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It’s time Wheaties started thinking outside the box. At least about the outside of their box. And that’s why we’re asking for America’s support. We’ve posted Ethan’s Trex’s piece below, and we’re using the comments section as a petition. Once we’ve collected 10,000 signatures, we’re going to send the whole thing to General Mills. And if they send it back, we’ll switch our morning allegiance to Count Chocula.
10 Sports Heroes You Won’t Find on a Wheaties Box
By Ethan Trex
1. Sumo Wrestling: Akebono Taro
The only slim thing about sumo wrestling is the chance of becoming a yokozuna, or grand champion. Throughout the centuries, only 69 men have done it. Before Hawaii’s Chad Rowan stomped into the ring, no foreigner had ever held the honor. Of course, improbable things can happen when you stand 6’8” and weigh more than 500 lbs.—gigantic even by sumo standards. After abandoning a college basketball scholarship due to arguments with his coaches, Rowan threw himself into sumo.
In 1988, he went to Japan with only a single set of clothes and a limited knowledge of Japanese. But Rowan wasn’t there to chitchat. Within a year, the quick study had learned how to use his towering height to make devastating thrusts at opponents’ throats. That March, he made his professional debut as Akebono—“dawn” in Japanese—an ironic moniker for a man who could block out the sun.
As Rowan’s victories piled up and his Japanese improved, he won more and more fans. His jovial demeanor didn’t hurt, either. In January 1993, Akebono was promoted to yokozuna—a title he held until retirement. By the time he was ready to hang up his belt in 2001, he’d racked up 566 wins and 11 division championships.
2. Elephant Polo: Kimberly Zenz
When Kimberly Zenz, an experienced horse polo player, discovered elephant polo on the Internet, she knew she’d found her destiny. Intrigued by the prospect of simultaneously riding an elephant and wielding an oversize mallet, Zenz posted an ad on Craigslist looking for teammates in Washington, D.C. Amazingly, people responded.
Zenz’s four-person team, the Capital Pachyderms, didn’t have real elephants with which to practice. Luckily, that didn’t matter much. Four elephants—along with four experienced elephant drivers—are provided to each team before a tournament. Knowing that her squad could concentrate more on whacking the ball than handling the elephants (you leave that to the drivers), Kimberly and crew trained on top of old swing sets to approximate the pachyderms’ height.
As one might expect, there wasn’t quite enough jungle in their jungle gyms. The team’s training efforts were no substitute for experience, and the Capital Pachyderms finished second to last in Thailand’s 2006 King’s Cup Elephant Polo Championship. Undeterred, Zenz and her team kept practicing. In 2007, they placed second in a competition in Sri Lanka and fifth in the World Elephant Polo Championships in Nepal. Both victories have earned them bragging rights as “America’s No. 1 elephant polo team.”
Continue Reading…
3. Bullfighting: Sidney Franklin
In 1922, Sidney Franklin was just an artist from Brooklyn who’d moved to Mexico City after an argument with his father. One day, he decided to take a break from painting to see his first bullfight. Franklin immediately fell in love with the sport—particularly the crowd’s reverence for the fighters. When he told his Mexican friends that he was surprised by the absence of American matadors, they replied that Americans didn’t have the guts to step into the arena. The ribbing irritated Franklin so much that he embarked on a quixotic mission to become a legendary bullfighter.
In need of a trainer, Franklin brashly solicited the services of renowned Mexican matador Rodolfo Gaona. The request was basically the equivalent of asking Peyton Manning for free football lessons, but shockingly, Gaona accepted.
Franklin’s fearlessness didn’t translate into instant success. During his first fight in 1923, he fell down twice before killing the bull. Within five years, however, he was thrilling Mexican crowds. But the victories weren’t enough for Franklin. Looking for bigger challenges, he set out to conquer the motherland of toreadors—Spain. Franklin’s gutsy performances in Spanish arenas earned him throngs of fans, along with several gorings. They also earned him the friendship of bullfighting aficionado Ernest Hemingway. The author would later immortalize Franklin’s technique and bravery in Death in the Afternoon, saying Franklin’s life story was “better than any picaresque novel you ever read.”
4. Billiards: Willie Mosconi
It’s hard to believe that billiards world champion Willie Mosconi learned to play pool by hitting potatoes with a broomstick.
