helicopter and sounds a horrifying alarm that won’t stop until the helicopter is returned to its place on top of the clock. i got it for xmas this year… it’s… special…
posted by andy cochrane on 2-5-2008 at 9:44 pm
@andy cochrane:
post links plz, that sounds awesome
posted by Professa Fresh on 2-5-2008 at 9:59 pm
Professafresh –
Actually, I did a whole blog just about Clocky in 2006:
mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/3199
… and if you google the names of the clocks, you should be able to find outlets that sell them!
posted by Ransom on 2-6-2008 at 12:59 am
Missing or broken HTML tag, underline.
Light sleeper here, married to comatose sleeper.
posted by fixedgear on 2-6-2008 at 6:34 am
One of my friends showed us the alarm clock she got for Christmas. It’s a typical looking alarm clock with the two bells on top, but if you touch the bells instead of the little bitty button inbetween them, your hand gets shocked. NOT pleasant.
posted by Eileen on 2-6-2008 at 7:07 am
I used to have a clock just like the first one, except it was a cat holding a trumpet, and played that camp wake up song… misssssssserable. One time it fell and the batteries fell out… I found it a few hours later, put them back in, set the alarm, and went to bed. I didn’t realize that the clock stopped while the batteries were out.
When it went off, I got up and got in the shower. My mom knocked on the door and asked if I was ok… I said “Yea, why?” she said, “Because it’s 2 am.”
I now have plug-in alarm clocks.
posted by Kelly J on 2-6-2008 at 7:25 am
I’m completely deaf in my right ear and partially deaf in my left…so as you can imagine, if I’m sleeping on the ‘wrong side’, I don’t hear alarm clocks. This became a problem in college when I had super early theatre call times. So I ended up getting an alarm clock made for deaf people. The one that Keri mentioned is the one that I had. Not only was the alarm itself terrifyingly loud (like a fire alarm), but the pillow-shaking unit would violently shake me awake. I mean violently. It’s a really frightening way to wake up. Heart-stopping.
It would shake itself out of my pillow case and end up on the floor making a racket and knocking into things. Eventually it shook itself onto the floor too many times and broke.
I really should invest in an alarm like that again.. I’m starting to not hear my cell phone alarm clock.
posted by emily on 2-6-2008 at 8:01 am
I used to have an alarm clock that my uncle gave me. It was a chicken wearing sunglasses and a guitar, and it would make chicken noises and sing “Wowwwwwww… Yeahhhhhh… Hey, baby, wake up! Come and dance with meeeeeeeeee! Wowwwwwwww…”
My uncle thought it was the funniest thing.
I would have nightmares.
posted by Becca on 2-6-2008 at 8:03 am
I am one of those people that could have the William Tell Overture and fireworks going on directly outside my bedroom window and sleep through it, and even I think that these would be annoying.
My life’s ambition though, is to get a Voco alarm clock. The wake-up messages are voiced by Stephen Fry, saying nice things to you until you get out of bed in the most Jeeves-like manner possible. (seriously. Go to google and type in “Jeeves Alarm Clock.” It’s fabulous.)
Too bad the pound is priced so much higher than the dollar. *sigh*
posted by Ashley on 2-6-2008 at 8:23 am
One of my old roommates was the sweetest girl in the world, except first thing in the morning. The only alarm that got her up was a smiling Garfield head that screamed, “TIME TO GET UP, SLEEPYHEAD! TIME TO GET UP!”
It was very loud.
One weekend, she didn’t shut it off when we went out of town. Our neighbors called the landlord to break into our apartment to shut the stupid thing off. This is a true story.
posted by Natalie on 2-6-2008 at 9:33 am
My college roommate had an alarm clock that tormented me. EVERYTHING wakes me up, so I’m constantly tired. One weekend, I finally managed to stay asleep for three straight hours, until I was awoken by her tiny clock screeching in the most inhuman and terrifyingly obnoxious voice. Of course she slept through it. She slept through a fire drill once, and the alarm was right outside our door. Anyway, the alarm clock was on her nightstand (it’s an hour later and she still hasn’t moved). I, being infuriated and exhausted, take the clock and smash it into pieces on the lineoluem floor of the dorm room. Three hours later, when she finally woke up, I told her it fell off her loft and busted. She believed me. And I managed to go back to sleep.
posted by bryn on 2-6-2008 at 10:11 am
Why is everything underlined?
And I have a brother who slept as if he were in a coma. So every morning, at about a quarter to six, I would be awoken by the obnoxious sonds of elephants…which kept on trumpeting for the next twenty minutes.
Those were the most hellish twenty minutes of my day. I still think that I hold a little something against elephants…
posted by Andrew on 2-6-2008 at 10:28 am
So while I wake up quite easily with any old alarm clock and if it’s a new sound than I’m used to it’s quite frightening my family is a diffrent story. My mom’s alarm can go off for 2 hours and she doesn’t wake up unil the noise stops. Yes the lack of noise is what wakes her up.
My brother on the other hand takes the snooze button to a whole new level. I have heard his alarm go off every 9 minutes for more than 5 hours while he hits the snooze button every time.
I was never so glad to move out on my own!
I keep threatening to get them alarms like this for christmas.
posted by Sabrina L on 2-6-2008 at 11:53 am
My husband has to be in to work by 5am. He sets his alarm clock for 3am. He does not get up until 415am. Luckily I am now used to the screeching sound of his alarm clock. However when he first took this job, he got alot of “accidental” elbows.
posted by QuinO on 2-6-2008 at 1:05 pm
I need one of these alarm clocks please.
