Ransom Riggs
Cats, Rock Stars United in Hatred of Laser Pointers
by Ransom Riggs - June 5, 2009 - 10:57 AM

There was a time when cats and rock stars had almost nothing in common, but the 90s, and the faddish popularity of handheld laser pointers it would bring, changed all that. There’s nothing my cat loves to hate more than that glowing red laser dot: she’ll drop everything to pounce on it, chasing it over couches and up walls, transforming her from a calm little island of purring Zen to a predatory killing machine with the click of a button. For instance:

The same can be said for rock stars, who at the click of a laser pen will readily stop the show, kill the mood and focus their own red-hot beam of hatred right back at the pointer (“I’ll point that thing right up your a%$!” is a common threat.) Watch as KISS’ Paul Stanley goes totally feral on a laser-wielding audience member (some NSFW taunts ensue):

Another interesting parallel is the way a laser proves irresistible to cats and rock stars both; like chum in a shark tank, lasers focus the attention like nothing else — they can’t help but take the bait. Here’s a diabetes-inducingly cute example:

Similarly, watch as Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine predictably takes the laser bait (and issues forth a few NSFW remarks about the laser wielder’s sex organs):

You can’t pounce on the laser. You can’t kill it. Sticking them up your fans’ bums won’t stop someone else from bringing one to your concert. Eventually, both cats and rock stars grasp the futility of raging against the laser; the cat will give up and walk away, frustrated. The rock star, though, has a more interesting solution. Take, for instance, The Flaming Lips’ answer to the pointer problem: rather than trying to enforce a yet more rigorous, cavity-searching ban on them at their 2007 Bonnaroo gig, they came up with a novel solution — give everyone in the audience a pointer, and make it part of the show. Ever wondered what 10,000 laser pointers look like?

Rage against the laser with me on Twitter.

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Comments (15)

  1. Compare/contrast the Flaming Lips’ solution with KISS and Mustaine’s macho approach. This is great example of the difference between reacting, and responding. Reacting is base and usually ugly; responding requires thought & tact, and usually ends up in a win/win.

    posted by Johnny Cat on 5-22-2008 at 1:01 pm

  2. You’re not as hot as Stacy, but I think you are my favorite blogger. I mean, who in the heck would make the correlation between cats and rock stars. Brilliant! Keep up the good work. Random Rocks.

    posted by tommy on 5-22-2008 at 1:25 pm

  3. ARGH! My Eyes!

    posted by William on 5-22-2008 at 2:36 pm

  4. I can see why they ban those things. That’s not just light, it’s a stream of eye-blindingness. Cool effect, though.

    posted by Silva on 5-22-2008 at 3:12 pm

  5. Put Keep a Real

    posted by Johny on 5-22-2008 at 3:20 pm

  6. brilliant!

    posted by David K. Israel on 5-22-2008 at 6:13 pm

  7. I was at the Flaming Lips show at Bonnaroo. The laser pointers were even more amazing from the crowd’s perspective! (The video shows it from “behind the scenes”.) Seeing a Flaming Lips show is something everyone should do before they die. (Also: I would rather die than see a KISS show. But, hey, that’s just me!)

    posted by Steph W on 5-22-2008 at 11:00 pm

  8. I thought the objection performers had to laser pointers largely stemmed from what happens when it hits your retina. It may be extremely unlikely to cause any damage under those conditions, but it can’t be at all pleasant when one shines in your eye.

    posted by Matt W on 5-23-2008 at 3:57 am

  9. Calling someone a schmuck and a schmoe is going “totally feral”? I thought it was a cute semitic scolding. BTW, after performing together for so long you’d think Gene, Paul and Ace could do a little bettr on the sychronized hand swings…

    posted by DL on 5-23-2008 at 1:24 pm

  10. I remember reading about when the kiss incident happened. I believe Peter Criss (drummer, the guy singing at the beginning of the video) did get some eye damage.

    The objection is partially due to eye safety, partly due to the annoyance factor. Imagine giving a presentation at work with a little red light bouncing about on your privates. You know it’s there. You know your audience knows it’s there. It’s a distraction for everyone (except the moron with the pointer).

    posted by EV on 6-5-2009 at 11:58 am

  11. I would’ve felt awkward if I were at that KISS show.
    It seems hard to have a good time after the performers are cheesed off.

    I went to a show and the female singer jumped into the crowd and someone reached between her legs and she got back up onstage and asked the audience “Do you know what rape is?!” buzzkill.
    A couple jackasses can really ruin a good time.

    posted by holly on 6-5-2009 at 1:26 pm

  12. OMG! My cat does the same thing the crazy one does! It’s too funny!

    posted by Ro on 6-5-2009 at 2:18 pm

  13. Brilliant strategy – give the disruptor the attention he’s looking for. It’s amazing how the big tough-talking rockers let some little dweeb with a low-power laser take over the show.
    The ones you can buy can’t do eye damage unless you stare into them for a long time.

    posted by PartiallyDeflected on 6-5-2009 at 7:54 pm

  14. I don’t think the Flaming Lips would be my style of music, but got to give them credit for handling the laser issue in a way that resulted in great visuals and more fun for all.

    My cat couldn’t care less about the laser pointer. The bird is scared of it (so I use it to shoo her off places I don’t want her on). I’ve also found that laser pointers are very entertaining to toddlers (they’ll chase and pounce as enthusiastically as most cats).

    posted by Seanette on 6-6-2009 at 3:49 am

  15. We had a cat that did the same crazy head shaking when we jiggled a laser pointer back and forth. One day my husband was doing it and Sacco’s head was shaking back and forth wildly … and then he upchucked.

    [The cat, not my husband.]

    Not exactly the intended effect, but still funny in retrospect. What a cat.

    posted by Southern Buddhist on 6-6-2009 at 4:42 pm

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