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About two years ago, I got the idea of compiling some works of poetry or prose using the subject lines from the scores and scores of spam emails I receive every day. Many of them use random-word generators, so you end up with some nonsensical (but interesting-sounding) phrases. One email that I got was labeled “A Twirl of Wheezy,” and I was so gung-ho on the project that I actually reserved that domain name thinking that I’d use it as the title of said book. Alas, as with many of my ideas, I learned that I was a day late and a dollar short. Before I had the time to act on the idea, several similar sites popped up across the WWW. But the concept still intrigues me, and it inspired this weekend’s WGC.
If you’ve played a Weekend Genius Challenge or otherwise commented on a mentalfloss.com post recently, you’ve noticed that we’ve implemented the ReCaptcha system to prevent misuse. When we comment on others’ posts, we have to key in the words just like you do, and I’ve noticed the wide variation of two-word sequences that pop up on ReCaptcha. So for WGC #29, I want you to write something — a sentence, a phrase, a headline, a poem, a paragraph — using the two ReCaptcha words that pop up when you click “comment.” Put the two words in ALL CAPS so that we know which two they are. And no, we’re not going to require a screen capture or anything complex to prove you’re being honest. We trust you.
As usual, we’re looking for the creative, the smart, the bizarre, and the humorous. So if you keep refreshing until you get two “good” words, you’ll probably end up ruining your chances. Challenge yourself. It is a great person who can make something from nothing. (Sounds like a fortune cookie, eh?) We’ll allow up to three entries per person, but each entry must be in its own comment. And PLEASE remember that comments are moderated, so they will NOT show up immediately after you enter them; it may take minutes/hours before they’re released. Good luck!
Comments (192)
Comment
bunching agony
wedgie, package twist, flossing
BRIEF FIGHT eternal
posted by Troy on 4-26-2008 at 10:25 am
THEY ANNOUNCER iz you
posted by benng on 4-26-2008 at 10:35 am
I’m BACK in PARKVILLE.
Damn rubberneckers.
Let’s get this freeway moving!
posted by Lori L. on 4-26-2008 at 10:46 am
I hope Mental Floss WILL start FEATURING more challenges like this.
posted by Hareesh on 4-26-2008 at 10:56 am
This is fun!! This was the 109TH time JORGE had to tell someone the correct way to spell his name.
posted by Hareesh on 4-26-2008 at 10:59 am
Vell, I have to make something out of RADAKOVICH, OVERall, vill be difficult to do.
posted by hessal on 4-26-2008 at 11:00 am
UNDERLYING causes are often responsible for the craving of REUBENS. No one actually wants these; it must be a disease.
posted by adrienne on 4-26-2008 at 11:00 am
This is fun!! I don’t know WHETHER anyone else has a problem when trying to spell PFINGST.
posted by Hareesh on 4-26-2008 at 11:01 am
I never want to discuss that YEAR I spent in the HIGHLANDS. Ever.
posted by adrienne on 4-26-2008 at 11:03 am
She’s put off her homework for too long
and now she’s in quite a mess
LYDIA should have studied long and hard
to memorize the GETTYSBURG address.
posted by Jen on 4-26-2008 at 11:07 am
HENRY found the online dating SURVEYS were inadequate to express the complexities of his social phobia.
posted by Carole on 4-26-2008 at 11:08 am
The SCIS scrumpled out the door. All of my IZATIONS wouldn’t bring him trumbling back. Ah well…..
posted by Diane on 4-26-2008 at 11:09 am
When I think of the best MEALS I’ve ever had, most of them involved soup with homemade STOCK.
posted by Keri on 4-26-2008 at 11:09 am
8,000 MONTHS
The calculator tells me this is 666 years.
This should provide great fodder for poetry.
Unfortunately, sometimes “Weekend Genius” is an oxymoron.
posted by Jess on 4-26-2008 at 11:19 am
Are GUERRILLAS docile?
A banana can’t help you-
Only when they’re LATE
posted by G C on 4-26-2008 at 11:24 am
RETURN to the Dark Side to RECOUP some sin.
posted by Jeff on 4-26-2008 at 11:25 am
I once knew a man who was a porker
But he could throw quite the YORKER
he threw EACH pitch
without any hitch
And was called the might corker
posted by Chris on 4-26-2008 at 11:26 am
Dear dairy, cucumber, or cherry farmers,
No more subsidies for you.
