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This week we’re joined by a special guest blogger. Patricia T. O’Conner, a former editor at The New York Times Book Review, is the author of the national best-seller Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English, as well as other books about language. She is a regular monthly guest on public radio station WNYC in New York. Learn more at her website, grammarphobia.com. Make her feel welcome!
1. I or Me?
The most common grammatical mistake in English is probably using I when we should use me. We hear this mistake all the time: “Thanks for inviting Bob and I to your anniversary bash.” Or, “This was such a treat for the children and I.” Or, “To your mother and I, your happiness means everything.” Nice thoughts, but the right pronoun is me, me, me!
Luckily, there’s an easy way to help decide whether to use I or me. Just mentally eliminate the other guy and the correct word becomes obvious: “Thanks for inviting […] me to your anniversary bash.” Or, “This was such a treat for […] me.” Or, “To […] me, your happiness means everything.”
And by the way, when you can’t decide between I and me, the answer is not to resort to myself! That’s not only a cop-out but also wrong. Words like myself (they’re called reflexive pronouns) are used for only two things: to emphasize something (“I did it myself”), and to refer to a person already mentioned (“I saw myself in the mirror”).
2. Who or Whom?
It’s a good thing to remember that who does something (it’s a subject, like he), while whom has something done to it (it’s an object, like him). You might even try moving the words around mentally and putting he or him where who or whom should go: if him fits, you want whom (both end in m); if he fits, you want who (both end in a vowel).
Example: “Who [or He] threw the first punch at whom [or him]?” asked the judge.
See? Who does it to whom. But don’t be fooled by prepositions—words that direct other words, like to, at, by, for, from, in, on, toward, with, and so on). A preposition isn’t automatically followed by whom. It can be followed by a clause (a group of words with both a subject and a verb) that has who as its subject.
Consider this sentence: Hermione gives help to [whoever or whomever] needs advice. Don’t be misled by the preposition to. It’s followed by a clause: whoever or whomever needs advice. Since the mystery word does something (needs advice), it’s a subject, so the answer is whoever needs advice.
OK, now that you know the rules, here’s how to bend them. On more relaxed occasions, you can sometimes get away with using who where whom is technically correct. Who is often less stuffy-sounding at the beginning of a sentence or a clause. Examples: Who’s the email from? Did I tell you who I saw? Who are you waiting for? No matter who you invite, I can’t come. Good English would call for whom in those cases, but you can use who in casual conversation or informal writing.
But beware: Who sounds grating if used for whom right after a preposition. You can get around this by putting who in front: From whom? becomes Who from?
3. That or Which?
See if you can guess the answer: Nobody likes a kid [that or which] whines. I’ll end the suspense: it’s that.
If you want to satisfy Miss Grundy, here’s how to figure out whether a clause (a group of words with its own subject and verb) should start with that or which. When the clause (that or which whines) isn’t essential to the point of the sentence, choose which. But if the clause is essential, choose that. In this case, if we dropped the clause we’d end up with Nobody likes a kid. Not quite the point, is it?
Another handy rule to remember is that a which clause is separated from the rest of the sentence by commas: Someone tripped over the kid’s stroller, which was in the aisle. Or: The kid’s stroller, which was in the aisle, was a safety hazard. So if a clause makes you pause, it probably calls for which.
By the way, some of you may think the word that can’t refer to a person, only who. Wrong. This is another popular myth. If you need convincing, take a look at this entry in my blog.
4. “If I was” or “If I were”?
When you express a wish, or when you use an “if” statement to talk about a something that’s not true, use “were” instead of “was.” Why? Because those situations call for what grammarians refer to as the subjunctive mood, and not the usual indicative.
For example, you’d say, “Last week I was on vacation” [indicative], but “This week I wish I were on vacation” [subjunctive], and “If I were on vacation [subjunctive] I wouldn’t be here at work.”
