I grew up in Denville, New Jersey, which proudly calls itself “The Hub of Morris County.” If Morris County resembled a wheel (it doesn’t), Denville would be sort of near the center. As New Jersey town slogans go, I guess it’s not terrible. Cranford is “The Venice of New Jersey.” Franklin is “Fluorescent Mineral Capital of the World.” The “Dandelion Capital of the World” is Vineland, of course.
For today’s contest, you’ll need to channel your inner slogan-writer and create a tagline for your hometown (or anywhere you’ve lived). It can be flattering (to convince people to visit) or it can be a harsh critique (to scare them away). Feel free to include an explanation. Here’s what you’re playing for:
The Book of The Bizarre: Freaky Facts & Strange Stories is “a veritable treasure trove of startling and stranger-than-fiction trivia that spans history, continents, even worlds…Teeming with the strange, the shocking, and downright fantastic, this book is designed for the depraved, outlandish enough for the eccentric, and freaky enough for even the hardest trivia nut.”
And if your town’s mayor happens to be reading, maybe they’ll stick your slogan on signs and stationery.
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Portage: town with no downtown
posted by Lauren on 1-14-2009 at 6:33 pm
Gastonia: The 1970s crime capital of the world.
posted by gdbeal on 1-14-2009 at 6:42 pm
detroit: the post apocalyptic paris of the midwest. ripe with zombies
posted by katherine on 1-14-2009 at 6:43 pm
Valley Stream. There’s no valley, but all the diseases in the stream have to count for something.
posted by Becky on 1-14-2009 at 6:43 pm
Gastonia:
The Little Chicago of North Carolina.
posted by President_Lincoln on 1-14-2009 at 6:46 pm
Gastonia:
The little Chicago of North Carolina
posted by President_Lincoln on 1-14-2009 at 6:48 pm
Roy: The best town with 3 letters!
posted by MattPaulson on 1-14-2009 at 6:50 pm
Temple, TX: Great Place to Raise a Family. Where segregation isn’t a thing of the past.
In my hometown there were three middle schools with large majority populations… the white school the black and the Hispanic. Only one highschool. Things got pretty interesting.
posted by grant on 1-14-2009 at 6:50 pm
Couple options for my hometown:
Chesapeake: We’re NOT Named after the Bay.
Chesapeake: We Gave Up the Fight.
Chesapeake, VA is named after the USS Chesapeake, the 1st and one of only 2 US Naval vessels to surrender to a foreign power without firing a single shot or evading. Sure it was the Revolutionary War, but still.
posted by Andy on 1-14-2009 at 6:51 pm
Houston: At least we’re not El Paso.
posted by Mark on 1-14-2009 at 6:53 pm
Yankton, South Dakota: It’s exactly what it sounds like.
posted by Luke on 1-14-2009 at 6:55 pm
Okay, so mine isn’t town specific. Having grown up in NJ and traveled a lot, I had plenty of opportunities to hear digs about NJ. So:
Morris County – the part of the state that doesn’t suck.
posted by Kristin on 1-14-2009 at 6:59 pm
Cincinnati: It’s like going back 50 years without Doc Brown!
posted by Dane on 1-14-2009 at 7:06 pm
Springfield, Il: Indiciting Corrupt Governors since 1929.
posted by Mike on 1-14-2009 at 7:07 pm
Cleveland: The river doesn’t catch on fire anymore… promise!
(see the link)
Austin: The least unTexas city in Texas.
posted by Hilldawg on 1-14-2009 at 7:12 pm
Shoreline, WA – Birthplace of the 4 Ft. Rule (for strippers). Seriously, we made it onto Weekend Update when Norm MacDonald was the host, referring to the city as “Nazi Germany”.
Also, Cle Elum, WA has a large sign on I-90 at the city limits proclaimig “Easy Thru Access”. Not sure that telling people how easy it is to leave is a good strategy for tourism.
posted by Sean O. on 1-14-2009 at 7:12 pm
Hanover: The Snack food Capital!
posted by Kortni on 1-14-2009 at 7:13 pm
St. Paul, MN: We haven’t been called Pig’s Eye Landing since 1841!
And since I come from the Twin Cities, I feel justified in giving two entries…
Minneapolis, MN: It’s a great day if your snot doesn’t freeze when you go outside!
posted by Keri on 1-14-2009 at 7:13 pm
Joliet: Change the “J” to a “T” and switch the “l” & the “i”, and you realize that it’s just one big Toilet!
posted by Mike on 1-14-2009 at 7:16 pm
Lake Hiawatha, NJ
When it rains and they open the floodgates, newcomers will fully grasp exactly how befitting is this town’s name.
(As a kid, I always found it fascinating when my grandpa would row his canoe into our house to pick us up and take us to higher ground. But then again, I wasn’t the one paying the mortgage.)
posted by Linda D on 1-14-2009 at 7:17 pm
Shoreline, WA – the only place where lap dancers are located in a different room than your lap.
posted by Nathan R on 1-14-2009 at 7:19 pm
Seriously, someone beat me to Shoreline? How did that happen?
posted by Nathan R on 1-14-2009 at 7:21 pm
Kew Gardens Hills, NY: Don’t Worry, You’ve Probably Never Heard Of It.
KGH is a neighborhood in Queens, NYC, for those who are actually interested.
posted by Rebecca on 1-14-2009 at 7:21 pm
Oakland, CA:
There is no there, here, without you!
posted by Michael on 1-14-2009 at 7:21 pm
Lake Hiawatha, NJ: “When it rains and they open the floodgates, newcomers will fully grasp exactly how befitting is this town’s name.”
_____
As a kid, I always found it fascinating when my grandpa would row his canoe into our house to pick us up and take us to higher ground. But then again, I wasn’t the one paying the mortgage…
posted by Linda D on 1-14-2009 at 7:21 pm
Too harsh? Maybe. But here’s my entry.
Fresno: The city that never sleeps (because it’s high on meth).
posted by adrian on 1-14-2009 at 7:21 pm
McKinney, TX: replace an ‘n’ with an ‘l’ and you have a real ‘presidential’ place to live!
posted by michael on 1-14-2009 at 7:24 pm
Pittsburgh: Everywhere and Anywhere an Hour on the Water
(Because frankly, everyone who lives within an hour of Pittsburgh, particularly on any of the three rivers, always claims they live right in the city. Also, being on the three rivers is pretty much what all summer long looks like.)
posted by PianoSolo on 1-14-2009 at 7:25 pm
Fredericksburg, VA – Where the Civil War Never Ended
(EVERYTHING is named after something from the Civil War. If youre lucky, however, you may find something named after someone/thing from the Revolutionary. I’m pretty sure the prejudices are virtually the same as it was then too…)
posted by Erika on 1-14-2009 at 7:27 pm
Salem: The mental hospital capital of Oregon.
Port Angeles, WA: There might not be any jobs, but at least the view is great!
posted by Jenny on 1-14-2009 at 7:27 pm
Thornton, IL: Just a whole lotta hole.
(It’s home to the one of the largest aggregate quarries in the world)
posted by Scotty B on 1-14-2009 at 7:28 pm
Bronx, NY- Don’t forget your Kevlar!
posted by Tim L on 1-14-2009 at 7:28 pm
With and Iron Chef, a Rock Hall, LeBron James, and Harvey Pekar, you’d think Cleveland would be cooler.
posted by Robin on 1-14-2009 at 7:29 pm
Sorry Nathan, but we shouldn’t be surprised, we’ve made it all the way to 15th largest city in WA. I know that doesn;t sound like much to the rest of you, but…um…it really isn’t much is it?
posted by Sean O. on 1-14-2009 at 7:40 pm
Arlington, VA: More than just a cemetary!
posted by Meredith on 1-14-2009 at 7:46 pm
Robinson, IL: A feast for the nostrils.
The West end of town boasts a Hershey chocolate factory.
The East end? Marathon Oil Refinery.
posted by Kieran on 1-14-2009 at 7:48 pm
Grand Rapids, MI: We ain’t got the Mississippi but it’s still a lot of water!
posted by Mark on 1-14-2009 at 7:49 pm
Muskegon, MI
The Armpit of West Michigan.
posted by Matthew Abel on 1-14-2009 at 7:53 pm
Deer Park, Texas: Where the sky is green and the grass is brown!
(You know that stuff in your car’s gas tank, we make it here.)
posted by Witty Nickname on 1-14-2009 at 7:58 pm
Lexington, KY – The Horse Manure Capital of the World
We’re the “Horse Capital of the World”, stands to reason that where there’s horses there’s also “evidence” of horses.
posted by Anne-o-gram on 1-14-2009 at 8:00 pm
Tucson: It’s not Phoenix yet!
posted by ditzen on 1-14-2009 at 8:02 pm
Fernley, Nevada – A great place to drive through.
Fernely, Nevada – Come see the new stoplight!
posted by Bryan on 1-14-2009 at 8:03 pm
Having grown up in this infamous little town on Long Island, it’s hard to NOT poke fun…
Amityville: It’s not just for homicidal maniacs anymore.
posted by Jill on 1-14-2009 at 8:04 pm
Keezletown, VA- Visit our cannery and “preserve” the memories!
My hometown of Keezletown has no stoplights, and only has a cannery (where you go to..well–can stuff), a church, and a soda machine in someone’s yard. My elementary school was built in 1917.
