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As the Super Bowl approaches, your Sunday night plans are probably firming up. And, if you’re like millions of other casual sports fans, these plans probably involve sitting in front of a TV. Although the overwhelming majority of the nation’s television audience will be tuned to NBC for the Steelers-Cardinals tilt, the other networks have to come up with some sort of programming to fill the four or so hours of the game. Some channels take an aggressive stance to try to appeal to the football-oblivious parts of the audience, while others pretty much concede the ratings war to NBC for a night. Let’s take a look at how various networks are trying to lure viewers away from the magnificence of Kurt Warner’s graying crewcut.
ABC: Reruns of America’s Funniest Home Videos and Wipeout
Airing reruns against the Super Bowl is pretty routine, but if ABC really wanted to steal viewers from NBC, they’d bring back Bob Saget. Really, what would you rather watch: Bob Saget narrating videos in his little kid voice or Troy Polamalu flying around in the secondary? Okay, fine, still football, but didn’t that make it a tiny bit closer?
Animal Planet: Puppy Bowl V
We wrote about the Puppy Bowl last year, but another year hasn’t diminished the simple brilliance of the idea of filming adorable puppies on a miniature football field. Animal Planet doesn’t scrimp on the pomp and circumstance for its big game, either. This year’s bowl will feature the National Anthem sung by Pepper the Parrot and the Kitty Halftime Show, which will undoubtedly be at least 40% better than Tom Petty was at the actual game’s halftime show last year. Plus, each pet in the “game” is a shelter animal that’s up for adoption, so it’s hard to find fault with cuteness of it all.
MTV: Teen Cribs
Just in case stuffing your face with nachos, watching ludicrously expensive commercials for consumer goods, and seeing an extravagant multi-million dollar halftime show didn’t make you feel just a little bit uncomfortable about our collective priorities in these tough economic times, it’s MTV to the rescue with a show “profiling ordinary teens who live in extraordinary homes!”
Fox: Rerun of Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?
Finally, definitive proof that Jeff Foxworthy is the cultural equivalent of waving a white flag.
ESPN2: Australian Open Singles Finals
The Australian Open is the forgotten Grand Slam in the United States, perhaps because of the time zone differences, perhaps because it’s the year’s first Slam, or perhaps because Americans think the only “real” hard court Slam is the U.S. Open. This general apathy towards one of the tennis season’s gems probably won’t change this year when the finals air opposite the Super Bowl. As of this writing, though, top-seeded Rafael Nadal, second seed Roger Federer, and American Andy Roddick are all still alive in the men’s singles draw, so the finals match could well be worth a peak.
AMC: Death Wish
If this selection is a joke, it may be one of the most subtle and inspired pieces of comedy to ever grace TV Guide’s pages. AMC has decided to counterprogram the Super Bowl with Death Wish. Imagine a Venn diagram showing the people who like Charles Bronson’s 1974 vigilante classic and the people who enjoy NFL football. Is there even a remote possibility that the Death Wish circle isn’t entirely enveloped by the NFL circle? Is there a single person in the world who would say, “Football? Too violent for me. Ooooooh….Death Wish is on!” Perhaps AMC is banking on die-hard Death Wish fans with Nielsen boxes flipping over to see Jeff Goldblum’s film debut as a drug-addled rapist and murderer, or maybe AMC knows that the allure of Charles Bronson shooting muggers is too strong for even some Steelers fans to resist. Either way, my hat is off to you for this gutsy, quite possibly crazy gambit, AMC Director of Programming.
The CW: Throw Momma From the Train
The CW’s strategy for spiking its ratings focuses on an oft-neglected demographic: overweight guys who used to be more popular. The network is counterprogramming the first hour of the Super Bowl with reruns of The Drew Carey Show, and the second half of the game will air opposite Danny Devito’s 1987 reworking of Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train. It seems suspect to think that Danny Devito directing himself, Billy Crystal and Anne Ramsey (of The Goonies fame) could be more compelling than a) Hitchcock’s original, which featured a sublimely creepy performance by Robert Walker and a visually stunning climax or b) the Super Bowl. Maybe viewers will tune in for Oprah’s cameo.