Note, however, that not every “if” statement calls for the subjunctive, only those that are undeniably contrary to fact. In cases where the statement may actually be true, was remains was. Examples: If I was wrong, I apologize. (I may have been wrong.) If she was there, I guess I missed her. (She may have been there.) If it was Tuesday, I must have been at the gym. (It may have been Tuesday.)
5. Collective Nouns: Singular or Plural?
Should we say, “couple is” or “couple are”? “Majority was” or “majority were”? “Number is” or “number are”? The answer: It all depends.
Many words that mean a collection of things—like couple, group, total, number, majority—can be either singular or plural, depending on whether you mean the group as a whole or the individuals in the group. So ask yourself whether you’re talking about the whole or the parts. Sometimes this can be a close judgment call.
Let’s look at couple first. Here are two examples from my grammar book Woe Is I: “A couple of tenants own geckos. The couple in 5G owns a family of mongooses.” Both sentences are acceptable, one plural and the other singular. In the first one, you’re talking about two separate tenants who own geckos. In the second, you mean one couple that owns mongooses.
Here’s a hint: Think of the expression “The majority rules.” It should remind you that if the word in front of a collective noun is the, then the noun is usually singular. If the word in front is a, especially when the noun is followed by of, then it’s usually plural. So you’d say, “A majority of the residents were polled” (plural), but “The majority was significant” (singular). And you’d write, “A group of Dutch investors are building 25 homes” (plural), but “The Dutch investment group is building 25 homes” (singular).
Yesterday: Debunking Etymological Myths. Monday: Debunking Grammar Myths. Coming tomorrow: Five Lessons in Punctuation. And on Friday, Pat will be answering your grammar questions. You can ask said questions in the comments.
Comments (32)
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I’m so glad to see the I or me distinction explained like that. Maybe I can transfer some of that explanation over to German. My students are having a really hard time grasping cases…especially the fact that the accusative case is used for the object of a sentence. I was trying to point out to them that the pronoun “me” is a great example of accusative case being used in English, but they were having such a hard time figuring out the proper usage in English that my explanation fell on deaf ears.
posted by Fruppi on 5-7-2008 at 12:04 pm
Thank you for the “that” or “which” distinction! As an editor, I am frequently changing one to the other, but it can be hard to explain the “why,” even though it’s second nature for me. I appreciate being able to cite a more genuine expert!
posted by Therese on 5-7-2008 at 12:24 pm
I would say “a kid WHO whines,” not “a kid THAT whines” (although of course I understand the difference betweenn that and which — it drives me crazy to see how many writers do not grasp this)– I used to copyedit a particular magazine, and one rule the owner had that I now totally subscribe to is the use of WHO for people instead of THAT — I liked the idea of that and now consistently adhere to it (and always suggest it to others, too). It just seems so much more respectful somehow!
posted by Dolly Spalding on 5-7-2008 at 12:25 pm
I’ve spent some time trying to educate people on point #1. It hurts my ears (and eyes) when someone mistakenly uses “…and I.” And thank you for addressing the “myself” issue. *shudder*
By the way, one reason I’ve been able to easily explain the whole I/me thing is your book. I loved it (and bought it solely because of its title), but I donated my copy when I moved back to the US from France. It may be time to pick up another copy.
posted by Alison on 5-7-2008 at 12:26 pm
I make some of these mistakes quite often. This means alot to my wife and I.
posted by Witty Nickname on 5-7-2008 at 12:47 pm
A few years ago I heard a simple rule to sort out the whole who/whom thing: If you can replace the word with “him” (or “her” or “them”) and it still sounds right, it should be “whom”. If you need to use “he” , “she”, or “they”, it should be “who”. Obviously you may need to restructure the sentence as a declarative first if you’re asking a question.