Oh, and up until 2007 the post office was in the postmaster’s house. It closed when she retired.
posted by KerriH on 1-14-2009 at 8:04 pm
Charlotte: No, not that one
posted by Charlie on 1-14-2009 at 8:11 pm
Winston-Salem, North Carolina: Thank You for Smoking!
posted by Lindsay on 1-14-2009 at 8:11 pm
South Bend,IN – That city next to the University of Notre Dame where Rudy played at.
Seriously no one knows of South Bend except Notre Dame is here which everyone knows about from football and at the very least Rudy, there’s even a Rudy sports drink I found at a gas station. Most people even think Notre Dame is in South Bend, no they nicely segregated themselves and technically are there own town.
posted by Sarah M. on 1-14-2009 at 8:12 pm
Springfield:
No, not that one.
posted by Jon on 1-14-2009 at 8:12 pm
And, I will give a slogan for my college:
Ohio State:
We’re Only Good When No One’s Watching.
posted by Jon on 1-14-2009 at 8:16 pm
Fresno, Ca., A two to four hour drive to better places.
posted by Oracio on 1-14-2009 at 8:18 pm
Jersey Shore, PA: We’re not in Jersey and we’re not on the shore!
Yes, this is a real town in central Pennsylvania!
posted by Katie on 1-14-2009 at 8:21 pm
Jacksonville Fl: Where you can wear jorts to the beach!
posted by g-rat on 1-14-2009 at 8:21 pm
Visit Rumney, NH: Home of the Abandoned Crutch Factory!
posted by tearjerker on 1-14-2009 at 8:23 pm
Houston: Because you can’t be allergic to concrete!
Everytime someone moves to Austin from Houston, you hear the same thing EVERY Spring – “I swear I never had allergies before I move to Austin.”
recaptcha: Aladdin-like Music
posted by nikki on 1-14-2009 at 8:29 pm
I propose in Altoona, PA we build the Statue of Welfare with the following inscription on a PA Department of Welfare Booklet
“With crackspoon torched lips
Give me your Section 8 housing, your crack whores;
Your muddled languages yearning to breathe pot;
The wretched refuse from the Jersey Shore;
Send us the welfare, whose work ethic is naught;
We lift our lamp to those who are rotten to the core!”
posted by Scott on 1-14-2009 at 8:33 pm
Or this classic gem:
Altoona, PA Where the men are men and so are the women!
posted by Scott on 1-14-2009 at 8:34 pm
Tampa Bay, FL: The teacher-student sex-scandal capital of America!
posted by tgirl on 1-14-2009 at 8:34 pm
Kenosha, WI: THE vacation spot, even for Al Capone.
posted by Jessie on 1-14-2009 at 8:37 pm
St Petersburg, FL: Just like the one in Russia, only without all the winter and Russians.
posted by Chadd on 1-14-2009 at 8:44 pm
Pittsburgh, PA – They gave us the “H” ’cause yinzers are hawt.
posted by pasiphae on 1-14-2009 at 8:49 pm
Randolph, NJ: We don’t believe in streetlights.
posted by Q1Go on 1-14-2009 at 8:54 pm
Harrisburg, PA
The capital of Alabama!
“Pennsylvania is Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and Alabama in between” – James Carville
posted by Scott on 1-14-2009 at 8:56 pm
3 options
New Orleans, the country’s most dangerous city, but hey Bourbon St is clean now.
New Orleans, where Chicago politicians get their sleazy ideas.
New Orleans, No Longer Underwater!
posted by Chris on 1-14-2009 at 8:59 pm
Overland Park, KS: Don’t worry. We’ll come to you.
posted by Steve on 1-14-2009 at 9:00 pm
Manassas: Where a lot of folks haven’t surrendered yet…..
posted by Mr. Kris on 1-14-2009 at 9:09 pm
Rock Hall, MD–shucking oysters since 1707!
(Rock Hall is known for fishing, crabbing, a large retired community, and high school dropouts. But I still love it. )
posted by Alice on 1-14-2009 at 9:13 pm
White River Jct, VT: Crossroads of Northern New England (its halfway between Boston and Montreal)
West Hartford, VT: Nothing but hikers, hippies and horse manure
(It’s VT do you expect anything else from the place that gave you Phish and Ben & Jerry’s? The town is bisected by the Appalachian trail and the hikers support the lone business in town a country store/snowmobile shop. And we had a farmer that liked to “spread the love” every spring and fall)
Syracuse NY:
-Our snowplows are king
-Want some Orange snow?
-From salt to snow
(Syracuse currently is in the top 10 nationwide for annual snowfall, and got its start as a salt exporter from the local brine ponds)
posted by Dino on 1-14-2009 at 9:14 pm
According to every realtor in AZ circa 2005 –
Surprise, AZ – It’s the next Scottsdale!
Buckeye, AZ – It’s the next Scottsdale!
Queen Creek, AZ – It’s the next Scottsdale!
Goodyear, AZ – It’s the next Scottsdale!
Avondale, AZ – It’s the next Scottsdale!
I’m still waiting…
posted by tiffany on 1-14-2009 at 9:14 pm
Also for Surprise,AZ – Surprise! Your car’s been stolen!
posted by tiffany on 1-14-2009 at 9:16 pm
Not an original of mine, but here goes:
Prescott: Rhymes with biscuit.
You can tell the out-of-towners who pronounce it “Pres-kot”, when locally it’s “Pres-kit”.
posted by BingoTC on 1-14-2009 at 9:22 pm
I live in Bakersfield, CA.
Current city motto: “Bakersfield – Life as it should be.”
My humble suggestions:
Bakersfield – Life as it should be… responsive to stimuli.
Bakersfield – It’s not as bad as you’ve heard… really!
Bakersfield – Republican stronghold of California.
Bakersfield – Only 2 hours away from anyplace interesting.
Bakersfield – Where LA goes to sleep.
Bakersfield – Air so thick and hearty, you can stand a fork in it.
Yes, I ripped this last one off from Dennison’s Chili. Don’t believe me? Unfortunately, we always make the top 5 in air polution: http://www.citymayors.com/environment/polluted_uscities.html
posted by Jason! on 1-14-2009 at 9:24 pm
Shenzhen, PRC – If you haven’t had something stolen, go back to Hong Kong.
I’ve also heard it as “If you haven’t had something stolen, you aren’t really living here.”
or
Shezhen, PRC – Where even doctors con you!
The first two are actully well known in the city and HK which it basically borders. The last one was from personal experience.
posted by angie on 1-14-2009 at 9:25 pm
Mascoutah, IL – If you lived here, you couldn’t read this.
posted by Gary on 1-14-2009 at 9:26 pm
Hillsdale, NJ: Small-town living with big-time taxes.
OR
“The corner pocket of New Jersey”
-because it is the second to last exit of the Garden State Parkway, one of the most northeast towns in New Jersey.
posted by Dan T on 1-14-2009 at 9:31 pm
are towns outside of US alright for the contest?
anyway, here’s my shot:
“Mintal: Where everyone goes mental.”
Mintal is a small town in Davao City, Philippines. Most outsiders joke about the name by mispronouncing it “Mental”,and looking at you (if you were this town’s resident) as if you were an escapee from a mental hospital (which is also part of the joke). Although the name is not a mispelling of “mental”, the joke somehow has a ring of truth in it because this is one town where everybody goes mental in both a good and a bizaare way.
The town holds its share of bizarre personalities: Minda, the retarded only daughter of two doctors who both had their runs as townheads. She prowls the marketplace everyday and solicits money from people, and one time, walked in the middle of the highway to downtown for a reason she only knows. There’s also Nong Cardo, a woodcutter who envelops his body with various kinds of amulets and wields his bolo at unseen forces. And there’s the unnamed lady who regularly drinks coffee at the local coffeeshop fully made up and in a gown.
Another “mental” aspect of Mintal, is its cradling of two of the best schools in the region where intellectuals are bred. On weekdays in the afternoons, they populate the streets of Mintal and buzz conversations you think you’d never hear in a small quiet town. Find yourself beside two students from the university lying in the hills of Mintal while buying fruits and you’ll hear them discuss about the relation of a bunch of bananas with the region’s cultural development which later snowballs into its far-flung relation to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.
Now if ever you want a vacation from the mental hum-drum of your towns, come to Mintal. You might get a good mental exercise.
****
Whew! I’m done. How’s that for a mental exercise!
posted by chi on 1-14-2009 at 9:32 pm
San Diego, global warming year-round.
posted by Genaro on 1-14-2009 at 9:33 pm
Nashua, NH: Where highway planners don’t bother counting.
(our highway has exits 1-8 and 10 is the next one north, but no exit 3 N or exit 9. And no, they aren’t labeled by mileage.)
posted by Amy on 1-14-2009 at 9:36 pm
Miami: Come for the beaches, stay for the no-license-required driving. Also: free semi-automatic for the first 100 newest residents!
posted by Jamie on 1-14-2009 at 9:38 pm
Evansville, IN
1) Really, the sewers aren’t THAT broken
2) People named Evan do live here
3) Our mayor ignored us for Cher! [This actually got our ex-mayor on the Daily Show a while back]
4) [This really is a thing that people ALWAYS mention] A League of Their Own was shot here! Really, it was! And Madonna lived here!
posted by Sarah on 1-14-2009 at 9:38 pm
Hello! are towns outside of US alright for the contest?
anyway, here’s my shot:
“Mintal: Where everyone goes mental.”
Mintal is a small town in Davao City, Philippines. Most outsiders joke about the name by mispronouncing it “Mental”,and looking at you (if you were this town’s resident) as if you were an escapee from a mental hospital (which is also part of the joke). Although the name is not a mispelling of “mental”, the joke somehow has a ring of truth in it because this is one town where everybody goes mental in both a good and a bizaare way.