FEDERALLY yours,
President Zach TAYLOR
posted by joe on 4-26-2008 at 11:32 am
abstracting patterns,
the infinite sequences
BENOIT DESIRED
posted by Merv on 4-26-2008 at 11:34 am
He had to make EIGHT EXCHANGES until he finally found a dress his girlfriend liked.
posted by renton on 4-26-2008 at 11:35 am
The small child in the PARK TRANSLATES the ravings of the lunatic older man.
posted by Paula on 4-26-2008 at 11:36 am
Special deal!!! One-Time only! AWAKEN your soul for only $155!!!
posted by bandaid on 4-26-2008 at 11:41 am
MESZEL:
Better,
STRONGER,
Faster.
posted by adrienne on 4-26-2008 at 11:47 am
TAKE care, philatelists, when offered those high-priced varieties of the wartime OVERPRINTS of Saint-Pierre and Miquelon.
posted by AMR on 4-26-2008 at 11:50 am
ONLY RICHARD would
Write a haiku with seven
Syllables in the last line.
posted by Jenny on 4-26-2008 at 11:52 am
The QUESTIONS Captain RICHERT asked made her increasingly uncomfortable, yet her arousal was evident to him. Her breathing became rapid, her tentacles quivered, and her engorged tail curled and uncurled fractiously.
posted by Cyn on 4-26-2008 at 12:02 pm
Drawn into the dark and seedy cabaret, I was drawn to the one dancer who hadn’t etched lines of jadedness upon her face. Fresh faced and enthusiastic, she seemed to revel in her nakedness, not bothering to cover up between dances. I splurged for a drink and asked her what I should call her. She responded, “SIMPLY MODEST.”
posted by Tim Wright on 4-26-2008 at 12:04 pm
It’s not the SIZE of the STATISTICS that matters…it’s the absurdity.
posted by Jen on 4-26-2008 at 12:07 pm
Jane knew it was a good party when a number of her GUESTS were INDICTED.
posted by Joe on 4-26-2008 at 12:09 pm
A Mental Floss haiku:
TABLE the gossip
Just try to act casual
‘Til she’s out of RANGE
posted by Jill on 4-26-2008 at 12:31 pm
Haiku #2:
I thought you should know
Just in CASE you’d been deceived
Wrestling is PHONY
posted by Jill on 4-26-2008 at 12:33 pm
Now for a change of pace - a tongue twister:
SEVERAL silly SWANS sipped sodas swiftly sans straws
posted by Jill on 4-26-2008 at 12:35 pm
Here is the tale of the SNOWBOWL FOUR,
Who played a game of water polo lore.
They hopped in the freezing water and stuck like a zipper,
And never got to win one for the gipper.
posted by Zack H on 4-26-2008 at 12:44 pm
The SUMMARY of the mission was discreet: the solution was SS.4.
posted by Lisa on 4-26-2008 at 12:48 pm
Thomas awoke just in time to see the giant “Welcome to ADRENALIN COUNTRY” sign. Had he been fully awake, he might have noticed the other passengers nearby had become jittery. Instead, he pulled the blanket over his face, muttered something about norepinephrine, and went back to sleep.
posted by jeem on 4-26-2008 at 1:05 pm
an empty COTTAGE
looking up what COBRE means
just me and my cat
posted by JessieK on 4-26-2008 at 1:06 pm
She checked her messages, once, twice, couldn’t believe what she saw. Looking up to the sky, she yelled in futile fury, “THAT MALMSTROM!!”
posted by Lisa on 4-26-2008 at 1:08 pm
OK, I can’t resist this combo.
Fluidly, Phil FUSED Flora’s forty FLORENCE flasks.
posted by jeem on 4-26-2008 at 1:10 pm
Places… people… light…
I’m walking around with them…
ARTIFICIAL WALL.
posted by Lisa on 4-26-2008 at 1:15 pm
The one “The SUMMARY of the mission was discreet: the solution was SS.4.” labeled Lisa above is not by me! :)
I entered “Early cavemen spent a lot of time with dampened-down hair from frequent rainstorms, UNTIL ROOFS.”
posted by Lisa on 4-26-2008 at 1:20 pm
TALIONS: the norm back when Hammurabi’s Code was SACRED law.
posted by Katherine on 4-26-2008 at 1:20 pm
I got this PARTICULAR beet at Schrute FARMS
posted by Jason on 4-26-2008 at 1:22 pm
Any greyhound racetrack worth its salt has an AUTOMATED HARE.
posted by Katherine on 4-26-2008 at 1:24 pm
My hoo hoo has BEEN PACKED in moth balls for safe keeping this year.
posted by peg on 4-26-2008 at 1:27 pm
Marshall BERMAN,
fraught with philosophy,
found solace in
that DAUGHTER of beauteous reality:
the art of new modernity.
posted by gibson8or on 4-26-2008 at 1:31 pm
Robert Oppenhiem and his rival ALAMO GORDO WERE in a close competition to complete the bomb first.
posted by Matt on 4-26-2008 at 1:36 pm
Clifford the Big Red Dog, whose voice was done by John RITTER, liked to pee on trees in PARKS.
posted by Kath on 4-26-2008 at 1:39 pm
To be JOYED in the game of poker requires a kind of lucky EXACTNESS that befits only the skilled.
posted by Jeff on 4-26-2008 at 1:43 pm
My two words formed their own sentence. I just need to add the punctuation.
