Stacy Conradt
The Quick 10: 10 Cereals That Will Give You a Toothache Just By Reading About Them
by Stacy Conradt - January 20, 2009 - 3:21 PM

I could probably eat cereal for every meal. I love Franken-Berry, but I only allow myself to have it once a year (at Halloween, of course). Otherwise I would probably go through the whole box in a day, because I’d eat it for every meal and snack on it dry. Despite my love of cereal, I find these 10 kind of questionable. And if you remember one from your childhood that definitely wouldn’t make it to the shelves these days, tell us what it was in the comments.

1. Sir Grapefellow was “grape-flavored oat cereal with sweet grape starbits.” I don’t want me oats to taste like grapes. Sir Grapefellow himself was a British Flying Ace, circa WWI.

2. Kombos. “Orange-flavored flakes of corn.” I don’t think corn flakes should taste like fruit, either.

REDBERRY3. Baron von Redberry was Grapefellow’s arch nemesis! As his German counterpart, Redberry’s cereal was berry-flavored oat flakes with sweet berry marshmallows. Word is, it tasted a lot like fruit punch.
4. Quisp and Quake. Quisp is still sold in my local grocery store. It’s “vitamin-powered sugar cereal!” Quisp supposedly tastes like Cap’n Crunch but with a texture that won’t cut your gums when you bite into it (can any _flossers verify this?) and Quake was similar, but shaped like gears instead of saucers.

OKS5. OKs. The idea isn’t that bad, I don’t think – essentially, they’re the same as Alpha-Bits. I think it’s just the execution of the idea I find a little odd. The dude’s name is Big Otis. He had a bit of dialogue on the cereal box: “I am the big oat man from Scotland. And OKs are made of oats. These new Kellogg’s OKs are the biggest thing that’s happened to oats in 25 years. They are on their way to being the new favorite of kids and adults everywhere. Here’s the meat of the oats in it’s tenderest, tastiest form. Flavored as only Kellogg’s knows how. OKs are rich in special oat protein. Aye, and OKs oats come to breakfast tasting better than you’ve ever imagined. They’re K – E – Double L – O – Double Good!” Thanks to Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Guide for the text.

6. Sprinkle Spangles. The cereal was star shaped, and each piece was supposed to be covered in sprinkles. Dom DeLuise was the voice of the Sprinkle Spangles genie, who liked to claim, “You wish it, I dish it!” Photo from X-Entertainment

surprize7. Surprize. AGGGHH!! The spelling, for one, is completely hideous! “Mr. Wonderfull’s Surprize”? It burns my retinas. But the very idea of creamy chocolate (“chocolate flavor”) lurking in each individual piece of cereal makes me a little urpy. I don’t like when there’s an unexpected substance in the middle of my food. It’s why I don’t like raisins in bread or cookies and it’s why I can’t eat doughnuts with pudding or jelly in the middle. Ew. Sorry for the rant; this one just really grossed me out.
8. KABOOM seems to be similar to other fruit-flavored cereals, except for the terrifying circus theme. That’s probably just me, though. It’s particularly notable because it was the box of cereal used in the Kill Bill scene where Vernita Green unexpectedly pulls a gun from the box, shoots through it and sends cereal flying all over the kitchen. Get it, “KABOOM!” Oh, that Quentin Tarantino.

BIG MIXX9. Bigg Mixx was sold for only a year in the early ’90s, and seems to have basically been a mash-up of whatever leftover cereals the company had after packaging everything else. They pretty much just dumped a bunch of different cereals together and called it Bigg Mixx. I’m strangely intrigued. Anyone ever try this one?
10. Orange Blossom Cereal. This one was named after Strawberry Shortcake’s buddy and was an “Artificial orange flavor-frosted corn cereal.” I think I just can’t get past orange-flavored cereal.

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Comments (49)

  1. I remember another Tarantino sugar cereal reference. When Vincent brings the overdosed Mia to his dealer Lance’s place, Lance is eating a bowl of Fruit Brute. Fruit Brute was part of General Mills’s line of “monster” cereals, and it had lime-flavored marshmallows.

    posted by Mike on 1-20-2009 at 3:48 pm

  2. I used to eat Quisp when I was a kid and it did tast very much like Capt’n Crunch, just softer so you did not tear up the roof of your mouth. Used to have an alien for it’s Cartoon endorser.

    posted by Richard Blair on 1-20-2009 at 4:01 pm

  3. Heck yeah, I remember Sprinkle Spangles eventhough no one else seems to. Big Mixx, was kind of granola or trail mix, my mom and I used to eat is while we were camping. We’d make it with half & half, cuz we were camping dangit, and that’s how we rolled.
    I also remember Kaboom, but not as fondly.