The town holds its share of bizarre personalities: Minda, the retarded only daughter of two doctors who both had their runs as townheads. She prowls the marketplace everyday and solicits money from people, and one time, walked in the middle of the highway to downtown for a reason she only knows. There’s also Nong Cardo, a woodcutter who envelops his body with various kinds of amulets and wields his bolo at unseen forces. And there’s the unnamed lady who regularly drinks coffee at the local coffeeshop fully made up and in a gown.
Another “mental” aspect of Mintal, is its cradling of two of the best schools in the region where intellectuals are bred. On weekdays in the afternoons, they populate the streets of Mintal and buzz conversations you think you’d never hear in a small quiet town. Find yourself beside two students from the university lying in the hills of Mintal while buying fruits and you’ll hear them discuss about the relation of a bunch of bananas with the region’s cultural development which later snowballs into its far-flung relation to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.
Now if ever you want a vacation from the mental hum-drum of your towns, come to Mintal. You might get a good mental exercise.
posted by chi on 1-14-2009 at 9:42 pm
Austin, TX: Where Slack Comes From
posted by David on 1-14-2009 at 9:42 pm
Euless, TX – We can’t all be useless!
posted by Christi on 1-14-2009 at 9:48 pm
Erie: miles of welcoming beaches… buried under several feet of snow.
posted by Eden on 1-14-2009 at 9:49 pm
Lancaster, Ca: Cheaper than Los Angeles, nicer than Rosamond. (a lot of people here work in La or in Rosamond at Edwards air Force Base)Jason! stole pretty much everything else.
posted by Isaac on 1-14-2009 at 9:51 pm
Sacramento,CA “Where the weather gets Bipolar”
posted by Vincent on 1-14-2009 at 9:51 pm
Keep Asheville Weird
oops–that’s already on bumper stickers here.
posted by Anne on 1-14-2009 at 9:59 pm
Carthage:
–just another small part of missouri (pronounced misery)
–the town where all that precious moments crap comes from
posted by Darcy on 1-14-2009 at 10:00 pm
Alabama–the armpit of the south
posted by Anonymous on 1-14-2009 at 10:01 pm
Miami: Because the rest of Florida isn’t strange enough.
posted by kathleen elise on 1-14-2009 at 10:05 pm
Louisville, Kentucky and southern Indiana just across the Ohio Rover are referred to as Kentuckiana by the chamber of commerce folks.
But some know it as Indyucky.
posted by hmm on 1-14-2009 at 10:05 pm
Florida: Butchering the election process since 2000.
posted by kathleen elise on 1-14-2009 at 10:10 pm
Lillian, AL: if you can’t afford to live in Florida
posted by emily on 1-14-2009 at 10:10 pm
Milwaukee: *HIC!* At least there’s still a brewery.
Brooklyn: Because Manhattan is for suckers.
posted by Brooklynperson on 1-14-2009 at 10:12 pm
Altoona, PA:
Where future presidents come to bowl a 37!
(I can’t believe I missed this one earlier, mental floss just mentioned us today in an earlier post!)
Or:
Altoona, PA: Mental Floss has heard of us!
posted by Scott on 1-14-2009 at 10:21 pm
Rangely, CO: “A great place to escape excitement”
posted by Jared on 1-14-2009 at 10:22 pm
“Elmwood Park, IL – Where Stop Means Pause!”
- Elmwood Parkians are famous for rolling through stop signs
“Elmwood Park, IL – So Close…yet so very far away”
- Elmwood Park borders Chicago but lacks any sort of highway access making a trip downtown or to any other suburb quite a chore
or the very best -
“Elmwood Park, IL – The only place in the free democratic world with a population of more than 10,000 people without a McDonald’s.”
- Seriously – we don’t have one, used to but it shut down – the closest is about 15-20 minutes away and you have to cross train tracks to get there. Get a freight and those fries are gonna have to wait.
posted by Patrick C. on 1-14-2009 at 10:29 pm
Saint Louis: I suppose you have to live somewhere.
posted by Famous J on 1-14-2009 at 10:29 pm
Wichita-not nearly as big as the city council thinks it is
posted by Ronnie (MandoRon) on 1-14-2009 at 10:39 pm
Naperville, IL: Voted the #1 city in America to raise your children… to become lazy adults who never leave home and don’t know how to take care of themselves because their parents gave them whatever they wanted.
posted by Mike on 1-14-2009 at 10:40 pm
Orlando, FL: We used to have orange groves.
posted by Jay on 1-14-2009 at 10:45 pm
Chatsworth, CA: The land of Westerns and Porn.
posted by Lauren on 1-14-2009 at 10:49 pm
-or-
Orlando, FL: Believe it or not, we import our palm trees.
posted by Jay on 1-14-2009 at 10:50 pm
Irvine, CA: suburbia’s throw-up.
posted by OC Girl on 1-14-2009 at 10:51 pm
Ypsilanti – Hey, at least we’re not Flint!
posted by Chris on 1-14-2009 at 10:52 pm
Detroit – We bring out the “I Am Legend” in you!
posted by Christopher on 1-14-2009 at 10:54 pm
Detroit – We bring out the “I Am Legend” in you!
posted by Robin on 1-14-2009 at 10:57 pm
Hockessin, DE- The cool kids hang at WaWa (or they used to. I haven’t been back in years)
Hockessin, DE – Throw a rock, hit Pennsylvania
Baltimore, MD- Just like the Wire!
Cockeysville, MD – *giggle*
posted by Caitlin on 1-14-2009 at 10:58 pm
Hayesville: Don’t make me take off my Bible Belt young man.
reCaptcha: $11,400 beautify hmmm
posted by therapy helps on 1-14-2009 at 10:58 pm
Albuquerque (aka Crapuquerque), NM: The Tatooine of a Much Less Exciting Universe
It’s really, really boring here.
posted by jub on 1-14-2009 at 10:58 pm
Dayton, Ohio: You haven’t heard of it, until you’re here!
posted by Caitorade on 1-14-2009 at 11:00 pm
Hayesville, NC: Don’t make me take off my Bible Belt young man.
posted by therapy helps on 1-14-2009 at 11:01 pm
Ypsilanti: Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled… oh, wait. They’re already here!
posted by Christopher on 1-14-2009 at 11:02 pm
Unfortunately, I cannot claim this one… a friend of mine came up with ita few years ago.
Kirksville, MO
Happiness is Kirksville…in your rear-view mirror.
posted by betsy on 1-14-2009 at 11:07 pm
Roanoke, VA: Not the Lost Colony, but that would sure make it more interesting.
posted by Caitorade on 1-14-2009 at 11:13 pm
Huntsville, Al: Why yes we are ALL rocket scientists.
posted by Kevin on 1-14-2009 at 11:15 pm
North Carolina- We weren’t the birthplace of the Wright brothers, just the site they decided to fly their plane.
posted by NC... on 1-14-2009 at 11:16 pm
Pittsburgh: Less people then Toledo, but just as many old people as Florida!
posted by Victoria on 1-14-2009 at 11:20 pm
Kaufman, TX – The place where suck was born.
posted by David M on 1-14-2009 at 11:21 pm
Houston: We don’t have a problem.
posted by Marc on 1-14-2009 at 11:23 pm
Laurel, MS: The Deep South’s answer to Limbo.
posted by Jason on 1-14-2009 at 11:25 pm
New Haven: Only the 37th Most Dangerous City in America!
Wauwatosa: We Are Pronounceable. Really.
posted by Monika on 1-14-2009 at 11:25 pm
San Jose once your here you’ll wish you didn’t know the way.
posted by David on 1-14-2009 at 11:29 pm
Cleveland:
Unique fixer-upper opportunity.
Some assembly required.
Batteries not included.
Avoid contact with skin.
Keep out of reach of children.
Break glass in case of emergency.
Use only with proper ventilation.
You must be present to claim prize. Actual cash value is 1/100th of $0.01.
posted by Chris on 1-14-2009 at 11:34 pm
Canton, OH: We’re more than just football – Oh wait, no we’re not.
posted by Tim on 1-14-2009 at 11:36 pm
Sheridan, WY: Brad Pitt was here once!
posted by Savannah on 1-14-2009 at 11:44 pm
This is a little gross, but I can’t resist:
Riverdale, IA – Middle America’s Booger
In the “elf” formed by the state boundary lines of MN (the hat) down through LA (the boot), Iowa is the face. The Iowa cities of Davenport and Bettendorf sit at the elf’s nostril postition, and Riverdale is an incorporated town of about 400 people tucked inside Bettendorf’s city limits.
posted by Trish on 1-14-2009 at 11:44 pm
Copley, OH: Still being mispronounced since 1807!
People always seem to think that Copley is pronounced COPE-lee instead of COP-lee, even though the L comes before the E!
posted by Lindsey on 1-14-2009 at 11:46 pm
Dalhart, TX: In case of an apocalypse, we’re self-sustainable!
(Dalhart is surrounded by corn and wheat fields, feedlots, and dairies. We also have a pig farm and our own cheese factory. And a prison.)
San Antonio . . . where winters are always warm and the road construction never ends.
posted by nutmeag on 1-14-2009 at 11:48 pm
Greensboro, NC … where you can always look to MORROW for a ‘Good night and good luck’!
posted by Amy on 1-14-2009 at 11:48 pm
Cheyenne, WY: Outfitting tourists in cowboy gear since 1867! Selling our souls one week a year since 1897!
posted by SavTin on 1-14-2009 at 11:49 pm
Oops!
