At various points during our month of book giveaways, I’ve asked you to channel your inner architect, misleading medical consultant and quizmaster. Tonight, you’ve been hired to teach a class at mental_floss_university. The big question—what would you teach? (Don’t say “Math” or “History.” We want you to be painfully specific, and include why you’re qualified in this subject.)
You’re playing for a copy of Archimedes to Hawking: Laws of Science and the Great Minds Behind Them, which seems like a book mental_floss_university freshmen would all have to read. We’ll compile a mini-course catalogue and pick a winner on Monday. (You’ve still got time to send in your celebrity photos.)
There’s no such thing as mental_floss_university (yet), but our Tuition Giveaway is absolutely real. We’re giving away five $10,000 scholarships. All you have to do is tell us, in 750 words or less, why you should win. But you have to tell us by January 31st. We look forward to reading your entries!
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I would teach George W. Bush: Why Historians will view his non-whining and superior foreign policy as landmarks in U.S. History.
I feel like after watching this country reach previously unexperienced heights for the past eight years and listening to Bush’s spectacular oration skills on non-scripted speeches I would be the perfect candidate for the job.
posted by gdbeal on 1-29-2009 at 11:05 pm
The Science of Six Degrees: How to Master the Art
When I was abroad in London my roommate and I would sit in an “American” diner and play six degrees of separation i.e. connect Donald Faison and Zach Braff without going through Scrubs. I could teach this class for 20 years.
posted by Caitorade on 1-29-2009 at 11:07 pm
I would go to an Ivy Leauge law school and teach “Moderate Politics 101″. Here, I would teach young inspiring minds with dreams set on a career in Politics. My syllabus would include:
1) Examples how Republicans and Democrats worked together on common issues
2) How to secure funding for your election or re-election without selling your soul to conglomerates
3) Why Democrats and Republicans NEED each other, contrary to popular belief
I could go on, but you get the idea.
I qualify because I have had the opportunity to vote in 3 presidential elections, and I have voted for a Republican, Libertarian, and Democrat in that order.
Politics, just like alcohol, is best consumed in moderation.
posted by Scott on 1-29-2009 at 11:25 pm
How to survive in the world with red hair.
It would teach the history of red hair (not all redheads are of Irish descent)
Our world population and why red-hair is the best
Which countries to be wary of because of “ginger” hatred or certain east asian countries where people will just reach out and touch your hair (believe me, it’s awkward)
How to do your make-up (cosmo rarely has redheaded models and no make-up tips for us)
How to respond to questions about the carpet and drapes
How to spot a fake redhead
and of course, the best sunblock to wear
posted by Kara on 1-29-2009 at 11:39 pm
The Horror Movie: Psychology, Politics, and Religion. As a proponent of why horror movies aren’t just for scares, I constantly try to tell people how they relate to some of the most basic topics we deal with on a day to day basis. The issues covered would include:
1) The psychology of horror; why we like to be frightened and what basic fears horror movies tend to exploit.
2) The circular politics of the world and how that influences the horror genre. Different socio-political times tend to create more of certain genres, such as creature features, torture “porn”, psychological, etc.
3) How the different religious belief systems influence what is frightening to different areas of the world. This would cover why reincarnation/ghost themes tend to be more popular in Asian countries while creatures/possessions tend to feature more in the US.
4) Also, at least one class on The Accidental Politics of George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead.
I qualify because not only have I started a club for this purpose on my campus, but I’ve also been called “the most qualified on campus to lecture on the topic” (as a student). I regularly lead discussions with other friends and aficionados who are students of archeology, political science, art, psychology, English, creative writing, and education.
posted by Sarah on 1-29-2009 at 11:41 pm
I would teach Botched Public Speaking 101, 201, and 301…
The 101 class would deal with the ‘wit and wisdom’ of former Bush the Sr VP, J Danforth ‘POTATOE’ Quayle.
201 – The course will be devoted to W, with much supplementary reading/viewing from Slate’s The Complete Bushisms
301 – Though not elected, and certainly NOT in the slightest like Bush (she’s a *Maverick* after all! ;-))
we’ll focus on Sarah Palin
posted by Amy on 1-29-2009 at 11:42 pm
I would teach
Disabilities Other People’s Attitudes
or the biggest handicaps are other people’s attitudes
I am qualified to teach this because I have arthritis and have use a scooter or wheelchair to get around for the last 17 years. In that time I have learned over and over again that the worst part of having a disability our the attitudes of others. For example while a student at University I needed to take a course for Education majors that was an introduction to special education and disabilities. The class met once a week for 2.5 hours. The topic one week was physical disabilities, and without asking the prof decided it might be a god idea for the class to ask me questions. Ok, they started off pretty innocent, however they quickly devolved into questions regarding sex and personal care. After about 45 minutes of this I had had enough. Know admittedly I can be extremely sarcastic when annoyed. One student asked about the bars in the handicapped stall. I looked right at him and said they were there to hep hold yourself down when you really had to push hard. Still no one got the hint! a few minutes later another student asked if I could still have sex. I told her yes but it required hydraulics, pulleys, a harness and a special hydraulic bed. Finally the teacher ended this question time. On another occasion I had a teacher who was rather curious, but didn’t want to offend me by asking me if I could still have sex, so instead she asked a good friend of mine. No amount of good parking can make up for these types of questions.
