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1. I don’t know about you, but my favorite judge in Ohio’s Lake County is Mike Cicconetti. He’s known for his creative sentences, like making a man who played his car stereo too loudly sit in the woods—so he could “appreciate silence.” After two teenagers scrawled 666 on a nativity Jesus, Cicconetti ordered them to lead a donkey through the streets, with a sign that said, “Sorry for the jackass offense.”
This brand of justice inspired today’s first question. What’s the most creative punishment your parents ever handed down? (We’ll also accept the most creative punishment you’ve levied against your own kids.)
2. A couple years ago, I wrote a story called “Fictional Sitcom Employers For Which I’d Like To Work” for YesButNoButYes. The list included Spacely Sprockets (three-day work week/three-hour work day), the Malibu Sands Beach Club (or any Malibu establishment willing to also hire all my friends) and Mr. Drummond’s company (they weren’t the best corporate citizen, but I feel like I could have made a difference.) Since today’s quiz is about how TV characters made a living, let’s use that for our second question: what fictional sitcom employer would you like to work for?
3. The U.S. Department of Labor has some good data on the historical prices of random items, like hamburger rolls and Anjou pears. If anyone is interested in getting their hands dirty and finds some interesting data (”In the last seven years, the price of cupcake mix has risen faster than any other supermarket item”—I made that up, but that’s the kind of stat we’re looking for), we’ll shamelessly use your statistical analysis in a story next week. We won’t be too shameless—you’ll get full credit and we’ll link to your site, if you have a site for us to link to.
4. Last month, Erica Palan contributed a great piece about Prince. We’re looking forward to doing more of these “things you didn’t know about _______” pieces on popular musicians. Any particular acts you’d like to learn more about?
5. During our last Happy Hour, I asked for help with girl names. Caroline, KC and Katey all suggested ‘Charlotte,’ which was already on our short list. I can’t say whether their nudges helped lead us in that direction, but little Charlotte Lynn English turns one month on Monday. I hope she goes on to do great things, so you can tell people with pride that you helped name her. Or, maybe you three could go off and do great things. Then Charlotte’s claim to fame could be that she was named by you. Either way, thanks to everyone for their creative ideas—”London English” does have a nice ring to it.
(I guess this last one isn’t a question.)
4. How about Bryan Ferry / Roxy Music?
btw, reCaptcha = Go manifest
posted by The Other Brian on 8-15-2008 at 2:08 pm
My mother used to spank us with our own Hot Wheels tracks. Now before everyone starts screaming “CHILD ABUSE!!” this was in the 70s and mom raised 6 boys, no girls.
I took my share of spankings and I would have to believe it was almost self defense for her. I think she suffered more than any of us boys did.
posted by Doug K on 8-15-2008 at 2:11 pm
1) Kitchen duty - I grew up in a large family and cleaning up after dinner was always a major chore. My parents basically set it up so that if you got into trouble, you got kitchen duty (plus other punishments for more serious offenses). And, you were stuck on it (no matter how big/small the infraction) until someone else got into trouble. We could always count on my brother to bail us out after a couple days.
posted by The Other Brian on 8-15-2008 at 2:22 pm
My parents were adept at the be-careful-what-you-wish-for: One time, after an epic struggle trying to get me to get dressed for kindergarten, my mother just scooped me up and delivered me to school in my pajamas.
posted by Meredith on 8-15-2008 at 2:24 pm
My sister and i are 15 months apart, and our mom caught us having a knock down drag out fight. as punishment we were sent to our rooms to right a 1000 word essay on why we loved our sibling (mom always said we didn’t have to like each other, but we had to love each other). My sister hated being in her room and so sat down and wrote a few hundred words and said that was all she could write and was out of her room by dinner time. I spent most of summer vacation refusing to write it.
posted by Steve on 8-15-2008 at 2:24 pm
1. My parents were figured out that regular discipline (grounding, extra chores, etc.) didn’t work with my sister and I, so they got creative with their punishments. When I got caught skipping classes in high school, my mother came to school with me FOR A WEEK. Classmates were still taliking about that one at my 10th reunion.
Another time my sister and I were fighting, and I slammed my bedroom door-something we’d been told repeatedly not to do. Dad took it off the hinges and put it in the garage for a week. No privacy at all except in the bathroom.
