I don’t particularly like iced coffee. More of a 44-ounce, 600-calorie smoothie kind of guy. But when this coupon found its way into my Gmail, I was willing to expand my beverage horizons. With an expiration date of 9/30, I could hit all fifty-three Starbucks within walking distance without sheepishly presenting my coupon to the same barista twice.

It’s been printed out on my desk all week. Actually, I’ve got a whole pile. And today was the big day. And then I read this:

An email offering a free Starbucks iced coffee was distributed to a limited group of Starbucks partners (employees) in the Southeast United States on Wednesday, August 23, 2006 with instructions to forward to their group of friends and family. Unfortunately, it has been redistributed beyond the original intent and modified beyond Starbucks control. Effective immediately, this offer will no longer be valid at any Starbucks locations.

What a bummer. Thanks to the good people at Snopes for saving me the trip.

Rather than end this post on a sour note, here are a few legitimate free stuff offers:

• If you’re a soldier returning from Iraq, enjoy a free, um, session at a Nevada brothel.

• If past performance is any indication of future returns, you can enjoy a free stack next National Pancake Day (February 2007).

• A free haircut, craigslist-style.

• Free lawn irrigation gauge. Though this only applies if you’re in Western Missouri.

• And free horse manure. Why pay full price?