Typo – SHOULD BE :
Greensboro, NC … where you can always look to MURROW for a ‘Good night and good luck’!
posted by Amy on 1-14-2009 at 11:52 pm
Portland, OR: Just pretend we’re in Canada.
or
Oregon: Trying to secede since 1859
posted by Hailey on 1-14-2009 at 11:58 pm
San Antonio: #3 in National Obesity, #1 in Our Inflamed Hearts
San Antonio: Forget the Alamo, Come for the Type 2 Diabetes
San Antonio: The Best Little Boars, Sows in Texas
Austin: Making Others Feel Better About Their Hygiene Since 1967
Lewiston, ME: Where Crack Is Only Somewhat Whack
Arlington, VA: Don’t You Wish Your Graduates Were Smart Like Us
Washington, DC: Now With More White People!
posted by Meredith on 1-15-2009 at 12:00 am
Ingleside TX- Only one mayor convicted for murder.
posted by Amy E on 1-15-2009 at 12:05 am
Imminent Domain, FL. What’s yours is ours!
posted by Dan on 1-15-2009 at 12:07 am
Brick, NJ: Come for the beach, stay because your plan to transfer to a state college didn’t work.
posted by Zach on 1-15-2009 at 12:15 am
Intercourse, PA: As close to the real thing you’ll ever get, geekboy.
Detroit, MI: Now 11 percent less homicidey!
Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN: The Mary-Kate and Ashley of municipalities.
posted by Dan on 1-15-2009 at 12:16 am
Greensboro, NC… where you can come to ‘Sit-In’ a spell!
posted by Amy on 1-15-2009 at 12:18 am
Central, LA: the seventh circle of (small-town) Hell … on Earth
Baton Rouge, LA: the NEW New Orleans
New Orleans, LA: got water?
posted by keeley kristin on 1-15-2009 at 12:18 am
Brookings, SD: Where the men are men, and the sheep are scared.
Brookings, SD: Land of churches and bars.
Fun Fact: SDSU (South Dakota State University) is located in Brookings, and our dairy plant invented cookies n’ cream ice cream!
posted by Kathryn on 1-15-2009 at 12:23 am
Greensboro, NC: The inJEANious location of the VF Corporation headquarters.
posted by Amy on 1-15-2009 at 12:32 am
I currently have two hometowns since I am from Anchorage Alaska, but going to ASU
therefore I have two
Anchorage: Only 15 minutes away from Alaska
and
Phoenix: At least we aren’t Tucson
posted by Samantha on 1-15-2009 at 12:35 am
Smyrna, TN: Where you are considered to live “in the ghetto” if your house is $200,000 or less.
In Smyrna, near Nashville and murphreesboro, the schools are full of “gangsters” who claim to “have the hard life” in one of the nations nicest and fastest growing citites. My slogan may only ne funny to fellow smyrnians.
Here’s one for when I lived in la:
L.A.: where you can get out of your car while in traffic and run around your car up to 70 times before traffic moves.
We used to have contests on who could run around the car the most times. My friend jennifer won with 7 1 rounds.
Sorry bout the typos. I’m posting this on my iPod touch. :)
posted by jaclyn on 1-15-2009 at 12:38 am
Jacksonville, FL: The city that brought you Limp Bizkit. We’re sorry.
posted by Sam on 1-15-2009 at 12:40 am
I now have two hometowns, I am from Anchorage Alaska, but going to ASU
therefore I have two entries
Anchorage: Only 15 minutes from Alaska
and
Anchorage: Sarah Palin ISN’T from here
…I was trying to come up with one for Tempe or Phoenix, but having little success
posted by Samantha on 1-15-2009 at 12:42 am
Tuscaloosa AL: The only town that prays for a zombie invasion.
Alabama is obviously in the Bible belt, but Tuscaloosians have been wanting our former head coach, Paul Bear Bryant, to come back since the day he died. 20 years ago!
posted by Jess on 1-15-2009 at 12:42 am
Tombstone, AZ: People are dying to get here.
Boston, MA: Founded by Puritans, overtaken by the Irish, and controlled by the wicked awesome Boston friggin Red Sox.
Haliburton, TX: quail hunting capital of the world.
Passive-Aggressive, OK: Come patronize us, because Norman Oklahoma sucks…
posted by dan on 1-15-2009 at 12:56 am
One final one – about my BIRTHplace :
New Rochelle, NY… where everyone DISHES about the PETRIEs!
posted by Amy on 1-15-2009 at 12:57 am
San Marcos, TX: Halfway between some real cities.
Welcome to New York City, now get out of my way.
King Of Prussia: Like you could think of a better name.
Truth or Consequences, NM: You know, like the TV show. No, really.
Happy, TX: We’re ironic.
Blue Ball, PA: Looking for Intercourse? You screwed up when you got to Bareville.
posted by TJ Hooker on 1-15-2009 at 1:02 am
Gulfport, MS: The reason you couldn’t literally go bananas after Katrina.
Second largest banana importer that was damaged by Hurricane Katrina.
posted by Sam on 1-15-2009 at 1:05 am
Atlantic City, NJ: Come see us, you’ll barely regret it.
posted by dan on 1-15-2009 at 1:07 am
O.k., so I haven’t lived in ALL those towns…
posted by TJ Hooker on 1-15-2009 at 1:10 am
I think TJ Hooker’s “Blue Ball, PA: Looking for Intercourse? You screwed up when you got to Bareville. ” takes the cake. I would try but I’ve already been beaten.
posted by Nate on 1-15-2009 at 1:21 am
Woodstock. No, the concert was not held here.
Everytime I tell someone I’m from Woodstock (Vermont), I quickly add that the concert wasn’t held there before they get the chance to even ask.
posted by Jess on 1-15-2009 at 1:40 am
I couldn’t resist modifying this one…
Blue Ball, PA: Looking for Intercourse, PA? Yeah, so were we…
posted by Dan on 1-15-2009 at 1:50 am
Cincinnati: it’s like if the Ohio River threw up and then you lived in it.
posted by Wade Thomas on 1-15-2009 at 2:04 am
Cincinnati: ever seen a 19th century riverboat? Want to? Come on, we have like 3 of ‘em. They’re just sitting there…
posted by Wade Thomas on 1-15-2009 at 2:08 am
Ashland Oregon: Where Californians go to pretend their not Californian anymore.
Ashland, Oregon is 3 miles from the border of California and Interstate 5 bisects it. Ashland is populated by Columbia Sportswear Enthusiests, Californians, College Students, and dirty hippies. Only. People from nearby Medford rarely go there for fear of being hit by a car driven by a Californian in Denial.
posted by Kate on 1-15-2009 at 2:24 am
Cincinnati: we’re named after a Greek god or something. Chili!
posted by Wade Thomas on 1-15-2009 at 2:27 am
Cincinnati: the good kind of nasty.
posted by Wade Thomas on 1-15-2009 at 2:29 am
Modena, Italia: Where Ferrari and Pork Collide.
Ferrari is made in nearby Maranello, and Modena is th Pork Capitol of Italia. What better to be known for than fast cars and pig products?
posted by Kate on 1-15-2009 at 2:29 am
Grand Junction: The Babylon of Colorado
Where wine-grapes grow and oil flows, the city between two rivers in the middle of the desert, a real-life fertile crescent.
If nothing else, this town has enough Uranium to make some nukes!
posted by Jessie K on 1-15-2009 at 3:26 am
Phoenix, AZ – hotter than LA, lamer than Vegas
posted by deena on 1-15-2009 at 4:58 am
I’m from Denville too! (and I went to Knolls too lol) Golden eagles represent!!
No idea what I would change its tagline to though. Maybe…
Denville- where anything worth doing isn’t even in the same town (except the d-ville dairy!)
posted by T on 1-15-2009 at 6:29 am
Delaware: More than a suburb of Philadelphia!
posted by The I-Man on 1-15-2009 at 6:39 am
[St-]Oneonta, NY-This is the true highest point in America.
posted by Juile on 1-15-2009 at 7:05 am
Fort Knox Ky : No, I don’t know if they still have gold there. No, I don’t have any of it.
posted by Denise on 1-15-2009 at 7:20 am
Wayne, NJ: “Wayne is Plain”
posted by Michael Turro on 1-15-2009 at 7:33 am
KNOXVILLE, TN- hey y’all we had the World’s Fair and all we got to show for it is a giant disco ball in the skyline…I love the sunsphere but visitors always tell me it looks like a giant disco ball- I suspect they’re just jealous
posted by ADELE on 1-15-2009 at 7:33 am
Winston Salem: Camel City.
Also…
Winston Salem: Flavor Country.
posted by Joel on 1-15-2009 at 7:34 am
Mobile : There’s a bad moon rising…no, wait, that’s the world’s largest moon pie!
posted by Diann on 1-15-2009 at 8:01 am
Utica, NY – Warning: Retired New York Families ahead!
posted by David Miles on 1-15-2009 at 8:01 am
Mobile : There’s a bad moon rising…no, wait, that’s the world’s largest moon pie!
posted by Diann on 1-15-2009 at 8:02 am
West Chester, PA – The melting pot of the nouveau rich and the nouveau crack heads
posted by Jeff on 1-15-2009 at 8:06 am
King, NC: Where the men are men, and the sheep are… scared!
posted by Steven on 1-15-2009 at 8:06 am
I work in Effingham County Georgia, and I constantly find myself telling people…
Effingham: it’s not a euphemism.
posted by Caitlin on 1-15-2009 at 8:08 am
Somerville- Don’t Blink!
posted by MemyselfandI on 1-15-2009 at 8:10 am
Bristol VA/TN: More than just a Race Track
Norfolk, VA: More Seamen than you can shake a stick at.
