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The world was waiting for a contraption that addressed one of mankind’s most pressing needs -how to drink beer faster. The wait is over, because Bierstick is here!
This giant syringe can deliver 24 ounces of liquid to the back of your throat in two seconds flat. Alrighty then. It boasts a friction-fit mouthpiece that leaves no mess, at least as you drink. What happens afterward is anyone’s guess. And it’s small enough to fit into a backpack. You load the Bierstick with beer (you are warned NOT to use any other alcoholic beverage) and put the business end in your mouth. Then you prop the plunger end against a wall and lean on it to shoot beer into your mouth at a high rate of volume. Don’t forget to swallow, or your cheeks may explode.
Are parties really so short these days that it’s important to drink that fast? I guess so, because the Bierstick is currently sold out. You can still see some scantily-clad models at the site. Then again, this might just be a way around having to actually taste the stuff, in which case you should upgrade your brand. If you’ve already bought one and are wondering whether it’s safe to use, then you haven’t thought this all the way through. The company has a page of disclaimers, with a rather long list of potential occurrences they do not want to be responsible for. The Bierstick retails for $19.95 plus tax and shipping.
My favorite disclaimer: You are responsible for keeping your Bierstick sanitary.
And cold fusion is right around the corner.
posted by Jonathan on 6-16-2008 at 9:00 am
Imagine what the world would be like if the brain power used to get the Bierstick from imagination to sold out were used for something…. else.
posted by Rachel on 6-16-2008 at 9:58 am
Somewhere some dumb frat guy is on his way to the hospital.
posted by Hurricane on 6-16-2008 at 10:23 am
If you’ve seen the recent study on kids binge drinking for their 21st birthday, this thing is just scary. I hope the disclaimer includes information about when you it’s time to call an ambulance for your drunk friend.
Click on my name for a link to an article about the study.
posted by annie on 6-16-2008 at 10:25 am
And to think of all the times I’ve used a paint stick and it never occurred to me to fill it with beer instead…
posted by Average Jane on 6-16-2008 at 10:41 am
Enjoyed the blog, however we are not sold out! Buy a Bierstick now at Bierstick.com
posted by Bierstick on 6-16-2008 at 11:07 am
This is the dumbest invention EVER. What kind of JACKA** would buy this thing? It´s sad that someone would want to get completely trashed at the very beginning of the party and spend the rest of night alternately throwing up or passing out. SOUNDS FUN!
And I also agree with Annie. This thing should come with a HUGE safety warning regarding alcohol poisining.
posted by GTT on 6-16-2008 at 2:51 pm
Lighten up, people. This is no worse than a beer bong. There are always going to be irresponsible drinkers, and giving them a new toy isn’t going to make it any more prevalent than it already is. As far as I’m concerned, it’s God’s way of thinning out the herd of stupid people.
And no, I’m not including people who are killed by drunk drivers in that statement. This toy isn’t geared specifically toward people that drink and drive, it’s aimed at people who drink. So don’t jump on me, thinking I said that innocent bystanders deserve to be weeded out.
If you’re dumb enough to drink yourself into a coma, then I think you deserve it–it’s your own decision that got you there.
I think this toy is a cool novelty–something my friends and I would use once or twice in a night while hanging out at home. There’s nothing wrong with cutting loose, as long as you do so responsibly.
posted by Jess on 6-16-2008 at 4:30 pm
I wonder if you could use it as a stomach pump as well? All you would need is some tubing to attach to the syringe. Perhaps they should sell the tubing as an accessory.
posted by JP on 6-16-2008 at 7:34 pm
I envision a time when the prudence mongers of our society all but ban the bierstick, relegating its sale to dirty hippy headshops (”I’m sorry, sir, but what’s a bierstick? We only sell high-volume turkey basters.”) For the uninitiated, that’s what the clerk will say as they point to the sign proclaiming “All items sold for novelty use only. Any other use strictly punishable by law.”
But what’s a little fascism between friends, eh?
posted by El Tigre on 6-17-2008 at 1:45 am
altered states. Beer is the semi-toxic version of deadly demon alcohol. Playing with beer bongs and such gives the thrill of defying death while removing ones’ inhibitions. When robot cars are here i will lighten up about abuse of ethyl alcohol.Vomiting the best way to enjoy yourself, Frat Boys;-)
posted by BC on 6-18-2008 at 3:46 pm
FUN, FUN, sounds like fun. Nice gadget to add to the party.
posted by Raymond on 9-15-2008 at 10:58 pm
This thing is a rip off you can buy a regular paintstick at Menards for $10 and it works just as good and the cap won’t fly off covering you in beer like the “Bierstick.” This costs them less then 6 dollars a peice to make, and the syringe idea causes all the beer to turn to foam when you start drinking. Terrible effort thrown together to try and rip people off.
posted by George on 11-13-2008 at 5:24 pm