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Absolutely, at least according to so-called “relationship experts” an obscure Scottish university. It seems they have this crazy idea that the relationships portrayed in most romantic comedies aren’t entirely realistic, and might serve to set up false expectations in people regarding their non-cinematic relationships, setting an unattainable standard for coupleship that inevitably leads to disappointment.
They found fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner. Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you telling them. Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.
Some of those themes include:
• Sex should always be perfect
• Love at first sight is the ideal
• Love is predestined
• Awesome relationships don’t require work
Folks who subscribe to such views, the study implies, are actually less likely to sustain meaningful love relationships throughout their life. I guess that means that the stereotype of the lonely girl watching Roman Holiday alone on New Year’s Eve in her PJs is self-perpetuating; it’s not mean ol’ reality forcing her to take refuge in the fantasy of the movies, but the movies’ fantasy-world that alienates us from the real world.
As part of the project, 100 student volunteers were asked to watch the 2001 romantic comedy Serendipity, while a further 100 watched a David Lynch drama. Students watching the romantic film were later found to be more likely to believe in fate and destiny.
They seem to be suggesting that David Lynch movies are the opposite of romantic comedies. If that’s true, wouldn’t that have some effect on your attitude toward romance, as well?
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Interesting! I actually wrote a paper on this when I was in college and made many of the same claims. (I was a communication major).
posted by College on 12-18-2008 at 12:57 pm
David Lynch’s movies are so bizarre and different that frankly, that sounds like comparing apples and oranges.
I’m very willing to believe the end result, though.
posted by Kate on 12-18-2008 at 1:14 pm
Chuck Klosterman starts off Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs with this same theory. Lloyd Dobler ruined romance for millions of us!
posted by Brooke on 12-18-2008 at 1:20 pm
God I hope it was Lynch’s Lost Highway. Or Mulholland Drive. Both about spouses/partners scorned and the extremes to which they go to cope with their relationships.
Is it me or is that study basically the scientific attempt to state the obvious?
posted by Joel on 12-18-2008 at 1:25 pm
Take a listen to the song titles Love Like the Movies by The Avett Brothers.
posted by Andre on 12-18-2008 at 2:29 pm
My boyfriend get these crazy ideas that if I truly loved him that I would be able to know what he wanted without him having to tell me. His favorite movie? Say Anything!!
posted by Kim on 12-18-2008 at 3:49 pm
Personally, I use Blue Velvet to get in the mood.
posted by D Hue on 12-18-2008 at 3:55 pm
Well, D Hue, that frankly creeps me the hell out, but thanks.
Do you think the same holds true for Jane Austen novels that have been turned into movies? Has Mr. Darcy ruined me for relationships? I certainly hope not!
posted by Fruppi on 12-18-2008 at 4:44 pm
how do they know the 100 students did not hold the view they had even before they saw the movies they saw? ain’t disagreeing with the conclusio
posted by s on 12-18-2008 at 5:04 pm
I’ve never been a big fan of romantic comedies – definitely don’t understand the popularity of Pretty Woman.
posted by Dawn on 12-18-2008 at 6:01 pm
THats where your wrong, I don’t watch romantic comedies.
posted by jensen on 12-18-2008 at 6:15 pm
Yeah, this makes sense. Lots of those movies have the “sweet, caring friend” who wins the girl instead of the cocky, arrogant jerk. In reality, the cocky, arrogant jerk always wins, because he makes the girl forget her problems for a while. The sweet caring friend always loses, because the girl thinks of him as a friend, not a lover. He thinks that he can someday win her over, probably because he’s watched too many romantic comedies. Meanwhile, when the cocky, arrogent jerk gets turned down by a girl, he just shrugs it off and moves on to the next girl.
posted by afroblanco on 12-18-2008 at 11:20 pm
Fruppi, there is actually a book-”Austenland”-based on that very theory (the heroine is trying to stop looking for a Darcy). A little goofy, but a fun beach book
posted by Jenny on 12-18-2008 at 11:43 pm
I got monumentally sidetracked in high school when a girl I was in love with decided that she’d cherry pick themes from When Harry Met Sally and use them to avoid intimacy with me.
posted by Eduardo on 12-19-2008 at 12:28 am
Here is my attempt to explain all the “misconceptions” the study lists:
- Sex isn’t always perfect, it is the intimacy that is perfect, which translates to the sex BEING PERFECTED as the relationship grows (from all those movies that have a wise older couple that have been together forever, talking to one of the troubled partners).
