mental_floss magazine
SUBSCRIBE >
GIFT SUBSCRIPTIONS >
DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS >
subscriber services >
[There’s still time to get the vote out!]
I’ve read through the nearly 200 Tom Swifties you all sent in for The Best Tom Swifty in the World!! competition. And let me tell you, VERY impressive. Honestly, some of the best Swifties I’ve ever seen! After the jump, you’ll find my list of finalists (reprinted anonymously).
Now it’s time for you all to vote. As with our caption contests, all you have to do is drop your ballot in the comments. (And remember, only one vote per person, please. Remember my post on stat counters tracking your
IP address? Don’t think we don’t know who the cheaters are…tsk tsk.)
“May the best Tom Swifty win!” exclaimed Victor triumphantly.
A) “Get to the back of the boat,” the captain said sternly.
B) “Yes, me too, Ceasar,” Brutus said slashingly.
C) “If you keep scratching it’s just going to spread,” she said rashly.
D) “Two times two is four,” said Miss Prim squarely.
E) “I don’t care for italics,” he said boldly.
F) “Make a left at the cemetery” Tom said gravely.
G) “I’m too tired to check it twice”, Santa said listlessly.
H) “Is bestiality wrong?” he asked sheepishly.
I) “That glass slipper is mine”, exclaimed Cinderella fittingly.
J) “Sure, I’d love to dance with Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.
K) “There something wrong about putting corned beef, kraut, swiss cheese, and Thousand Island dressing on Italian bread”, said Ruben wryly.
L) “I’m telling you people, diet and exercise can work. Look at my waistline.” Richard said tirelessly.
M) “I’ll never feed lions at the zoo again”, Tom muttered offhandedly.
N) “I lost an electron.” the atom said positively.
Check out all past Weekend Word Wraps>>
Comments (103)
Comment
let it be “L”
posted by karina on 2-8-2008 at 4:35 am
As always the one that made me laugh out loud wins.
M please
posted by Tricia on 2-8-2008 at 4:44 am
Wow…so difficult…these are all so good! So hard to choose between E, H and K…but…I think I’ll have to go with H. It just made me laugh aloud the most. :)
H, please
posted by Ally on 2-8-2008 at 5:42 am
All great, but M is brilliantly hilarious.
posted by Andrew on 2-8-2008 at 6:07 am
Wow, some of these are sheer genius. This is tough.
I’m gonna have to go with…
J
posted by Jake Le Master on 2-8-2008 at 6:12 am
agreed that this are all brilliant but doggedly have to cast my vote with H
posted by Randall on 2-8-2008 at 6:49 am
Great list. My favorite is G (listless Santa).
posted by Marko on 2-8-2008 at 7:22 am
Hmmm, only one, huh? H was the one that made me laugh out loud, so I’ll go with that. Good luck to all!
posted by nutmeag on 2-8-2008 at 7:27 am
‘H’ please. Very clever and made me laugh!
posted by JaneM on 2-8-2008 at 7:41 am
Have to go with H.
posted by bre on 2-8-2008 at 7:46 am
M - just twisted enough to make me chuckle. ;-)
posted by Roger on 2-8-2008 at 7:48 am
Sex with animals is funny… H
posted by Rich on 2-8-2008 at 7:48 am
M.
posted by Jim on 2-8-2008 at 7:49 am
“Ewe can’t go wrong with H”, he said with a sheepish grin.
posted by Tom on 2-8-2008 at 7:53 am
M.. teehee!
posted by thirty7 on 2-8-2008 at 7:54 am
H made me laugh out loud.
posted by Fran on 2-8-2008 at 7:56 am
It has to be “M”. It’s too funny.
posted by Lauren on 2-8-2008 at 8:00 am
Please, please, please make “H” the winner. It’s the one that makes my cubemates and I snicker the most. Thank heavens I was only drinking bottled water when I read through the list!
posted by gwendy on 2-8-2008 at 8:02 am
My vote is for G
posted by kris on 2-8-2008 at 8:03 am
Gee, I pick G!
posted by Brian on 2-8-2008 at 8:06 am
Although all were great, I must choose “J”. Managing to get a proper name in was genius.
posted by KJ on 2-8-2008 at 8:11 am
definitely ‘M’. Most clever of the bunch…
posted by jp on 2-8-2008 at 8:14 am
Gotta go with “H”.
posted by RayRay on 2-8-2008 at 8:16 am
M
posted by melanie on 2-8-2008 at 8:19 am
As someone with her own hard-to-fit foot, I must choose ‘I’.
