Stacy Conradt
History of the World: Stretching Papal Infallibility to the Limits
by Stacy Conradt - October 24, 2008 - 9:12 AM

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These days, we’re supposed to view the Pope as a beacon of virtue and chastity. But some of the earlier Popes definitely were not either of those things.

chestnuts The son of Pope Alexander was known for his depraved parties, especially his 1501 “Ballet of the Chestnuts,” which his dear old dad definitely attended. The celebration was attended by 50 prostitutes, who had their clothes auctioned off and then had to crawl around on the floor picking up chestnuts. Then an orgy-game ensued in which the “players” (the super-rich male attendees) had their orgasms talled by a servant, with each in pursuit of the highest number. That rule was, in fact, ordered by the Pope himself.

If that wasn’t enough, several Popes died “in the act”. In 939, Pope Leo VII died of a heart attack while in bed with his mistress; in 964, Pope John XII was caught naked in bed with a woman… by her husband. The husband beat the Pope to death. Then, incredibly, the exact same thing happened to Pope John XIII in 972. Finally, in 1471, Pope Paul II died of a heart attack while being sodomized by a page boy.

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Comments (14)

  1. And that (except the pageboy) is why the Catholic church took away the right for priests to marry and own property.

    posted by Lorelei on 10-24-2008 at 9:45 am

  2. The Pope is only infallible when he declares a dogmatic teaching on faith or morals. (Popes still go to confession, which is what some of these clowns needed to do.) This article’s title might tick off some Catholics, fyi.

    posted by cj on 10-24-2008 at 10:09 am

  3. wow. not what i was expecting to learn about so early in the morning. very interesting though.

    recaptcha: horseback $20

    posted by the creature on 10-24-2008 at 10:23 am

  4. Did you mean “tallIed by a servant”?

    posted by Brittany on 10-24-2008 at 10:35 am

  5. Oops, I made a capital “i”, I meant “tallied”.

    posted by Brittany on 10-24-2008 at 10:37 am

  6. Isn’t that a picture of hazelnuts, not chestnuts?

    I always knew those Pope’s were up to no good :)

    recaptcha: bears succeeda

    posted by Stacy on 10-24-2008 at 10:42 am

  7. No, those are chestnuts.

    These kinds of stories, while interesting, always depress the hell out of me. I can’t imagine being one of those prostitutes and being so degraded…but then they probably weren’t exactly feminists either :).

    posted by Fruppi on 10-24-2008 at 11:24 am

  8. CJ:
    I don’t think too many of us Catholics will be upset over this article. We’ve already had to live through that ridiculous priest scandal from a few years back (my diocese lost almost a quarter of its priests). I grew pretty darn used to all the jokes my very Baptist town classmates would come up with.

    Being a theology minor, I knew a lot of this stuff beforehand and, as you said, the pope is only considered infallible on dogmatic beliefs (and you know what? even then I have to wonder . . .). If I would have been writing the article (btw, nice job, Stacy!), I probably would have added on Pope Joan, the woman pope who had a baby during a parade. Granted, the Catholic church claims she never existed, or at least was not a true pope.

    We Catholics are so good at ignoring what we want to. :-D

    reCaptcha: Empire moments

    posted by nutmeag on 10-24-2008 at 12:42 pm

  9. Being Catholic (non practicng), this article does not surprise me in the least. The Pope is still just human and prone to sin as much as the next guy, even though they should show enough moral fiber not too. I learned long ago in Catholic school that we might be the most messed up Christian religion there is. At least we know how to have a good time though.

    posted by Neal on 10-24-2008 at 12:48 pm

  10. Heck yeah we know how to have a good time. :-D Even better than being a Catholic is being a Marianist Catholic–there is never a Marianist gathering that doesn’t include desserts, alcohol, and lots of people.

    posted by nutmeag on 10-24-2008 at 1:01 pm

  11. “Tallied”. Thank God! I thought you were referring to some old disgusting custom…

    posted by Pete on 10-24-2008 at 1:18 pm

  12. Morality and infallabilty are two completely different things.

    The Pope commits a sin, he runs the risk of being condemned to hell just like any other Christian. Papal Infallibilty has more to do with what the Catholic Church teaches IS right and wrong.

    Orgies are definately not in the scope of reasoning. Pope Alexander was an embarassment, not just to the Catholic Church, and Catholics, but to all of humanity.

    posted by Adam on 10-24-2008 at 2:01 pm

  13. It´s funny how it´s always the Catholic Church that gets a bashing. You hear one racist, or homophobic or anti-(insert any other religion here) remark and you get a hailstorm of complaints from a variety of organizations. And yet not one peep out of anyone when you hear about the “evil deeds” of the Catholic Church.

    Nothing against this article (I actually thought it was interesting), but it kinda makes you think…

    posted by GTT on 10-24-2008 at 2:55 pm

  14. Some of these facts are in “Forbidden Knowledge”.

    I’ve seen so much duplication of content between the magazine, the website and the books, that I generally restrict myself to reading only one – the magazine. You’re welcome.

    Recaptcha: Lovers ashes. Yeeeks.

    posted by Bryan on 10-24-2008 at 3:38 pm

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