MSNBC: Predator Raw: The Unseen Tapes
TV Guide describes this show as outtakes from the popular series To Catch a Predator. I’ve never watched To Catch a Predator, but I think I understand gist of it well enough to put it near the top of my list of “Shows That Probably Don’t Have Hilarious Blooper Reels.”
Discovery: Jesus: The Complete Story
The Discovery Channel looks for help from above with this documentary chronicling the life of Jesus. If the Cardinals manage to win the game, it might be interesting to go back and see which mentions Jesus more: this three-hour documentary or Kurt Warner’s victory speech.
The Biography Channel: The Manson Women: An American Nightmare &
Charles Manson: Journey into Evil
Until I checked the listings I wasn’t aware that there was any connection between not liking football and being fascinated with horrific crimes. The Biography Channel cleared that up for me, though, by offering two straight hours of Manson Family info followed up with two more hours of programming about homicidal mothers, including Mothers Who Kill. The moral of this bullet point: if you know someone who’s planning on not watching the Super Bowl, you should probably report them to the police. Right now. It’s just your civic duty.
More from mental_floss…
Counterprogramming the Super Bowl: A Historical View
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Comments (23)
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I have to say, if I was flipping through the channels and Death Wish was on, I would definitely watch it, but I would never in a million years watch the super bowl.
posted by Matt on 1-27-2009 at 10:56 pm
that poke at kurt warner and how he is super religious was hilarious.
you guys should write a article about the viewership of American football and European Soccer.
posted by Di Feng on 1-27-2009 at 11:31 pm
You have to do yourself a favor and watch a couple episodes of “To Catch a Predator.” We all know it is about some dirty old men trying to spend time with under age girls, but it is actually very entertaining. Some of the excuses these guys come up with are very funny. It is even better when they decide to make a run for it and get roughed up a bit by the police. I find football to be very boring so I will definitely be tuning in to MSNBC this Sunday.
posted by Jake on 1-28-2009 at 7:23 am
Dear Matt,
Thank you for your comment. In accordance with mental_floss’ advice, you have been promptly reported to authorities of both your community and county. The men in black will be coming soon for a routine investigation of why you are so adverse to a great American tradition.
If you don’t waste four hours of your day on an hour and a half game, you are letting the terrorists win and contributing directly to the crumble of Western civilization.
Is that what you want?
posted by PianoSolo on 1-28-2009 at 7:31 am
Doesn’t matter. My Super Bowl isn’t for another 18 days.
Speaking of which, Speed TV has a “Pimp My Ride” marathon going Sunday night. I’m surprised you missed that.
posted by Mike on 1-28-2009 at 8:32 am
I would totally watch Death Wish over the Super Bowl. In fact, I think I will. I haven’t seen it, but I have enjoyed the badassness (totally a word) of Death Wish 2 (featuring Laurence Fishburne as a drug-addled hoodlum) and Death Wish 3 (with Charles Bronson huffing along battling a gang leader who sports a reverse mohawk.)
posted by Lara on 1-28-2009 at 9:42 am
I love Death Wish, but I hate AMC. I don’t see how they stay on the air if TCM has much better movies, all uncut and commercial free.
posted by Jim on 1-28-2009 at 12:00 pm
We keep the living room TV on the Superbowl and the TV in the den on Puppy Bowl. I like to sit where I can see both. I absolutely LOVE the Puppy Bowl!
posted by Pithecanthropus on 1-28-2009 at 12:10 pm
I don’t know about everyone else but I will be glued to the television watching the Super Bowl game on television for almost 8 months (The Hall of Fame game and opening college games don’t count).