Norfolk is the largest Navy base on the east coast.
Virginia Beach: Tourists Welcome. Just don’t do anything.
Va Beach has more laws than signapore.
Chesapeake: Your Gas Stop on the way to OBX
posted by Andy on 1-15-2009 at 8:14 am
Clare, MI: Now with a black family!
(We have literally one black family in town. It is a point of interest and fascination for many in the town.)
posted by Jacob on 1-15-2009 at 8:22 am
Olympia, WA: Where girl dont shave their armpits and the sun never comes out.
posted by meta on 1-15-2009 at 8:26 am
Kokomo … yeah, we hate the song, too.
posted by Mike G. on 1-15-2009 at 8:33 am
Cincinnati: The place where we’re proud to have created a game that shares a name with prison rape!
In Cincinnati people are known to play a game called cornhole, it’s like horse shoes drunk people can play and it’s a point of pride for most people that it’s supposedly been created here.
posted by J on 1-15-2009 at 8:40 am
Pulaski, Tn: Pay no attention to those guys in the sheets.
posted by Daryl E. Campbell on 1-15-2009 at 8:42 am
Pulaski, TN: Pay no attention those guys in the sheets.
posted by Daryl Campbell on 1-15-2009 at 8:46 am
Chase City Virginia: Its not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
posted by T. Young on 1-15-2009 at 8:50 am
Gorey, Ireland:
We don’t live up to our name, promise!
posted by Heather on 1-15-2009 at 8:54 am
Middletown: We chose the town, you choose the state (14 state selection!)
posted by Jenny on 1-15-2009 at 8:54 am
Toronto: If it snows more than 20cm, we call in the army!
Toronto: Come for the large, expensive tower, stay for the polite stabbings and average hockey team!
Toronto: We think we’re the capital of Canada too.
posted by Jenny on 1-15-2009 at 8:56 am
Middletown: We chose the town, YOU choose the state (14 state options!)
posted by Jenny on 1-15-2009 at 8:58 am
Benin – It’s next to Nigeria.
posted by Lauren on 1-15-2009 at 8:58 am
Athens GA – home of the poop on the loop
Atlanta GA – no one here is actually from the South
posted by Diana on 1-15-2009 at 9:00 am
My favorite actual sign:
Welcome to Bowling Green, Ohio – home of the national tractor pull
posted by Diana on 1-15-2009 at 9:02 am
Houston we have one of the highest murder rates and once you vist you will get why. Also Rabid Zombies envade quite often
posted by Bailey on 1-15-2009 at 9:05 am
Me: I am from Wauwatosa.
Other person: Huh?!?!?!
Me: It’s next to Milwaukee.
Other person: Oh, okay!
posted by Jake on 1-15-2009 at 9:17 am
Culleoka, TN – If you like our one restaurant, you’ll love our blinking yellow caution light!
My hometown is so small, it doesn’t even have a stoplight, just one caution light.
posted by Jacqueline on 1-15-2009 at 9:18 am
My former hometown’s slogan was “Plattsburgh: The City By The Lake.” It would always show up on signs in French and English being so close to Quebec. In French its something like “la ville sur du lac.” It used to amuse me to make it “la ville sud (under) du lac.” So I offer the following:
Plattsburgh: It could be the City under the lake…
Plattsburgh: Thirty Minutes or Less to Canada!
Plattsburgh: Remember the Battle of Lake Champlain? We do!
Plattsburgh: Now Northern New York!
recaptcha: plucked RESIGN…. Perhaps I will…
posted by ACute Angle on 1-15-2009 at 9:23 am
Lancaster, PA: We swear to God, Harrison Ford was totally here to shoot the movie Witness.
posted by Bryan on 1-15-2009 at 9:25 am
I drove thru Alambama and EVERY road was under construction….we kept seeing signs every few hundred feet:
Alabama: Pardon our Progress
Where I live now:
Lumberton, NC – No need to brush your teeth or hair!
Lumberton, NC – We DO have a “library”.
Lumberton, NC – “We broke down between FL and NY, and just decided to stay”
posted by Elizabeth on 1-15-2009 at 9:31 am
Culleoka, TN – If you like our gas station restaurant, you’ll love our blinking yellow caution light!
- My original hometown is so small it doesn’t even has a stoplight.
posted by Jacqueline on 1-15-2009 at 9:32 am
My former hometown:
Sarasota – where old people come to die.
My current town:
Lake Wales – 10,000 rednecks can’t be wrong.
posted by Shelly on 1-15-2009 at 9:34 am
BTW, those two cities (Sarasota and Lake Wales) are in Florida, which we all know as the “wang of America.”
posted by Shelly on 1-15-2009 at 9:35 am
Dallas, TX: No, I don’t own a cow. (or a horse or an oil well)
posted by Kendyl on 1-15-2009 at 9:39 am
The Houston Heights: In an attempt to shed the view that we’ve been “decrepit” and “tired” since WWII, we’ve started a massive gentrification overhaul that can’t be stopped! Weeee!
posted by Sarah on 1-15-2009 at 9:40 am
Hadley, MA: Hey! We have cable now!!
posted by Kevin S. on 1-15-2009 at 9:41 am
Charlotte, N.C.: Feel like you’re in the South without feeling like you’re in the South.
posted by Kathryn on 1-15-2009 at 9:43 am
Middletown PA: Chernobyl is for the Commies.
posted by Rob on 1-15-2009 at 9:43 am
Houston: It’s really not THAT bad…promise.
posted by Ash on 1-15-2009 at 9:43 am
Milwaukie, OR: “That’s with an I-E. No, we don’t have any cheese.”
posted by Torrie on 1-15-2009 at 9:44 am
Pottstown, PA: Montgomery County’s Toxic Waste Dump!
Pottstown, PA: Montgomery County’s Human Waste Dump!
Pottstown, PA: We Don’t Need No Educatiom!
Pottstown, PA: Better than Norristown!
Pottstown, PA: We’re All Related!
Pottstown, PA: A Safer Place to Buy Your Drugs!
Pottstown, PA: You’re Going Nowhere Anyway!
Pottstown, PA: Where the Girth is Wide and the Mind is Narrow!
Pottstown, PA: That Train Don’t Stop Here Anymore.
Pottstown, PA: Home of Lowered Expectations!
Boyertown, PA: Git Yer Ass Outta Town By Sundown, Ni**er!
(In fact, I have yet to see a dark face even in the daytime.)
posted by BassMan on 1-15-2009 at 9:44 am
Polson, MT:
“Never have so many gathered with so few teeth”
posted by qt314159265 on 1-15-2009 at 9:46 am
I hope I’m not too late!
Pawtucket: We actually get the Family Guy jokes!
Pawtucket: The birthplace of the American Industrial Revolution!
Rhode Island: Yes, we really are a state!
posted by Heather on 1-15-2009 at 9:47 am
Milwaukee:
The little town nestled inside a big brewery
posted by Jon on 1-15-2009 at 9:48 am
Macungie, PA – From the indian word meaning “speed trap”
Plainfield, NJ – You know, where Dudley Moore died?
Allentown, PA – Yeah yeah yeah like the Billy Joel song.
Oak Ridge, NJ – Come for our lake, stay for the relatively defendable terrain in the event of a zombie attack.
posted by EMStoveken on 1-15-2009 at 9:48 am
Las Vegas
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas…..well, except for the chlamydia.
posted by qt314159265 on 1-15-2009 at 9:50 am
Chattanooga, Tennessee–the Buckle on the Bible Belt
posted by Yepperdoodles on 1-15-2009 at 9:50 am
I live in Gonzales Louisiana. We are actually “The Jambalaya Capital of the World” but I personally think our slogan should be,
Gonzales, LA: “Whoever you’re looking for, they’re at the Wal-mart”
When you live here you see EVERYONE you know at the walmart.
posted by Kait on 1-15-2009 at 9:50 am
Madison, CT- home of lousy beaches and fake New Yorkers
posted by Asa on 1-15-2009 at 9:51 am
Oklahoma City – Where NBA teams come to die.
posted by Chris on 1-15-2009 at 9:57 am
Liberty…the smallest one horse town in Northern New England!
posted by Lynne on 1-15-2009 at 10:05 am
Eufaula, AL – Kidney Stone of Dixie
Eufaula, AL – Atlanta, We’re Your Pitstop As You Drive To The Beach
posted by TC on 1-15-2009 at 10:06 am
Hamilton – Have a ton of fun in HamilTON!
(Also to be noted – Hamilton was once spelled Hamilton! with an exclamation in its official name. We had the dubious distinction of being the only city in America with ending punctuation. Someone once said: Hamilton! is like adding a shiny hood ornament to a rusted old Buick.)
posted by LindsRay01 on 1-15-2009 at 10:06 am
Okay, this is just a scary, scary post. Someone here reads my mind.
In Texas, Austin and San Antonio have the slogans “Keep Austin Wierd” and “Keep San Antonio Lame”. But, the rest of Texas seemed left out, so yesterday I decided to help.
Keep Houston uninsured
Because everyone loves driving around, wondering if the car next to them decide to pay Allstate this month.
Keep Dallas for Debbie
One of the highest percentages of strip clubs per capita!
