As you may recall, it’s Banned Books Week, so we thought we’d get into the spirit of things with a maximum-strength ban on several posts that somehow got past our censors this week. Here are the posts of which we shall never speak again, and our justifications:

“The Moonwalk Mating Dance:” For lewd and suggestive dancing performed by a bird.

“The NFL’s Most Punitive Punishers:” For unnecessary roughness.

“Endorsement of the Day: Get some PES:” For graphic depictions of sexual acts performed by chairs.

“Popcorn Secret:” For putting us completely off this fine food forever.

“Don’t Shoot the Messenger! (He just wants to be friends):” For undermining the institution of marriage by making breaking up less hard to do.

“Missouri: The place to live:” For illegally scaring babies.

“Durham, N.C. is smokin’ — no bull:” For failing to address the origin of the word “bulls–t.” (It’s probably rooted in the same history.) Also, we’re banning this post, for using the word “bulls–t.”

“How to Win at Rock-Paper-Scissors (and also how to cheat):” For cheating, duh.

“Weird city rankings:” For disparaging the lovely metropolises (metropoles?) of Birmingham, Boston, Detroit, Cincinnati, Kansas City, and Las Vegas. (This post was brought to you by the chambers of commerce of Birmingham, Boston, Detroit, Cincinnati, Kansas City, and Las Vegas.)

“Tall women more likely to have twins:” For suggesting that short women are in any way whatsoever inferior. (The editor of this blog is five-foot-two.)

“Happy birthday, E = mc²!:” For blatant omphaloskepsis.

“Superdome Lives:” For blasphemy against the Saints.

“Hail to the Artist-in-Chief:” For treason.

“Spam Poetry:” Blocked by our filters.

Have a great weekend, and do don’t engage in activities that are banned, off-limits, or the least bit scandalous. See you Monday!