Stacy Conradt
The Quick 15: The Forbes Fictional 15
by Stacy Conradt - January 29, 2009 - 4:10 PM

q10

You’re probably familiar with the Forbes magazine lists: richest people in the world, most expensive zip codes to live in, best companies to work for. But let it be known that Forbes has a sense of humor, too: last month they announced the Forbes Fictional 15, a list of the 15 richest fictional people of the year. Below is a short summary of their fabulously funny list, but I highly recommend checking out the real thing so you get all of the quips and inside jokes.

1. Uncle Sam. Why? ‘Cause he can print his own money, of course. Net Worth: Infinite.
scrooge2. Scrooge McDuck. Thanks to his famous frugality, he’s apparently worth $29.1 billion.
3. Richie Rich. Although he’s #3 on the list, he would have been higher had it not been for “ill-timed investments in Web 2.0 start-ups.” Net Worth: $12.3 billion.
4. Gordon Gekko. I’m surprised he’s not higher on the list, since “restructuring poorly-managed companies” is the name of his game. Maybe he’ll hit the top three next year, but his $8.5 billion is nothing to sneeze at.
5. Jabba the Hut. If I were him, I’d probably use some of his $8.4 billion on lipo.
6. Ebenezer Scrooge. “Lifelong bachelor maintains keen interest in paranormal; claims to pick stocks by consulting with ‘Ghost of Christmas Future.’” Gotta love it. Net Worth: $8 billion
7. Tony Stark. I’m kind of surprised that he’s only worth $7.9 billion, but apparently the announcement that he was Iron Man made Stark Industries stock plummet.
8. Thurston Howell III. He has offshore assets. Hee. Net Worth: $6.5 billion.
9. Bruce Wayne. “FBI reportedly investigating violations of the Mann Act related to Wayne’s longtime habit of keeping teenage boys as “wards.” Again: hee. Net Worth: $5.8 billion.
10. Adrian “Ozymandias” Veidt. Who knew? He’s the guy behind the ShamWow and the Snuggie! Net Worth: $5.4 billion.
11. Jed Clampett. Lost $1 billion in a Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme. Net Worth: $3.6 billion.
12. Artemis Fowl II. His wealth is thanks to Irish crime family ties. Net Worth: $1.6 billion.
burns13. C. Montgomery Burns, who would surely be disappointed to know that he didn’t even break the top 10. Net Worth: a mere $996 million.
14. Lara Croft. “Spent much of last year buying up Viking rune stones; locals stunned by cultural insensitivity, inappropriate winter attire.” I told you Forbes was funny! Net Worth: $900 million.
15. Mr. Monopoly. This one is the best. Rich Uncle Pennybags went totally bankrupt in the 2007 subprime crash, but thanks to Chance and some federal bailout funds from the Community Chest, he made an astounding comeback and started buying “distressed” properties. Net Worth: $800 million.

Love it. But do you think the list is lacking someone? Share your missed moneybags in the comments. (How much is Mr. Pewterschmidt worth, do you think?)

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Comments (24)

  1. Mr. Darcy! How much did he make in today’s currency, though?

    posted by Anon on 1-29-2009 at 4:31 pm

  2. What? No Santa Claus? But he’s able to give expensive toys to everyone on the planet. That can’t possibly be cheap.

    Though I did always think the Shamwow stuff was evil…

    posted by Sam on 1-29-2009 at 5:08 pm

  3. But Santa Claus isn’t fictional!

    posted by mjm on 1-29-2009 at 5:28 pm

  4. . . . well, seeing that he did own US Steel and won CNN from Ted Turner during the poker game . . .

    posted by Firebrand on 1-29-2009 at 5:44 pm

  5. @Sam – The title says FICTIONAL 15. Obviously that excludes Santa.

    posted by Sam on 1-29-2009 at 5:45 pm

  6. Um, how about Jesus Christ? Guy could have made some investments in land 2000 years ago that were off the record, and he could come back for it now. Oil anybody?

