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Although you might think Andy Luttrell is majoring in film, you’d be wrong. He’s a sophomore psych major at Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, Ill. Not only can Eastern Illinois claim Andy as a future alum, they also get to claim John Malkovich; Tony Romo and not one, not two, but three NFL head coaches - the Denver Broncos’ Mike Shanahan, the New Orleans Saints’ Sean Payton and the Minnesota Vikings’ Brad Childress. -Stacy Conradt
5 Mind-Numbingly Long Movies
by Andy Luttrell
I’m sure I won’t single myself out if I admit that I’ve seen all three Lord of the Rings films back to back to back…yes, the extended editions. That’s more than eleven hours in a row in front of a screen. Though Peter Jackson’s films are long (a late-night showing of King Kong was a bad idea), some filmmakers have had the gall to produce even longer ones.
So in celebration of excruciatingly lengthy cinema, here are five horribly long films that put Mr. Jackson to shame.
1. The Cure for Insomnia
5220 min (87 hours)
United States, 1987
The next time you’ve got four days straight of nothing to do, go ahead and pick up The Cure for Insomnia. Unfortunately, Amazon.com doesn’t seem to carry it…I guess they’re still recording the director’s commentary.
The movie was shot on video by director John Henry Timmis IV and doesn’t have any plot. Rather, the movie stars artist Lee Groban reading his epic poem, “The Cure for Insomnia,” which is a 5,000 page work of art that Groban says he wrote almost entirely by hand. You can read an excerpt here. If the movie is anything like the excerpt, I’m sure it’s riveting. Apparently, footage of the poetry reading is spliced with clips of heavy metal and pornographic material.
The purpose of the movie—yes there’s a reason for this nonsense to exist—is to be so boring that it would put its viewers to sleep. It was first played in its entirety at the School of the Art Institute in Chicago and holds the Guinness World Record for “World’s Longest Movie.”
2. The Longest Most Meaningless Movie in the World
2880 min (48 hours)
United Kingdom, 1970
Here’s a movie that gets right to the point… that it doesn’t have one. Produced by Anthony Scott and directed by Vincent Patouillard, TLMMMitW was screened only once in its entirety in 1970 at the Cinémathèque Française in Paris. After its initial release, the film was cut to a more palatable 90 minutes. While it was no longer quite so long, it remained just as meaningless seeing as the film is nothing more than an endless presentation of newsreel and stock footage. I’ve wasted a lot of time in my life, but the ambition to create the longest, most meaningless movie in the world makes you question this fella’s priorities.
3. The Burning of the Red Lotus Temple
1620 min (27 hours)
China, 1928
Finally we get to a film with a plot! The Burning of the Red Lotus Temple is a Chinese silent film directed by Zhang Shichuan. The film is based on a novel that was based on a newspaper series (that must have been based on something else). It tells the story of rescuing a commander trapped in the Red Lotus Temple – a temple tricked out with lethal traps like fire-spitting Buddhas and spiked floors. Sounds kind of like my dream house.
Though the film is really 27 hours long, it was released in a series of eighteen installments. I don’t care how good your story is; you don’t have my attention for 27 hours. Well, now that I think about it, I did watch the first three seasons of Lost (more than fifty hours of material) last summer…but at least Lost has dialogue.
4. The Journey
873 min (14.5 hours)
Sweden, 1987
Considered one of the longest documentaries to date, Peter Watkin’s The Journey (sometimes referred to as Resan) explores the subject of nuclear warfare. Watkins spends time with families and nongovernmental organizations from the United States, Canada, Norway, Scotland, France, West Germany, Mozambique, Japan, Australia, Tahiti, and Mexico to discover the public’s opinions regarding nuclear weapons, military spending, and poverty. The film presents stories told by World War II bomb survivors and dramatizations of evacuation procedures.
The Journey has found its place in New Zealand where it is sometimes used in high schools and other educational programs. One New Zealander said of the film: “14½ hours is just long enough to let a picture of the real people involved sink in. Was surprised at my ability to stay awake through a movie with no plot, suspense, etc. – decided I could because it was about real life, people, and opinions I recognised.”