I am that dreaded roommate who sleeps like they’re in a coma. Fire alarms, earthquakes, you name it. I’ve even managed to fall asleep while four-wheeling and while clubbing!
posted by Melodye on 2-6-2008 at 1:07 pm
I am the comatose sleeper too….my latest alarm clock is the one that plays radio The morning radio shows annoy/interest me enough to wake me up alright. But only to turn off the clock/radio and go back to sleep for ‘5 more minutes’ :’(
posted by septer on 2-6-2008 at 5:49 pm
At the end of the blog (after the image of the chicken clock), there’s a tag without it’s partner the .
As someone already pointed out, this unclosed tag must be the cause of the underline effect.
posted by septer on 2-6-2008 at 5:54 pm
ah the tags were not printed in the comment :( There’s a <u> tag without </u>
posted by septer on 2-6-2008 at 5:55 pm
@Natalie (#14):
I had that Garfield alarm clock! Loudest GD thing I ever had. I thought I was bad at getting up in the morning, until I met my boyfriend….the man can sleep through Armageddon. My roommates in college sneakily suggested I hand over my Garfield clock to him, since it was quite earsplitting. I did, and it worked for him for a while. We found out at the end of the year that the poor saps living in the next room had been planning on breaking in to his room to destroy the thing. We eventually retired it, but now I might dig it out and auction it off online (it seems like there is quite the market out there for obnoxiously loud, horribly annoying alarm clocks….).
Now its been 7 years, and he still seems to only awaken to my elbow in his ribs. I might have to look into the Sonic Boom clock. It might work better placed under the mattress than a pillow (less of a chance of it hopping away and breaking).
posted by Erin S. on 2-6-2008 at 6:00 pm
A roommate of mine had an alarm clock that was tonal. It would start off with a deep reverberating tone at first. It would sound about every 5 seconds. It would wake me up with out a problem. The longer it went with out being shut off the louder, faster and higher pitched it became. At the five minute mark it sounded like one of those annoying car alarms with your head next to the speaker. No, it still did not wake him up.
posted by Owen on 2-6-2008 at 6:19 pm
SONIC BOOM ALARM CLOCK
Just use the above phrase in any google search engine to find the links. Amazon even sells it.
I have one of these, and I use the vibrator, but I put it in between the mattress and box spring, that shakes the whole bed and does not “fall off.”
posted by Nick on 2-6-2008 at 6:44 pm
I used to have a battery powered steam engine alarm clock that an ex-girlfriend gave me. I liked it, but everyone else thought it was extremely annoying. Today I recommend a good old-fashioned wind-up alarm clock (search my site for ‘clock’ if interested).
posted by S.P. Gass on 2-6-2008 at 7:24 pm
i have this alarm clock i bought from radio shack years ago. the thing is amazing.
it’s atomic, never have to set it, has a projection light thing that puts the time in huge LED on my ceiling, can set it to any US timezone with one button, last for 2 plus years on one set of batteries, and shows the time and date, as well as the temperature inside (around the clock).
the best part though is the alarm.. it starts with this very slow soft beep, and very very gradually grows into a loud fast paced beeping, which will stop and repeat eventually if you dont shut it off. it kind of feels like being carefully scooped out of your sleep. like the beep is like “ok dude, time to get up, here ill help you out.” hah
no idea if they still make them. it was $50 well spent in my opinion.
posted by pants on 2-6-2008 at 7:25 pm
this article is bs, that chicken is not even 1/2 as annoying as this old school one. go to google and search for chicken alarm clock
posted by bs article on 2-6-2008 at 7:42 pm
srhpost.blogspot.com/2006/08/10-most-annoying-alarm-clocks.html
You added some info to yours, which makes it a much nicer read.
While I’m not gonna scream plageuarism, I find the coincidence a bit much, it’s pretty obvious you know the other post existed.
posted by Randall Jenkins on 2-6-2008 at 8:17 pm
www.topblogarea.com/rss/Alarm-clocks.htm
Funny this post has pretty much been recycled endlessly on the internet…
posted by Randall Jenkins on 2-6-2008 at 8:22 pm
I can’t set my alarm clock to wake me up to songs because I end up hating that song. I have it set to play this high pitched tone and now whenever I hear a sound (on the tv, in a song, etc.) that sounds like that tone, I get this huge spike of stress without even realizing it was the sound that caused it.
posted by Anna on 2-6-2008 at 8:26 pm
Man that underlining’s annoying.
posted by Bob on 2-6-2008 at 8:39 pm
My husband is a drummer, and spends a lot of time in a soundproof booth with earplugs in and noise-cancelling headphones on. Since he’s paying attention to the music instead of the clock, he often loses track of time in there and ends up running late. For Xmas this year I got him an alarm clock for the hearing impaired. It has the shaker thing that some folks are talking about, but it also has an optional “sonic boom” alarm and an incredibly bright strobe light (I saw spots for 15 minutes after trying it out). Since it hits on three senses, I can’t imagine anyone sleeping through this alarm. And hubby’s not late all the time anymore.
posted by JenC on 2-6-2008 at 9:38 pm
There are Sonic Boom-type alarms that don’t make an annoying sound. I have a friend who has a roommate that is deaf without her hearing aids in. She obviously takes them out to sleep, and I’m pretty sure is completely deaf without them in. She has an alarm that attaches to her bed frame that vibrates the bed violently without any noise. The vibrating bed makes a little racket, but not nearly as much as the Sonic Boom alarm sound.
Good for those who have roommates who don’t want to be bothered by loud alarms.
posted by Amanda on 2-7-2008 at 2:24 am
See? These things are for people like me: people who would otherwise snooze for 2 hours (it’s happened). I thin kI’m going to have to go shopping.
posted by Marika on 2-7-2008 at 11:08 am