    Even if he didn’t, if he can take a couple of loaves and fishies and feed a lot of people, he could certainly cause his stocks to split, no?

    posted by matt on 1-29-2009 at 6:00 pm

  7. Sam – Why would Santa Claus appear on a list of FICTIONAL millionaires?

    posted by Nick on 1-29-2009 at 6:22 pm

  8. @Anon: According to my rudimentary calculations, Mr. Darcy would be worth about $151,106 a year in today’s money. Of course, this figure is the result of a highly questionable conversion from pounds to dollars and an inflation calculation on top of that, so take it with a large grain of salt.

    posted by Kelsey on 1-29-2009 at 6:58 pm

  9. Elmer Fudd, millionaire. Owns a mansion and a yacht.

    Anyone remember the one where Bugs hits his head and thinks he’s Elmer? Keeps repeating that all the way through.

    posted by DB on 1-29-2009 at 8:41 pm

  10. Hurley from “Lost” is worth $156 million (probably more if no one was spending it while he was on the island).

    posted by Jenn on 1-29-2009 at 9:43 pm

  11. That “Lost” reference made me think of the the Millionaire and his Wife from Gilligan’s Island.

    posted by Sarah in CA on 1-29-2009 at 10:59 pm

  12. And don’t forget the Professor… with today’s technology I’m sure he invented himself some really neato (and very profitable) stuff after they were rescued from the island (they were rescued right, I never really watched it). If not, that might be fun also, haha.

    posted by Sarah in CA on 1-29-2009 at 11:01 pm

  13. Flintheart Glomgold’s fortune is just a piece of string smaller than that of Scrooge McDuck, so I guess he should be no. 3.

    posted by d on 1-30-2009 at 4:45 am

  14. Oliver Warbucks from “Annie” is a billionaire!

    posted by Jason on 1-30-2009 at 9:42 am

  15. Hard to believe the Corleone family dropped off the list. Where’s the Penguin? He’s high society.
    Just finished checking out the list on Forbes. Anybody else hate this trend of slideshows for lists instead of just presenting the lists like they are presented here on floss?

    posted by dbus on 1-30-2009 at 10:24 am

  16. @Sarah in CA

    “8. Thurston Howell III. He has offshore assets. Hee. Net Worth: $6.5 billion.”

    i.e., the millionaire and his wife…

    posted by Lindsey on 1-30-2009 at 10:32 am

  17. It amazes me that so many questioned the original Santa suggestion, but no one seems bothered by the inaccurate suggestion of Jesus as a fictional character.

    posted by E on 1-30-2009 at 11:39 am

  18. Lex Luthor must have a serious bankroll, no? How ’bout Jay Gatsby? The Wizard of Oz (access to all those emeralds—gotta be worth something)?

    posted by loripop on 1-30-2009 at 12:14 pm

  19. I know someone mentioned Hurley from Lost, but what about Mr. Widmore? He’s got enough bucks to plant a plane and have someone find it to claim it was Oceanic 815. (Or was it Ben who did that?….Hmmm)

    posted by Beth on 1-30-2009 at 2:06 pm

  20. matt, it says FICTIONAL. Jesus Christ is not fictional.

    posted by Sara on 1-30-2009 at 2:31 pm

  21. Jesus: appears in a book, no conclusive evidence of existence, has magic powers.

    How exactly is he any different than Harry Potter, except for the fact the stories were made up 2000+ years ago? Even the fact both are extremely derivative of work that comes before them adds up.

    But he shouldn’t be on this list because he’s poor.

    posted by M.C. on 1-31-2009 at 1:53 am

  22. I immediately thought of Miss Havisham. I have no idea how much she would be worth, though…

    recaptcha: $500 snowball

    posted by Orange on 1-31-2009 at 8:28 am

  23. There is much more proof that Jesus was alive than just a book. The point of debate is not whether he lived but whether he is the messiah, or christ. Almost all world religions believe in his existence, just not his “magic powers”

    posted by Alec on 1-31-2009 at 9:59 am

  24. What is more interesting then the list itself is the “cooking” Forbes does to get the order it wants.

    posted by Maximara on 4-27-2009 at 4:35 pm

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