Keep Waco Wacko
We have a suburb named Beverly Hills. Really!
Keep Lubbock Drunk
It’s the only way the rest of Texas can stand Texas Tech.
Keep College Station Drunk
It’s the only way Aggies can stand Texas Tech. (And losing in football. Man, we lose a lot of football.)
(For the record, I’ve lived in or visited all these cities.)
posted by BHP on 1-15-2009 at 10:07 am
Los Angeles
You’re not from here anyway…
go back where you came from
posted by Jackie on 1-15-2009 at 10:11 am
Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, CA- Keep your daughters away. No, seriously.
posted by John on 1-15-2009 at 10:12 am
New York, NY – Come back. We’ve missed you. But our aim’s improving.
posted by QueenBoadicea on 1-15-2009 at 10:12 am
Barnegat Light, NJ – Half the calories of regular Barnegat, NJ.
Loveladies, NJ – Even if you don’t.
Manahawkin, NJ – Actual slogan: “Land of Good Corn” from Indian translation of the city name. Many signs in our town have been modified to change the ‘C’ to a ‘P’…
Brick, NJ – Where we name towns after the first thing we see.
Wall, NJ – When Brick is already taken.
Camden, NJ – Murder capital of the world. Come visit – don’t just be a statistic!
posted by Josh on 1-15-2009 at 10:13 am
Little Rock, where even our presidential library looks like a trailer.
posted by Nicole on 1-15-2009 at 10:21 am
Austin, TX: Welcoming Californians since 1995.
Austin, TX: Not as weird as it once was.
(maybe i’m just a little bitter about my hippie little city turning corporate.)
posted by Renis on 1-15-2009 at 10:23 am
Belleville, MI
Only thirty minutes outside of Detroit!
posted by Josh on 1-15-2009 at 10:24 am
Oxford, MS- “A small town that Walmart ruined.”
posted by karissa on 1-15-2009 at 10:32 am
Pittsburgh, PA: Not a smokey steel town anymore. Welcome to 1970. (Check my link for proof – sorry, it’s one of my pet peeves)
Pittsburgh, PA: Gephyrophobics, welcome to hell.
posted by dying alive on 1-15-2009 at 10:34 am
Ocala: Better known as Slocala.
posted by MN on 1-15-2009 at 10:47 am
Boston:
Now that marijuana is legal the beans aren’t the only thing baked.
posted by deej on 1-15-2009 at 10:47 am
Arvada: One big happy HOA.
(You’re only allowed to paint your house one of five primary shades of beige or three shades of grey. Any deviance requires notification of and permission from the homeowner’s association. God help you if you don’t keep your lawn trimmed in the summer…)
posted by Kileigh on 1-15-2009 at 10:52 am
Waukegan: Home to the Expressway to Nowhere.
The Amstutz Expressway is a 2.9-mile, four-lane highway that was meant to be part of a road between Milwaukee and Chicago that was never completed. It is the only J shaped highway in Illinois and has been used as a shooting location for such films as Groundhog Day, The Ice Harvest, The Blues Brothers, and Batman Begins.
posted by Ryan on 1-15-2009 at 11:01 am
Saginaw, Tx
The Municipally irrelevant Capitol of North Texas
posted by Hal on 1-15-2009 at 11:10 am
Houston, TX: Proving everyday that you don’t need math to choose the lowest common denominator.
(often pretty low on national test scores and not much real class or culture)
posted by Matt on 1-15-2009 at 11:12 am
Florence, AL. – Two hours away from anywhere you really want to go. (Memphis, Nashville, Birmingham).
Also
Florence, AL. – The only city left in America without a Starbucks.
posted by Terry on 1-15-2009 at 11:14 am
Lowell, MA
Home of America’s largest FREE folk festival. Three days of Music, Food, and Fun!!!
posted by Scott on 1-15-2009 at 11:25 am
Elmhurst, NY: Where the subway makes you go ARRRRRRRRRRRR!
(explanation: the subway in my neighborhood is awful. About 20 minutes and 8 express trains pass by before the R or V local trains finally roll around.)
posted by erak on 1-15-2009 at 11:26 am
Greenville, Al- Home of the Antique Tractor Parade.
posted by Sara on 1-15-2009 at 11:26 am
Gowanda, NY – the little town with the big prison. (The prison is the main employer in town, after the tanning and glue factories and the mental hospital shut down.)
Venice, FL – Where the circus runs away from you. (Venice used to be the winter training grounds and home for Ringling Brothers, until the city wanted more money out of the deal.
Tampa, FL – College athletics so bad it’s SHOCKING (at least two schools don’t have football teams, and we’re also the lightning capital of the world.)
Staunton, VA – Stratford on the Shenandoah. (Located in the Shenandoah Valley and home to the American Shakespeare Center.)
Allentown, PA – Twenty minutes from everything not worth doing.
Rossville, IL – When Danville is just too exciting.
reCaptha: to skillfully hmmm….
posted by Chelsea on 1-15-2009 at 11:27 am
Elmhurst, NY: Home of the Golden Arcs.
(the Wendy’s at Broadway and Queens Blvd was the shooting location of McDowell’s in Coming to America)
posted by erak on 1-15-2009 at 11:29 am
Baton Rouge: Thanking Hurricane Katrina for all of our progress since 2005.
Baton Rouge: 10% fewer trees since Hurricane Gustav.
Louisiana: Yes, there is more to the state than New Orleans.
Louisiana: Thank God for government and gas.
(The state’s economy is powered by state government and the oil and gas industry.)
Baton Rouge: One of the few places in American where home prices are still going up!
(A current source of frustration for me as I attempt to buy my first place, although I know it’s a actually a good thing).
New Orleans: Pointing fingers since August 30, 2005.
(The day after Katrina).
And a couple of favorites, though I can’t lay claim to them…
New Orleans: Make levees, not war.
New Orleans: Go with the contraflow.
(Contraflow is when they open up all lanes of the interstate and other major roads going in one direction to facilitate evacuations).
posted by Lindsey on 1-15-2009 at 11:29 am
St. Louis – A drinking town with a baseball problem!
posted by MissouriLovesCompany on 1-15-2009 at 11:41 am
Pittsburgh–so bad, even our mayor changed his name.
posted by Jim on 1-15-2009 at 11:51 am
Chicago- even our politicians act like mobsters
posted by Jennifer on 1-15-2009 at 11:55 am
In solidarity with Amy:
Greensboro: Third-Largest, but Actually Pretty Interesting Because of All the Quakers, the Cone Brothers, who Started These Cotton Mills? Which Were Later a Mall. They Just Knocked It Down, Though. And Also The Jefferson-Pilot Building.
& here’s one for where I work:
Smyrna, Delaware: Smyrna, Delaware
posted by Emerson on 1-15-2009 at 11:55 am
Orlando-Not just another Mickey Mouse town.
posted by Booker on 1-15-2009 at 11:55 am
Intercourse, Alabama: The money is on the dresser, let yourself out.
posted by Big Jim on 1-15-2009 at 11:56 am
I found out I have to drive over to Parkfield, CA this weekend. They call themselves the earthquake capital of the world due to their proximity to the San Andreas fault and earthquakes frequent enough to warrant an earthquake research station. So here’s my suggestion for a new town motto.
Parkfield – “Hey, what’s shakin’”?
http://www.earthquake.usgs.gov/research/parkfield/safod_pbo.php
posted by Jason! on 1-15-2009 at 12:15 pm
Taking this from my fiance:
Los Angeles: It’s a cement shithole.
posted by Robyn on 1-15-2009 at 12:16 pm
Middlesex, NJ – The armpit’s armpit
posted by Matt on 1-15-2009 at 12:23 pm
Bad Axe, Michigan – You’ll never come here so don’t bother trying to understand why anyone would name a town “Bad Axe”
posted by Keeker on 1-15-2009 at 12:24 pm
Flint, MI – You must be as hard and tough as the city’s namesake mineral to survive this place
posted by Keeker on 1-15-2009 at 12:25 pm
Hell, MI – Freezing over regularly since time began!
posted by Keeker on 1-15-2009 at 12:27 pm
Caitlin, you know with Meth labs being busted every other week in Effingham County, it’s actually Methingham County!
posted by Vickey on 1-15-2009 at 12:37 pm
West Allis, WI – The year may be 2009, but here it is always 1989.
posted by Amy on 1-15-2009 at 12:38 pm
Elgin, IL – armpit of the Midwest.
posted by JFS in IL on 1-15-2009 at 12:44 pm
Bumpass, VA: Yes, someone actually thought it was a good idea to name a town Bumpass.
posted by Amanda on 1-15-2009 at 12:55 pm
Livingston, NJ – Newark’s Sugar Daddy
Baltimore, MD – Where the heroin flows like AIDS-infested wine.
posted by Bob Bobert on 1-15-2009 at 1:01 pm
San Ramon, CA – The birthplace of Dilbert. Seriously, that’s all we’ve got.
(Scott Adams worked at Pac Bell in San Ramon where he created Dilbert.)
Sacramento, CA – Imagine how much smog we’d have if we DIDN’T have the trees.
(we have more trees per capita than any other major city in the world, yet you can still see our air from miles away, especially in the summer.)
Sacramento, Ca – Our Governor’s Mansion really *was* built on an Indian Burial Ground.