Of course, recognizing it as my own entry may be the real reason for my vote (hey, gotta be honest, ya know!)
posted by Anonymous on 2-8-2008 at 8:36 am
K is excellent, but too wordy. E or J, I say choosily.
posted by Leslie on 2-8-2008 at 8:51 am
G is both funny and seamless; it makes sense on every level. I vote for G.
posted by Ira on 2-8-2008 at 8:52 am
“I choose M,” Amber said decidedly.
posted by aTribe on 2-8-2008 at 9:00 am
I wanna go with G. So cute.
posted by Karen on 2-8-2008 at 9:01 am
M or H… M or H…
Gotta go with H.
Pick H please!!
posted by Valerie on 2-8-2008 at 9:02 am
I gotta go with M.
posted by harold on 2-8-2008 at 9:11 am
G- so funny!
posted by Lyn on 2-8-2008 at 9:13 am
H got the biggest laugh in my cube farm.
posted by Kat on 2-8-2008 at 9:27 am
M. definitely m
posted by Bobbie on 2-8-2008 at 9:37 am
A..E..N..M in that order…
posted by septer on 2-8-2008 at 9:39 am
L’s clever, but I have to go with M!!!!
M
posted by Sophia on 2-8-2008 at 9:49 am
So many made me laugh!
But I vote for M.
posted by Jess on 2-8-2008 at 9:54 am
I would say K…it’s almost a double.
posted by Brian S on 2-8-2008 at 9:56 am
L
posted by Lindsey on 2-8-2008 at 10:00 am
My vote is for G
posted by krissy on 2-8-2008 at 10:42 am
It was very hard to choose, because they’re all great.
I chose “N”.
posted by Joanna on 2-8-2008 at 10:52 am
I’m a fan of k, even though it’s rather roundabout.
posted by kitsana_d on 2-8-2008 at 11:07 am
They’re all funny, but I like K the best
posted by dw on 2-8-2008 at 11:33 am
G is my favorite!
posted by JC on 2-8-2008 at 11:52 am
From the “I’ve got wood for sheep” school of Tom Swifties (players of Settlers of Catan will understand).
H.
posted by David on 2-8-2008 at 11:58 am
Gee Whiz….G is Cute!
posted by Ho Jr on 2-8-2008 at 12:07 pm
Oh, ohohoho, H and M are awesome. They should tie. Both made me laugh aloud.
But if I have to pick…
H.
posted by Aemi on 2-8-2008 at 12:08 pm
H followed by K
posted by Ken David on 2-8-2008 at 12:58 pm
Math nerd here… so my favorite is D.
posted by Josh on 2-8-2008 at 1:42 pm
M
posted by Sue on 2-8-2008 at 1:45 pm
M!
posted by Heather on 2-8-2008 at 1:50 pm
My vote is for K.
posted by heather on 2-8-2008 at 2:12 pm
I vote for M, twice!
posted by Ellen on 2-8-2008 at 2:25 pm
Where my chemists at? come on, gimme some
N!
posted by colin on 2-8-2008 at 2:41 pm
I vote for M.
posted by Dave G on 2-8-2008 at 2:52 pm
K
posted by Alex Szatmary on 2-8-2008 at 3:03 pm
M…
posted by Erik on 2-8-2008 at 3:09 pm
Lol. I like E.
posted by Allegra on 2-8-2008 at 3:23 pm
k and only k
posted by Miss Priss on 2-8-2008 at 3:26 pm
H!
posted by dan on 2-8-2008 at 4:02 pm
I vote for the “G” spot.
posted by E.A.Poe on 2-8-2008 at 4:40 pm
I’m for M. It’s so good, and at the same time so WRONG — for a Tom Swiftie.
posted by lleachie on 2-8-2008 at 4:44 pm
K absolutely! Now I’m hungry.
posted by Miss M on 2-8-2008 at 5:44 pm
J!
posted by Lou on 2-8-2008 at 6:14 pm
Wow, David, picking a winner among these must be a Goliathan job.