Another good one from my folks: my sister was being a holy terror her junior year of HS, so Dad got brochures from boarding schools and left them lying around without saying a word. She shaped up in a couple of days.
posted by JenC on 8-15-2008 at 2:29 pm
I’d like to see you guys do a piece on Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
He’s a very interesting person, and I’d like to know more about him. Or Elvis Costello…
:)
posted by Jill on 8-15-2008 at 2:35 pm
2. Sign me up for Barney Stenson’s company on “How I Met Your Mother”. They make the green fuzz on tennis balls, and biological weapons for rouge nations, but they mostly focus on the green tennis ball fuzz.
posted by Witty Nickname on 8-15-2008 at 2:46 pm
I, for one, would love to see Erica do an article on various black metal artists.
posted by Matt on 8-15-2008 at 3:04 pm
2. hands down, Dunder-Mifflin
posted by susan on 8-15-2008 at 3:53 pm
AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
There is no such thing as CUPCAKE MIX. It’s Cake Mix! Just because cupcakes have suddenly become the soylent green of the Hipster Martha Stewart set, the good people at Betty Crocker have developed the sheer cajones to relabel CAKE MIX as “Cupcake Mix”
Read the directions . . . same thing only the “cupcake” mix tells you to put it in cupcake wrappers.
Sorry. Just a pet peeve.
Also I would love to see some little known facts on Tom Waits and PJ Harvey.
posted by EMStoveken on 8-15-2008 at 3:56 pm
When my children were younger the punishment was being sent to their room but there was a twist.
They had to stay in their rooms until they could explain to me what they had done wrong to be sent there.
It forced them to think about their actions.
posted by Alareth on 8-15-2008 at 3:59 pm
Oh come on…Sam Malone. Working at Cheers would be the cruisest job ever!
I’m a big R.E.M. fan so I would like to see a piece on them.
Glad you gave London a thought. I will tell my daughter that she made it on Daddy’s favorite website!
posted by Marty on 8-15-2008 at 4:00 pm
I HATE it when my kids whine about the tasks I assign them. So I came up with a solution: I tell them the job I expect them to do. The only acceptable response to this is, “OK.” Anything else results in an additional job being added to the task list. They learned early on that complaining just results in more work.
posted by bajakirch on 8-15-2008 at 4:08 pm
I don’t remember what I was being punished for, but my mom chose my outfits for school for about 2 months,(in 12th grade, no less). It was horribly embarrassing at first, but I think it helped develop my indifference towards mainstream fashion.
posted by Erica on 8-15-2008 at 4:44 pm
I would love you see a peice done on the Doors, or possibly Bob Marley.
A cute girls name in my book is Peyton. Also Sophia is way cute. Little Sophie.
posted by Nicole on 8-15-2008 at 5:16 pm
My mother would make my sisters and I Kneel and hug for at least a 1/2 hour if she caught us fighting or calling each other “scum”
My favorite boss would be Grace Adler- Will & Grace, I would be a mini me of karen Walker, Ya honey, ya…
things you didn’t know about _______” JIMMY BUFFETT! He so multi-talented
posted by Kelley M on 8-15-2008 at 5:23 pm
I was the good kid, but my sisters got in to trouble a lot when we were younger. My parents came up with 2 pretty creative punishments. The first was when my older sister wouldn’t clean her room, my mom took everything that was on the floor and threw it out the window in to the front yard.
The other was when we got older and started driving. My parents would ground the car but not us, so the car had to be home at 8 but we could stay out later. It really sucked because not many of our friends drove.
posted by Gayle on 8-15-2008 at 6:13 pm
My Step mother caught me sneaking candy bars in bed and she put me on sweets restriction. The worst part was it was Halloween time and we made a haunted mansion out of chocolate and candy and I could not eat any of it. I figured out though, that if I got the chocolate on myself and went to the bathroom to ‘wash up’ I could lick all the chocolate off my hands. haha sucka!
posted by Kelly on 8-15-2008 at 7:43 pm
when any of us as children (there were 6 kids) were caught fighting we always had to do something really, really, really stupid. they would make us just sit there and stare at one another.
also, i had two older sisters, the oldest who was a terror to my parents. whenever she did anything wrong my dad would sit us ALL down at the kitchen table and lecture us until the end of time about HER mistakes. i have a very good relationship with my sister now but at the time i could not loathe her more for this…
posted by angela on 8-15-2008 at 9:04 pm
When I was younger and my mom got fed up with the fighting between my brother and me, she used to make us stand there and hold hands for a while.
posted by Violet on 8-15-2008 at 9:39 pm
I once was grounded and was not allowed to: stay after school with friends (I lived within walking distance), talk on the phone about anything other than homework (my mom listened in), watch t.v., etc. The worst part was I had to peel the wall paper off of our entry hall, I think grounding was to end when I completed the task. Which wouldn’t have been bad, had it not been on for 20+ years and had formed a cement bond with the wall that was greater than any super glue in the world. After a month of scraping at the wall for HOURS a day, I think I managed to get something like 8 square inches chipped away. (And I tried EVERYTHING, chemicals, steaming, etc).