“DON’T, FEMINIST!”
posted by Kathy B. on 4-26-2008 at 1:53 pm
Her use of proper GRAMMAR was a CONDITION for her getting hired as a linguist.
posted by Sue on 4-26-2008 at 1:56 pm
You know you stink at Madden 08 when you are the CONTROLLER of the team and coach SHULA walks off the field.
posted by Terry on 4-26-2008 at 1:58 pm
Of all the TAVERNS in town THAT have Ladies’ Night, I managed to find the one where the ‘ladies’ were all drag queens.
posted by Rachel on 4-26-2008 at 2:04 pm
By the OCEANSIDE I sit, beer in hand. Ah! a RESPEE for relaxation.
posted by JBD on 4-26-2008 at 2:14 pm
The next morning Mental Floss staffers wondered if they had heard the Siren Song or if someone had slipped something into the kool aid when they were told that they had offered to COMMISION HOMER Simpson to write the weekend challenge featuring the Iliad and the Odyssey. They knew this time that it wouldn’t be called the Genius Challenge.
posted by sid on 4-26-2008 at 2:18 pm
Amy should have been listening as her teacher DICTATED that choreography was spelled CHOREOG-, not choreg, but she was far too busy trying to figure out how to plug in a typewriter.
posted by Samantha on 4-26-2008 at 3:02 pm
After I spent a lovely evening in the drag-queen tavern (per my previous comment), I stumbled home and into bed, only to be awoken by a WAIF in grey, hovering over my bed. She shushed my drunken questions and told me the secret to beating Pac-Man. I forget what it was, and every drunken NIGHT-TIME, I hope she comes back.
posted by Rachel on 4-26-2008 at 3:19 pm
I had a FLOOD of pre-adolescent questions and she answered them all. Thanks, Judy BLUME.
posted by Rachel on 4-26-2008 at 3:23 pm
DOUGAL, a U.K. band, might be considered part of the ‘OTHER’ as they bill themselves as “Funk-rock with a slight touch of ambience.”
posted by Amanda Mae on 4-26-2008 at 3:44 pm
Maybe I should spend some more time MentalFlossing as I have nothing clever to say about PHILLBRICK and ROCHE.
posted by Amanda Mae on 4-26-2008 at 3:49 pm
there once was a man FROM manhattan
who loved all the skyscrapers ’round ‘im
he kept his eyes skyward
to see what his eyes could
now SCRAPERS scrape him–traffic flattens!
posted by Kirsten on 4-26-2008 at 3:58 pm
ANNUAL “Mortgage Times” line graph issue canceled.
EDITOR cites lack of interest.
posted by Dave L on 4-26-2008 at 4:16 pm
He saw her from across the musty, dimly lit LIBRARY. She had a certain MYSTIQUE - a quality that was intangible, but he thought it might have something to do with the haphazard way her glasses perched on her nose.
posted by Amy on 4-26-2008 at 4:18 pm
I actually LISTENED to something PARIS Hilton said the other day; I think I may have mental herpes.
posted by N. Sampson on 4-26-2008 at 4:39 pm
SHIP and MENDATIONS??!! WTF Mental Floss? You gotta be f-ing SHIPping me!
posted by N. Sampson on 4-26-2008 at 4:48 pm
Can you SMUGGLE this RECORD of “Best Polka Hits” to Mexico for me?
posted by Daniel on 4-26-2008 at 5:04 pm
MORE reGRESSIONAL rage!
posted by Jack on 4-26-2008 at 5:09 pm
LIEUT. CRONKITE will be assuming control of MF within the coming weeks
posted by Dan on 4-26-2008 at 5:36 pm
He ADMIRINGLY gazed upon the way the JULY sun reflected off her incredibly pale skin.
posted by ChelP on 4-26-2008 at 6:03 pm
Last night’s enchilada’s weren’t sitting well with Diane so I had to give her an HOURLY HAND to the restroom.