(seriously. look it up.)
posted by Leah on 1-15-2009 at 1:03 pm
San Marcos- A drinking town with a college problem
Kyle- A stop sign on the way to Austin
posted by lindsey u on 1-15-2009 at 1:03 pm
San Diego, CA – With this many stoners, you’d need a taco stand on ever corner too.
posted by Leah on 1-15-2009 at 1:04 pm
Fort Gay, WV – where incest is best.
posted by Brown Dirt Cowboy on 1-15-2009 at 1:06 pm
er, every corner.
posted by Leah on 1-15-2009 at 1:08 pm
“Where every day is columbus day!”
I’m from Columbus, OH. We have no connection with the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, the year 1492, nor the oft-elusive passageway to india… no worries… Columbus really didn’t discover us, either.
posted by tom on 1-15-2009 at 1:14 pm
South Everett, WA – Don’t go out after dark.
Bellingham, WA – Don’t worry that smell is just the hippies.
posted by Sean O. on 1-15-2009 at 1:19 pm
Helena, Montana, Now please, just head back to California.
posted by Rob on 1-15-2009 at 1:21 pm
Meriden, KS – where trailers outnumber houses, cows outnumber people, and mullets outnumber teeth.
Self-explanatory.
posted by Shannon on 1-15-2009 at 1:22 pm
Tipton, IN: Home of the (one and only) Pork Festival!!
posted by Trisha on 1-15-2009 at 1:23 pm
Indianoplace Indiana
posted by Safety3rdboy on 1-15-2009 at 1:24 pm
Philadelphia: we’re a whole river away from New Jersey.
posted by Kristin on 1-15-2009 at 1:25 pm
Olympia, Wa-Where the only thing liberal about us is the trust-fund hippies…
posted by Scott on 1-15-2009 at 1:27 pm
Olympia, WA-It ain’t easy trying to be the next Seattle!
posted by Scott Sagerser on 1-15-2009 at 1:30 pm
Hoover, AL: The Town You’ve OBVIOUSLY Heard Of. What? You haven’t? Don’t you watch TV or read magazines you SOB? Gosh, what’s the point then? No need to talk to you anymore. Good day.
(Don’t let Will see this.)
posted by Brian S. on 1-15-2009 at 1:47 pm
This was just released as the new Salem County (NJ) motto in December 2008: “Discover The Possibilities”.
Yeah. As a former resident, I’d like to tack on to that – “Then, Re-locate To Where They Are.”
posted by Lyl on 1-15-2009 at 1:49 pm
Allen, TX: Proud to be the only Dallas suburb without a Wal-Mart
Little Rock, AR: Underground Railroad to the White House
posted by Christa on 1-15-2009 at 1:51 pm
The towns I grew up in…
Sandy, OR: Where you get gas, coffee, and Joe’s Donuts before going to Mt. Hood
Boring, OR: No, really. That’s our name.
Boring, OR: We live up to our name.
Boring, OR: Two bars and a gas station. We live it up!
Boring, OR: We’ve heard all the jokes before, smarta$$.
posted by jenna on 1-15-2009 at 1:54 pm
Coalinga, CA – Home of Cowschwitz.
Home of Harris Ranch, the nastiest cow “ranch” that seems to stretch for miles, while the stench lasts forever. It’s just a bunch of poor cows all crammed together in filthy pens. My husband came up with Cowschwitz long before Family Guy called it “Daccow”.
Coalinga, CA – Bet you can’t hold your breath all the way through!
posted by Leah on 1-15-2009 at 2:01 pm
Butte, AK – Its a kick in the Butte!
Palmer, AK – We’re stuck in the 50′s and every decade before….
Wasilla, AK – Meth Capital of the North.
posted by Frankie on 1-15-2009 at 2:03 pm
Aurora, IL – Largest city in Illinois without a movie theater.
Aurora is the second largest city in Illinois and hasn’t had a movie theater in more than a decade. We did have a drive-in theater until 2006, when our city counsel stole it from us. And, yes, I’m still bitter.
posted by Barbara on 1-15-2009 at 2:06 pm
Durham, NC- Famous for its almost rapists.
posted by John on 1-15-2009 at 2:12 pm
A few for Rochelle, IL…
Rochelle: Home of the First Printing of Playboy
Rochelle: We were once called ‘Hangtown’. Now we’re named after a brand of Salt. You figure it out!
Rochelle: With So Many Trains, It’s No Wonder People Here Are Crazy
Rochelle: Joan Allen Came Here Once!
And…
Rochelle: The Hub City…a mascot would be impossible.
posted by Chad on 1-15-2009 at 2:16 pm
Fresno, CA – Replete with Suckiosity*
(stolen from that episode of Growing Pains when Tracy Gold get’s a bad grade on a paper…)
Fresno, CA – At least it’s not Bakersfield
Fresno, CA – Our (former) mayor was on “In the Heat of the Night”!
Fresno, CA – Our City Hall was used in the movie “Puppetmasters”!
posted by monica on 1-15-2009 at 2:23 pm
Fresno, CA – Repelet with Suckiosity*
(stolen from that Growing Pains episode where Tracy Gold gets a bad grade on a paper…)
Fresno, CA – Our (former) mayor was on “In the Heat of the Night”!
Fresno, CA – Our City Hall was used in the movie “Puppetmasters”!
posted by monica on 1-15-2009 at 2:27 pm
Hey Leah, I’ve worked in Coalinga before. It stinks! (literally)
Here’s a freaky fact for you… you’ll find a lot of the older houses in Coalinga have three taps that run through the house. Taps were for hot, cold, and drinking water (they had to import potable water).
So here’s another one for you: Coalinga, CA – Now featuring reverse osmosis!
posted by Jason! on 1-15-2009 at 2:27 pm
Minneapolis: The better looking, slightly smarter twin.
posted by Manzy on 1-15-2009 at 2:34 pm
Berkeley, CA: Making San Francisco look normal since 1866
posted by Natalie on 1-15-2009 at 2:52 pm
Philadelphia- So dirty it might as well be Jersey.
No offense to Jersey! One of my friends wears his Dirty Jerz shirt with pride!
posted by erin on 1-15-2009 at 2:53 pm
Two of my favorite cities, one where I grew up and one near where I attended school:
Spread Eagle, WI: Open for Business
Climax, MI: Satisfaction Guaranteed
posted by Chris on 1-15-2009 at 2:54 pm
Oneida, NY – Communal Marriage Free since 1881.
posted by Kristin on 1-15-2009 at 3:04 pm
Wrightsville, PA: Our new mayor isn’t an ex-sex offender!
posted by Sissi on 1-15-2009 at 3:08 pm
Wilmington, DE
“If you lived here, you’d be home by now.”
(stolen from a Wilmington apartment complex billboard)
posted by Lauren on 1-15-2009 at 3:10 pm
Port Angeles:
Hey, at least it’s not Forks.
for the twilight crowd:
No, we do NOT have vampire baseball!
posted by heather on 1-15-2009 at 3:10 pm
Wilmington, DE – Close to everywhere you’d rather be.
(NYC, Philly, Baltimore and DC are all within 2 hour driving radius)
posted by Stacey on 1-15-2009 at 3:11 pm
I’ll submit two-
Hometown: Deer Park, WA: Where the Deer And the Antelope Are Smarter.
Current city: Portland, OR: Everyone is Welcome to Move Here, Except for Transplants from California
posted by Holly on 1-15-2009 at 3:16 pm
duluth: where -45 degrees refers to both the slope of the hills and the temperature
posted by dc on 1-15-2009 at 3:23 pm
Vermillion, SD: Not as red as you may think.
posted by Laura on 1-15-2009 at 3:40 pm
Carroll, NE: Even the cars are 70 years old and on hospice care.
Everyone in this town is over 70 and bedridden, but so is everything else.
posted by Low on 1-15-2009 at 3:42 pm
Huntsville, AL: Home of the Redneck Rocket Scientist!
posted by Brian on 1-15-2009 at 3:44 pm
Two options…
Bowling Green…giving the sentence of Kentucky action since 1798.
Bowling Green…Sorry.
posted by Alex on 1-15-2009 at 3:46 pm
Huntsville, AL: Home of the Redneck Rocket Scientists.
posted by Brian on 1-15-2009 at 3:47 pm
St. Louis, MO – Brought to you by INBEV.
recaptcha: River papers
posted by JC on 1-15-2009 at 3:52 pm
This ones payback for that little dig from Monica…
Bakersfield – From here you’d go to Fresno, but no one goes to Fresno anymore.
(an actual line stolen from one of the Airplane movies)
Whee! This is fun!
posted by Jason! on 1-15-2009 at 3:54 pm
Duluth: Where -45 degrees refers to both the slope of the hill and the winter temperature.
posted by Dan on 1-15-2009 at 3:56 pm
Lupton City, TN – Nine holes of golf and a textile mill, what more do you need?
posted by Michele on 1-15-2009 at 4:02 pm
Milan, no it’s not pronounced like that.
posted by Diana K on 1-15-2009 at 4:05 pm
Fayetteville, NC – It used to be safe to walk down the street.
posted by Diana K on 1-15-2009 at 4:08 pm
Fayetteville, NC – We’re in Cape Fear Valley. ‘Nuff said.
posted by Diana K on 1-15-2009 at 4:09 pm
Attalla, AL – Come see our mythical Native American princess poised to jump into the Noccalulla Falls!
posted by Diana K on 1-15-2009 at 4:16 pm
Springtown- the city where they TELL you the water gives you cancer.
posted by Jessica on 1-15-2009 at 4:18 pm
Morganton, NC: Theres no town like Mo-Town!
posted by Forest on 1-15-2009 at 4:32 pm
Marin County: A beautiful place to live if the people weren’t such ass holes.