I would LOVE to know more about Jane Austen or the creators of Hoops and Yoyo (the Hallmark characters).
And as far as random facts I have been told that: Geese poop up to 11 pounds a day (think about it!) & seagulls poop about every five minutes
posted by BigE on 8-15-2008 at 10:33 pm
So few answers to #2 Let’s see if I can get it started:
Global Dynamics (Eureka)
Stargate Command
Atlantis Mission
CONTROL
U.N.C.L.E.
Torchwood
UNIT
Hogwarts
posted by PartiallyDeflected on 8-16-2008 at 12:38 am
my boyfriend’s brother is a 17 year old kid who skips school to play grand theft auto all day long. their father turned off the power in his room. “go to school and you’ll get your power back!”
posted by weeble warble on 8-16-2008 at 1:49 am
Ha, my ex boyfriend used to do the same thing to his roommate. The guy would refuse to clean his room for weeks on end, even leaving knives smeared with peanut butter on the floor. (To be fair, he was really sick and couldn’t do too much a day, so stuff did get sloppy.) My ex couldn’t stand it anymore, so he unplugged internet access from his room. The room was sparkling within a day.
My grandmother had the best solution for whiny kids. If they complained about being bored, she gave him a job to do. She lived on a farm, so there were LOADS of icky jobs that had to be done. Us grandkids learned to never complain around her.
posted by Nicole on 8-16-2008 at 2:53 am
1)My mom was the grounding type, but I worked with a guy who came up with a spectacular punishment. His daughter was caught at the mall when she should have been at school (after a few other misdoings), so her door was taken off her room and her closet and she was given a weeks worth of clothes to wear. He also took all decoration off the walls and she was given a desk for homework and a single bed to sleep on.
2) I would go to work at Hogwarts in a second!! I’ll have to disagree with Partially Deflected on Stargate Command though. Sure they got to go to other planets and stuff, but after 10 years wouldn’t you worry if every time you went through the Stargate you got in trouble? or a war? or you eliminated whole populations by just being there? Or every time you went on Prometheus you got lost in space? For smart people they weren’t very practical.
BTW, my recaptcha has DOBBY in it! I think it’s fate…
posted by Tricia on 8-16-2008 at 4:02 am
Since I am in my last year of College, majoring in Education, the thought of teaching, well, ANYTHING at Hogwarts would be a dream!
posted by Alex on 8-16-2008 at 8:57 am
Doc Venture at Venture Industries! Sure I’d probably get killed within the hour, but hey, it’d be full of adventure.
posted by Aemi on 8-16-2008 at 1:23 pm
My mom was really good at creative punishments.. I HATED being outside, so I would get sent out until evening when I was misbehaving. I would sit under a tree and cry…My sister, on the other hand, would get sent to my room because I didn’t have any toys - just books! Talk about torture for both of us.
My dad was a cop, and he took me to school in the backseat of his patrol car WITH THE LIGHTS ON every day for a week! Picture us arriving right in front of the junior high like that - and then he had to let me out of the back. Good times.
posted by Queen Bee on 8-16-2008 at 1:52 pm
Please, anything you could tell me about Falco would be most welcome!
posted by Kikadee on 8-16-2008 at 2:58 pm
I think Michael Cicconetti is kind of annoying. There’s something about his perspective on good and evil that I find more irksome than your average judge. For instance, sentencing someone who is blasting rock music to listen to classical music is so condescending and presumptuous it has more of a place in fellow Ohian Crankshaft’s comic than in a court. I’m all for whimsy, and I understand the need for a judge to have an air of righteousness about him, but Cicconetti just seems stupid.
posted by Timmmm on 8-16-2008 at 3:43 pm
I have removed my daughter’s bedroom door when she slammed it one too many times.