(Gross but funny!)
posted by Sandy C on 4-26-2008 at 6:22 pm
AFTER the rain falls
NARROWER than mist is born
A contest is won
posted by Joe on 4-26-2008 at 6:29 pm
I FOUNT out WHAT Micheal got me for my birtday-a pockit dicshunary! W00t!
posted by Aimee on 4-26-2008 at 6:32 pm
Chicken of the Sea’s favortie food? The MER-CRICKET.
posted by Caitlin on 4-26-2008 at 6:34 pm
WITH great annoyance at the reporter who barraged her with questions regarding her thoughts on issues like global warming and the upcoming presidential election, Britney Spears proclaimed vehemently, “Man, I ain’t no EISENSTEIN, ya’ll! Hey-where my cheetos at?”
posted by Aimee on 4-26-2008 at 6:48 pm
Sent off through snail-mail
Packaged, INSURED and LABELED
Latest mental_floss
(Great challenge, poor entry)
posted by Laura R. on 4-26-2008 at 6:57 pm
No optional CHARITY SERVICE
posted by SMB on 4-26-2008 at 7:00 pm
GENERAL Patton once ordered his staff CLERGYMAN to pray for good weather.
posted by Owen on 4-26-2008 at 7:13 pm
Would a SEAMAN in TEXAS ride a “seahorse”?
posted by Michael S on 4-26-2008 at 7:15 pm
I walked into a bar, and asked the bartender for a DOUBLE SWOBODA on the rocks. The bartender then asked me “what is a swoboda?” I responded with “I’m not really sure, firefox has it underlined in red.”
posted by Jeff on 4-26-2008 at 7:22 pm
I PRAYED LONG and hard all day
That when my daughter went to sleep
And I was able to sit at the computer
I would get some easy words to work with!
posted by Tonya on 4-26-2008 at 7:45 pm
CRASH the cymbals now
Create a great joyful noise
Make it TREMENDOUS
posted by Harold on 4-26-2008 at 7:59 pm
Pessimistic Wise Person says :
Do not waste time by COUNTING
how long you have left to live; this
just MAKES you realize how quickly
your days are numbered.
posted by Amy on 4-26-2008 at 8:19 pm
Dear Ex-boyfriend,
You now have a DAUGHTER in VIRGINIA! My lawyer will contact you shortly about child support.
Ex-girlfriend
posted by Terry on 4-26-2008 at 8:20 pm
“APATHY,” thought the STONE
as it was skipped across the surface of the lake
to sink to its doom.
posted by Kate on 4-26-2008 at 8:21 pm
Did you ever notice THAT…
this opening sentence of A Few Minutes With Andy ROONEY
is the same one with which I have entered this Weekend Genius Challenge?
posted by Amy on 4-26-2008 at 8:29 pm
Ever since his BOYHOOD, HENRY had burned with a fierce desire to submit his creative writing in a comment to a blog.
posted by Beth on 4-26-2008 at 8:36 pm
Tucking into her fava beans and a nice
Chianti, CLARICE felt it was about TIME
she had Lecter over for dinner.
posted by Amy on 4-26-2008 at 8:37 pm
Ooh, fun ones.
Heinrich von Bon’s clever plot to KIDNAP the ENGAGED heiress, Margaret Truitt, went completely awry when he, the cunning thief and blackmailer, fell in love with her himself.
posted by Andrea on 4-26-2008 at 8:47 pm
To aqcuire a worthy ACCENT, you must give up your money and all of your life savings, FOR this will be worthwhile.
(I know this makes no sense, but all the same…)
posted by courtney on 4-26-2008 at 9:00 pm
The doctor stepped into the room to see a man with a green, festering mold growing on the ends of his stumps of legs.
“QUARANTINE THIS!” the man said.
posted by Jenny on 4-26-2008 at 9:00 pm
There once was a pirate named Aka
Who plundered til he PUSHED JAMAICA
The Caribbean seas
Were not very pleased
And swallowed him–hook, line, and sinka.
posted by Allison on 4-26-2008 at 9:03 pm
I PRONOUNCED my love for AARON the night my girlfriend hung out the window. This occured the 29th of February in the year 2007…go figure.
posted by Kathleen on 4-26-2008 at 9:03 pm
My ex-DATE with MELVIN was terrible. The only thing he did was prance around as a pony would. That lazy butt…cheek…mound
posted by Kathleen on 4-26-2008 at 9:07 pm
TIME acts as the ear PILLOWS of the unwary.
posted by rexlolgy on 4-26-2008 at 9:08 pm
The ISOLATED ASPARAGUS longingly waited for its chance to be promoted to head side dish.
posted by Jenny on 4-26-2008 at 9:13 pm
Oh, to be here in NEWARK, HOPEFUL for
the promise of a seat on this flight out
And all this sitting makes my bottom sore,
And cause me to frown, grumble, gruff, and pout.
Outside the cheap pane-glass window before
me, I see the tarmac and orange safe cones
The man beside me loudly starts to snore,
A mother of six eats a crumbly scone.
Briefly distracted by the chaos near,
I refocus ahead; the signals flashed
By air-traffic controllers on the rear
Of a mighty aircraft. Unabashed,
I admit: sometimes I love layovers,
They boost patience in us rangy rovers.
posted by Allison on 4-26-2008 at 9:25 pm
BROOKLYN is no place
For Dodgers or for street signs
In HUNGARIAN
posted by Harold on 4-26-2008 at 9:32 pm
THIS is weird. There are two ducks CHASING me right now.
posted by Ash on 4-26-2008 at 9:40 pm
i once visited niagra FALLS.