5. War and Peace
484 min (8 hours)
Russia, 1968
If you’re just itching to watch one of these notoriously long movies, you can get War and Peace on DVD to hold you over until the 450-disc The Cure for Insomnia: Collector’s Edition is released. With the original Russian version clocking in at just over eight hours, it’s significantly shorter than the aforementioned films, but you still could have gotten a full night’s sleep instead. Based on the infamous Tolstoy novel, War and Peace was directed by Sergei Bondarchuk, produced with full cooperation of the Soviet Union, and took seven years to make. The work paid off, though, when this eight-hour epic won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film in 1969.
While it may not be the longest movie ever, War and Peace still holds a number of records. With a production cost of $560 million (in today’s dollars), the film is the most expensive one ever produced; it received a Guinness World Record for being the longest film broadcast on T.V.; and finally, the film ranks fourth in most-extras-ever with a startling 120,000 (Gandhi, with 300,000 extras, will be tough to top.)
Following in Woody Allen’s footsteps, I decided to watch the film in fast-forward. All I can tell you is that it involves Russia.
Check out the rest of our College Weekend festivities.
One idea comes to mind…movies that seem like an eternity.
Try Eureka (with Gene Hackman and Rutger Hauer) by the time it’s over, it seems like the Rapture happened three days ago.
One movie I did like, but seemed long was “Jefferson In Paris” which I saw on a Friday night, and yes, I liked it, but it was slowly paced. As the audience exited the theater, one guy said “Is it Sunday yet?”….
posted by Dianne on 2-10-2008 at 11:59 am
I am one of those people who actually saw The Journey in a real theater and enjoye it. They did give us bathroom and lunch breaks, though.
posted by Tsitsi on 2-10-2008 at 12:08 pm
The longest movie I’ve ever seen, at least in the theatre, is “The Best of Youth”. It’s an Italian mini-series that was released theatrically, and clocked in at six hours. And it was brilliant. I would have been happy to sit there another three or six hours. Whereas the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie felt like 87 hours.
posted by Anonymoose on 2-10-2008 at 12:56 pm
The longest movie I ever saw in the theatre was Fellini’s City of Women - 5 hours and highly recommended!
posted by Terry Smith on 2-10-2008 at 1:46 pm
You seem to have left out the 15+ hour “Heimet” by Edgar Reitz. I actually watched it in one sitting and it is absolutely remarkable. It shows a look at events in Germany from like 1920 to the mid-80’s and how those events impact this family.
Find it. Watch it.
posted by Jake Le Master on 2-10-2008 at 2:07 pm
You should have included Andy Warhol’s “Empire”, which is eight hours and five minutes of real time footage of the Empire State Building… Riviting, I tell ya…
posted by Stuart on 2-10-2008 at 2:14 pm
In college I was quite sick one week and I watched the first three seasons of 24. I really can’t think of many better ways to pass the time while stuck in bed.
posted by Cassandra on 2-10-2008 at 2:31 pm
Shoah was left off…it’s a nine hour(give or take) documentary about the Holocaust
posted by David on 2-10-2008 at 3:13 pm
Actually, Warhol did several exceedingly long films, none of which I’ve actually seen however. Although none of them are quite as long as some of the films you summarized, I am kind of surprised you didn’t mention any of them. This paragraph from Wikipedia sums it up pretty nicely: “Between 1963 and 1968, he made more than sixty films. One of his most famous films, Sleep, monitors poet John Giorno sleeping for six hours. The 35-minute film Blow Job, is one continuous shot of the face of DeVeren Bookwalter supposedly receiving oral sex from filmmaker Willard Maas, although the camera never tilts down to see this. Another, 1964’s Empire, consists of eight hours of footage of the Empire State Building in New York City at dusk. The 45-minute film ‘Eat consists of a man eating a mushroom for 45 minutes.”
posted by Ben on 2-10-2008 at 4:45 pm
Jake Le Master, I couldn’t agree more. Heimat is one of the great movies of all time.
Heimat II was pretty damn good, too. And it’s over 25 hours long!
/And there is a Heimat III, which is only 11 hours, but I haven’t seen it. I didn’t even know it existed until just now.
Maybe they don’t count as movies, though, since they were originally shown as tv shows. I saw them in the movie theater, each on 2 separate days. (I brought pillows)
posted by Moon on 2-10-2008 at 5:12 pm
No mention of “Berlin Alexanderplatz?” Sure, it’s actually a miniseries, but at 15 hours in length (15 and a half in the US due to frame-rate issues), it’s pretty dang impressive.