posted by J on 1-28-2009 at 12:59 pm
Ah….mental_floss football snottery. Heaven forbid you could be both a Flosser and a Football fan. And the shot at Kurt Warner — I know, I know…too smart for Jesus as well. Pfft. It really comes across as insecure and sour grapes. Still reeling over the girl from high school?
posted by Nicole on 1-28-2009 at 1:05 pm
Super Bowl Sunday is my birthday.
posted by Kelsey on 1-28-2009 at 1:09 pm
I’ve actually seen the To Catch a Predator: Unseen Tapes…it is a repeat from 2007 or something. It is pretty entertaining, but there have been other episodes on Dateline since and it would be nice to have something new. :)
posted by Jen on 1-28-2009 at 1:32 pm
Hey! I thought Tom Petty was great last year! You have to remember that he always looks and sounds like that.
posted by crocostimpy on 1-28-2009 at 1:34 pm
I found this interesting, is there anyway to do a follow up article in how each of these shows did? Or which shows did the best against the Super Bowl this year or any interesting facts from past years?
Also, I’ll be setting my DVR to record the two Manson Specials. I’ll watch the game and have a perfect alibi.
posted by NateJ on 1-28-2009 at 1:43 pm
You didn’t mention my favorite channel…TCM. They start their “31 Days of Oscar” this Sunday and I’ll be watching that and Puppy Bowl (especially the kitty halftime show). Anything beats over-hyped professional athletes trying to show us why they deserve their millions of dollars.
posted by Carol on 1-28-2009 at 2:08 pm
@ Nicole–I think the article was written in a light-hearted manner, and by no means did it suggest that no mental_flossers should watch the Super Bowl. That remark about a girl in high school was a snide and small remark. I’m just thrilled that I didn’t peak in high school, personally.
posted by Orange on 1-28-2009 at 3:25 pm
I don’t know what to watch. Probably the Manson specials and a movie on tcm (recorded at the same time on dvr)if there is a good movie on. If not I will record death wish. Call the police on me if you have to but I don’t like football.
posted by The Queen on 1-28-2009 at 3:31 pm
What’s wrong with acknowledging Jesus in
his victory speech?
posted by Addison on 1-28-2009 at 3:33 pm
Nicole, you can’t really accuse them of being anti-sports if you look at todays HDYK?, which, for a non sports person like me, was incredibly difficult. I still can’t figure out the last one.
I’ll be celebrating the Super Bowl by playing Dungeons and Dragons, probably with the Puppy Bowl on in the background.
posted by Leah on 1-28-2009 at 4:01 pm
Uh, Nicole, you do realize the whole article isn’t totally serious, right? And that the guy who wrote it writes most of the sports columns that are on the site? There are a lot of references to the players in it to make believe that the author isn’t actually anti-Super Bowl and in fact watches lots of football. Is he still reeling from high school girls? Possibly. But aren’t we all?
posted by Travis on 1-28-2009 at 5:34 pm
Ghost Hunters all day on Sci-fi!
posted by Cara on 1-28-2009 at 9:54 pm
What? Nobody else here is a Rock of Love Bus fan? I think that may be on during the Super Bowl.
Last night I was watching the rerun of Sunday’s episode while I read about low-field NMR for my physical chemistry lab. I figured that doing something smart while watching that amazingly ridiculous show would somehow cancel its negative effects on my intelligence. I have to say, VH1 has THE BEST trashy reality shows. I secretly love them all.
posted by Sandy on 1-29-2009 at 6:01 pm
We appreciate the Puppy Bowl too. Some people have suggested that it was a take-off on The Puppy Channel(R), which tried to get going as a cable TV network in the 90’s. Today thepuppychannel.com lets people watch puppies goofing around 24/7/365, and lets the public upload their own puppy video. Puppylovers can preserve their most adorable puppy moments and share, rate, comment and meet one another at thepuppychannel.com. Woof!
posted by Dan FitzSimons on 1-29-2009 at 9:07 pm