I spend at least a few hours a week on myspace looking up single women, age 18-24 who have kids, only a high school education, smoke, drink and make under $30,000 a year. I’m totally not a stalker, but I just can’t stop wondering what their lives are like!

Anytime I met someone in high school who lived in a trailer I would get so excited to go over to their house. I anticipated the horrible collections of random crap plastered all over their fake wood siding, the 1980’s decor, random big screen in the 10×8 foot living room…I’ve never understood why I’m so fascinated by it.

I definitely do not look down on these people either, I’ve always told my friends that I want to spend 1 year living in one down by the river in the back woods….actually, I don’t know if this is so much a vice as a mental problem!

no wonder i’m single

Does this sound strange?

I correct grammar in everything I read… I have novels in my bookcase that have whole sections marked in red and corrected in the margins.
I once vandalized a bill board that read, “Pretty cool..” because ‘pretty is an adjective, not an adverb damn it.
My own grammar? Don’t care a bit.

Also… Smoking, drinking, chronic masturbation, blogging, politics, and shooting birds… sorry PETA.

David Hasselhoff!

I LOVE HIM!

I can usually handle the once a week airings, but when they air the marathons of past seasons on VH1, I get sucked into a Top Model vortex of mega-Tyra-egos, catty bitches, and insane photo shoots.

It is a total vortex. There is no pulling Holly out of an ANTM vortex until the winner is named after about eight hours of episode after whiny episode. Even if I’ve seen it before. Afterwards, I loll around in my own self hatred and think that I’m not photogenic, skinny, or bulimic enough (I am not bulimic. Nor anorexic. I love food and NOT barfing too much).

My husband at first would ask, “Have you seen this one before?” and I’ll say, “Yeah, I have. But I can’t remember what happens.” I. JUST. CAN’T. STOP.

It is now to the point where we’ll see ANTM on VH1 on the cable guide, I press the “select” button on the remote, and my husband will do a leap through the air like in those action movies where they’re shielding you from a bullet, yelling in slow motion, “NOOoooooo!”

But it’s great to watch while folding laundry.

It’s just so amazing to hear all the gross stuff other girls do, for my whole life I just thought I was a disgusting alien. I pick my nose and eat it! I pluck various body hairs late into the night! I snoop in other people’s medicine cabinets! re: the callus slicing – anybody else ever sew their calluses with a needle and thread, or chew on the callus shavings? Anybody else masturbate at work when things got tense? How about, ever notice that when you scratch your butt, no matter how many layers of clothes you have on, your fingers always smell like ass?

Kudos to the peeps who check out their product… in our house, we brag about them, and make everyone look if it’s a good one: leviathan, out of toilet log, double curl, fibre bar, lincoln log, nest of snakes…

BTW I would NEVER eat out of a garbage can! That is just too too dangerous. You garbage eaters, you have a death wish.