It’s even harder to believe that his parents, who ran a pool hall in Philadelphia, forbade him from playing because they wanted him to pursue a career in vaudeville. Luckily for them, the obstinate Mosconi taught himself late at night with the only implements at his disposal.In no time, Mosconi became a cue-wielding child prodigy. His talents supported his family during the Great Depression, and Mosconi went on to win 15 world championships during his career. Impressively, he still holds the world record for running balls without a miss, sinking 526 consecutive balls in a 1954 exhibition.
Of course, Paul Newman might argue that Willie Mosconi’s greatest accomplishment was teaching him to play pool. Allegedly, Newman had never played before filming The Hustler. After taking intense pool-shark lessons from Mosconi, however, Newman was nominated for an Academy Award for best actor in 1962.
You’ve got my vote!
posted by MrBabyMan on 4-25-2008 at 2:06 am
These guys are waaaaaaay cooler than the people on most cereal boxes!
posted by Elizabeth on 4-25-2008 at 7:14 am
Let’s see some sumo elephant polo cereal box action! I want it now!
Does leaving this comment mean I’ve signed the petition, or do I need to do something else? Can someone let me know?
ecstacie@gmail.com
Stacie B.
posted by Stacie Bigelow on 4-25-2008 at 7:43 am
Awesome!! And I
posted by Mellissa on 4-25-2008 at 7:46 am
Definitely Wheaties material!
posted by John on 4-25-2008 at 7:47 am
Sign me up!
posted by Brian on 4-25-2008 at 7:51 am
Consider this my signature! I would sooner pick up a cereal box with an elephant polo player on it than some steroid-chugging baseball pitcher, anyway. :D
posted by Allison on 4-25-2008 at 7:52 am
I’m in! The sumo wrestler rocks!
posted by Casey on 4-25-2008 at 7:55 am
Unite, underappreciated sports heroes of the world! Demand your fair time on Wheaties boxes so that my dad can add them to his collection!
Come on, GM, you know you want to.
posted by Erin on 4-25-2008 at 7:57 am
Consider this my signature.
posted by Anella Harmeyer on 4-25-2008 at 7:59 am
The best part about most of these athletes is that they’re probably better role models than several people who have been on the Wheaties boxes in the past.
They do it for the love of the sport.
posted by Julie on 4-25-2008 at 8:03 am
I’m in!
posted by Em on 4-25-2008 at 8:04 am
Signed :)
posted by Katie D. on 4-25-2008 at 8:18 am
Signed
posted by Dave Banker on 4-25-2008 at 8:21 am
count me in!
posted by Claudia on 4-25-2008 at 8:35 am
I’m in total support of this petition.
~KK
posted by Korie K. on 4-25-2008 at 8:48 am
i like it when america kicks butt.
signed
posted by meta on 4-25-2008 at 8:53 am
These people are fantastic!
Please count me in =D
posted by Angie on 4-25-2008 at 8:55 am
Wow! i hope to one day fulfill my dream of being a grand champion sumo wrestler! that guy gives me hope! YOU HAVE MY VOTE!
posted by Briana on 4-25-2008 at 9:08 am
I’m in! Awesome stuff!
posted by T on 4-25-2008 at 9:08 am
I AGREE! TOTES DEF FOR REAL SIGNED!
posted by Melanie on 4-25-2008 at 9:10 am
I’m in… think how much more interesting reading the cereal box would be!
posted by Lisa on 4-25-2008 at 9:17 am
It’s about time someone recognized the real athletes!
I’m in.
posted by Lisa on 4-25-2008 at 9:21 am
Sign me up, as well.
posted by bre on 4-25-2008 at 9:29 am
I’m definitely in. *signs*
posted by Jeremy on 4-25-2008 at 9:48 am
With people like these on the boxes, I might actually start eating Wheaties again.
posted by Perry Adanick on 4-25-2008 at 9:49 am
I am totally in support of this petition. Thanks for a great article!
posted by Mandy B on 4-25-2008 at 9:57 am
Signed!
posted by Allanna on 4-25-2008 at 9:59 am
Definitely signed.
posted by Christa Timbers on 4-25-2008 at 10:00 am
Yes, I am signing this petition, but I don’t want to support bullfighting. it’s a cruel and inhumane sport and i think honoring its participants is wrong.
posted by Patricia on 4-25-2008 at 10:08 am
Very interesting! Sign me up!
posted by Katie on 4-25-2008 at 10:11 am
1 More for the real American sports heros!!!
posted by Cujo on 4-25-2008 at 10:13 am
Cheers to these and all underappreciated American athletes. These men and women worked hard to be the best and knew that there were no million dollar contracts at the end of their rainbows. And thank you to Mental Floss for giving them the recognition they deserve.
