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This week, the weird news appears to point toward an uprising of animals against people. Go figure.
Dog Eats Crime Weapon
Antonio Vasquez Jr. was arrested in Fresno, California in a bizarre burglary. He is accused of entering a home and rubbing spices on one resident, and using a sausage to hit another in the head. The spices and sausage belonged to the residents. The suspect discarded the sausage, which was eaten by a dog. Lt. Ian Burrimond sais it was one of the strangest cases he’s seen.
“That’s right, the dog ate the weapon,” Burrimond said.
“I tell you, this was one weird case.”
78-year-old to Celebrate Bar Mitzvah
Bernie Marks is practicing singing the Torah for his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish ceremony that marks the symbolic passage to manhood. But at 78, Marks is a bit past the traditional age. When he was 13, he was living in a Polish ghetto under Nazi rule. Later, his family was sent to Auschwitz where he last saw his mother and brother. Marks and his father were sent to a labor camp until they were liberated by US forces in 1945. Until recently, it was frowned upon for older men to be Bar Mitzvahed, but rabbi Mona Alfi sees no problem in righting the wrongs of the past.
Surfer Towed by Shark
John Morgan was surfing off the coast of Byron Bay, Australia, when a shark became entangled in his leg rope. The frightened shark reacted by quickly swimming to sea.
”I had just come off a wave when I saw a large swirl of water,” MrMorgan told The Northern Star newspaper.
”I was then suddenly hauled backwards … like I was riding behind a powerful jet ski.”
Morgan was dragged about 50 meters before the shark broke free. He considers himself lucky he wasn’t bitten.
Flying Fish Breaks Teenager’s Jaw
15-year-old Seth Russell was riding an inner tube towed by a boat in Arkansas’ Lake Chicot when a fish flew out of the water and hit him in the face. He was knocked unconscious and taken to a hospital, where he underwent surgery to wire his teeth together. The fish was a Silver Asian carp, a species imported in the 70s to clean ponds. There have been several incidents of injuries caused by the fish at Lake Chicot.
Bear Jumps Into Man’s Fishing Boat
A unidentified 51-year-old man was fishing at a marina near the Canadian Pacific coast when a black bear swam across a river, climbed onto a dock, then jumped into the boat and attacked him! The man’s companions managed to kill the bear. The victim was airlifted to a hospital in Victoria, where he is recovering from his wounds.
Bees Kill Six After Truck Overturns
A truck carrying bee hives collided with a farm vehicle in Changchun, China, releasing thousands of honeybees. Three people were stung to death, and three more died in a collision as traffic swerved to avoid the swarm. It took workers in protective clothing several hours to clear the debris. China accounts for nearly half of the world’s honey production.
Virginity for Sale to Pay for College
22-year-old Natalie Dylan (not her real name) will conduct an auction for the right to take her virginity. She has completed a bachelor’s degree, and is hoping for $1,000,000 in order to pay for graduate school. eBay turned down the auction, so it will be held at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. No date has been set for the auction.
Comments (21)
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The story of “Natalie Dylan” just goes to show that you can have an education and still not use it.
I am so bothered by this.
posted by Orange on 9-12-2008 at 10:08 am
An incredibly strange week.
The nutjob with the spices and sausage has been released pending further investigation.
http://www.fresnobee.com/263/story/859389.html
The girl selling her virginity apparently hasn’t learned much… very sad. Even if she gets money for school, it will be something that will follow her around for the rest of her life.
The story about the bear intentionally crossing a river and jumping off a pier just to maul some guy is something that would happen to me… with my luck.
posted by Jason! on 9-12-2008 at 10:15 am
Good lord, I live in Arkansas! The fish are fighting back!
Also, wasn’t beating someone to death with meat, cooking it, then feeding it to the cops a Dahl story they made into a Hitchcock presents?
There’s a version in Serial Mom as well.
posted by Boggy Creek Creature on 9-12-2008 at 10:28 am
That bee story is so sad! The poor people.. I wonder if they were allergic to bee stings or if they were quite literally stung to death.
posted by CK on 9-12-2008 at 11:07 am
I found the bee story horrifying too.
posted by septer on 9-12-2008 at 11:34 am
I can’t say I’d want to lose my virginity to some old, sweaty man in a brothel in Nevada so that I could attend graduate school.
How can this girl possibly think that doing something like empower her? She’s too young and idealistic to realize the emotional damage this will do to her. Maybe she can be completely detached and not care when it happens, but I seriously doubt it.
She may have a Women’s Studies degree, but she definitely learned the wrong lessons about female empowerment and equality. To sell her body for an education completely contradicts everything she’s learned. The women before her worked tirelessly for what they had. All she has to do is lie and her back and take it.
posted by Christina on 9-12-2008 at 11:46 am
those lucky australians!!!!!
posted by ellen on 9-12-2008 at 11:52 am
That’ll be the qickest transformation from virgin to high priced whore that i’ve ever seen.