There’s also “Satantango,” a 7-hour Hungarian film involving a collective farm near the end of Communism.
posted by Sillstaw on 2-10-2008 at 5:47 pm
I sat for the 3 Star Wars Trilogy (4, 5, and 6, not 1, 2 and 3 you weirdos) and that was pretty much like watching ONE LONG MOVIE…
we also did the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy (extended version) which came out to about 10 hours of viewing…we were lucky enough to be at a theatre that had a ‘feast’ so we ate the same meals they did in the movie, including the ‘lembas’ bread wrapped in leaves, nice juicy sausages, etc…still, it was a LONG marathon, but I would recommend it to any LOTR geeks…
posted by donner on 2-10-2008 at 6:48 pm
I remember a friend that had lent me a directors’ cut of Dune (The Lynch version) that was over six hours long.
I liked the original, but over 6 hours requires real fanboi dedication
posted by Sean on 2-10-2008 at 11:50 pm
Some of the films mentioned are more accurately described as mini-series. The Chinese, in particular, are known for their love of the mini-series format.
“Based on the infamous Tolstoy novel,”
I think the author is confused about what “infamous” means.
posted by Silky on 2-11-2008 at 12:17 am
@ Sean..
BS!!
That version (which is only 4 hrs BTW) is a MYTH.. there was never an “extended director’s cut”, it’s based on a story that there was a 4 hr workprint put together and shown in Mexico, to the crew and James Herbert… it was infact just a showing of the footage that was shot and was NEVER actually cut by Lynch. (it’s even in the wiki.. and it’s the only thing in the wiki I actually knew was right.)
So YOUR 6 hrs version..can kiss my arse..
The longest ‘official’ (official as in ‘officially sold’) version is the Smithee 187 min cut for american TV (actually a mini series shown over 2 days.
There are fanedits (of course, aren’t there always).. but are all just bastardized recycled versions of the same thing.
I don’t mind people spieling a bit, but crap which is so Blatently crap, just pisses me off.
So……
(imo) Lynches version, although lacking so much from the book (and some pretty big liberties) was a visual masterpeice and remains one of my favourite movies of all time.. the SciFi series was more accurate, but the wooden Paul and pantomime Baron Harkkonen, just annoyed me too much for me to care about it… and the new version just scares me spitless.
posted by Bob on 2-11-2008 at 12:41 am
I watched the LOTR in one sitting. And I watched 11 seasons of South park in one sitting. And when i was a kid I had a chance at watching bunch of American cartoons (I was in Russia at the time). So I spent just over 24 hours watching cartoon after cartoon. I went two times to pee and that’s all. Didn’t wanna miss a bit.
posted by Sergey on 2-11-2008 at 12:45 am
Good grief. Movies should be 90 minutes long.
posted by S.P. Gass on 2-11-2008 at 12:57 am
Let me add “Inland Empire”, David Lynch’s 3 hour meandering incomprehensible POS. I dare you to endure this piece of neo-retro clap trap, and not beg for your three hours back when it finishes.
posted by David Tussey on 2-11-2008 at 1:02 am
@Cassandra:
# In college I was quite sick one week and I watched the first three seasons of 24.
At first glance I though you said that you were quite sick one week after watching the first three seasons of 24!
posted by Simon on 2-11-2008 at 1:11 am
Director’s cut of Das Boot clocks in at about 5.5 hours. Apparently it was originally meant to be a West German television miniseries. It’s worth every minute, but don’t watch it in one sitting.
posted by Tyler on 2-11-2008 at 1:12 am
where is Erich von Stroheim’s ‘Greed’?
posted by robot on 2-11-2008 at 1:43 am
Filipino director Lav Diaz’s “Heremias” is only nine hours long. He’s working on a sequel, though, that could be at least 11 hours long. Riveting.
posted by wisekwai on 2-11-2008 at 2:09 am
The Ring of the Nibelung was long… and silent. It was good, but like a marathon getting though it.
posted by jinamina on 2-11-2008 at 2:43 am
Yeah, really interesting
posted by anglictina on 2-11-2008 at 2:44 am
the longest i saw was the LOTR trilogy …
it was a called a marathon and they did give us starbucks coffee after each movie …
also … they gave special stuff to everyone who showed up in their pyjamas … hehe …
posted by subcorpus on 2-11-2008 at 3:52 am
There was an 18 hour or so interview documentary on the holocaust done by a French director who did much of the interviews . The movie was called Shoah
posted by Intelligence on 2-11-2008 at 4:09 am
The lognest move I have ever sat through is Mel Gibson’s Hamlet (5 hours). I’m a bit of a Shakespeare nut, so it only dragged its feet in a few scenes
posted by benno on 2-11-2008 at 5:17 am
I can’t believe that The Stand was left out. Over 6 hours long and if watched a second time - utterly boring.