Im in.
posted by Hugo Eraso on 4-25-2008 at 10:13 am
I’m in!
Joyce
posted by Joyce Morrison on 4-25-2008 at 10:42 am
I am in!
Joyce
posted by Joyce Morrison on 4-25-2008 at 10:45 am
Signed, sealed, delivered!
Kind of reminds me of Dodgeball. . . You know. . . Obscure Sports Quarterly and ESPN 8, the “Ocho”
Elephant polo looks amazing!
posted by andrea on 4-25-2008 at 10:47 am
Sign me up!
posted by Dan on 4-25-2008 at 10:58 am
SIGNED!!!
posted by Pearl on 4-25-2008 at 11:04 am
I’m in too!
posted by Fruppi on 4-25-2008 at 11:17 am
Triumph over adversity! It’s the American Way!
posted by E. Murphy on 4-25-2008 at 11:50 am
signed!
posted by leah on 4-25-2008 at 11:54 am
Willie Mosconi is one of my heroes! The rest of these people deserve respect too. Sign me up please!
posted by Terri on 4-25-2008 at 11:54 am
Darn right! These dudes need 2B reconized …. and now!!!
posted by PSuds on 4-25-2008 at 11:56 am
Willie Mosconi is one of my heroes! Please consider me signed up!! The rest of these people deserve respect too. This is a great article.
posted by Terri on 4-25-2008 at 11:56 am
Count me in!
posted by Audrey on 4-25-2008 at 12:14 pm
Signed
posted by Kira on 4-25-2008 at 12:42 pm
Signed
posted by Mandy on 4-25-2008 at 12:50 pm
Yes!
posted by Avanti on 4-25-2008 at 1:11 pm
I say, give these folks the recognition they deserve on a box of Wheaties! Count me in for a vote!
posted by Krie on 4-25-2008 at 1:13 pm
You’ve got my vote! Those are tough sports!
posted by kitsana_d on 4-25-2008 at 1:35 pm
I would love to see some of these featured on a Wheaties box!
posted by Marie on 4-25-2008 at 1:49 pm
signed!
posted by Jessie on 4-25-2008 at 2:04 pm
I was at an elephant polo match in February and loved it. sign me up.
posted by Margaret on 4-25-2008 at 2:05 pm
Consider me signing the petition!
posted by Danielle on 4-25-2008 at 2:19 pm
Word.
posted by adrienne on 4-25-2008 at 2:31 pm
Consider the petition signed.
posted by PeteRepeat on 4-25-2008 at 2:34 pm
Signed!
good luck!!
posted by Caitlin on 4-25-2008 at 2:45 pm
autographed
posted by septer on 4-25-2008 at 2:45 pm
Sign me up!
posted by Anna on 4-25-2008 at 3:15 pm
Up with obscure athletes! Signed!
posted by Kristin on 4-25-2008 at 3:43 pm
go Elephant Polo! Man, I want to play that now.
posted by Stephanie on 4-25-2008 at 4:21 pm
go athletes!
posted by Robert Austria on 4-25-2008 at 4:41 pm
Count me in. I want to play elephant polo but no way am I practicing on top of a swing set!
posted by Louanne on 4-25-2008 at 5:06 pm
Signing on! Great idea!
posted by Alice on 4-25-2008 at 5:14 pm
definitely signed
posted by Augusta on 4-25-2008 at 5:22 pm
signed
posted by AK on 4-25-2008 at 5:55 pm
I very much approve *signed*
posted by esskay on 4-25-2008 at 6:11 pm
The lack of Australians concerns me. I am a sucker for a good petitioning, though. Who are we getting killed again?
posted by NerdFury on 4-25-2008 at 6:13 pm
I’ll take Akebono over A-Rod any day!
posted by JDB on 4-25-2008 at 6:45 pm
I’m on board as well!
posted by K. Abry on 4-25-2008 at 7:15 pm
I sign on too!
Anyone who can learn to play pool with a broomstick and a potato, deserves recognition!
So can anyone who plays polo on a pachyderm, races terrified, sumos, etc…
And I am signing this petition from Canada. It should count double!
