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Mangesh
The only Mafia-approved Bed on the market
by Mangesh - March 31, 2008 - 8:31 AM

Picture 42.pngG4’s The Feed tipped me off on a gem of an item. If the standard Temperpedic and down comforter aren’t offering all the sleep security you need, perhaps you need a slight upgrade to the Quantum Sleeper. Apparently, the mattress and casing will protect you from everything a Happy Fun Ball won’t. Just look at a few of the offerings

  • Bulletproof Plating
  • Bio-chemical Filtered Ventillation System
  • Cover and Door with Emergency Release
  • One-way see through head cover (with reflective mirror on the other side, naturally)
  • Motion Detector, Smoke Detector, Proximity Sensor, etc.
  • Air/Water Tight Sealing
  • External Remote Control
  • Toiletry System
  • CD Player, Microwave and Refrigerator (with a DVD hook-up)
  • CB and Short-wave Radio
  • and it’s also Fire Resistant

Sound perfect for a certain paranoid loved one? The company’s current estimate is that the bed will set you back $135,000. I’m guessing that doesn’t include sheets. Link via the always great G4.

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Comments (10)

  1. I did not even need to read the ad. I just had to look at the picture of this coffin-bed and immediately thought: NO!!

    posted by Andie on 3-31-2008 at 8:43 am

  2. Reading the specs, I noticed two things:

    1. Airtight
    2. Requires access to a power outlet (presumably to run the filters, get air to the sleeper, etc)

    So. Given that it stops bullets and biocides, what’s to stop a lazy assassin from tripping a switch on the circuit breaker downstairs and just asphyxiating the sleeper?

    posted by Andy on 3-31-2008 at 9:50 am

  3. ha… I think there’s a battery in the fine print that I didn’t publicize. That said, the fact that the thing looks like it’s made of plywood doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.

    posted by Mangesh on 3-31-2008 at 9:58 am

  4. way to go death trap usa!

    posted by meta on 3-31-2008 at 10:37 am

  5. This doesn’t look like a $135,000 bed, safe-room, magic time machine, or anything else for that matter. It looks like a few hundred bucks worth of junk from Home Depot and the result of having too much spare time. This is clearly a joke.

    posted by Darel on 3-31-2008 at 2:12 pm

  6. Hahaha. April Fools! =)

    posted by FlimFlam on 3-31-2008 at 2:22 pm

  7. UN-believable!

    posted by Bob on 3-31-2008 at 2:33 pm

  8. I read the whole ad, and it sounds like a good idea to have it around in hostile environments and areas going through war (which it’s designed for). If you live in a safe suburban neighborhood, you probably won’t need this.
    It probably has something to back it up in case of a power failure, and if the oxygen level is too low in the system, the doors automatically open up. So you won’t suffocate.
    By the way, the thing is made of polycarbonate, and not plywood, as mentioned. Only the demonstration model is made of wood.

    posted by facts on 3-31-2008 at 4:18 pm

  9. most people living in hostile environments would move if they had access to $135,000, I would think. Probably your average resident of a war-torn country couldn’t afford it either.

    Interesting concept though…

    posted by Beth on 3-31-2008 at 8:51 pm

  10. I’m surprised no one picked up on some of the available options: robotic arms and projectile weapons… All it needs is wheels and you’re sleeping in the Batmobile!

    posted by RosiePerez on 3-31-2008 at 10:12 pm

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