My only QUESTION was…”where’s the bathroom?”
posted by Ryan V on 4-26-2008 at 9:45 pm
The CAPTain went to sea, sea, sea,
To see what he could see, see, see,
But all that he could see, see, see,
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea.
I always wondered what the poor, disappointed guy did when that happened.
Then I realized:
He just said, “That’s it, I’m ABANDONING ship,” and jumped off.
Then the jellyfish ate him.
posted by Hello on 4-26-2008 at 9:48 pm
The pastor was on trial for embezzling. He threw himself on the mercy of the court, saying only “Eye believe in won gaud”
The judge said it looked like his CREED got the better of him, and would have dismissed the charges entirely, but finally FIND him $500 for homonym acts.
posted by Harl Delos on 4-26-2008 at 10:32 pm
The two old ladies in KENSINGTON WERE enemies and had been for as long as anyone could remember. Some said it started over a handsome salior that never came home, some over a soiled prom dress, and others yet shurgged and chalked it up to dirty laundry that neither of the women would dare to air.
posted by Heather on 4-26-2008 at 10:35 pm
Friday nights, Georgio normally watched reruns of “HEROES” on TiVo. When the ginger tabby he kept rubbed up against his leg, he felt it his DUTY to feed the pet bits of popcorn or whatever else he was eating. Georgio even ignored it when the cat jump up into his lap and nuzzled his chin, but he drew the line when felt tiny teeth nibbling his earlobe. He’d never liked the cat, but since his brother died, he’d kept his promise and been kind to it.
posted by Heather on 4-26-2008 at 10:44 pm
I drew ROSES on the wall WHILE the world passed me by.
posted by Step on 4-26-2008 at 10:54 pm
I gave up when the TECHNIQUES THEY inscribed gave up on me.
posted by Step on 4-26-2008 at 11:00 pm
Noonday, late in the week, Georgio walked over to Ms. Walker’s, one half of the tedious Kengsington DUEL carried out between her and Ms. Golding. Ms. Walker saw the lanky man approach her house and stop to inspect her prize yellow roses, the real source of the animosity between her and Ms. Golding, although both preferred the secret nature of the argument by now. Georgia rang the doorbell. Ms. Walker made him wait even thought she was spry and could have gotten there much faster.
“Can I help you?”
“I need you to watch my cat while I’m gone,” said Georgio.
“Where are you going?”
Georgio blushed.
“Just business. If it’s okay, I’ll bring St. Anthony over tomorrow night.”
“St. Anthony?”
“The cat, Ma’m.”
“Funny name.”
“Well, he used to belong to a friendly preist that could never turn away a stray.”
posted by Heather on 4-26-2008 at 11:05 pm
Attention Wal-Mart shoppers: Al from housewares has just JOCULARLY PROPOSED to Tina from small appliances!
posted by Jenny on 4-26-2008 at 11:17 pm
The telescope Hubble
Brought us all trouble
By viewing DISCIPLES GREEN -
The high priests were alerted
That we should be converted…
Temples now where McDonald’s had been.
posted by Aemi on 4-26-2008 at 11:33 pm
And so, it ended; we that were left retreated to our LITTLE LODGES.
posted by Jaye on 4-26-2008 at 11:54 pm
I’ll be rich! That is AFTER I sell my Mental Floss STOCKS?!
posted by JC on 4-26-2008 at 11:55 pm
The vile ERMAN PROMPTED Mental Floss’ website to implement the ReCaptcha system….which is kind of fun!
posted by JC on 4-27-2008 at 12:00 am
Ye
Olde
Reliable
K-
Car
Retires
If
The
In-laws
Continuously
Insist
Style
Makes
Success.
posted by Luke on 4-27-2008 at 12:08 am
It’s only after the smoke clears from the last crackle of a rifle that we realize that there are HUSBANDS, sons, and brothers that lie there in the FIELD. So really, what is war good for?
posted by G C on 4-27-2008 at 12:23 am
The refrigerator RAIDER rarely WINS
when the growing waist begins
posted by Sarah on 4-27-2008 at 2:16 am
Those who drink CUERVO
may feel invincible now
but fade in sun SHINE
posted by Sarah on 4-27-2008 at 2:22 am
It is going to take THOUSANDS of dollars and volunteers to help clean this river, but once people realize it is the KISHON, they might change their minds. When washing your hands in it’s water can cause chemical burns, it is a hard choice to make. Cancer anyone?
posted by Henna on 4-27-2008 at 2:26 am
Dear RESIDENTS,
The homeowners association SUGGESTS that when walking around your home nude, please shut the blinds and curtains. There are small children living in this neighborhood.
