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As someone who loves non-sequiturs and absurd nonsense of all sorts, the newspaper has been of great comfort over the years. I used to work at a small-town paper, and it’s amazing the kind of stuff that almost makes it into print; not just egregious misspellings and odd turns of phrase, but weird content placeholders (”the rotary club did some crap someplace” could be a news item, prior to the whens wheres and hows coming in). Even knowing that, though, it still blows my mind when really strange stuff shows up in the newspaper. Here are some that made us laugh.
What I love about this — it’s not a mistake. It’s too specific. So it’s either one very mixed-up ad poster, or some kind of coded mob hit.
Dominos’ new slogan.
Hot dog! It’s funeral time!
Apparently this was an ad translated from Chinese into English. We can only hope the Chinese-character tattoos people get make this much sense.
Someone had too much fun with the clipart.
And the weather only appears to be getting worse.
A simple misspelling? Or a brilliant new product?
Look at the catalog they’re browsing. I think they’re stuck inside the Matrix.
The caption reads: “Fifth grader Catherine Johnson (10) tries on a space suit worn by astronaut Neil Armstrong when he walked on the moon’s surface.”
Most definitely the quote of the day.
The “b” is for bargain!
Did he wire your mouth closed for a week?
Mom! Can I bring George Lopez?
That must be quite a dumpster.
Way more of these here, and all over the internet.
Shhh…super secret special for blog readers.
Comments (33)
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Fun! Still laughing about the “bring your favorite Mexican.”
My favorite has to be some of the local small town police blotters. Every once in a while, you get a real crazy one.
One that stands out in memory, from my town: some local bartender called the police because she was thought there was a ghost in the bar basement. I’m *sure* she misdialed. LOL
posted by mrs.djs on 6-10-2008 at 11:19 am
The ‘fifth grader wears astronaut suit’ had me giggling until I had tears. I love these crazy things.
posted by adrienne on 6-10-2008 at 11:33 am
Thank you so much for the post. I now need to go get the windex to clean the diet coke I spit all over the monitor I was laughing so hard.
posted by Dana on 6-10-2008 at 12:03 pm
For some good ones, check out the police blotter for the Bozeman, Montana daily paper.
posted by Erock on 6-10-2008 at 12:08 pm
I loved this.
I interned at a small local newspaper a few summers ago, and on the wall they had a captioned picture from a competing local newspaper that said something about the six-feet tall Canadian geese that were migrating into the area.
Of course, a while later, the paper went to print without the name of the winner of some election (They were waiting to find out, and then forgot about the big blank spaces throughout the front page article). We had to send it to the printer again and got several calls from elderly people who were concerned their paper had not been delivered.
It’s very easy for stuff to slip by even after being copy-edited by four of the six staff members and an intern, but it’s great when it ends up being funny.
posted by Eileen on 6-10-2008 at 12:11 pm
Hahaha! These are all golden, but I had to point out the advice children give to the elderly. One little fella says:
“If you have blood sugar you take a knife and make a cut and then let it bleed so the sugar runs out. I read this in a pirate book.”
Even more awesome – his name is Dexter.
posted by Johnny Cat on 6-10-2008 at 12:35 pm
Too funny!! But Broken Glass is a Jell-o salad… more recipes can be found on the Web. Sounds pretty tasty, too.
BROKEN GLASS JELLO SALAD
1 pkg. raspberry Jello
1 pkg. lime Jello
1 pkg. orange Jello
Dissolve each in 1 cup of boiling water. Add 1 cup cold water. Pour into cake pan. Refrigerate until set. 1 c. pineapple juice 1/2 c. sugar 2 c. whipped cream
Dissolve lemon Jello in boiling pineapple juice. Add 1/2 cup sugar and 1/2 cup cold water. Refrigerate until begins to set, then add whipped cream. Cut other Jellos into 1 inch cubes. Mix Jellos and lemon mixture in large bowl.
~~cheers!
posted by Mama9cats on 6-10-2008 at 12:36 pm
I always love this segment on Leno, and it looks like this dude has collected just about all of them (judging by the NBC logo)! I should be occupied for the next couple of hours.
posted by Ira on 6-10-2008 at 1:22 pm
Hahaha, I love the one about the “incest repelllent” and the “bring your favorite Mexican.” Pretty great!
Once I was proof-reading a friend’s paper on Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, and at one point he forgot to pluralize a word and ended up with the sentence, “So the forty thieves all ran out of the cave and jumped on their horse.” I laughed pretty hard at that one, too.
posted by Amber on 6-10-2008 at 1:53 pm
i found a questionable personal ad in the paper a month or so ago, it read:
“Have extra cash? $30k needed immediately. Will not be able to repay. Contact ****@yahoo.com”
i had to re-read it a few times, then i took the paper home with me to show everyone i know.
posted by tami on 6-10-2008 at 2:24 pm
I can explain the clip art in the ad for Central Florida Pawn Gun Jewlery.I live near this place and their slogan is: ” Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down” :-).