I have picked up every item left on the bedroom floor, put it in a box in the laundry room and made my children buy the items back. They had 30 days and it got thrown away.
One time I had the guts to pick up everything on the floor and donated it to Goodwill. That was when they were very young and I needed and excuse to get rid of toys anyway.
Right now I’m on a phase where I put my son in time out and make him write his times tables. If they get mouthy, I add Bible verses.
posted by Karen on 8-16-2008 at 8:09 pm
The worst punishment I remember was when I was 8 and wouldn’t stop the “gimmies” at a grocery store. My mom said that if I didn’t stop embarrassing her, she would embarrass me back. I said gimmie about one more thing and she proceeded to stand up on a display and sing. LOUD. I turned white and followed her and the cart and didn’t say another word.
posted by Celeste on 8-16-2008 at 9:30 pm
#2. planet express all the way.
posted by ugly steve on 8-17-2008 at 6:33 am
This isn’t a parent thing but I had a teacher in high school who had a kid in our class who wandered into class about 15 minutes late (out of a 1 hour class). The classroom was on the 2nd floor and the window opened out onto the roof so the teacher had the kid take a chair out the window and sit out on the roof while he conducted class.
Another time he told all of us he’d be quizzing us on the capitals of the countries in Europe, and when the day came he went down the rows and asked each person for the capital of one of the countries. Two kids didn’t know theirs and hadn’t studied so he had them stand at the front of the classroom with their arms out to their sides and he started stacking books on their hands. He made them hold their arms out like that while he went through another row, and at the end of each row he’d turn and ask the kids another country. When they got it wrong he’d add another book and continue until they finally got one right.
posted by Hypatia on 8-18-2008 at 12:19 pm
mine’s similar to celeste’s. when we were at the supermarket (or at any other place out in public), and my brothers and i started whining, my mom would whine back at us. without warning, she’d launch into a rant about all the stuff that was bothering HER in the same tone that we had just been using. ‘waaa! i don’t even wanna be buying grooocerieesss right now! but i need to feeeeed my faaaamilyyy! and my kids are making us have to stay here even loooongerrrr cuz they’re whiiiininng! waaaa!’ the results were twofold: it was surprising enough to shut us up for a minute, and by mocking us she’d teach us a lesson, showing us how stupid we looked to everyone else.
posted by sam on 8-18-2008 at 1:02 pm
My two brothers and I were raised on a sailboat and we were each punished by having to sit out in the dingy, at the end of a 25 foot line, for an hour or so while under way. No book, no shade, no food, no drink. Sort of like being sent to your room.
posted by Janice on 8-18-2008 at 1:30 pm
My two brothers and I were raised on a sailboat and we were punished by being sent to sit in the dingy at the end of a 25 foot line, while under way. No book, no shade, no food, no drink. Sort of like being sent to your room.
posted by Janice on 8-18-2008 at 1:33 pm
My two brothers and I were raised on a sailboat and we were each punished by having to go sit out in the dingy at the end of a 25 foot line, while under way. No book, no shade, no food, no drink.
posted by Janice on 8-18-2008 at 1:36 pm
In the child care facility I managed, we used to have a couple that worked really well. Some thought it was odd, but it was effective and respectable.
1. Save the holes from you paper puncher and put them in a Dixie cup. When a behavior needed modified, offer the choice of doing the recommended action or the choice of “Picking up Dots”. Picking up Dots; pouring the Dixie cup of paper holes onto an area of the floor where the child then proceeds to pick them up one at a time and put it back in the cup. If at any point they pick up more than one at a time, pour the cup out and start over.
2. Circles. Pick a sheet of paper, that is appropriate for the level of “punishment” and draw a circle in the corner of the sheet. The child must fill the sheet of paper with circles of the same size or smaller WITHOUT looping (must be individual circles).
This was very effective, and after a period of time, most of the children that commonly needed behavior modification, only needed the choices presented to them in order to get the desired behavioral results.
:-)
posted by johnschaffer on 8-18-2008 at 1:57 pm
One of the best punishments I’ve heard of was given out to my friend’s younger brother. He was a bit of a troublemaker in high school so every time he’d get in trouble his parents would make him cut his hair. His hair was his “thing” in high school. He had very curly hair and HATED it to be short.
posted by Erin on 8-18-2008 at 2:30 pm
I would like to see info on Ani DiFranco or Alanis Morrissette.
posted by Dawn on 8-18-2008 at 7:22 pm