I personally have no problem with what she is doing. She’s the one that is going to have to live with it. I’m sure this will be big media story for about a week and then everyone’ll forget about it. That’s just how our society works.
I just hope some poor shlub doesnt actually pay $1 million to “pop her cherry.” if you are that loaded to be paying that kind of money, you could probably get a virgin, if that’s what you’re into, for much cheaper.
posted by Andy on 9-12-2008 at 12:26 pm
I apologize for how awful this will sound… but why would anyone want to pay a million dollars to sleep with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing?? i think its safe to say that most our first times were not particularly great in retrospect… being with a complete stranger would make it that much more awkward. i worry about the creepy guy who would pay a lot of money for that. yuck.
posted by tiffany on 9-12-2008 at 12:32 pm
That’s nice of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch to give that girl an internship.
posted by E on 9-12-2008 at 12:38 pm
For me, the virgin this isn’t a moral or emotional damage thing… it’s an integrity thing.
With her pursuing a Masters or Doctorate in whatever, I’m assuming she’s wanting to pursue a professional career (not that kind… get your mind out of the gutter). However, when her identity gets leaked (which is inevitable) she’ll have all sorts of professional issues. Unless she pursues a career in something that doesn’t require integrity… like a lobbyist or outside sales…
She might have the emotional detachment or toughness to do it, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t going to throw this in her face for the rest of her life… People may forget, but people may also dig this up at the most inconvenient moments for her too…
posted by Jason! on 9-12-2008 at 12:56 pm
I’m convinced it’s a publicity stunt. The auction and/or the deed might never happen. She may get a TV show.
posted by Miss Cellania on 9-12-2008 at 12:58 pm
They mention in the virgin link that her sister also works for the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.
And she is hoping for a million dollars? There is no way she will be able to get that kind of money, and anyone that does make a bid will almost certainly be a creepy old man or a group of people trying to pay her to not “do it.”
posted by kp on 9-12-2008 at 1:02 pm
I hope that’s a publicity stunt! My husband just can’t seem to understand what upsets me so much about women who are willing to do that kind of thing.
And yeah, besides that, who would pay $1,000,000 just to get bled on and have kinda crappy sex? Oh yeah, and scar a girl’s psyche for life!
posted by Fruppi on 9-12-2008 at 1:10 pm
On to a different topic… Good for Bernie Marks! I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would have been like for him (and the many other survivors). I wish him all the best.
posted by Ann on 9-12-2008 at 2:03 pm
Leave the virgin alone; it’s her own damn business.
And the flying fish story made me nearly piss myself.
posted by Amanda H. on 9-12-2008 at 3:00 pm
A dog eating a discarded sausage is not weird.
However, a burglar rubbing spices on a sleeping man is really freakin bizzare.
Plunkitt Jentes!
posted by Paul on 9-12-2008 at 4:05 pm
Yeah, the fish story scares me, too. I recently moved to Arkansas and I was planning to take a nice dive into a lake that’s less than a mile away from me. There goes that idea.
*shudder* Hate bees. Hate bees. That is my worst nightmare turned into reality. Thanks, Miss Cellania.
Totally off topic, but how do you become a blog writer for a magazine like this? That would be my dream job, you know.
posted by NicoNicoNico on 9-12-2008 at 4:24 pm
The burglar story makes me wonder if the two men who were victimized are homosexuals? It sounds like a “statement” crime to me.
Oh, and I couldn’t help but notice there were no “Animal Farm” references. It’s the first thing that popped into my head!!
As for Virgin Natalie, go figure on the Women’s Studies major. What could be more liberal-in-your-face feminism than taking control of how you lose your virginity? Whoo!!! (Note the sarcasm.) Hope the money’s worth it.
Not surprisingly though, her sister works at a damn brothel!! My guess is morality doesnt run very high in that family. And for my last point: taking a girl’s virginity is the penultimate show of “I’m The Man!”dom, next to having a threesome. I wouldn’t be surprised if some mid-life crisis’ed sleaze bets over a million. And then the Hef will offer her double that to pose nude in his mag. What more could a girl want?
ROFLMAO: recaptcha, “insides sensation”
posted by Cassie on 9-12-2008 at 4:24 pm
She wants to get a masters in marriage and family therapy? I can only imagine what kind of sound advice she’d dispense. Yikes.
posted by kate on 9-12-2008 at 6:46 pm
I think we’re all missing an obvious point here: what kind of college education costs $1 million? I think we’re all being duped.
posted by W on 9-12-2008 at 8:48 pm