Stacy Conradt
Names Too Long For Name Tags (Even Comically Oversized Ones)
by Stacy Conradt - March 20, 2008 - 12:25 PM

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We’ve all heard about celebrities who give their children, ah, unusual names. Pilot Inspektor, Moxie CrimeFighter, Audio Science, Kal-El. But this really isn’t a recent phenomenon. People have been giving their kids interesting and unusual names (I’m trying to be diplomatic, here) since, well, people have been having kids.

Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee- Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon

There’s no documentation, but it’s thought that he is the song of Praise-God Barebone/Barbon, an English preacher. Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died… OK, let’s just call him Nicholas. Nicholas was an important part of London society and was integral in rebuilding the city after the great fire of 1666. All records show that he went strictly by the name of “Nicholas”. I wonder what his gravestone says?

Louis George Maurice Adolphe Roche Albert Abel Antonio Alexandre Noë Jean Lucien Daniel Eugène Joseph-le-brun Joseph-Barême Thomas Thomas Thomas-Thomas Pierre Arbon Pierre-Maurel Barthélemi Artus Alphonse Bertrand Dieudonné Emanuel Josué Vincent Luc Michel Jules-de-la-plane Jules-Bazin Julio César Jullien

Louis was born on April 23, 1812 in Sisteron, Alpes-de-Haute Provence. His 36 names were given to him by members of the Sisteron Philharmonic. It appears that he preferred to go by “Louis Antoine Jullien”, which is what he became known by when he became world-renowned for his orchestra. After traveling Scotland, Ireland and America, he settled in Paris where he was jailed for debt.

Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff


Hubert was born in Germany in 1904 and later settled in Philadelphia. I know; you’re reading that name and thinking, “That’s long, but it’s not that long.” Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff is actually the shortened form of his name. His full name was: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenberger-
dorffvoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewaren-
wohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurch-
ihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvoran-
dieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauch-
lichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischen-
sternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelchegehabtbewohn-
barplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonver-
standigmenschlichkeitkonntefortplanzenundsicherfreuenan-
lebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvon-
andererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum, Senior (which begs the question… is there a Junior? And why would he do that to his son?)

The Museum of Hoaxes has looked into this one to verify it and has decided it “seems to be true,” unless the people at the Guinness Book of World Records were victims of a hoax themselves. Guinness named Mr. Wolfe+585 (the name he started going by) as the man with the longest name in the world from the mid 1970s to 1983. Apparently the entry for “longest name” disappeared altogether in the late 80s.

Anna Bertha Cecilia Diana Emily Fanny Gertrude Hypatia Inez Jane Kate Louise Maud Nora Ophelia Prudence Quince Rebecca Sarah Teresa Ulysis Venus Winifred Xenophon Yetty Zeno Pepper

Anna was a British lady profiled by Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! in 1929. Apparently her friends just called her “Alphabet” for short.

Sometimes, though, people given conventional names at birth just aren’t satisfied to be ordinary.

Tarquin Biscuit-Barrel

John Desmond Lewis, a 22-year-old student, changed his name to Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F’tang-F’tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel, the name of a character from Monty Python’s Flying Circus. He did so to contest the 1979 general election in the U.K. When the results of the general election were declared, the Returning Officer referred to John Desmond Lewis as “Mr. Tarquin Biscuit-Barrel.”

bond

James…Bond

David Fearn changed his commonplace name to James Dr No From Russia with Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live and Let Die The Man with the Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View to a Kill The Living Daylights Licence to Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. No word on whether Fearn is a James Bond fan or not.

Then, of course, you have families who can’t resist giving their whole brood coordinating names. Here’s a couple:

Poppy Petal Emma Elizabeth Deveraux Donahue Montgomery

poppyYep, that’s Without a Trace’s Poppy Montgomery’s full name. She has sisters named Rosie Thorn, Daisy Yellow, Lily Belle and Marigold Sun. She has a brother too. Anyone want to take a stab at his name? You’ll never guess. It’s Jethro Tull.

The Geldof/Yates kids

peachesBob Geldof and Paula Yates had three daughters together – Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa (that’s her on the right), Little Pixie Frou-Frou and Fifi Trixibelle. They divorced and Paula moved in with Michael Hutchence from INXS. They also had a daughter, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.

The Phoenixes

riverDid you know River Phoenix’s real name is River Bottom? Seriously. River Jude Bottom. His dad’s name was John Bottom. River’s brother, obviously, is Joaquin. He had three younger sisters – Rain, Summer and Liberty – and one half sister named Trust. River, Joaquin, Rain, Summer and Liberty’s mother’s given name was Arlyn but she changed her name to “Heart” in 1988.

The Zappa Kids

moonObviously I can’t end this post without mentioning the Zappa kids. First, there’s Moon Unit Zappa, who just goes by Moon Zappa. Dweezil Zappa’s given name was Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa because the hospital refused to register him as Dweezil. His whole family continued to call him that, though, and he legally changed his name to Dweezil when he was only seven. Ahmet Emuukha Rodin Zappa is named after Ahmet Ertegün, one of the founders at Atlantic Records who was responsible for Frank’s career. Finally, Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa came along in 1979 and earned her name because she was the loudest baby in the nursery (according to Frank).

I know I’ve only hit the tip of the iceberg – let’s hear about the strange names you’ve come across!