Incidentally, I think I first learned this trick from the book “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves”. Great book.
posted by Ishmael on 5-7-2008 at 12:55 pm
Oh, Witty Nickname, how you made my eyes burn. :)
I love these new posts; mental_floss is bringin’ grammar back! Keep these coming, I heart them.
posted by adrienne on 5-7-2008 at 12:55 pm
On a recent TV ad, I heard the announcer say, “If you or your child doesn’t improve . . . ,” and this doesn’t sound right to me, but others have said it is correct.
Is it grammatically correct or not?
posted by gmsc on 5-7-2008 at 1:06 pm
“I make some of these mistakes quite often. This means alot to my wife and I.”
I’m assuming your waggish comments were meant to highlight the misuse of me/I; but, for the love of all things holy, how many times do people need to be reminded that “a” and “lot” need their respective spaces, away from each other. Perhaps the abusive treatment of linking those two words was part of your ploy to bring attention to this matter. Let us hope that this is your intent.
posted by Jeff on 5-7-2008 at 1:23 pm
Me are glad which you wrote this article!
posted by Scott on 5-7-2008 at 1:28 pm
Another way to remember the correct usage of ‘me’ vs ‘I’ is to remove the other party & see if it still makes sense.
Example:
John & I went to the park.
Remove ‘John &’.
You’d say: ‘I went to the park.’ not ‘Me went to the park.’
posted by Lance on 5-7-2008 at 1:32 pm
Fruppi,
I have a great book that a former German professor of mine recommended to me when I was having trouble with tenses. It’s called English Grammar for Students of German by Cecile Zorach (I think there are other language versions too). It does a really great job of explaining the English grammar, and then the German equivalent. Probably the best reference book I own.
posted by christina on 5-7-2008 at 1:42 pm
Awesome blog!!!! Who, whom always gets me, and I am trying to improve. I and me, not so much, but I am sure I still make mistakes there!
posted by SongLee on 5-7-2008 at 1:50 pm
Add me to the list of Adriennes who appreciate the grammar posts.
posted by Adrienne on 5-7-2008 at 3:01 pm
BORING!! If I wanted a grammar lesson I’d go read a book about the english language. I come to this site to read about interesting/funny stuff, not things I was forced to learn in grade school.
posted by justin on 5-7-2008 at 3:05 pm
What’s the best contraction for “am not”? For example, how should one best end this sentence:
“Since contractions are required, I’m forced to use one now, am I not?”
posted by John on 5-7-2008 at 4:08 pm
I totally caught the Miss Grundy reference. Thanks for the grammar stuff, though – I’d like to read about some really common errors.
posted by Case on 5-7-2008 at 4:45 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! The I/me thing kills me. Especially the folks that default to “I” instead of using the rule.
posted by Emma on 5-7-2008 at 8:07 pm
I had the best 8th grade English teacher. She taught us all these rules in exactly the way that they are explained above. Then we would have drills to fill in the right word. Even in college I would get professors amazed at my ease of speaking correctly. I still hate it when people misuse the “I” to sound smart.
posted by Celeste on 5-7-2008 at 8:55 pm
Several times I get confused between ‘Been’ and ‘Being’. Is there any simple rule to avoid the confusion ?
posted by Shailesh on 5-7-2008 at 10:02 pm
Regarding the first rule, I read that somewhere and always use it when I am trying to figure out which word is correct. It’s incredibly helpful. Other people, on the other hand, don’t particularly like to be corrected, and everyone always gets pissy when I bust out the “I vs. me” rule.
Also, if you click on my name, it takes you a website with common errors and correct usages. I usually use that site if I need something cleared up quickly.
posted by Ana on 5-8-2008 at 1:15 am
In #1 (I or me) you don’t mention predicate nominative issues. I can understand this. Many people don’t say, “It is he at the door,” so those same people tend not to say, “It is I at the door.”
In #4 (was or were) you could also have rewritten your subjunctive sentence as, “Were I on vacation I wouldn’t be here at work.” It’s fine you didn’t point it out, of course, but I’m fond of that idiom.
posted by bitguru on 5-8-2008 at 1:19 am
John: I think colloquial English would render that as “Since contractions are required, I’m forced to use one now, aren’t I?”