    posted by Erin on 1-20-2009 at 4:13 pm

  4. There used to be a Cabbage Patch Kids cereal that we talked my mom into buying a couple of times. We were only allowed to have it as an afternoon snack on weekends.

    posted by Jen on 1-20-2009 at 4:20 pm

  5. I loved the Quisp as a kid and it was indeed a kinder cap’t crunch. I still pretty much only eat the sugar cereals (smacks, froot loops) or oatmeal.

    posted by Becky in Tejas on 1-20-2009 at 4:26 pm

  6. I loved Sprinkle Spangles as a kid! I think it was just because it was the only brand-name cereal that my mom ever bought for us… Maybe it was on sale a lot? Either way, I loved it and remembered it fondly!

    posted by Meghan on 1-20-2009 at 4:29 pm

  7. Quisp is my Dad’s favorite cereal, so there’s always some around the house. It does taste like Captain Crunch, but it’s a lot easier to chew (and it’s delicious too)

    posted by Scott on 1-20-2009 at 4:30 pm

  8. Did anyone ever eat E.T. cereal? It was peanut butter flavored, tasted good eating it but it always seamed to leave a bad after taste

    posted by Mike on 1-20-2009 at 4:33 pm

  9. Trader Joe’s has a new chocolate-filled cereal that I tried… it makes you just as sick eating it as it does reading about “Surprize”.

    I should have known better, I don’t know what I was thinking. I get sick thinking about the bowl full that I ate.

    I need to go get some Lucky Charms to purge the feeling.

    posted by Drew Lanning on 1-20-2009 at 4:34 pm

  10. Sir grapefellow and Baron von redberry sound yummy!

    I always wondered if KABOOM was a real cereal. I learned something today.

    My mom has a obsession with moose, so when Big MIXX came out we were all over it. (is that mascot a moose? he looked like a moose. all that matters.)
    and i remember we loved it.

    posted by holly on 1-20-2009 at 4:50 pm

  11. I know it’s made up, but doesn’t this list have to include Calvin’s favorite Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs?

    Sir Grapefellow and Baron von Redberry definitely sound good tho.

    posted by Ryan H on 1-20-2009 at 5:10 pm

  12. I remember Quisp and Quake. I still see Quisp in the Cereal aisle but given that it costs a couple dollars more that Cap’n Crunch I haven’t bought it in a long time. It was easier on the mouth than the Cap’n. More air pockets and less compact. Same general taste though.

    posted by toddes on 1-20-2009 at 5:12 pm

  13. The three overly sugared, teeth melting cereals I remember from my childhood were:

    Batman cereal – sugary, butter flavored corn puffs in the shape of the Batman symbol. They were good but hard as a rock like Captain Crunch.

    Nintendo Cereal – Half the box was Zelda (corn puffs with marshmellows) and the other half was Mario Brothers (more like fruity pebbles).

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – this stuff was awesome and was almost a complete knock off of Lucky Charms but slightly better.

    I miss those days. All I eat now is Kashi since I can’t really stomach nor tooth the sugary kid stuff.

    posted by Christopher on 1-20-2009 at 5:30 pm

  14. Heck YEAH Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs should be on this list, made up or no :) Whenever my husband talks about sugary cereals, he always has to mention Calvin’s favorite!

    ~Bethy

    posted by Bethy on 1-20-2009 at 5:38 pm

  15. i remember sprinkle spangles! i remember them being fun in thought, but pretty generic in taste.

    anyway, the winner of sugary cereal is this: one year for christmas cap’n crunch came out with a special extra. it was crunch berries cereal with a packet of sprinkled frosting to put on top of the cereal. (seriously) i remember hoarding that packet to keep it from my sisters and applying a small amount to each bowl i ate.

    posted by tami on 1-20-2009 at 5:45 pm

  16. I think that the bits in Cap’n Crunch are supposed to be shaped like treasure chests aren’t they? Not saucers.
    Also, this one of the product names that makes my inner English nerd cringe. I hate when products projected at kids have unnecessary spelling changes and contractions, like Bratz. Drives me nuts, so I feel your pain as well on the Surprize.

    posted by Tricia on 1-20-2009 at 5:54 pm

  17. Does anyone else remember King’s Crunch??? Quite possibly the WORST cereal ever…it was like an aweful love-child of Cap’n Crunch and Kix…rock hard and turned the milk into an oil slick…but it came with these punch-out masks on the back of a knight, jester, king, princess…I think it got to the point where I would just take the mask off the back and hide the cereal from my mom.

    posted by Jon on 1-20-2009 at 6:18 pm

  18. OMG Suprize made laugh, but in horror!

    posted by Ftssoad on 1-20-2009 at 6:26 pm

  19. BIG MIX! My favorite cereal of all time. I have tried to explain it to friends before but none have heard of it or remember it. My dad use to buy me the stuff and he doesn’t even remember it! This is the first place I have seen any reference made to Big Mix. If you can’t tell I’m excited at just the mention. Delicious.