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Comments (136)

  1. never been so glad to have a normal name!

    posted by Kelly on 3-20-2008 at 12:47 pm

  2. man and i thought i had a weird and long name.

    posted by meta on 3-20-2008 at 12:55 pm

  3. Has anyone ever thought of giving their child several “interesting” names which first letters would then read an acronym of a more normal name? *evil laughter, muharr*

    posted by Nella on 3-20-2008 at 12:59 pm

  4. You know, I read the first one and thought, “wow, that sucks.” But by the end, Nicholas looked pretty fortunate. :)

    You know, a lot of European countries have a lot stricter standards for names than the U.S. I remember reading a story about a year ago about a couple who couldn’t name their daughter “Molli”–the country insisted it be “Molly”. I think it was a Scandanavian country, but I’ve heard of similar things in other places in Europe. Not sure how I feel about that…on the other hand, naming your kid Moxie Crimefighter is only a little bit removed from child abuse–you’re basically assigning your kid to a life of butt-kicking on the playground and sky-high therapy bills.

    posted by kate on 3-20-2008 at 1:01 pm

  5. My parents once had neighbors, the Lears. Their daughter was named Kristal Shanda…Lear.

    posted by s michael c on 3-20-2008 at 1:01 pm

  6. I love how the second guy has the name Thomas four times in a row in his name.

    posted by Brittany on 3-20-2008 at 1:15 pm

  7. I grew up in Grand Rapids, MI, and my dad was (and I believe still is) friends with a man whose birth name was Laurence Terryberry. He went by Larry.

    posted by David on 3-20-2008 at 1:23 pm

  8. And i thought my mom had a long name… i’m changing the last names to protect her identity :)

    MAGDA INGEBORG THERESE MARIE JOHNSON ATKINS FARLEY

    posted by kerensa on 3-20-2008 at 1:28 pm

  9. I’ve seen a few…

    -My sister went to school with a girl named Holli Day

    -An agent I worked with had a legal name of Margarita Beers, another has the last name Whynot

    -also, if I see anything addressed to Mr. Casey, I just toss it.

    posted by Casey on 3-20-2008 at 1:31 pm

  10. I have a friend–David Angell. He named his son Heaven Lee Angell.

    He’s the boy named Sue.

    posted by Alison on 3-20-2008 at 1:36 pm

  11. I have a friend who went to school with a dude named Harold “Harry” Pitts. Those are some sadistic parents right there.

    posted by ArtF on 3-20-2008 at 1:40 pm

  12. Why is it that the world never remembers the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?

    posted by Rose on 3-20-2008 at 1:47 pm

  13. Even if he was in the Guinness book I still believe Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff is a hoax, since the long long last name doesn’t make any sense at all and looks like something German sounding the Monty Python guys would have come up with.

    posted by cheery on 3-20-2008 at 1:49 pm

  14. Just begs the question: WHY?

    posted by Beth on 3-20-2008 at 1:49 pm

  15. ArtF: When I meet or hear of someone who just has an unfortunate name (my poor teacher Richard Head, for example), I have to wonder if it’s sadism or parents who are totally unaware. It’s still a ways off, but I know that when I name a child I will chose interesting names (have my heart set on Niamh), but I will also go over the name with great care to avoid and possible unfortunate nicknames, initial acronyms, etc. I don’t understand how parents give out such names. Were they never children?!

    posted by s michael c on 3-20-2008 at 1:49 pm

  16. Makes the song “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt” see less funny, especially the ‘F’Tang F’Tang’ guy.

    posted by heather on 3-20-2008 at 2:08 pm

  17. s michael c : Yup, I always wonder the same thing. I also beleive in choosing interesting names for children, I named my daughter Romann. I always tell her that I can pretty much guarantee that she’s the only girl with that name.

    posted by ArtF on 3-20-2008 at 2:08 pm

  18. My cousin used to work with a girl named Resurrection Day. (Her sister’s name was Judgment.)

    I asked if they had nicknames for Resurrection at work.

    “Nope. If she is ever running late, it’s like ‘Is Resurrection Day here yet?’ ‘No, not yet.’”

    posted by Eileen on 3-20-2008 at 2:17 pm

  19. My mom’s good friend named her youngest son

    Samuel
    Oliver
    Fellows
    Traver

    When I was in elementary school my only thought was, wow, that kid can never have a monogrammed backpack.

    posted by Adrienne on 3-20-2008 at 2:30 pm

  20. The most annoying girl in my sorority (and that’s saying something) legally changed her name to Jolly because she was just “soooooooo happy” all the time. Barf. And she somehow got her little sister to change her name to Happy. Double barf.
    I could be wrong about this, but I think there was some guy who changed his name to include all of the songs by Level 42 (you know, the “Something About You” group from the 80s).

    posted by TeacherPatti on 3-20-2008 at 2:38 pm

  21. My name is not long but unique here in the States and where I am from (Puerto Rico). IF you know anything about Spanish you will understand how hard it is for me to be around Spanish speakers…my name is Unna.

    posted by Pick a Number on 3-20-2008 at 2:39 pm

  22. Yes, Scandanavia, or at least Denmark, has stricter rules about their names. In Denmark there is a book of traditional Danish names and you either must name your child one of the names in the book or submit a request to the queen to name your child something else.

    The best name I have come across was a person my aunt knew. She’s a pharmacist and filled a scrip once for a lady who named her kid Placenta. She said the doctor said the word at her daughter’s birth and she just thought it was really pretty.

    posted by Megan on 3-20-2008 at 2:39 pm

  23. This isn’t a long one persay, just a weird one… One summer while working at a state park I had the pleasure of registering one Taco Monster for a stay at our wilderness retreat…. I had all I could do to refrain my laughter when I read this poor man’s ID… His obvious European extraction, and limited english skills only served to make the whole exchange an even more comical one.

    posted by brick_city_man on 3-20-2008 at 2:39 pm

  24. Penn Jillette, of the Penn & Teller comedy duo, has a daughter named, Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.

