Association of Large Brained Earthlings Relaying Truths

To become a member, you simply have to get a job working (in any capacity) for mental_floss magazine. (Junior members include any persons who participate in mental_floss.com contests or those persons who leave helpful or entertaining comments on any of the aforementioned website’s blogs.)

Meetings will be held in the building that resembles a giant sculpture of Albert Einstein’s head.

Our mission is to spread as much truth (in all its forms, including, but not limited to- science, art, religion, philosophy, and pop-culture) as we can. Also, to show all people, especially those who may have forgotten, that it is important to “feel smart again”.

SSPWCKS’s meeting place: Our meeting place is secret. But we’re sure you’ll find out where it is soon enough. In fact, we guarantee it.

SSPWCKS’s initiation rites: Your standard interrogation, of course. Potential members who hold out on a secret of theirs for the shortest amount of time are accepted for membership. Amateur way of getting things done, maybe, but it provides us with the best of the big mouths out there.

Don’t miss our Open House for new members next week! We’ll be playing a rousing game of “Telephone” (maybe “Broken Telephone” if things get a little crazy!). Veritaserum and polygraph tests administered at the door. LET IT ALL OUT!

…oops. I shouldn’t have told you that.

@DON *LOL*

P.A.U.S.E. Mission Statement:
The mission of P.A.U.S.E. is simple. Nothing short of complete and utter domination and control of the world! (Muah-ha-ha-ha!) How that is to be accomplished is as yet undecided, it will probably be finalized at the next meeting.

P.A.U.S.E. Recruitment and Initiation:
Whenever we notice a likely recruit, we eventually get around to sending them a solicitation to join the alliance. Those that respond in a timely manner are considered unworthy.

We have not finished drawing up our initiation ceremony, we’ll probably finalize that at our next meeting. It will either involve walking on burning coals or having the new initiate pay for that night’s pizza… or maybe both.

P.A.U.S.E. Meeting Location
P.A.U.S.E. planned on meeting at Steve’s house on Tuesday’s, but that’s the night his family goes to the in-laws for dinner. A quick web search turned up no nearby volcanoes to secretly hide our lair. We’ve decided to inquire with members on other possible meeting sites, once we receive responses we’ll decide on a new location.

this is the best entry hands down!

CLASSIC is a secret society for sports fanatics. Meetings will occur one Sunday every other month in my basement and will consist of watching sports, grilling food and drinking beer. New members will be selected when I spot sports fans at various sporting events wearing awesomely outdated sports jerseys. When I find such a jersey the fan will be given a flyer discretely. The flyer will include all important information, about the time, location, and how to gain access to the next meeting.

New and current members will gain access to the meeting by going to the back door, knocking with the old shave and a haircut cadence. They will then have to give a password which will be the player’s name and team of the jersey they were spotted in. They are also expected to be wearing the jersey to the meeting.

The meeting begins with new members going to the podium and telling the story of how they came to possess such an awesome jersey. New members will be expected to arrive wearing something over the jersey and will unveil for all to see as they take the podium. Following the speech a photo will be taken and the new member will be added to the member wall of fame.

At this point the lazy Sunday will commence. I am the president of said society with my Shawn Kemp Dream Team 2 jersey, and I will be scouring athletic arenas and fields for new members.

New members must go through a rigorous process of being torn down emotionally by constantly having their high hopes for the upcoming season dashed repeatedly by greedy businessmen (Howard Schultz, Clay Bennett), injuries (Every Seahawks receiver along with about half of everyone else on the team at one point or another), or just plain lackluster play (Seattle Mariners, 2008 Washington Huskies Basketball & Football). It takes a while to hit rock-bottom, but we’re there for you when it happens.

Our mission is to soften the blow for our chuldren and new transplants coming to the area looking for teams to support. It’s kind of like AA in that everyone there sees you at your lowest point and understands when the a–holes at ESPN manage to get your hopes up one more time, only to be dashed within the 1st month of the season (referred to as relapse).