Comments on: Win a Copy of The Darwin Awards Next Evolution

By: Tunafish

Tunafish — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 09:04:00 +0000

Some time back I went on a banana boat ride with friends. The guard guy dropped us into the sea about 2 kms from the coast. Now this was my first time. I had a panic attack just when we were thrown in because I could not find a strong foothold, or even anything remotely hard to touch the soles of my feet!

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:44:00 +0000

During the summer after I graduated from undergrad and before I headed to law school, I worked as a research technician in the pharmacology department of a medical school. I worked pretty hard but still experienced a lot of lag time while waiting for my tests to run. I thus spent it surfing the internet and soon discovered Google’s satellite earth application. I was immediately fascinated and enjoyed looking up my relatives’ addresses. Indeed, I was so overjoyed that I decided to give my coworkers a little satellite tour of my grandfather’s property. Indeed, I happily pointed out that he must be home since the satellite image showed that his pickup was parked in his driveway. I became a little perplexed however at how overcast and dark the image seemed to be on an otherwise sunny, clear day. That’s when I happened to look up and see my coworkers smirking at me. One then commented on how special I must feel to be monopolizing the satellite to spy on my relatives from space and in real-time while the rest of the world patiently waited its turn. After he said that I instantly realized that I’d been “spying” on my relatives via composite pictures taken by the satellite as it made its circuit around the earth day in and day out. Ugh

By: Sunshine

Sunshine — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:14:00 +0000

My husband and I were meeting my friend to watch college football on a Saturday. We arrived around 3pm and when I pulled in the parking lot, my girlfriend had pulled in at the same time. We proceeded to get out of the car and went inside for beer and food while we watched the games. Well, 6 hours later, we emmerge out of the bar. Well, while walking out, I was digging in my purse for my car keys. I begin to panic, as I think I have locked the keys in the car. Well, as we approached my car, my husband pointed out that my car sounded like it was running. Well, low and behold it was!!! I had left my car running for 6+ hours in the parking lot!! (And, just to make note, when I arrived, I didn’t have one alcoholic beverage in me yet..) My husband still tells that story to everyone who will listen…

By: Amanda

Amanda — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 19:42:00 +0000

I worked at a wildlife rehab in Oklahoma and we had a bobcat cub that was somewhat human socialized and we just did not have the space or facilities to keep a bobcat long term.

It was decided that the bobcat needed to be sent to a larger rehab down in San Antonio that I had been dying to see, so I volunteered to make the drive.

I planned everything perfectly and went and picked the bobcat up, then had to make a quick stop back at my house.

Not wanting to leave the cat in the truck, I brought it in with me (it was in a large kennel). When it was time to go, my roommate’s boyfriend carried it back out to the truck.

I have a horrible habit of leaving my keys in my vehicle and leaving the doors unlocked.

Well, the guy locked the door on his side seconds after I had locked mine for some reason. The keys were still inside.

With the bobcat. It was over a hundred degrees in the shade and I immediately started thinking that the cat was going to die of heatstroke any minute.

I’m freaking out, standing on the hood of the truck, trying to provide some form of shade for the cat, telling the guy to break the windows. Then I would say no, don’t break the windows I might still have to drive to San Antonio.

I was frantic, but luckily my roommate was inside calling AAA. They came within minutes and let me into my truck.

The cat was fine, but I swear my hands were shaking all the way to San Antonio. I think I stopped probably ever thirty miles to make sure the cat wasn’t suffering delayed signs of heatstroke.

I don’t think I ever told my boss about that. I don’t think I ever will.

By: kc

kc — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 07:37:00 +0000

my dad had just bought an expensive new anchor for out boat. as we approached our destination, he asked me to throw the anchor in. i did, but i should have checked first to see if it was tied to the boat.

By: ScoJo

ScoJo — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 07:34:00 +0000

I spent 3 years planning a thru hike (end to end) hike of the Appalachian Trail. One of the common practices was to mail a package to a post office in a town further up the trail so that you didn’t have to carry everything you had. For example, rather than lug an extra sweater for the next 40 miles of hot weather, you would box it up and mail it to the Post Office 40 miles up the trail.

The first time I did this I mailed a bunch of socks, clean underwear, water filters, and so on from a post office in Georgia. No problem until I got to the next town and realized I had mailed it to my house… in Virginia… with nobody there until my room mate returned in 3 weeks. Oh, and I also sent my wallet with my money and credit card because what am I going to buy on a trail?

By: Chowderhead

Chowderhead — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 06:16:00 +0000

I was in 7-11 one night getting a cup of coffee for the drive to work. I come out and get into my Honda and suddenly realize there is an old black man in the back seat. I tell him to get the “heck” out of my car and ask what kind of friggin idiot he is. I yell at him to get his “heiney” out of my car before I go back and throw him out and beat the snot out of him. This goes on for about 15 seconds until he finally jumps out… and runs to the other side of a green Toyota parked in the next spot over and starts yelling for help. I think “what a lunatic!!!!” Then I hop out of the car to close the back door he left open when he jumped out. Then I notice the Toyota between us looks like my wife’s car. But it can’t be her car- I borrowed go to work tonight. Uh oh.
Luckily the police came quick before the mob advised me on my social skills.

By: Dave

Dave — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 01:05:00 +0000

I was with two friends, headed to a movie theatre. We took two separate cars. Thinking it’d be fun to race, the idiots raced as they approached the movie theatre on a one way street, then sped through the stop sign right before the movie theatre. One of them goes speeding off across the parking lot, and the guy whose driving the car I’m in just skids through the stop sign and starts peeling down the aisle. I look up and see two police officers standing right there at the front of the movie theatre, having seen the entire thing. Me, being the quick thinker that I am, says “Dude, slow down, I’m gonna bail”. He looks at me puzzled, but it’s too late, because at 30 MPH, I’m already leaping out the door of the car. I am not sure what I thought this would solve, because the policemen immediately begin racing at me and pulling their weapons, screaming at me to drop to the ground with my hands on my head, not to move, etc. Finally, having ascertained that I am not in fact, on any drugs, only an idiot, the cops gives me a lecture on leaping out of moving vehicles (”You know that’s not safe, right?” were their exact words), and lets us go without a ticket of any kind. So I guess there was a point to what I did after all. The art of misdirection, I suppose.

Then there was the time I got stuck in the flame broiler at Burger King…

By: Jenn

Jenn — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 01:03:00 +0000

You know how when you go to a restaurant and they bring you your food and warn you not to touch the plate because it’s hot? I touched the plate.

By: Moira

Moira — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:46:00 +0000

About 8 years ago, I was working as an “exotic dancer” (read stripper) in a club on Bourbon Street in the New Orleans French Quarter. It was good money, but not usually very interesting, as you’re always dealing with drunks and guys who don’t want to hand out their cash unless you let them get their hands elsewhere.

I did meet a perfect example of natural selection one afternoon though — a guy and his buddy came in and were talking us (myself and a friend who also danced) up for dances. They bought us a few drinks and proceeded to tell us their highly intellectual theory about why drinking beer is the best thing you can do for improving your intelligence:

It seems, according to Bob or whatever his name was, that the more beer you drink, the smarter you’ll become. This is apparently because the alcohol, as everyone knows, kills off brian cells. What is not so common knowledge is that it kills off the SLOW brain cells first! So what’s left is all your fast, smart brain cells to make you a genius.

He’s living proof!!!

Well, we were definitely enlightened to learn about this helpful way to move natural selection along, and we hope Bob (or whatever his name was) continues to experiment and hone his theory to perfection. I doubt he’s got a brain cell left by now, but there certainly won’t be any slow ones :)