    Coolest. Name. Ever.

    posted by SpaceMonkeyX on 3-20-2008 at 2:53 pm

  25. A girl in our neighborhood was named Penny Nickel.

    The cruel kids called her “6 cents”.

    posted by Fred on 3-20-2008 at 2:56 pm

  26. My fiance and I are a study in contrast. My full name (first, middle, last) has ten letters. Her full name (first, middle, saint, last) has thirty six.

    posted by Ira on 3-20-2008 at 2:58 pm

  27. My cousin once had a teacher named Rosie Hiney.. endless amusement for us as children.

    posted by Megan on 3-20-2008 at 3:00 pm

  28. I have a friend whose name used to be:

    Vanessa Marie Kayla Starr Ariosto Nicole {Last Name}

    She’s changed it since turning 18.

    posted by Christina on 3-20-2008 at 3:08 pm

  29. Weirdest first name I’ve ever seen: Babygirl.

    I suppose this was to avoid confusion with any male family members.

    posted by Jessica on 3-20-2008 at 3:17 pm

  30. You forgot Picasso!!

    Full birth name: Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruiz y Picasso

    posted by Kait on 3-20-2008 at 3:22 pm

  31. Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 AKA Albin is, by far, my favorite unusual name that, quite possibly, fits the overly-lengthy-for-a-nametag bill.

    posted by Becky on 3-20-2008 at 3:23 pm

  32. I know someone whose first two given names are Zzyzzx Aacaab…need I mention his parents were children of the 60′s? He mostly goes by “Z”.

    posted by Annette on 3-20-2008 at 3:25 pm

  33. Hmmm…a few names I’ve run across.

    One of the girls at my college was named Megan Fagen. Her twin was Elizabeth. Don’t ask me why.

    My mother worked with a doctor named Dr. First…Safety First. He has a sister named Ladies.

    Why do people feel the need to inflict such cruelty on their children?

    posted by Kate on 3-20-2008 at 3:44 pm

  34. My cousin dated a guy who went by Toaster, and my mom knew someone in college who went by Tuna, but the worst. And then there was that story about the swedish couple trying to name their kid “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclll mmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116″

    click my name to go to the article

    posted by rachel on 3-20-2008 at 4:11 pm

  35. I knew a woman named Dancer Flowergrowing. And also various people with first names like Water, Sugar, Tinker, Man, Space and Be. Not bee, like a buzzing bee, but Be, as in Be Here Now.

    And I work with a woman named Kelly Kelly. She took her husband’s last name, Kelly. I think I would have kept my maiden name if that was the situation.

    posted by Jenny on 3-20-2008 at 4:17 pm

  36. I once had a dentist named Dr.Mallow and his wife’s name was Marsha

    posted by Jordan on 3-20-2008 at 4:17 pm

  37. Joaquin Phoenix went by Leaf as a child…he’s credited as Leaf Phoenix in “Parenthood”

    posted by JL on 3-20-2008 at 4:20 pm

  38. I danced for years with a kid named Trump Card. He just went by Trumpie.

    posted by Katie on 3-20-2008 at 4:47 pm

  39. My dad went to school with a guy named Harold Butts. Cruel.
    He also went to school with someone named Kelly K. Kelly. The K stands for….. Kelly. So the initials are KKK. This person is also a man. Even more cruel.

    posted by Jessi on 3-20-2008 at 4:50 pm

  40. I’ve heard of these three from friends who’ve subbed in the public schools:

    1.Orangejello
    2.Lemonjello
    3.Shithead

    Not pronounced the way they look, of course.

    posted by Kacie on 3-20-2008 at 5:13 pm

  41. Marijuana Pepsi-Cola Jackson. Seriously.

    posted by Zervas on 3-20-2008 at 5:58 pm

  42. How about the guy who legally changed his name to Optimus Prime and then led a unit to battle in Iraq…yikes!

    posted by Stick on 3-20-2008 at 6:22 pm

  43. Someone mentioned the Level 42 guy – there was also a woman in Britain who has 25 middle names, all famous boxers. Her family is just really really into boxing, I guess.

    I went to school with a girl named Fashun – cool chick.

    posted by Rachel on 3-20-2008 at 6:37 pm

  44. The longest surname I’ve ever come across belonged to a kid at a hockey tournament (in minor hockey the players names are usually posted near the entrance of the arena) This one really stuck out – VANDENMAAGDENBERG.

    I’ve been keeping track ever since, but it’s still the longest, even including some pretty interesting inuit surnames.

    posted by Jennifer on 3-20-2008 at 7:08 pm

  45. I’m serious about naming any future children I have Captain Clementine, Bok Choy, and Facsimile. Fax for short.

    posted by Nacks on 3-20-2008 at 7:21 pm

  46. I worked at a bank, we called names like this “justifiable homicide”. We always said if someone killed their parents, because of a name like one of these, we would testify that it was justifiable homicide.

    posted by JenJen on 3-20-2008 at 7:27 pm

  47. Needless to say, I’m a BIG fan of Moon Unit Zappa!! Her book was great!

    posted by Moon on 3-20-2008 at 8:01 pm

  48. Needless to say, I’m a BIG fan of Moon Unit Zappa!! Her book was great!

    This new “capture” thing sucks. Go back to the old way.

    posted by Moon on 3-20-2008 at 8:03 pm

  49. I do believe that Joaquin Phoenix used to be called “Leaf.”

    RIP, River.