That involves some juggling of word order and forming the contraction using a different form of ‘to be’, but since it’s a horrendously irregular verb that’s probably to be expected.
You would, however, never ever say “I aren’t”. You can only get away with it here because the I fits nicely at the end of the clause.
posted by Matt on 5-8-2008 at 3:34 am
I love your short explanations. I plan to share them with my students. Now if I could just get them to stop using hisself, theirself, theirselves. I can tune it out when they speak, but it pains me when I see it written.
posted by Beth on 5-8-2008 at 8:55 am
Quick question regarding whoever/whomever. If we shorten your example sentence to “Hermione gives help to whoever”, should “whoever” change to “whomever”? Since nothing follows the pronoun in question, it seems that it should change to “whomever”; however, I’d argue that the clause is implied by context and it should remain “whoever”. I’m not entirely certain of this, and would appreciate your input.
posted by Keith on 5-8-2008 at 9:59 am
The one that really gets me is sports teams who have names (mascots) that do NOT end with ‘S’ (Avalanche, Wild, Jazz, etc) and sports writers conjugate verbs to the singular. Here is an example: “The Colorado Avalanche is disappointed with this season.” That just doesn’t sound right! If it was the Stars or Sharks or any other team ending with ‘S’, the sentence would use “are”. So what is right? I say when referring to a team name, you should use plural.
posted by That Sports Writer Guy on 5-8-2008 at 10:51 am
Oh, I am so relieved to find there are others!
It’s like finding living beings after a megadisaster!
I have tried to start a society for the preservation of the objective case of the pronouns, but it is so hard to fight television.
For those with long memories (another way of saying senior citizens), this was a topic on a Dick Cavett show years ago! Already in the 70s it was a problem.
Thank you so much!
posted by Jane B on 5-8-2008 at 11:18 am
Love the post and your blog!
As for the last one though, that on drives me crazy. The English/Irish refer to a team as a plural thing (”England are playing great football this season”). I realize the English invented English but this drives me nuts! To me it is a non-issue. A team was is and always will be ONE team, no matter if there are 2 people or 2000 people. A couple is always two but it is still just one couple. And certainly not to argue with you but I dont like your example “A couple of tenants own geckos”. I think the only reason it sounds acceptable is because the word tenants is plural. But you always have to ignore prepositional phrases. Anyway, just my two cents
posted by Rob on 5-8-2008 at 11:49 am
Christine-
Thanks! I just wrote that down so I can look it up as soon as I get a chance!
Justin-
If you don’t like it, don’t read it! You had plenty of warning from the title. Some of us find grammar fascinating!
posted by Fruppi on 5-8-2008 at 12:13 pm
It seems to me that it’s best to take into account that “couple” has multiple definitions, one being an associated pair (collective) while the other refers to an indefinite small number (plural).
With your definite/indefinite article technique, should I say “For this vote, a two-third majority rule” or “A football team are staying in this hotel”? No.
I would make the collective noun singular or plural by the activity expressed by the verb. “At each mention of the candidate’s name, the audience applauds” would be singular because the members of the group are engaged in a collective behavior. “The poll shows that the audience disagree among themselves” is plural because the verb indicates the individual differences within the group. Therefore, I disagree that your example sentences beginning with “A” should be plural, since the majority and the group are both acting collectively.
posted by Dixie on 5-9-2008 at 1:33 am
The prescription that you cannot use “which” to head a restrictive relative clause is just as much a myth as the prescription against using “that” to refer to people or the prescription against split infinitives.
It’s not “which” that marks a nonrestrictive clause, it’s the comma. Open any novel, and you can find examples of “which” heading a restrictive clause. Many usage books accept this.
posted by morphail on 5-28-2008 at 1:37 pm
plz can u have my all question
posted by noemealasaas on 9-9-2009 at 4:10 am