Sincerely,
The Homeowners Association
posted by Henna on 4-27-2008 at 2:30 am
SLADE watched the COUPLES dancing on the floor and glanced to the empty chair across from the table draped in pristine white linen. Fumbling in his pocket for the small velvet box he pulled it, opening the lid. The diamond glinted in the romantic candle light. The lid closed with a snap and emitting a soft sigh, SLADE stood, tossing the napkin onto the empty plate.
posted by Henna on 4-27-2008 at 3:51 am
Wouldn’t it be ironic if we got another Bush in office who COULD help the ECONOMY? Whoda thunkit?
posted by Niah on 4-27-2008 at 3:56 am
Upon my arrival in Iraq, I was quite ALARMED when the SCALLOPED potatoes jump up and rolled off my plate.
posted by Niah on 4-27-2008 at 4:00 am
I have been tormented by my financial woes and I just can’t do this alone anymore so I finally joined a 12 step group. At my first meeting I got up and spoke. My name is Amanda and I am a transplanetaryvestite. They NODDED to me with Hi Amanda. My story began about how I have to dress like this but it TAXES my finances and my condo is in foreclosure. I told them that I spend my money on clothing and makeup and travel to other places just to be myself. They understand Trekkies and I knew I was in the right place.
posted by Robin R on 4-27-2008 at 4:07 am
CONTRARY to all the dubious advice she was given, she MOUNTED the scooter and rode off into the sunset.
posted by frida tastic on 4-27-2008 at 5:27 am
on SECOND thoughts, PHYSICS was never a toughie…
posted by Falcon on 4-27-2008 at 5:50 am
The sequel, Jonathan LIVINGSTON Seagull, JR., wasn’t nearly as good as the first book.
posted by Alexandra on 4-27-2008 at 5:50 am
“Evangelicals Do it Better” Shirts- $11
Long distance to the White House- $1.99 a minute
Having an oiled Mr. Jones pepper your PRIVATEs with crank you most certainly didn’t buy- $45 an hour
Thinking your career is TOTALED yet coming to realize that the very people you disdained for their “sexual immorality” are the only ones defending your forgiveness- Priceless
For everything else, there’s Catholicism.
posted by damian on 4-27-2008 at 6:24 am
TROUBLED CALLS unanswered
Are all I have to remind me of you.
posted by bookmole on 4-27-2008 at 6:33 am
What actually QUALIFIES CAPT Picard to command a starship
posted by gus on 4-27-2008 at 6:43 am
It was the general consensus within the group of rag tag survivors that it would BENEFIT ALYEA to use the flamethrower and not the crowbar against the Zombie Horde.
posted by adam on 4-27-2008 at 7:33 am
I wonder how many of the suitCASES in HOLLYWOOD have the combination 12345?
posted by Amauriel on 4-27-2008 at 8:05 am
I was so TORMENTED by this weekends challenge that I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning trying to think of something creative to say.
Suprisingly 1:30 was one of the words but I couldn’t figure out how to capitalize it!
posted by Scott on 4-27-2008 at 8:09 am
A Haiku.
To be a SMOKESTACK.
To pollute and uglify.
To HOLD up progress.
posted by AllisonB on 4-27-2008 at 8:14 am
PROCTOR PICKETS, But Gamble Wins
See Page A3 for Details
posted by Stephanie PH on 4-27-2008 at 8:29 am
DOES LIBBY? Or doesn’t she?
Only her hairdresser knows for sure.
posted by Stephanie PH on 4-27-2008 at 8:44 am
On May 11, 1984, SHEARSON, an American Express backed electronic transaction company, PURCHASED investment bank Lehman Brothers for $360 million.
posted by Daniel on 4-27-2008 at 8:45 am
Sorry, I SLEPT with your BROTHER; if it matters, he wasn’t very good.
posted by Daniel on 4-27-2008 at 8:47 am
VOTE LOUISE for class president! She’ll make lunch hours longer, make days above 73 degrees end at noon, and hold an “extreme makeover” day for all our teachers.
posted by Daniel on 4-27-2008 at 8:57 am
Ben Plane has BEEN PLAYING on the Biehn Plain all day.
posted by Stephanie PH on 4-27-2008 at 8:59 am
Earn thousands every week without doing a thing! For the exceptionally low price of $19.95, you can have your very own MONEY GARDEN!
posted by Greg on 4-27-2008 at 9:32 am
Why don’t you get yourself a nice bodybuilder, like that darling Kobe BRYANT who plays for the REDSKINS dear? She asked her granddaughter.
posted by Bernadette on 4-27-2008 at 9:33 am
Who knows who the CORLLES are, we are ROYALTY.
posted by Heather on 4-27-2008 at 9:52 am
After searching 1,612 (that was one of the words) dictionary sites, I realize that TRATIONS is not a legal scrabble word.
posted by Heather on 4-27-2008 at 9:56 am
UNDERPAID WHITE male.