    PS: I LOVE the reCAPTCHA!

    posted by Alison on 3-20-2008 at 9:07 pm

  50. My mom knew a girl named Penny Cashdollar. She had issues.

    My mom’s name is Liz. In college, she was friends with a guy with the last name Ard. She actually proposed to him once, simply because of the idea of what her married name would be — Liz Ard.

    posted by Mollie on 3-20-2008 at 9:36 pm

  51. I know a ‘Penny Nichol’ who would sign her paintings as “6 cents”…(the cent sign)…

    i was watching Graham Norton the other night and in his audience was someone w 28 names…they could rattle them off from memory w/ no trouble at all…

    There was an episode of Dick Van Dyke were we found out that Richie’s middle name was ‘Rosebud’ – which was the first letter of every middle name he was given…

    posted by donner on 3-20-2008 at 11:36 pm

  52. The Lemonjello, Orangello, and Shithead names must be urban myth. Every teacher has hear about them…

    But what about:

    Olypmic Stats? I’m not kidding. Not one of my students, but he was in the class of a colleague

    posted by Austin on 3-21-2008 at 12:13 am

  53. My grandmother lived down the street from a girl named Leetha Lousiana Fleecy Flossy Orgay Womack.

    posted by Louisa on 3-21-2008 at 12:46 am

  54. I know a Virgil Stirgil. I’m pretty sure his parents were related.

    posted by j chew on 3-21-2008 at 1:12 am

  55. I went to school with a girl called…

    Teresa Green.

    No idea how her parents missed that…or how i missed it until the 3rd year of secondary school….hmmm

    posted by Martyn on 3-21-2008 at 4:36 am

  56. Not really that cool…but my name is Noah Ward. Say it together and it sounds like No Award. And to make matters worse, my middle name is Yearby. Don’t ask what it means, because I have no clue.

    posted by Noah on 3-21-2008 at 5:01 am

  57. I know it’s popular to name children by interesting names, but people, CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES!!! Also, it’s really dangerous to name anyone Harold, Harry for short. A few Harry’s I’ve come across:

    Harry Ho
    Harry Mole
    Harry Eye (my personal favorite)

    I also knew of a guy in college whose name was Highly Devine.

    posted by Rae Rae on 3-21-2008 at 8:54 am

  58. There are two siblings at my school, Storm Heaven and Blaze Heaven. They’re brother and sister.

    posted by Kyle on 3-21-2008 at 9:14 am

  59. Megan! When my mom was giving birth to my youngest brother, the woman that shared the room with her decided to name her daughter Placenta, because she thought it was lovely. I wondered if she had never taken a health course in school, or read any books on pregnancy…

    Also, I grew up down the street from a girl named Anita Tequila. Big surprise, her parents were party animals.

    posted by Bethany on 3-21-2008 at 10:23 am

  60. A coworker said she had a niece named, “Abcde” pronounced “Ab-sid-dee”. God awful. People should name their pets these things. How about the Australian or New Zealand couple that wanted to name their daughter “4-Real” and the government wouldn’t let them. Anyway, I have a female friend named Barri (full name) and she liked this guy whose last name was “Rich” – so she could have been “Barri Rich”. I also know a girl whose married name is Crystal Temple. I feel sorry for the people who started out with normal names and then someone made them popular. At my job, I have talked to a Jennifer Lopez and an Austin Powers and it’s hard to get past that when you first talk to them. I kept hearing Soul Bossa Nova in my head and was wanting to say, “Yeah Baby!” to Austin.

    posted by Jamie on 3-21-2008 at 10:26 am

  61. Oh, I have heard some doozies…I graduated high school with a guy named Ryan Ryan. At a different high school, I went to school with a girl named Genny…it was short for General Lee (lastname). Her sister was Libby, short for Liberty (lastname). My ex was in the military with a guy named Wilmore Gilmore. His middle name began with A, so my ex used to irritate him by calling him WAG. And let’s not start with the completely non-creative names…I’ve known a Dave Davidson, I’ve seen the name of a store manager as Andy Anderson, so on and so forth. On a non-personal note, I once read that a former governor of Texas, James Hogg (I think the first name’s correct), named his only daughter Ima.

    I seriously wonder about the mental stability of some parents. I also work for a financial institution, and some of the names I see make me shake my head in disgust. I also feel bad for people with initials that spell out things they shouldn’t. I know I tried to make sure my kid wouldn’t have such a horrid fate. When my ex and I were thinking of possible names for our daughter, I really liked the name Melody. He wanted the middle name to be Ann. Problem is, our last name starts with N, so her initials would’ve been MAN. To my disbelief, he couldn’t see what the big deal was. Good thing I did!

    posted by Krie on 3-21-2008 at 10:37 am

  62. I went to school with grils named Autumn, Summer, Seasons, January, and my personal favorite (and still my friend) Stanlee…yes, she is a girl.

    posted by Michelle on 3-21-2008 at 12:06 pm

  63. I went to school with girls named Autumn, Summer, Seasons, January, and my personal favorite (and still my friend) Stanlee…yes, she is a girl.

    posted by Michelle on 3-21-2008 at 12:07 pm

  64. Earlier in my military career, I worked for a E-9 whose last name happened to be Fagg. In the Air Force, a E-9 is a Chief Master Sergeant, so in effect EVERYONE called the poor man Chief Fagg. And before that he was called Sergeant Fagg…

    posted by SSgt H on 3-21-2008 at 12:08 pm

  65. My parents were going to name my brother Welden Owen Williams until they realized what his initials would be. Luckily they came to their senses and changed their mind.

    posted by Fran on 3-21-2008 at 12:17 pm

  66. Names Too Long For Name Tags! | Deliggit.com…

    \r\nWeve all heard about celebrities who give their children, ah, unusual names. But…

    posted by Deliggit.com | The social sites' most interesting urls on 3-21-2008 at 1:02 pm

  67. Let’s not forget The Animaniacs’ Dot Warner, whose full name is Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third.

    posted by Sorcerer Mickey on 3-21-2008 at 1:16 pm

  68. I know two sisters, one who’s name is Melody, and the other is Mandy Lynn…
    their father owns a musical instrument store, go figure.