(My cat agrees with this petition, too!)
Pierre
posted by Pierre M. Laberge on 4-25-2008 at 9:18 pm
It’s about time to honor these unsung sports heroes
posted by Robb on 4-25-2008 at 9:45 pm
These people should be recognized.
posted by Cyra on 4-25-2008 at 11:09 pm
Count me in!!
posted by Jacqui on 4-26-2008 at 12:53 am
I totally agree. Consider my signature added
posted by Cait on 4-26-2008 at 3:02 am
Count me in. The sumo wrestler gets my vote.
Though we should probably switch to Count Chocula anyway - it makes chocolate milk. Or Lucky Charms as it is magically delicious.
posted by Z on 4-26-2008 at 8:21 am
I love a good story about under appreciated sport heroes. Signed!
posted by David on 4-26-2008 at 9:21 am
Approved!
posted by Nicole W. on 4-26-2008 at 2:08 pm
About time other sports were recoginzed!
posted by Rebekah Davies on 4-26-2008 at 3:18 pm
signed from here
posted by James Hoff on 4-26-2008 at 4:02 pm
AS an avid fencer I totally agree with getting some of these guys on a wheaties box. Also, elephant polo sounds like a fun sport, I wonder if I could get a team started at my school…
posted by Forest Ownbey on 4-26-2008 at 5:13 pm
This is a travesty that General Mills must correct!
posted by D Ferry on 4-26-2008 at 5:53 pm
As I read this article in the magazine, I thought “They really should put these people on the Wheaties box; that would be cool.” Then lo and behold, there’s a petition! It’s kismet.
I hereby sign. Woooo, go obscure heroes!
posted by Jenny M on 4-26-2008 at 8:05 pm
The American public must realize the accomplishments of these ten athletes.
I sign.
posted by A Grieser on 4-27-2008 at 8:30 am
Sign me on! I’m using this as a reason to switch to Count Chocula!
posted by Kevin on 4-27-2008 at 12:24 pm
RIGHT ON! Petition signed!
posted by Nico Arciniegas on 4-27-2008 at 2:02 pm
RIGHT ON! I HEREBY SIGN!
posted by Nico A on 4-27-2008 at 2:06 pm
After reading about these fabulous atheletes, and all the hard work they endured to be the best of the best, Wheaties MUST recognize their skills, and show every day boys and girls of America they, too, can look good on a box.
posted by Clarke on 4-27-2008 at 6:37 pm
Signed
posted by Elicia on 4-27-2008 at 8:17 pm
count me in they all deserve the honor
crazy stuff
posted by Nick on 4-27-2008 at 10:01 pm
How about our own American bullfighters, the rodeo clowns. Not only are they superb athletes, they also protect other rodeo athletes from the bulls that just tossed them.
posted by Ingrid on 4-28-2008 at 1:03 am
I’m all in favor of having these guys/gals recognized on the Wheaties box!
posted by Beth Agejew on 4-28-2008 at 10:21 am
sign me up.
posted by beth on 4-28-2008 at 10:42 am
Signed! Let’s see that fencer (and all the others) on a Wheaties box!
posted by Caitlin on 4-28-2008 at 12:18 pm
Petition signed. Bring on those dedicated, deserving sports players.
posted by Lisa on 4-28-2008 at 12:31 pm
AMEN!
posted by Gene Smith on 4-28-2008 at 1:47 pm
meh tuh
posted by pineapplesauce on 4-28-2008 at 10:58 pm
Way to go, oh athletes of untold glory. Hope you get your 15 minutes of Wheaties fame!
posted by Kristi Marie on 4-30-2008 at 9:36 am
Signed!
posted by Danette on 4-30-2008 at 3:55 pm
Count me in!
posted by Julia on 4-30-2008 at 4:05 pm
I think that all of them should definitely be there….except….
for the bullfighter.
Anything having to do with a ’sport’ of the maiming and eventual soon demise of any animal is not a sport.
It’s just a blood bath.
But hey! For dang sure the rest are a shoe-in.
posted by Adele on 5-1-2008 at 11:46 pm
I assume the author has never heard of Mariel Zagunis, the woman who won America’s first Olympic gold in fencing in a century at the 2004 Athens games. Mr. Smart is not the only talented sabre fencer that the US has spawned in recent years.
posted by Nashira on 5-4-2008 at 1:33 pm