Now that’s a phrase we haven’t
Heard in a long while.
posted by aljay574 on 4-27-2008 at 10:17 am
I slept with a priest. At least I had a man I resPECTED BELOW me.
posted by Lori L. on 4-27-2008 at 10:50 am
STRUGGLING to find love,
THEN losing it for happiness.
fate laughs at life.
posted by vivek on 4-27-2008 at 11:28 am
After fifteen years behind a library counter, Sarah lived, breathed, and dreamed Dewey Decimal. Her heroes included: Jefferson, Thomas (300s and 900s for the most part); SMITH, ANITA (811 and 817); and Plato (most of the 100s), whom she greatly admired despite his single name.
posted by Aemi on 4-27-2008 at 11:29 am
my ONLY INVESTMENT is in T-Shirt Futures.
posted by Sandie on 4-27-2008 at 11:34 am
The CARDINALS are in their HAVEN, that is clear. Whether some eggs are being selected, or a Pope is getting laid, isn’t.
posted by Randy MacDonald on 4-27-2008 at 11:40 am
the MORDECHAI tea lattes, the BETTER
posted by heather on 4-27-2008 at 1:03 pm
photos in oval lockets are POINTLESS PICTURES
posted by heather on 4-27-2008 at 1:08 pm
It gave me a dubious word,
And asked me to ReCaptcha “TURED.”
I searched, sans success,
For its meaning. I guess
A rare Google failure OCCURRED.
(Or maybe ReCaptcha just makes things up.)
posted by Kelsey on 4-27-2008 at 1:18 pm
MITCHELL gave a great HAND to all that came to the puppet show.
posted by Robert on 4-27-2008 at 1:34 pm
Of all the nicknames of the gang, “HANDLEAP” BARONE was by far the strangest.
posted by Ed on 4-27-2008 at 1:53 pm
A leading economist, noting the recent spike in equine influenza, predicts that “it’s only a matter of time before POLO INCOMES drop dramatically.”
posted by Emily on 4-27-2008 at 2:45 pm
9:30 - oh FOOTE! I haven’t gotten anything done yet!
posted by Christina on 4-27-2008 at 3:38 pm
In the end no one from the Dinner Party ever survived the long trek to CALIFORNIA; in retrospect the best provision to bring probably wasn’t LENOX china.
posted by Ed Wolek on 4-27-2008 at 3:39 pm
Of course I THOROUGHLY CHEEK all bananas and bunions - I mean onions - before purchase!
posted by christina on 4-27-2008 at 3:44 pm
Help the needy - FOSTER a BERYLLIA today!
posted by christina on 4-27-2008 at 3:46 pm
The OPPOSITE of love is not hate, it’s BIGOTRY.
posted by Ryan on 4-27-2008 at 3:53 pm
The MOTORMEN OPERATING the motor were actually women dressed as men. And instead of operating a motor they were actually crossing a bridge. So really they were drag kings crossing a bridge. Huh.
posted by Ryan on 4-27-2008 at 4:01 pm
Our GOVERNMENT EXCELs at spending money and alienating other countries.
posted by kristi on 4-27-2008 at 4:46 pm
The budding young mathematician hung his head in defeat, tears welling in his eyes, after the young lady asked him, “You think you’re so smart? Huh? Do ya, Einstein? MULTIPLY THIS!” and wrote the equation on the blackboard.
How could he figure out what 15 times 27 was? He was still in kindergarten, after all!
posted by ambrosia on 4-27-2008 at 5:56 pm
DR BRANDY prescribes hard liquor to heal all wounds.
posted by sandra on 4-27-2008 at 7:19 pm
Though she works tirelessly for the Republican cause, Mary Matalin’s marriage to James Carville makes her one of those LEFTIES by EXTENSION.
posted by DougW on 4-27-2008 at 7:56 pm
Dr. J. GREENSTEIN OF Cloverfield was a proclaimed writer, although he often seemed to be losing his mind. He gave us all a fright on the spooky night that he jumped from a tall building, posing as Spider-Man. He survived, but was shortly after sentenced to the Cloverfield Mental Institution for mental incompetence to keep up with his own life.
posted by CMG on 4-27-2008 at 8:14 pm
I’ll take a PICTURE of the animal hairiest,
Of locks and tresses VARIOUS
posted by Karis on 4-27-2008 at 9:00 pm
CALLAHAN races out the door five minutes late for the trial, forgetting to kiss his wife, but GRABS his copy of MentalFloss to read on the train.
posted by Cass on 4-27-2008 at 9:27 pm
Native LOATIAN travels back in time and joins the PILGRIMS for dinner. More details at eleven.
posted by Cass on 4-27-2008 at 9:33 pm
The owners of the miserable ATTITUDES, SITTING on the wall, spat lazily.
posted by denise on 4-27-2008 at 10:37 pm
New from the detergent makers at MRS. MacBeth Labratories - “One drop of “Out Damned Spot!” and the STAIN is gone!”
posted by Amy on 4-27-2008 at 10:52 pm
On the SUMMIT of Mars the DEMOCRATS make their next move…
posted by Ste on 4-27-2008 at 11:32 pm
He touched me with ROSEN hands, and VICTORY was his!!
posted by Miss Nae on 4-28-2008 at 12:00 am
(I’ve gone over my three but this is just too much fun!)