    and by the way… my captcha says “devoted horney”
    interesting x]

    posted by Korin on 3-21-2008 at 1:34 pm

  69. My great-grandmother’s name was Maria Benedikta Hilaria Leuchten. Hilaria. Seriously.

    posted by Eric on 3-21-2008 at 2:39 pm

  70. my husband wants to name our future son leonidas optimus prime. he’s serious. he says that our son will the biggest bamf ever. =(

    posted by samanthamum on 3-23-2008 at 11:44 pm

  71. My brother went to school with a girl named Cinnamon. (I also happened to go to college and become friends with a girl named Cinnamon.) The Cinnamon my brother went to school with had a daughter and named her Tequila Sunrise.

    posted by Rebekah on 4-1-2008 at 7:17 pm

  72. I went to high school with Abe Lincoln and Harley Davidson. My best friend dated Michael Jackson. Working in an office, I came across Ginger Spicer and Don Chiapetta (he was my favorite).

    I’m a few years away from having kids, but anytime I think of a name that I like, I run it through rigorous tests of every possible rhyme, nickname, letter combinations…I guess it’s helpful, because I’ve discovered that nearly every name combination I love ends up with initials of KEG, LEG, or BEG. I just can’t do that to my possible future kid.

    posted by m on 4-12-2008 at 12:41 am

  73. I work in neonatal ICU. Some recent gems: Magnavox -(brother of Zenith and son of Philco), Cleveland Brown, William Williams, twins – Jameel A and Jameel B. Spellings – how many ways can one spell Dakota or Brooklyn? We had a Vagina some years ago, mom called her “Gina” with a long “i”. Semaj has become popular (spell it backwards). Neveah (another reverse) seems to be going by the wayside – thank heaven. We’ve had multiple Heaven Lees with variations on the middles name – Lea, Leah, Leeh. The creativity is underwhelming. Some other gag-me names – Precious, Diamond (and Diamonique), Sparkle, Peaches, Peachy, and Fatman. Can you fathom the world of hurt Fatman is going to experience?

    posted by Bonnie on 5-18-2008 at 11:21 am

  74. I went to high school with a Ben Dover. I also knew the Berry family- Larry Berry and his kids Sharrie and Gary Berry. And the Orangejello and Lemonjello at least aren’t an urban myth. My friend’s mom worked in the maternity ward where they were delivered. All the nurses tried to talk the mom out of those names.

    posted by Gina on 4-23-2010 at 5:20 am

  75. Bonneville; goes by Bonny and guess where *she* was conceived?!

    posted by A2Veeness on 4-23-2010 at 6:34 am

  76. My friend told me there is a girl that goes to her younger sister’s school who’s first name is “Silky Smooth.” That’s genuinely what her parents named her. My mind is boggled by that one.

    posted by Lana B* on 4-23-2010 at 6:58 am

  77. My great-grandmother had 18 given names. The story goes that her mother had had about 9 kids before her, and by the time she popped out my great-granny, she didn’t have any interest in thinking up a name. She told somebody at the hospital to go poll the waiting room for name suggestions, and the person who did so wrote all the names on the birth certificate. Apparently they all stuck.

    posted by TWP on 4-23-2010 at 8:00 am

  78. I can only add to the unusual names list.

    Dusty Whitecloud, twins Pepsi and Pixie, Tiara, Endia,Kamileh,MiMaria,Kiron Maria, kjia Noelle, Tighe, Godsgift, Freelove,Denver, and many more screwed up names that can be found in my family

    posted by Marie on 4-23-2010 at 8:41 am

  79. When my mom worked in labor and delivery, she helped deliver twins around midnight midnight…the mom named them Tadaya and Tamara.

    I went to school with two brothers…Harley and Davidson…We used to joke that the parent’s names were Honda and Kawasaki.

    posted by Stephanie on 4-23-2010 at 8:56 am

  80. I used to work for a hospital in the medical records department. One of the birth certificates we received read — “Ya’Heighness Queen Elizabeth (last name)”

    posted by 1234 on 4-23-2010 at 8:59 am

  81. I knew a guy named William Williams once, and another girl named D’Miracle, because she was the only girl after ten boys.

    And I went to college with a guy named Archibald, which isn’t a long name (compared to these here) but is a strange name for someone who was born in the late 80s. He hated it.

    My mother gave me the middle name of Danette, which I have only run across about three times in my entire life. Most people have never heard of it.

    posted by Heather on 4-23-2010 at 9:25 am

  82. Also my best friend in middle school was named Robin Williams, which she hated because everyone expected her to really like Robin Williams the comedian… and she didn’t.

    posted by Heather on 4-23-2010 at 9:27 am

  83. Our last name is 13 letters, and is not pronounced like it is spelled (in English, at least) at all. That is why I named my sons easy, classic names (George and James). They will have enough trouble learning how to spell their last name, and will have to tell everyone how to pronounce it (I can’t tell you how many times I have seen someone look at our last name, and then turn to me with a helpless look on their face, with no idea how to pronounce it)!

    posted by Jenny on 4-23-2010 at 9:39 am

  84. I worked email support for a Big Company, and a customer contacted us by the name of ‘Porndech Wangwiwatsyn’.

    Highly unfortunate.

    posted by Sean on 4-23-2010 at 9:54 am

  85. I had a teacher with the last name Drinkwater.

    I also dealt with someone at work named James Justice Bond. Too cool.

    posted by liz on 4-23-2010 at 9:58 am

  86. My wife, an attorney, had a female client named Tangy Bacon. She said that no one could keep a straight face when her case was called in court. Of course, she had no clue that her name was unusual.