    posted by Ryan on 1-20-2009 at 7:08 pm

  20. Gotta get me some Quisp cereal. I used to love Cap’n Crunch, but quit buying it. Cool that it’s more mouth-friendly than the Cap’n.

    reCaptcha: bearded Miss

    posted by Vickey on 1-20-2009 at 7:15 pm

  21. Does anybody else remember the bizarrely-named cereal “Grins and Smiles and Giggles and Laughs”? These were supposedly named not after the facial expressions, but rather the 4 fictional characters who supposedly created the cereal, along with their robot Cecil.

    posted by gmsc on 1-20-2009 at 7:19 pm

  22. Oh wow… KABOOM might be why I fear clowns. I loved it as a kid, even though the freaky clown scared me. I am pretty sure I would still like it if I could actually find it.

    posted by MN on 1-20-2009 at 7:37 pm

  23. Not sure if this was mentioned, but there was a cereal in the mid-nineties called Hidden Treasures. It was a really weird concept. Grain cereal with a fruit jelly or juice middle. The really odd thing is their mascot was a robot that looked for treasure. Who programs a robot to look for treasure?

    posted by Nate on 1-20-2009 at 8:38 pm

  24. I remember Kaboom. It turned your poop an awful shade of green and my cousins and I used to find great joy in that.

    ::face palm::

    Kids will eat anything.

    posted by Carmen on 1-20-2009 at 9:24 pm

  25. How can I put this delicately? Once in college I ate a whole box of Kaboom and my “leavings” were a rather festive green. Seriously

    posted by bill on 1-20-2009 at 9:27 pm

  26. King Vitaman – THe only cereal less mouth friendly than the Captain. Oh it was a childhood heroin. Still around I think.
    “King Vitaman,,,Have breakfast with the King”

    posted by Jack on 1-20-2009 at 9:36 pm

  27. I loved Quisp when I was a kid. It was one of my favorites. So was the one with the ice cream cone on the box; I can’t for the life of me remember what that one was called. I am glad Quisp is still available. I do buy a box or two when I see it.

    posted by gus on 1-20-2009 at 10:16 pm

  28. @Bill…

    bwahahahahaha! Finally! No one in my family ever remembers the green aftermath of Kaboom. I mention it and they all look at me like I’m crazy.

    but srsly? a whole box? You’re poo must have been neon!

    posted by Carmen on 1-20-2009 at 10:33 pm

  29. Maybe it’s just because it’s been ages since I ate it, but I don’t remember KABOOM! being all that sweet. The marshmallow stars were teeny tiny and the clown faces were only mildly sweet. Nevertheless, I too remember the green poo.

    Ahhh… childhood.

    posted by nikki on 1-20-2009 at 11:01 pm

  30. I read the “Kombos” description, and for some reason my mind read “Cheese-flavored” instead of “orange flavored.” Which sounds much worse, of course. Maybe I had “Combos,” the pretzel-cheese treat from my childhood in my head.

    I also remember Nintendo and TMNT cereal fondly. If I remember right, the TMNT cereal was rather like chex, but with marshmallows. Speaking of TMNT-themed foods, anyone remember the Turtle Hostess Pies? Oh how I long for the green filling!

    posted by Nathan R on 1-20-2009 at 11:54 pm

  31. I remember Kaboom. I remember Grins and Smiles and Giggles and Laughs. The faces were kinda weird though. Quit downing the Capn Crunch–best stuff out there. And I still love Quisp. I remember Fruit Brute. Anyone remember the short lived Capn Crunch spinoffs, like Cinnamon Crunch? King Vitamin (which I also loved as a kid) is ghoulishly horrible now, it is still hard but has NO TASTE. They must have changed the recipe. The irony is, I don’t allow my kids to eat sugary cereal for breakfast, although I have fond memories if it—as a finicky kid who didn’t each much of anything. I really miss the little prize that you would get in the bottom of the box.

    posted by Sher on 1-21-2009 at 12:08 am

  32. I love the comments on posts like this. It’s interesting that the memories of green poo are so uniform on Kaboom. Not sure I’d like to know what they put in that. Yikes. Also, Ryan waxing poetic about Big Mixx made me laugh. If they had found him for their ad campaign, maybe they would have made it longer–he seems passionate, and was probably more so as a child. :)

    I just saw Quisp the other day in the store and wondered what if it was a special release or what (because it looks all retro). I think Quisp bothers me for a similar reason that “Surprize” bothers others–deliberately spelling words so that you have an auto-lisp is kind of irritating! The alien is cute though.

    posted by kate on 1-21-2009 at 1:13 am

  33. Anyone remember Nerds cereal? There were 2 bags in the box of two different flavors of cereal. Loved that stuff!

    posted by Lori on 1-21-2009 at 6:52 am

  34. My favorite was Waffelos, a cereal available briefly 1979-1982. It was available in blueberry and maple syrup varieties. It was so loaded with sugar that I was forbidden to have it at home. So I was lucky my grandmother got it for me when I visited her!

    posted by Eric on 1-21-2009 at 8:37 am

  35. I remember a cereal called “King Vitamin” which for a while, we got because my mother was completely fooled into thinking it was healthy, after all, it’s called King Vitamin! Packed with vitamins! Unfortunately for us, my dad had some one day and that was the end of King Vitamin for us.