Come one, come all! Gas sale! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, for two easy PAYMENTS you too can have a full tank of gas. Prices of gas are going up. Come get this liquid gold before it’s all gone! We will take babies, toddlers and elder FAMILY members, including your cantankerous grandparents!
posted by Henna on 4-28-2008 at 12:06 am
We weap FORZA COUNTRIES that have little bread to eat on Sundays like these. And Monday stomach strikes but only with jingoistic vingence does America see their pride to rule, rock, and rain over rolling stones like you and I but, i.e. the gas prices are to high thats why I’m being forced to ride or die, live with pride and thats why I walk most the time.
Joshua’s Take
posted by Joshua on 4-28-2008 at 12:08 am
MILLER is AWFUL bud is better
posted by pineapplesauce on 4-28-2008 at 2:33 am
he moved out of his apartment in south colon to live in a new penthouse in EAST LUNGS
posted by pineapplesauce on 4-28-2008 at 2:34 am
I was talking to Herman REILLY yesterday, and he told me that the PHILLIES are sure to win the pennant this year because they bought the referees each a case of Godiva’s Chocolates.
posted by Kaelinda on 4-28-2008 at 5:31 am
While my goal is to function self-reLIANTLY, I unDOUBTEDLY have many fragimangles and abignitious deelyboppers to overcome before I get there.
posted by Kaelinda on 4-28-2008 at 5:37 am
Who hasn’t wanted
a DECORATED lifestyle
with love a la CARTE
posted by Ellen on 4-28-2008 at 7:46 am
During a fishing trip, an ALASKAN CHAIRMAN was confronted by a frisky polar bear. While escaping, he yelled back “Sorry, I’m just not that Inuit!”
posted by Ellen on 4-28-2008 at 8:17 am
When life hands you a fishbowl, eat fishsticks.
posted by Ellen on 4-28-2008 at 8:24 am
Crap, forgot the caps:
WHEN life hands you a FISHBOWL, eat fish sticks.
posted by Ellen on 4-28-2008 at 8:27 am
We met in ARGENTINA under a tree of yellow flowers. We strolled in grass and sun, ate fruit, donned clothes. A DELUGE drowned our children; a dove returned leaf: the tree reborn and they reborn; our love, so strong, so brief.
posted by Katie D. on 4-28-2008 at 9:25 am
I do not love you anymore.
My heart is sad, sick, and sore.
We’ll drink no more
From love’s sweet font
But, BRYAN
We’ll always
Have BELMONT.
posted by Marion on 4-28-2008 at 10:39 am
Spaghetti or Linguini it is not.
You won’t find BACCALONI in a pot
Salvatore was one to sing
AND not about a pasta string
Thus the opera-noodle war is fought.
posted by Nathan Miller on 4-28-2008 at 1:56 pm
I took a rocket to the moon
was met by alein dragoons
kidnapped me soon and bound me hand
delivered me to LUNAR CHAIRMAN
posted by Tommy on 4-28-2008 at 3:06 pm
Seconds pass
MINUTES of a smile
STARCHed stiff as the white collar
around your neck
Weeks eagerly waited
Yearbook photo arrives
posted by frumpiefox on 4-28-2008 at 3:18 pm
But ink is TERRIBLY FINAL
posted by frumpiefox on 4-28-2008 at 3:26 pm
and
Tommorrow’s AUDIENCE VERY critical of
Yesterday’s bad hair
posted by frumpiefox on 4-28-2008 at 3:37 pm
BRACHMAN SENT his apologies.
posted by Karen on 4-28-2008 at 3:43 pm
We called HOMICIDE immediately after his BOP on the head!
posted by Karen on 4-28-2008 at 3:47 pm
“IS EINSTEIN?”
Those were the words i had for a comment on a previous post (in that order). Nice philosophical question with no work necessary on my part.
posted by pc on 4-29-2008 at 2:15 am
such Observer
quiet in the corner
knows all
posted by Amelia on 4-30-2008 at 1:08 pm
A little bit late, but got linked to the page…
IS MURDERED
:)
posted by Q on 6-9-2008 at 12:56 am