Can’t we pick a few?
Oh, what the ‘ell. I’ll pick L.
posted by Dayguy on 2-8-2008 at 7:02 pm
I love L because he is not throwing his weight around!
posted by Gene Rosen on 2-8-2008 at 7:06 pm
L, L, L
posted by Sailmariner on 2-8-2008 at 7:06 pm
i vote for M!!!
posted by Bet on 2-8-2008 at 7:28 pm
M is my favorite.
posted by Karen on 2-8-2008 at 7:41 pm
All of these were so funny, and I had the most amazingly difficult time choosing, but it’s gotta be K!
posted by Manda on 2-8-2008 at 8:49 pm
J
Love it!
posted by Katie on 2-8-2008 at 9:00 pm
K
posted by Chris Coultas on 2-8-2008 at 9:33 pm
Not that this has anything to do with voting, but I found a strangely-titled book in my 8-year-old brother’s pile of library books.
“Tom Swift- Young Inventor” by Victor Appleton. Copyright 2007. It has an anime-style cartoon picture on the front of a rugged looking boy making his way through frozen tundra with a pretty girl behind. It’s 140 pages long and apparently designed for readers of the 6-9 age, boys.
What exactly does this tell you?
posted by Leggy on 2-8-2008 at 10:02 pm
“L” is a a LOL.
posted by DW on 2-8-2008 at 10:20 pm
d
posted by Reggie on 2-8-2008 at 10:48 pm
H. H-ilarious!
posted by Emily on 2-9-2008 at 7:52 am
Make a vote and make it count. Make mine L.
posted by Alcoif on 2-9-2008 at 8:57 am
Gotta go with L !
posted by Tim Washer on 2-9-2008 at 9:25 am
I vote “L”
Although the “Yeah that’s the one thing I never liked about Riverdance.” He said Flatly. - still kills me
posted by V Martyr on 2-9-2008 at 3:26 pm
N
posted by Miss Kiki on 2-9-2008 at 9:55 pm
K
posted by Rob on 2-10-2008 at 9:40 am
L was very clever!
posted by Sandy C on 2-10-2008 at 10:43 am
They’re all so good! Out of my three favorites,H,K,and M I’ll have to choose…H!
posted by Wolf on 2-10-2008 at 11:47 am
M.
posted by Beth on 2-10-2008 at 12:38 pm
M
posted by Mike D on 2-10-2008 at 12:59 pm
Hmmm, they are all good. G, K, M…
My vote’s for M - for the both Ruben and wryly.
posted by Anonymoose on 2-10-2008 at 1:00 pm
E!
posted by Aviva on 2-10-2008 at 1:54 pm
M, G, J, and E are brilliant, but for pure humor, I gotta go with M.
posted by Derek on 2-10-2008 at 3:12 pm
I wish I were clever enough to think of a Tom Swifty to vote for E, but I’m not. E, please!
posted by jamie g on 2-10-2008 at 3:44 pm
K for being doubly clever.
posted by Bob on 2-10-2008 at 5:09 pm
E or J, E or J… it’s tough.
Okay, E. Gotta love typeface humor.
posted by Jenny on 2-10-2008 at 5:36 pm
M is good too but I vote for L.
posted by Janice on 2-10-2008 at 6:13 pm
Mmmmm… M. But they were all amazing!
posted by Ash on 2-10-2008 at 6:16 pm
I have to go with B
posted by Jerry on 2-10-2008 at 10:22 pm
Definitely G!
posted by Bethany on 2-10-2008 at 10:31 pm
L’s gdt my vote!
posted by Victoria on 2-11-2008 at 10:58 am
M!! (though I loved H too)
posted by B on 2-11-2008 at 12:00 pm
M, hilarious! C & K get honorable mention tho. They’re all brilliant, really . . .
posted by Amy on 2-11-2008 at 12:18 pm
A narrowly won over M for me.
posted by Caleb on 2-11-2008 at 1:58 pm
Gotta be ‘H’. Creepily hilarious.
posted by eroe777 on 2-13-2008 at 8:32 am
F!
posted by Mary on 2-14-2008 at 12:35 pm
M, please.
posted by Dibyo on 2-20-2008 at 11:55 pm
J
posted by xyzzy on 3-21-2008 at 1:17 pm