    It was actually packed with sugar. Normally we got *no* sugar cereal.

    posted by Dianne on 1-21-2009 at 9:30 am

  36. I like the way you complain about the spelling of Mr Wonderfull’s Surprize, when only lines before you used the wrong its/it’s in the sentence “Here’s the meat of the oats in it’s tenderest, tastiest form.”

    posted by jaye on 1-21-2009 at 10:20 am

  37. Does anyone remember “Hidden Treasures” cereal? Some of the pieces were empty and some had either strawberry, grape, or orange filling (more like frosting) in them? I loved that cereal.

    posted by KerriH on 1-21-2009 at 10:41 am

  38. @Dianne – My mom was on the no sugar thing too. Always bought me Cheerios and then I dumped a ton of sugar on them to make them palatable. But it was “healthier.” HA! The trauma my mother afflicted upon me has ale be to buymy kids whatever cereal they want and generally, they’d rather have eggs and toast anyway.

    I also remember when Sugar Smacks changed it’s name to Honey Smacks and then to just Smacks. Super Sugar Crisp changed to Super Golden Crisp. They thought that by taking “Sugar” out of their name it would appear as if they were healthier. My mother wasn’t fooled.

    posted by bzzyb on 1-21-2009 at 11:54 am

  39. Where can I find Quisp?? I live in Pittsburgh (home of the Super Bowl-bound Steelers!!) and I haven’t seen it since I was a kid!! I must have some!! I’ll go anywhere!!

    posted by Annie on 1-21-2009 at 12:11 pm

  40. In the 70s Pink Panther Flakes were around for a while.

    posted by Ambitious Drinker on 1-21-2009 at 12:32 pm

  41. I remember seing KABOOM and King Vitaman
    (That’s how they spell it) at SuperFoods. I never really got too excited about them, but I’ve never actually tried them.

    posted by Sara on 1-21-2009 at 12:42 pm

  42. I remember OJ’s, named after OJ Simpson. They were like Trix, but only with orange and lemon.

    posted by Andrea on 1-21-2009 at 1:31 pm

  43. Count me in with the few others who had the luck to partake of the BIG MIXX. It was HEAVY cereal, like something you’d put in a feed bag for a horse! You’d pour in the milk, and the cereal wouldn’t move – it’d just sit there at the bottom of the bowl!

    But I LOVED BIG MIXX; the insane character and freak-cereal concept thrilled my nascent weirdo self…

    Unfortunately, the last bowl I ever had was infected with tiny winged bugs…!!! :C

    posted by tona b. on 1-21-2009 at 10:14 pm

  44. @Carmen

    OMG i thought we might be related at first because i remember the green KABOOM poop…my cousins and i still talk about it!

    posted by marisa on 9-30-2009 at 11:33 am

  45. I remember as a kid seeing Yogi the Bear on the OK cereal boxes.

    posted by Steve C on 12-15-2009 at 2:52 pm

  46. Never eat Cookie Crisp, that stuff is disgusting. That and Count Chocola

    posted by Nicole on 11-4-2010 at 7:55 pm

  47. Big Mix was the best! I remember that crazy character, and no one else I know has ever even heard of the stuff. I wish they made this still!!! Yummm…

    posted by Lisa on 1-28-2011 at 11:01 am

  48. I LOVED Big Mixx!! I didn’t realize it was out for such a short time. That stuff was fabulous… such a great variety of yummy cerealness all in one box! And the chicken-wolf-moose-pig mascot was just odd. :D

    There’s actually a newish cereal out, Fuel, that sorta reminds me of it. It’s a mix of several types, though targeted at a bit difference audience… (probably a bit healthier too…)

    posted by dawn on 3-12-2011 at 4:21 pm

  49. There was a Robin Hood inspired Prince of Thieves cereal that came out around the time of the Kevin Costner movie. The cereal bits were supposed to be shaped like little arrows complete with the feather ends and pointy tips. Of course in puffed cereal form it made it look like you were eating a bowl of tiny penises. No kidding,,, look up an image of the box cover.

    posted by JonM on 8-28-2011 at 5:24 am

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