    I’ve also had a classmate named Charlie Brown. He hated the name (for obvious reasons) and used his middle name instead.

    posted by Eric on 4-23-2010 at 10:19 am

  87. Did anyone else notice that the guy who goes by Louis Antoine Jullien doesn’t actually have Antoine in his name? Antonio yes, Antoine no…with all those to choose from, I’m surprised he couldn’t find a middle name he liked from the ones he already had.

    posted by Emma on 4-23-2010 at 10:20 am

  88. craziest names i have come across, Jaila Bate, Kinidi (pronounced Kennedy), Chemberrlee. I also know a Kellie Jo Kelly and Rustie Potts. My obgyn is Virginia Jay…She goes by Dr. V. Jay..ha still laugh at that every time i make an appointment!

    posted by LaLa on 4-23-2010 at 10:25 am

  89. Ahh this is one of my favourite subjects. I used to work at a call center and got some great names… not long but hilarious anyway:

    -Aboriginal Insatible
    -Huggy Bear
    -Wankard Pooser (my personal favourite)

    I really like having my name too, because any time someone calls to speak to MR. Shawn… or doesn’t believe I am Shawn I know they aren’t someone I need/ want to talk to. And I got a free mens razor from Gilette on my 18th Birthday!

    posted by Shawn on 4-23-2010 at 10:32 am

  90. oh and Shithead… pronounced SHA-theed… WHY?!

    posted by Shawn on 4-23-2010 at 10:33 am

  91. I went to school with a guy whose parents were big into lord of the rings. They named their two sons Aragorn Eomer and Elendil Fangorn. They always went by Ari and Eli. No one knew (I’m sure the teachers did) until graduation and their names were read over the microphone as they walked across the stage. Poor guys.

    posted by Nicole on 4-23-2010 at 10:37 am

  92. I don’t understand why Teresa Green is funny. Can someone help me out?

    posted by Jenny on 4-23-2010 at 10:49 am

  93. Two came to mind for me:

    1) Chrysanthemum from the Kevin Henkes book of the same name… “Her name was so long it scarcely even fit on her name tag”

    and 2) R.O.S.E.B.U.D. From the old Dick Van Dyke episode (although I cannot remember what the seven names stood for)

    @ s michael c – I too know a girl named Chanda Lear – totally on purpose as well.

    posted by Justin L on 4-23-2010 at 10:55 am

  94. @Jenny… I think it’s supposed to sound like the Louis Armstrong song:
    I see Theresa Green, red roses too…

    posted by Carmen on 4-23-2010 at 11:58 am

  95. I had a professor whose first name was Nanyaporn… poor girl.
    There’s also a doctor in our town by the name of Happy Holiday.

    posted by C on 4-23-2010 at 12:18 pm

  96. My last name is Ray. There are several things I will not name my child. For example

    Violet

    Sting

    Ulysseys Virgil (U.V)

    Manta

    Why do perants intentionally do this to their children?

    I was friends with a girl in school name Terra Pitts. Flip the first letters of each word.

    It’s safe to say she was BUSTY, which was ironic.

    Also, I have a work associated named Ada, and her fiancee’s name is Paul Burger. If they get married her name will be Ada Burger. OMG THATS AMAZING!

    names are a blessing and a burden.

    posted by mendy on 4-23-2010 at 12:38 pm

  97. Went to school with Kelly Kelly and April May. MIL was the OB nurse that delivered Krystal Shanda Lear from the fifth comment. Stepfather’s friend was so excited when his twin sons were born he named them Chicago Joe and Slugger Sam but they go by Joe and Sam. In my years of teaching I’ve been exposed to so many normal names spelled totally wrong (aka unique) I feel sooo bad for those kids who have to spell their names for everyone three times.

    Oh almost forgot La-a (pronounced Ladasha). I know it’s been called an urban legend but she’s a real person.

    posted by Lisa on 4-23-2010 at 12:40 pm

  98. I went to camp with a girl whose legal name was Anna Banana Lastname. She didn’t have a middle name until she was 7 or so, and her parents let her choose. She picked “Banana” because that’s what they always called her anyway.

    posted by Elly Vortex on 4-23-2010 at 1:04 pm

  99. Doing data entry my mom came across someone named Transfiguración.

    Also, South American revolutionary Simón Bolívar’s full name was Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar Palacios y Blanco

    posted by Steve on 4-23-2010 at 1:11 pm

  100. I was friends with a Brandy Jack Daniels (Last Name) when I was young. The poor girl was in a foster home after being taken away from her alcoholic mother.

    posted by Jess on 4-23-2010 at 1:12 pm

  101. My uncle was the judge in a custody case of a girl named La-a. Pronounced “LaDASHah, the dash AIN’T silent!” according to her mother.

    posted by Chris on 4-23-2010 at 1:22 pm

  102. I once had an 80-year-old lady patient named Lilia DeVally.

    posted by Dorothy on 4-23-2010 at 1:34 pm

  103. Ha Bethany!

    I don’t think Placenta is that unusual a name… although it’s usually Placentia. We have a Placentia Bay in Canada. I have seen some interesting Pilipino names… Ruhermana, Concepcion, and also names made up of parts of various family member names.

    Some names I have seen here at my library:

    King Kong
    Gelati Wong
    Loveleen
    Princess Wing

    and my all time favourite, is Effin Linshitz. Just try yelling it!