- Love at first sight isn’t the ideal, but rather a possibility that one should be open to experiencing (from movies where the lead has given up all hope in finding a love).
- Love is predestined – in terms of karma, as in I am a good person who does kind acts out of the goodness of my heart, so I will be rewarded with my heart’s desire, someone who will love me for who I am (from all those movies where the lead is a good human being and just hasn’t had any luck in love).
- If they are my true partner then they should know what I want/am thinking, without me having to tell them, comes from years of knowing each other, as when the poor friend on the side becomes the love interest because the lead and friend have gone through so much and are able to compliment each other so well (from all those movies where the best friends becoming true lovers of the leads (of course after the best friend grows a pair/summons up enough courage, to express his true feelings to the the romantic lead)).
The last I will try to explain is answered by two favorite romantic comedies “Romancing the Stone” and it’s sequel “Jewel of the Nile.”
- Awesome relationships don’t require any work. In the first movie the romantic leads form a love based on having developed an intimate connection based on adventures shared and seeing/accepting the partner for who they are in all their glory and flaws. The sequel shows that after their “happily ever after ending” from the first film, their relationship isn’t perfect, but in remembering why they fell in love and why they do love each other they fix/deal with their problems together. “As long as the foundation (as in foundation of love) is good then everything else can be fixed.” – “The Money Pit”
This is just my two cents open to be critiqued/criticized/laughed at/enjoyed/or just thought about. To quote Joan Wilder from “Romancing the Stone” – “I’m a HOPEFUL romantic.”
posted by WatchesToo Many Movies on 12-19-2008 at 2:28 am
re: Austen
I don’t know, ‘Pride and Prejudice’ is entirely about how important communication is and not falling in love with someone at first sight. The two main characters do nothing but disagree and think badly of each other through half the book, all because they assume that they know what the other is thinking.
The good looking jerk (Wickham) gets found out and ends up in a marriage doomed to misery.
posted by gibson8or on 12-19-2008 at 3:10 am
I’m glad somebody mentioned Klosterman. He hit the nail on the head. Women who love that movie want their man to be Lloyd Dobbler. The problem is, that while Lloyd Dobbler might exist, he will almost never look like John Cusack. Conversely, (some) guys think they need to act like Lloyd Dobbler. The problem with this (among other things) is that acting like Lloyd Dobbler is very ‘un-Dobbler-like”. Lloyd Dobbler would never act like anyone else because he IS Lloyd Dobbler.
Dobbler, Dobbler, Dobbler.
Dizzy yet?
posted by Ian on 12-19-2008 at 8:41 am
Another thing romantic comedies leave out: You can have a happy, fulfilling life being single.
posted by Zach on 12-19-2008 at 9:13 am
THANK YOU ZACH!!! sweet lord in heaven if i get one more pitying look from friend’s parents over being the last single girl of the bunch i’m going to scream! i have a house, a dog, a career, and a fulfilled life.
posted by mri on 12-19-2008 at 11:11 am
I like romantic comedies, but I’m pretty dang sure that basing my life on them is a stupid idea. I mean, can you imagine if people tried to base their sex lives on porn?
Perhaps the only good romantic comedy to base your life on is “Amelie,” for two reasons: First, you can try to make other people’s lives better; and second (SPOILER WARNING), the point of it seems to be to go for love instead of being indirect about it.
posted by Sillstaw on 12-19-2008 at 1:05 pm
This is why I always show my first dates Last House on the Left.
posted by Rev Foley on 12-20-2008 at 1:31 pm
It’s a shame but too true that many people watch movies, porn included, and mix-up their perceptions of relationships because they try to bring fantasy to life. Just think of the many marriages that have been destroyed by porn. Men think that their partners should be swinging from poles. So what do women feel they have to do? Learn how to swing from the pole to fulfill the fantasy. People today, I believe, search to make their fantasies real. A sign of the times? I think so. It’s kinda like the Matrix, huh? Porn and every pole dancing joint from here to never never land is proof of that.
So ladies, let’s go on enjoying our Romantic Comedies. Men aren’t about to give up their Porn. So both sides have totally distorted and unrealistic views on relationships. LONG LIVE “YOU’VE GOT MAIL”!
posted by thejoy on 12-28-2008 at 6:42 pm
May those that love us, love us.
And those that don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn’t turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.
posted by Cameron Sharpe on 5-2-2009 at 5:44 am