posted by Eli on 6-10-2008 at 2:58 pm
Thanks for that link! I went thru EVERY page and was chortling behind my hand, trying not to disrupt co-workers. Finally, I sent them all the link and they’re rolling too :)
posted by Bethy on 6-10-2008 at 3:04 pm
Once we saw an ad for a lost hamster in the newspaper.
posted by Jenny on 6-10-2008 at 3:05 pm
The grilled cheese and champagne on the last page is from the menu at The Blue Danube, just down the street from Ohio State in Columbus, OH. It’s meant to be tongue-in-cheek, far as I can tell, but they do have delicious grilled cheese.
posted by Ira on 6-10-2008 at 3:51 pm
I remember an ad years from a hardware store with a big sale on “Metric and American tools” which makes sense – except that they included:
– Metric and American screwdrivers for metric and American screws
– Metric and American saws to cut metric and American wood
– Metric and American hammers to drive metric and American nails
posted by PartiallyDeflected on 6-10-2008 at 8:54 pm
oh God! that was the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time. i couldn’t breathe i was laughing so hard.
posted by Claire on 6-10-2008 at 8:59 pm
The dental thing I’ve actually seen — it’s like a retainer that you leave in while you’re eating — it slows you down so much you lose interest…
posted by TadMack on 6-10-2008 at 10:08 pm
The dental thing I’ve actually seen — apparently it’s a retainer-like thing, and it slows your chewing so much that you lose interest…which might work to make those jeans larger…
posted by TadMack on 6-10-2008 at 10:11 pm
Many moons ago, I saw a classified ad that read “Will unearth deceased for cheap. ###-####”
I re-read that about five times before I convinced myself there was no misprint. Apparently, someone had a backhoe and some free time.
posted by Anthony on 6-10-2008 at 10:25 pm
Well I can totally understand the dental ad. I got braces 6 months ago…I lost about 5 pounds the first month. I call it the gotta-eat-soft-food-because-it-hurts-too-much diet. Pretty much deters you from eating most of the foods you normally enjoy…except jello.
posted by Kiki on 6-11-2008 at 3:28 pm
The phone number on that first one has a southeastern Wisconsin area code. According to the census, there were some 1 million people in the greater Milwaukee area alone in 1950. Unless there was some kind of massive vegetable shortage in the ’50’s, there’s a good chance that more than one person got hit in the head with a tomato in southeastern wisconsin between January First, 1950 and December 31st, 1959. Don’t ask me why I put this much thought into the classified. (I guess it’s been a slow evening.)
posted by Russ Bickerstaff on 6-13-2008 at 9:03 pm
i like it.
posted by paresh on 7-7-2008 at 9:31 am
The “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Mmm” Is a Domino’s Pizza add (a bit chain / brand here in the UK.) The idea is that they guarantee that the pizza will be hot when it’s delivered – so hot, in fact, that it burns your fingers if you’re not careful… hence Ouch. As for the “mmm,” I think it speaks for itself…
posted by MindStrider on 7-13-2008 at 3:45 pm
We’re no strangers to love,
You know the rules and so do I.
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,
You wouldnt get this from any other guy.
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,
Gotta make you understand…
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
We’ve known each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it.
Inside we both know what’s been going on,
We know the game and we’re gonna play it.
Annnnnd if you ask me how I’m feeling,
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see…
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Give you up. give you up.
Give you up, give you up.
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up.
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up.
We’ve known each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it.
Inside we both know what’s been going on,
We know the game and we’re gonna play it.
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,
Gotta make you understand…
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
posted by Rick on 7-18-2008 at 12:59 pm
Can you rickroll a blog?!
posted by Ransom Riggs on 7-18-2008 at 1:09 pm
I have an explanation for the newspaper bit on page 4, the one with nonsense letters.
When a section editor is figuring out where to put what on a page, they type “gyio;lkhfdt5sesrthl”; it’s just filler text.
Obviously they forgot to delete that part and the copy editor(s) didn’t catch it lol….
posted by Fox on 7-18-2008 at 5:55 pm
“OFF” is my favorite, because I’m sure it works like a charm.
posted by Dwinndle on 7-21-2008 at 6:15 am
LOL these are awesome!
posted by chantix on 8-19-2008 at 11:18 am
The first picture is priceless. Who thinks of this stuff?
posted by Levitra on 8-19-2008 at 11:27 am
The first picture is priceless. Who comes up with this stuff?
posted by Levitra on 8-19-2008 at 11:31 am
Hahaha! I couldn’t stop laughing! Man, how come I’ve never seen anything like this in a newspaper?
posted by Osama on 10-19-2008 at 7:50 pm
India-born entrepreneurs empower US voters
Shukoor Ahmed ran for a seat in the Maryland House of Delegates in 1998, after coming to America a decade earlier from Hyderabad, India. Campaigning door-to-door, he was surprised so many voters did not know who represented them!
After his race ended slightly short of victory, he took advantage of his Master’s degree in Computer Technology and Political Science to build StateDemocracy.org, a website he launched in 2001 to connect citizens and lawmakers. His website’s motto encapsulated its mission:
posted by timothy on 11-5-2008 at 1:25 am
I need to stop reading these when my roommate is sleeping; holding back this much laughter is painful.
posted by RJ on 11-11-2008 at 1:19 am