    I did know a Chester Field (for you non-CDN, that’s a sofa)

    posted by Marion on 4-23-2010 at 1:38 pm

  104. This is the weirdest real-life name I’ve run into… Harry Greisedick (last name pronounced Greezy-dick). Did they really need to name him Harold? And did he just go with Harry to beat others to the punch line?

    posted by Kari on 4-23-2010 at 2:26 pm

  105. My favorite unusual names (not especially long ones, though) were discovered in a mental_floss article about the border dispute between Ohio and Michigan: brothers named One and Two. One Stickney and Two Stickney!

    posted by Cath on 4-23-2010 at 2:58 pm

  106. my sister had a customer at work
    Kermit Weaselquist
    true story

    posted by jlm on 4-23-2010 at 3:05 pm

  107. At work,I have had to speak to Winter Pork, a poor guy with a 20 letter long last name and some others I just can’t remember, but Mrs. Pork sticks out because I couldn’t even say her name because I felt so bad for her.

    posted by Sarah on 4-23-2010 at 3:11 pm

  108. I forgot to mention yesterday I spoke to a man whose name is Yung Wong. It took all my self control not to laugh.

    posted by Sarah on 4-23-2010 at 3:13 pm

  109. One cousin had a friend named Dorkus Dick.

    The other story’s a bit worse. Another cousin, say…Mary Littleton, married a guys named Barry Barryfallou. They met each other in Denver, and kept their own last names. Then they had a son, and named him…

    Denver Franklin Littleton Barryfallou Littlefallou.

    And then they went through a terrible divorce.

    Sadly, all true.

    posted by Denny on 4-23-2010 at 3:14 pm

  110. I work in the layaway department of an off price retail company store. I get to see a lot of odd names, since I have to type them into the system on a daily basis. I’d have to say my 2 favorites so far are “Tekeela” and “Clamidiya”. I kid you not. Then there’s Oiuda – “yesyes” in French and German. Makes you wonder what the parents were up to when they came up with names.

    posted by Tracy on 4-23-2010 at 3:33 pm

  111. I also knew a Faith, Hope and Charity – their parents were quite religious, but not religious enough to give birth to Love, I guess!

    posted by Marion on 4-23-2010 at 3:59 pm

  112. My Nephew was almost named Eric Cartman (Last Name)

    I guess she realized why during delivery so she changed it to Alec Cartman

    posted by hockeyzombie on 4-23-2010 at 4:21 pm

  113. Got a family friend who named their son Dayton Hooker. Couldn’t see the issue we raised with it.

    posted by Sarah on 4-23-2010 at 5:58 pm

  114. Who decides names are bad?

    Unfortunately some people really do give their kids seriously stupid names, but that seems to cause others to bemoan anyone who doesn’t name their kids John or Jane.

    John and Jane were probably ‘different’ once too.

    posted by Bakedpotatoes on 4-23-2010 at 7:01 pm

  115. Richard Cooch junior. dad goes by Dick.

    posted by moonablaze on 4-23-2010 at 7:17 pm

  116. At the call center where I work, we keep a file on the share drive where we list the best names we get. Everyone in the office has been contributing to it for years, so it’s extremely long, but here are just the last few entries:
    Princess Funchess
    Star Electricwarrior
    Susan Spicy
    Bonna Munch
    Randy Rambo
    Gary Gay

    Oh man, it goes on and on.

    posted by Lilith on 4-23-2010 at 7:36 pm

  117. My wife has seven names, not including mine (which she insisted on adding to hers). She says she would have been given more only the Portuguese government put a limit.

    Our four daughters were given a relatively uncommon (but not weird) first name and a common second name, in case they wanted to change when they got older (none of them has, and the youngest is 23). They all have an unusual Portuguese name from my wife’s family as a third name.

    New Zealand seems to be a country that keeps an eye on names: recently parents wanted to name their daughter “Tallulah-does-the-Hula-in-Hawaii” and were refused.

    Iceland goes even further. If you want to become an Icelandic citizen, you must have (I believe) an authentic Icelandic name. When the famous Soviet pianist Vladimir Ashkenazy sought asylum and eventually citizenship he was told he would have to change his name. He argued that his name was world famous and to change it to something like Leif Thorvaldsson would destroy his reputation. The government relented, as he was allowed to naturalise with his Russian name. I have heard that, later, a Spanish immigrant ordered to choose an Icelandic name elected “Vladimir Ashkenazy”.

    posted by Gollum on 4-23-2010 at 9:12 pm

  118. Charity Tickle- lived down the street from me when I was 7.
    Stergos Stergos- went to school with him.
    Fred Gentle- met him after high school.
    George George- owned a company I worked at for a while.
    Truly Nolen- owns a pest-control company in my home town.
    Dr. Ronald Doctor- an ophthalmologist in my home town.
    Dr. Butcher- was my grandmother’s doctor.
    I worked with a girl named Muffin, I told her I’d kick her butt if I ever heard of her marrying a guy whose last name was Baker.
    There was a guy in my high school named Diggy. I can’t recall ever seeing anyone make fun of his name though. He was super-cool and I had a major crush on him.

    posted by dooflotchie on 4-23-2010 at 9:29 pm

  119. Richard Long – of course he went by Dick. What guy wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to be called Long, Dick?

    Dick Pittstick

    Sisters named Misty, Rainy, Dusty, and Sandy. And of course their younger brother’s name was Clay – how could it not be?

    Brothers Iamjesus Love and Judge Love. Iamjesus once kicked a ball into my friend’s yard. He gave it back after he realized Jesus was not in fact trying to communicate with him.

    Oh and my roommate in college dated a guy named Elton Fagget…or maybe it was Faget. Either way it had a very unfortunate pronunciation.

    And then there’s the last name my mom came across at work…Shotwithtwoarrows. Yikes.

    posted by Mandi_O on 4-23-2010 at 11:39 pm

  120. Oh gosh – I just realized if I marry my boyfriend (whose last name is O’Connell) and name my daughter Emily Margaret like I want…her initials would be EMO.

