People magazine is reporting that Kevin Federline, husband of Britney, has landed a small role on CSI:

“It’s the first time I’ve actually had a speaking role,” he told the magazine.

Federline started filming this week in Los Angeles. He will play a menacing, arrogant teen who harasses investigators Nick Stokes (George Eads) and Warrick Brown (Gary Dourdan) on a job.

So, amateur screenwriters: Assuming that K-Fed’s TV persona is based on his real one, what will his momentous “speaking role” actually consist of? Give us some lines, and we’ll petition CSI to include the best of them in the script.