posted by cyrus on 2-11-2008 at 6:18 am
The original War and Peace is an amazing film. A couple years ago, myself and six friends actually sat down and watched the whole thing, taking an intermission every 2.5 hours. Fantastic experience.
livingwithanerd.com
posted by Adam on 2-11-2008 at 7:56 am
The original cut of Wim Wenders’ “Until the end of the world” exceeded 8 hours.
Still the 280min version is excellent.
posted by l on 2-11-2008 at 8:44 am
Magnolia seemed to last forever (though i think that it was only about three hours long). talk about a slow burn to the finish.
I did attend a scary movie marathon this past Halloween. the marathon consisted of four movies, but i left after the third one (i had to work the next day!)
posted by the creature on 2-11-2008 at 11:15 am
I own all 3 of the LOTR movies, but I haven’t watched any of them yet because I haven’t been able to find 3 consecutive hours where there wasn’t something else that I HAD to do. Of course, that probably has a lot to do with being a single parent of a toddler. :)
posted by caitlen315 on 2-11-2008 at 12:11 pm
How about Stephen King’s “THE STAND”? It was a mini-series, but it is meant to be watched back to back as one LONG movie, albeit a great one.
posted by lnr on 2-11-2008 at 12:21 pm
BEST OF YOUTH — somemovies are long for a reason. BEST OF YOUTH!
posted by shams kq on 2-11-2008 at 12:28 pm
As a child of ten (or eleven, my memory is not *that* good), I saw War and Peace at the Uptown Theatre in Silver Spring, MD.
The Uptown had a wide set of three screens (I also saw 2001: A Space Odyssey there), and we saw the movie in two parts. One half one week and the other half the next.
posted by Izzy on 2-11-2008 at 12:45 pm
What about Abel Gance’ classic Napoleon which IMDB various gives as between 222 mins and 330 minutes long, but I once heard there was a 27 hour long version. Since it dates from 1927, it is much older than many of these latecomers. (No, I wasn’t at the premiere, I’m not that old!)
posted by Mike Cosgrave on 2-11-2008 at 4:04 pm
What none of Ken Burn’s stuff is in here?!? Or JFK…
posted by EllisGL on 2-11-2008 at 6:49 pm
1. The Cure for Insomnia
5220 min (87 hours)
United States, 1987
LOL - that’s the funniest concept I’ve ever heard of.
posted by Jason on 2-11-2008 at 6:59 pm
Hi Andy!
I love this site and your article amazes me to see that there are still intelligent lives on earth that actually sit and watch movies-opposed to what I thought the college generation “usually” did which is party most of the time and never see what is going on around them…I stand corrected and impressed…Keep it going…FZ
posted by fz on 2-11-2008 at 7:03 pm
I’m going to watch the short version of War and Peace.
posted by Dave Greiman on 2-11-2008 at 10:50 pm
Crazy, I go to Eastern as well.
Not too often do you see another EIUer in cyberspace.
posted by Chris on 2-12-2008 at 12:50 am
wow. to the above comment about college students only partying:
we usually have little to no instances when both time and money present themselves and allow us to party. we drink a fair bit, but a beer after class does not bury one’s head in the sand. actually, college students are possibly some of the most informed people you will meet for several reasons. first, we have a lot of time on the bus to read the newspapers. second, there are an unbelievable number of fringe groups who shove the problems of the world in our faces as if we can solve them. so we get exposed to all of the issues in the world daily, and we are conscious of them constantly. now true, that is not to say that we care, because often i see posters for ending wars and such things and i merely laugh at the pointlessness of their efforts to save the world by telling some broke college students about poverty. anyways, some friends and i are going to watch the cure for insomnia this summer. will be good, i think.
posted by universityboy on 2-12-2008 at 9:43 am
I have to tell you, Bondarchuk’s War And Peace does not deserve to be mocked. It is fine. I saw it at a small rep cinema in Toronto in the late 70s. They served borscht during the intermission at the 4 hour break. the film is extraordinary. One of the greatest epics made.
posted by Barry Stevens on 2-21-2008 at 8:48 pm