    Margaret Emily has its merits…

    posted by Elizabeth on 4-24-2010 at 2:04 am

  121. these posts are hilarious, i absolutely love talking about funny names.

    1) i once came across a tv journalist in Australia called Luke Waters… before that, I’d read about someone with the same name, whose middle name was’Warm’. Luke Warm Waters. i wonder if it’s the same guy.

    2) i’ve been told about a friend’s ex-classmate whose name would have been Rose Pok, if not for a last minute change to Jessica. (say it really quick and it sounds like ‘roast pork’) Her brother is Harry.

    3) the same friend talked about meeting a guide on an outing whose first name is Wanda, last name Foo. Wanda Foo. She also has two other sisters: Calla and Hope.

    keep them coming!

    posted by Ruby on 4-24-2010 at 5:31 am

  122. Donner and Justin L- I was thinking the same thing.I once read a newspaper article about a criminal named Cletus James Babies.

    posted by Sara in Al on 4-24-2010 at 3:36 pm

  123. -Ivy Fern Moss-my mom’s college roommate. She was allergic to ivy.
    -Bernard-kid I went to school with
    -Sugar and Candy Cane-grew up in my rabbis’ neighborhood
    -Michael Rack-he went by Mike. Mike Rack, sounds like My Crack. Kids at his school called him Buttcrack.

    posted by Cassie on 4-24-2010 at 11:19 pm

  124. There is a girl that lives in my town by the name of Tender Lee Mount.

    Her parents are addicts.

    Also my dance teacher’s last name is Camp and she named her daughter Sommer…

    Why?

    posted by Becca on 4-25-2010 at 10:52 pm

  125. I know a family with four daughters, the first three are Hope, Faith, and Joy. The youngest is Wanda, because they “wan-da son.”

    posted by Ann on 4-26-2010 at 12:17 am

  126. Not a long name, but some funnies:

    My dad – Mark Ronald (last name starting
    with S) His initials? MRS

    My grandfather and his brother – Ronald D. (last) and Donald R. (last). Guess what the initials stood for!

    posted by Sam on 4-26-2010 at 12:19 am

  127. Aww, this has been a great laugh.

    @Eric, I also have a Hilaria in my family, and my brothers name is Eric! Different middle names though. Cool!

    I started making a family tree last year, looks like it’s coming to fruition. :D
    Gualberta
    Diosdado
    Ascencio
    Demosthenes
    Illuminado
    for some reason, Napoleon
    Beningo, unfortunately pronounced just as you see it

    et la piece de resistance:

    GORGONIA!!!

    My grandfathers sisters name. Imagine going through life as Maria Gorgonia.

    posted by Kat on 4-26-2010 at 12:33 am

  128. Here, in India.. we’ve got this really famous politician. His wife name translates as this really sweet thick icecream. His daughters..all seen of them..are named after the days of the week. (yup..sunday, monday..etc.. all in Hindi) A big joke here when he was in power.
    I wonder if he changed their names after they were born? How do you know if you are going to have 7 girls?

    posted by rosie on 4-26-2010 at 12:34 am

  129. My favorite names: Mr. Littledick, (the first name doesn’t really matter in this case, does it?) Petus Balls, Tara Bull, and Justin Other lastname. My BIL has the middle name of Justin because my MIL saw a bootbox on the way out the door when she went to have him.

    posted by Liz on 4-26-2010 at 12:52 am

  130. I went to school with a kid named Theopolis Polopolis. I think he was Greek, maybe?

    posted by sarah on 4-26-2010 at 1:11 am

  131. Okay, I’ve got three for you:

    My father went to school with a guy named Tomato Paste.

    My name is A. Merit Badger (last name). It was a complete accident.

    Some very dear family friends had the unfortunate surname of Nutt. Out of all the many fun christenings in their family tree, my favorite had to be the great-aunts’. They were twins dubbed Ima and Ura.

    posted by Badger on 4-26-2010 at 1:55 am

  132. A friend teaches public schools and recently encountered a child named “Le-a.”

    When he called roll and said her name as “Lee-ah”, she corrected him — “It’s pronounced Ledasha.”

    THE DASH IS NOT SILENT.

    posted by Mary on 4-26-2010 at 10:42 am

  133. I was sad that Yo Xing Heyno Augustus Eisner Alexander Weiser Knuckles Jeremijenko-Conley wasn’t mentioned. I guess his name isn’t as long as some of these, but it’s remarkable that he picked a couple of the names himself (such as Heyno, since he started to answer to reprimands of “HEY! NO!”).

    posted by Sarah on 4-26-2010 at 11:54 pm

  134. My Mom was an inner city school teacher (89% new immigrant!) and has had students with the following names:
    Shi’thead
    Female (fee-maley)
    Usnavy (oos-nahvey)

    Even closer to home
    My great uncle’s name was Frank Lee and my cousin’s name during her first marriage was Amanada DeAnda.

    posted by Vanessa on 4-27-2010 at 12:03 am

  135. I once had a student named Maura Less. On the first day of class, as I went through the roster and hesitated before saying her name, she looked up at me and, with perfect timing, said, “My parents chose it because they thought no one could make fun of it.”

    She was a great student and a really cool person.

    posted by Jane Eyre on 4-27-2010 at 3:22 pm

  136. I live in México and we have some weird names too:

    some people are named by what the calendar says, so there’s “Aniv. de la Rev.” which stands for anniversary of the revolution

    there’s this name “Massiosare” which is made of 3 words (that sound like one), from the national anthem

    I also once met a Domingo (sunday), and there are rumors of a girl named “Krisis Mundial” (badly written “world crisis”)

    and Hilaria here is common for older people… it’s like Hilary in the US

    if I remember more I’ll come back and post them :)

    posted by lvia on 4-30-2010 at 2:50 am

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