(Marin County is just north of San Francisco on the Golden Gate Bridge. It is breathtaking rolling hills and over privileged, wealthy yuppies.)
Recaptcha: Winnipeg propel
posted by Miss Priss on 1-15-2009 at 4:38 pm
Needham, MA: Please don’t call us Weedham, the widespread drug addiction is a serious social issue.
posted by Jordan on 1-15-2009 at 4:38 pm
LaGrange, IL: “So, do you want to hang out in front of the skateboard store with an ironic name or the hippie store with an ironic name?”
posted by Christian on 1-15-2009 at 4:55 pm
Justin, TX: We finally got a stop light!
or
Justin,TX: We don’t make the boots, but we jack up the prices and tell people we do.
posted by Katie on 1-15-2009 at 4:55 pm
Minot NDakota:
AKA Ground Zero- For those who’d rather not survive a nuclear holocaust.
posted by Ingrid Holst on 1-15-2009 at 5:16 pm
Detroit: Oh dear.
posted by Liz on 1-15-2009 at 5:17 pm
If it’s 5 p.m. in Chicago and 6 p.m. in New York, in Linton it’s 1953.
posted by Val on 1-15-2009 at 5:21 pm
If it’s 5:00 in Chicago and 6:00 in New York, in Linton it’s 1953.
posted by Val on 1-15-2009 at 5:23 pm
Hey, Diana K -
Is it still the same place where it is possible to:
‘go into one of the endless pawn shops to sell something so that you can pay for the tattoo you’re having done just a few stores away?’;-)
[My Recaptcha is 'transient the'... as Fayettville is Army town, a bit apropo!]
posted by Anon Emous on 1-15-2009 at 6:02 pm
Troy, N.Y.: Never mind the poo.
(Seriously, I think that city has the most loose-boweled crows in the world, not to mention dogs … the sidewalks are nasty. And yet, it’s actually “the home of Uncle Sam” — true story.)
posted by M on 1-15-2009 at 6:35 pm
Tallahassee, FL: No- we’re the capital. Really.
Our football used to be good.
Come for the football. Stay for the ladies.
Home of Florida *State*.
Screw Tebow.
Five Universities. Surrounded by Rednecks.
Southern Georgia.
Ted Bundy loved us.
Birthplace of Creed. We’re sorry.
Featured in the script of Lost for no apparent reason.
————————
Tampa, FL: Lethal to Pedestrians, Home of the Longest Sidewalk
Too big to be this boring.
More Cubans than Cuba.
Don’t drink the water.
Our Gasparilla is better than your Mardi Gras.
At least our Mofia is tan.
Unofficial Birthplace of Death Metal. Yea, we didn’t know that either.
Someone else went to Splitsville?
posted by Carolyn on 1-15-2009 at 6:35 pm
Decatur, IL: (former) Soybean Capitol of the World—Mouthbreather Paradise
Seriously, have you ever smelled soybean refineries? Decatur has 2 of them, both on the east side of town. Your best bet is to hold your nose and breathe through your mouth until you get past the lake.
posted by MsP89 on 1-15-2009 at 7:11 pm
Unity Maine:
Where the men are men,
Where the women are men,
And the cows run scared…
posted by Zelda on 1-15-2009 at 7:11 pm
La Crescenta, where late night fun is a Jack In The Box drive-thru
posted by NateJ on 1-15-2009 at 7:28 pm
Rockville: Come for the county seat of one of the richest counties in the country, stay for the insane amounts of standardized testing.
posted by Rosalie on 1-15-2009 at 7:44 pm
Rockville, MD: You’ve never heard of us, but we’re a few convenient Metro stops from DC for the inaguration!
posted by Rosalie on 1-15-2009 at 7:45 pm
Neenah, WI: We make all your sewer covers
posted by SamR on 1-15-2009 at 8:34 pm
Rockaway Beach, NY: Yes, this is still part of Queens.
Rockaway Beach, NY: Come see what the Ramones sang about!
posted by Erika on 1-15-2009 at 9:07 pm
Boulder, CO
weed doesn’t kill, it enlightens
Were dogs have more rights than you, and their ain’t a black person in sight
If you don’t have don’t have hiking shoes, don’t bother coming
Westlake Village, CA
We’re not from LA we’re from Ventura.
Your lawyer son drives a civic? Our 16yr old drives a bmw.
My Parents used to live in Teaneck,New Jersey
Sorry your still in New Jersey
posted by Doedina on 1-15-2009 at 9:20 pm
Baltimore – The city that so often breeds it forgets to read.
Adapted from the official slogan from a few years ago – Baltimore: The City that Reads (discontinued due to our crap-tacular progress in education)
posted by Charlotte on 1-15-2009 at 10:22 pm
East Rutherford, NJ: Swampland really is a solid foundation to build on
East Rutherford, NJ: Yes, you do have to come to Jersey to watch the Jets and Giants
Woodland Park, NJ: Please stop calling us West Paterson
posted by Tal on 1-16-2009 at 12:40 am
Garden Grove: Where Steve Martin went to high school, even though he doesn’t like to mention it.
Yes, Steve Martin did go to Garden Grove High School and it’s true he didn’t like it that much…
posted by cristina on 1-16-2009 at 1:07 am
Camo Rio De Janeiro
All the fun of Brazil, without the fun.
Camarillo, CA
posted by Nathan on 1-16-2009 at 1:28 am
Kiln, MS
Yes, Brett Favre is from here…get over it already!!
posted by Ryan on 1-16-2009 at 9:44 am
Peculiar, Missouri
Where the Odds are with you.
posted by Brandy on 1-16-2009 at 10:09 am
Oh crap. I didn’t read the part of making it up…that one about Peculiar, MO is the REAL one!
posted by Brandy on 1-16-2009 at 10:11 am
Vancouver: Just like Seattle, only with public heathcare.
posted by Meghan on 1-16-2009 at 11:19 am
West Virginia- Still Demanding a Recount since 1865.
posted by karen on 1-16-2009 at 12:41 pm
Avon, IN. where you can come make-up your mind.
posted by Mickey on 1-16-2009 at 12:48 pm
Ok, now I’m depressed. I saw on the news this morning that Bakersfield is the worst city for women to live in healthwise. It’s pretty bad for men too:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/12/22/earlyshow/health/main4681716.shtml
This is on top of having horrible air: http://www.lungaction.org/reports/sota05_cities.html
and being one of the worst real estate markets in the country: http://www.money.cnn.com/galleries/2008/fortune/0812/gallery.worst_markets.fortune/9.html
So I’m changing the city’s motto to:
Bakersfield – If you value your life, turn around.
Now I’m depressed. I know what will cheer me up! I’ll make fun of Fresno again!
Bakersfield – Like Fresno with less crime!
Whee!
posted by Jason! on 1-16-2009 at 1:37 pm
Billings, MT: Biggest city in (almost) five states! (Those states being; Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, S. Dakota and N. Dakota)
posted by heiligec on 1-16-2009 at 1:38 pm
Milwaukee, WI
“Almost as corrupt as Chicago!”
“Where the beer flows like beer”
Overland Park, KS
“Where soccer moms unite”
“At least you’re outta Missouri”
Captcha:Europe ed
posted by dannyO on 1-16-2009 at 3:03 pm
Ashford: The Town with more liquor stores than stoplights.
posted by Sue on 1-16-2009 at 3:15 pm
I know it is late and won’t be eligible but…
Herndon, VA- Casi tan bueno como Chile!
posted by Scott-O on 1-16-2009 at 3:52 pm
Scottsdale, AZ – “Where v-neck shirts aren’t just for women!”
posted by Missy on 1-16-2009 at 4:27 pm
Elmo, MT
“Home of 1 stop sign and 4 teeth”
posted by qt314159265 on 1-16-2009 at 4:55 pm
Fairfax, VA- That will be $3 please.
Fairfax County, VA- Without the tax we’d just be “Fairf Couny”
Fairfax County, VA- Upwind from Washington.
posted by Scott-O on 1-16-2009 at 5:39 pm
DuBois, PA: In one end and out the other.
(There are two DuBois exits on I-80, one on each side of town.)
posted by Katie on 1-16-2009 at 6:32 pm
Orlando- Under the costume, a midget awaits.
posted by Jay on 1-16-2009 at 7:26 pm
Provo: 1 Church, 1 Political Party, 5 wives.
posted by Christopher on 1-16-2009 at 8:02 pm
Hoover, Alabama: It doesn’t SUCK.
posted by Emily on 1-16-2009 at 8:50 pm
Brookings, SD: The odds are good, but the goods are probably related.
Springfield, Va: Where welfare families still think they’re better than you.
Butterfield, MN: Did you see the gas station?
Brookings, SD: Now, with electricity!
posted by Kathryn on 1-17-2009 at 3:07 am
Buellton, CA: Don’t worry, you’ve heard of places near us.
(Located between Santa Barbara to the south and Santa Maria to the north)
Buellton, CA: Home of Pea Soup Andersons–the place no local eats at.
Los Olivos, CA: Yes, you can drive by Neverland Ranch.
Solvang, CA: They filmed Sideways here! Come take the tour! Drink our wine!
Solvang, CA: Where pedestrians don’t look.
(For some reason the tourists just step out into traffic…)
Solvang, CA: It’s Danish.
posted by Kim on 1-17-2009 at 5:33 am
Fresno, CA : Live here if you want to die from boredom.
posted by Aprildawn on 9-25-2009 at 4:48 pm