By: TC

TC — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:52:00 +0000

I have to agree with Dawn. It’s not that we’re *itches, Veronica, we just have opinions just like the one you just expressed.

By: Meg

Meg — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Yeah, Dawn, how dare you not love babies. Veronica is obviously embracing the role she was born into, that of wife and mother. What a good little woman you are, Veronica!!

By: Veronica

Veronica — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 04:08:00 +0000

I loved the first video as well. Good thing I was never a toddler and no one needed to listen to me. Question for Dawn: Were you born a bitch?

By: Dawn

Dawn — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 02:19:00 +0000

I loved the first video too. Can’t stand to listen to toddlers talk, though. :-P

By: Hunter

Hunter — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 01:50:00 +0000

i loved the first video. i myself havent seen even a little bit of any of the star wars movies. She did much better then i could have.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:20:00 +0000

Here is my version of Star Wars (I haven’t seen it either, but my brother told me some stuff about it.). There are also the first 3 movies in here, just for the heck of it.
Movie 1:
Person in the Senate: Droids are taking over Naboo!
Padme: The queen would not approve.
Qui-Gon: Well, the queen doesn’t have to know.
Padme: Well, I don’t approve and I am the queen.
Qui-Gon goes to the Troydarian’s house on Tatooane. He sees Shmi and Annie, who he thinks is very cute.
Qui-Gon: I want to buy those two slaves.
Watto: No.
Qui-Gon: Well then Republican credits…will do.
Watto (waving his hands around): No, they won’t! What do you think you are, some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Troydarian, mind tricksa don’t work on me!
Qui-Gon: Oh well. How about a pod race then?
Watto:OK. But no pod is worth 2 slaves. Blue, the boy, red, his mother.
(rolls a die with red and blue on it, it lands on blue)
Next Scene. Annie is at the pod race. A comment guy who looks like Jar Jar Binks says, “Saboba takes the lead!”
Annie: I’ll try spinning, that’s a good trick!
(spins into a Naboo fighter)
Annie: I’m trying to stop, I’m trying to stop!
Qui-Gon: Do I get Annie now?
Watto: Yes.
(Qui-Gon puts Annie into a big computer on his spaceship.)
Obi-Wan: Over 2000 metachlorines, it’s off the charts!
Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, and you are very late.
(Qui-Gon dies.)
Qui-Gon: Let Annie be a Jedi.
Mace Windu: OK.

Movie 2:
Anakin: I love Padme Amidala.
Yoda: Me too.
(Person tries to kill Padme but gets killed by a Caminoan Saber Dart)
Obi-Wan goes to a diner to ask what it is.
Dex: Now this here’s a Caminoan saber dart!
(Obi-Wan goes to Camino.)
Caminoan Person: Boba, is your FATHER here?
Boba Fett: Yes.
Obi-Wan: We want a clone army for Palpatine.
Jenga Fett: OK.
(Caminoan Person clones Jenga Fett)
Meanwhile…
Anakin: I dreamed my mother was in pain, so I must go to Tattooane.
Padme: I’ll come too.
They go to the Troydarian’s house.
Anakin: Where is Shmi?
Watto: Little Annie! Whatever it is, I didn’t do it! I sold her.
(Anakin looks for Shmi. The Sand People kill her.)
Shmi: Become a Jedi.
Anakin: Yes, Mommy.
(Anakin goes on the Dark Side and kills the sand people. Obi-Wan comes back with the clone army for Palpatine.)
Yoda: Begun, the Clone War has.
(Count Sudoku force statics people. The clone army goes to fight him.)
C3PO: I now pronounce you man and wife.
(Anakin and Padme kiss each other.)

Movie 3:
Palpatine: Clone Troopers, kill the Jedis.
(Clone Troopers kill the Jedis and turn into Storm Troopers.)
Palpatine: I think I will go on the Dark Side now. My name is Darth Hidious.
Anakin: Me too. I will be Darth Vader.
(Anakin goes to the Jedi Temple and kills everyone.)
Anakin: Oh, great, Obi-Wan will kill me.
(Obi-Wan kills Anakin. Palpatine puts him in a Darth Vader suit. Anakin kills Padme because she wore really weird hats.)

Movie 4:
Luke is on Tattooane with Uncle Owen and Aunt Maroon.
R2D2 plays Princess Leia’s message.
Leia: Obi-Wan Kenobi, please help me! You’re the new hope! (Puts the plans to the Death Star inside R2D2)
Obi-Wan: Have a lightsaber! Merry Christmas!
(Obi-Wan gives Luke a helmet and tells him to block blasts, but Luke can’t see a thing in it. Luke goes to detention on the Death Star to save Leia. He looks like a Storm Trooper in his helmet.)
Leia: You’re too short to be a Storm Trooper.
Luke: I’m Luke. You’re cute.
(Luke kisses Princess Leia. Obi-Wan starts lightsaber fighting Darth Vader and gets killed.)
Obi-Wan (in Luke’s head): Run Luke!
(Luke runs away, throws away a computer, and blows up the Death Star with the Force. Luke and Han Solo get medals.)

Movie 5:
Han Solo gets frozen in Carbonite by Jabba the Hutt.
Yoda: Use the Force. Go back you must not.
(Luke is bad at using the Force, so he goes on the Death Star.)
Darth Vader: I am your father, Luke.
Luke: Yeah right.
(Luke’s hand falls off and he gets a robot one from R2D2.)

Movie 6:
Luke: So here’s the plan to save Han Solo. Everyone gets captured, OK?
(Everyone gets captured by Jabba the Hutt)
Jabba the Hutt: Now I will throw you in this pit and you will get eaten.
(Luke gets his lightsaber out of R2D2 and kills Jabba the Hutt. They go to the Death Star.)
Obi-Wan’s ghost: There is another.
Luke: Leia! Leia is my sister!
Obi-Wan: Your INsight serves you well.
Luke: I kissed my own sister! I wish I were dead!
Darth Vader: I’ll kill you.
Luke: NO!
(Luke takes off Darth Vader’s helmet. Darth Vader dies. The Emperor falls down the garbage chute into the power generator.)
Everyone: Yay!

By: catherine ann

catherine ann — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:50:00 +0000

I had a friend in high school who would quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She’d never seen it, and I don’t think she ever intended to. But the guys we hung around quoted it non-stop (in that annoying way teenage boys do), so she obviously picked up on it. I finally broke down and watched it myself after listening to them yammer on in horribly fake Britsh accents.

By: Becky

Becky — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:44:00 +0000

This only reminds me of how much I wish I’d had a camera with me that night at dinner when my mom summarized the plot of Dirt Dancing. It was beyond amazing and now sadly only lives on in my and my brother’s memories.

By: dangermouse

dangermouse — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:11:00 +0000

I haven’t seen the movies either – So for all I know these clips could be spot on.

Although I have seen the Family Guy episode where Peter re-tells the Star Wars story – the plotline escapes me now but I think the first clip covered most of it.

In other news… how cute is that kid?! She had me at “Poke ball” – the Death Star kinda does look like a Pokemon ball hahaha

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:59:00 +0000

I still haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies…. Not on purpose, it’s just never happened…

Comments on: Star Wars, as Retold by a Nonviewer and a Toddler