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It’s that time of year again… State Fair time. I know; I’m overdosing you guys on Iowa today, what with the Iowa-80 truck stop and everything. But I think you’ll find strange and interesting contests at all state fairs, not just the Iowa State Fair. So this is just to make you think about what odd competitions you could enter at your own fair this summer.
10 Bizarre Competitions at the Iowa State Fair
1. Outhouse Races. This is exactly what it sounds like a “pilot” in an outhouse, running for a finish line (no wheels, people). My favorite rule: Outhouses must weigh at least 200 pounds unoccupied. If outhouse fails to make the weight limit, 50 lb bags of steer manure will be provided to help you make the weight limit.
2. Mullet Contest. Sponsored by the Iowa School of Beauty, prizes go to those who have the top two female and top two male mullets. If you’ve ever been to the state fair, you know there is no shortage of mullets.
3. The Senior Spelldown. It’s a spelling bee for people ages 60 and over, sponsored by the AARP. Go figure.
4. Beard Growing Contest. It’s really a beard measuring contest, as I don’t think contestants are actually judged on how much they grow while at the fair. I could be wrong. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing at the fair.
5. Rubber Chicken Throwing Contest. Better than real chickens, I suppose.
6. 21st Annual Best Grocery Bagger Contest.. Paper? Plastic? Both? Neither?
7. Weed Identification Contest. I have to assume this is more along the lines of, “Dandelion, ragweed, Creeping Charlie,” and not “Maui Wowie, MILF Weed, Super Skunk.”
8. Cow Chip Throwing. Real cow chips. Not rubber ones. For those of you not familiar with cow chips, they are also called cow pies. If that doesn’t help, well, imagine the size of the excrement that comes out of cows. It’s pretty big. And it usually gets stepped on, which flattens it out. Then it dries in the sun of the pasture, and, voila! Cow chip.
9. Husband Calling Contest. From what I understand, you’re more likely to hear, “Hey, dumbass!” than “Honey, can you come here?”
10. Ladies’ Nail Driving Contest. I feel like I should be insulted by this one. They probably give them pink hammers.
The hick town I come from (in CT) has a cow chip raffle every year. They set a cow free in a pen where the ground has been marked like a big chess board. People bet on which square the cow will poop in first. If it poops on a line, they actually weigh the amount of poop on either side of the line, and the square with the most poop wins. I only watched this debacle once. And that was one time too many.
posted by Amy on 8-6-2008 at 3:17 pm
Fabulous! I love the Fair!
1. The rubber chicken throwing contest used to be a roller pin throwing contest but that was deemed too dangerous.
2. Cow pies don’t need to be stepped on to become flat. They just come that way. Eww.
posted by Mag on 8-6-2008 at 3:18 pm
The grocery bagging contest is not too absurd. When I worked at a supermarket as a kid in PA not too long ago I made it to the state finals for grocery bagging. Sadly, I failed to make nationals but was rewarded with a dvd player as well as a $100 check for expenses to get to states.
posted by Greg on 8-6-2008 at 4:37 pm
the cow chip raffle is called Cow Chip Bingo…..ah I miss the traditional county fair…living in the city has it’s drawbacks…
posted by Vickie on 8-6-2008 at 4:51 pm
I can honestly say that I have participated in a cow-chip throwing contest and won first place! Granted, I was one of maybe 3 girls, but still, a blue ribbon is a blue ribbon!
posted by Lisa on 8-6-2008 at 5:10 pm
One of the frats at U of I held a cow poop raffle for charity this past year and the cow got loose. I don’t think they’ll be allowed to do it next year.
posted by emilybird on 8-6-2008 at 5:21 pm
I went to an agricultural university and we actually studied for and sent teams to weed identification contests! Makes me want to go to the Fair and try my luck.
posted by Cheryl on 8-6-2008 at 9:38 pm
Mag beat me to it; cow poo is usually a bit, umm, loose, so when it hits the ground it flattens out on its own. Let it dry in the sun for a few days and you’ve got all kinds of chip flippin’ fun.
posted by Dave on 8-6-2008 at 9:40 pm
Huh! Thanks for the cow poo education, Mag and Dave. Makes sense. :)
posted by stacy on 8-6-2008 at 9:55 pm
The term “Meadow Muffin” is also acceptable. Horse dung is totally different and known in the country as “Road Apples”
posted by PartiallyDeflected on 8-6-2008 at 10:07 pm
In my corner of the world, Cow Patty Bingo is extremely common as a fundraiser. It’s basically the same thing as mentioned above, but they actually will announce over fair loudspeakers things like, “Cow Patty Bingo winner was B-4! B-4, please come to the fair board office.”
Also, does the Iowa state fair not have a butter carving contest? We here in Ohio have a cow carved out of butter with her calf every year on display.
posted by Amauriel on 8-6-2008 at 11:21 pm
Our marching band did a cow-patty bingo one year. It took all day because we had apparently acquired the one cow in the universe that happened to be constipated.
Our local 4-H fair is this weekend and I can’t wait to take my 2-year-old to check out all the animals! I don’t think there will be a mullet contest even though we ARE in New Jersey. Pity.
posted by Rachel on 8-7-2008 at 7:26 am
Regarding the grocery bagging — it’s such a hot topic that they even covered it last season on “Curious George” (where George covers for an injured bag boy to win the bag olympics!)
posted by beth on 8-7-2008 at 9:07 am
Cow pies (once they have dried in the sun, of course) are quite hard and do not have much of a smell. When the pioneers first moved into the prairie regions, they used buffalo chips (similar to cow chips) to make fires because there are few trees. Apparently, buffalo chips burn cleanly without much smoke or smell, although I have never tried it myself.
posted by Alice on 8-7-2008 at 1:11 pm
I think the Iowa state fair has a lady that does a different butter carving every year. She did a life sized Tiger Woods one year. Here in Minnesota they have a pageant for young women called “Princess Kay of the Milky Way.” It’s essentially a fariest of the fair pageant, but anyway all of the contestants have their likeness carved in butter during the fair. You can go and watch them sitting in cooler with the sculptor getting their bust carved. They get to keep the butter head after the fair. The MN State Fair, and state fairs in general are AWESOME!
posted by Brooke on 8-7-2008 at 3:27 pm