posted by Steve Robillard on 1-29-2009 at 11:44 pm
I want to take Kara’s class on redheads
posted by Steve Robillard on 1-29-2009 at 11:47 pm
I would teach a class title humanities. We would take an over arching look at what it means to be human, dabbling in religion, philosophy, social, ethical issues, and where we see the future of humanity going.
For religion would take an analytical look at the major world religions and let the students state their cases for/against any of the major religions. As well as ask the student to define what “faith” in that system would be, how it could be measured, if it can be measured, and what practical purpose religion would serve in the day to day life.
For philosophy we would begin with an existential question. What is the meaning of life? Often religion is used to form the bases of meaning of life, but can life have meaning with out a feeling of greater purpose or desire. Also would use the Ted talks about consciousness to address how we even know what we know, and how we think.
Social. Gender roles; is this a male dominated world? Are men and woman made/created differently, or is that all a social stigma addressed and forced upon the individuals that they must conform to. Also would examine the correlation between poverty and education, as it intertwines with health care, to see how to raise both national health standards as well as international health standards.
Ethics: we have the ability to genetically test for certain diseases, how long before man can design their own children. Is it wrong for parents with the ability to give their child every NATURAL head start that genetics would allow?
Humanity? Is the world going to end in 2012 like many seem to think, or will humanity like so many sci-fi movies/games/books predict extend into the universe, will we find it an empty barren expanse or will we find other intelligent life, maybe all that is in the future of humanity is a cyclical cycle of destruction and rebirth?
if that class was shot down i would do one on marriage/relationships, as i am a psych major and already am teaching classes per say in this field.
I am qualified to teach these fields as I am a psychology major (working towards a masters in marriage and family therapy) as well as a teacher, though I grew up around the world and am by no means a George Bush conservative, I adhere to the tenants of science, of question everything and follow the evidence and try to be objective as possible. I have been a teacher for the past 8 years touching on all of the issues above, my under grad was done at a religious college.
posted by Charlie on 1-29-2009 at 11:48 pm
I would teach Why We Read What We Read 101.
The course would focus on the types of books individuals read, what draws them to those particular books, and what their choices reveal about them.
Students will be required to submit 4 books from their collection and the entire class will analyze the selection and make predictions.
I am qualified to teach this because of my background in psychology and my love for books, of which I read a variety of genres. And I am always searching for a new book to read…
posted by Keri on 1-30-2009 at 12:09 am
My best friend, Diana, has struggled with depression and other mental disorders, a key trigger being her sense of self-worth and her physical appearance (to her they are the same thing). Her envy of 90 lb. girls suffering from anorexia has caused me to scrutinize society’s ideals of beauty and their genesis.
Thus, I would love to teach A History of Beautiful. From Mayan head-binding to more modern dieting atrocities (like ingesting tapeworms), we’ve turned the pursuit of beauty into a painful, stressful and even deadly game. And so long as the beauty industry generates a profit, it’ll remain a game that is impossible to win.
posted by Chris O on 1-30-2009 at 12:12 am
The Evolution of Language 101
I am a proud believer in the evolution of the human language. I believe that “cuss” or “curse” words should not exist, in the sense that we should use ALL words freely without the fear of being “politically correct.”
Back in the 1800′s one could not use the word “breast,” not even when referring to the anatomy of a chicken and which part one would like to eat. It was considered rude and indecent. But in today’s world it is perfectly acceptable. In fact today breast is the “politically correct” term to use when dealing with the female anatomy.
I would teach that all words are just a combination of sounds and mouth movements and WE are the ones who put the negative connotations behind words and make some words taboo.
I think I’m qualified to teach this subject do to this being one of my biggest pet peeves and I would love nothing more than to teach a class on it.
posted by Justin on 1-30-2009 at 12:27 am
History of the Anti-Hero: An examination of the modern American psyche through graphic art and film.
The class will begin examining early anti-heroes like Faust, moving through early pulp fiction novels and comics.
It will also examine the cause behind the rise of anti-heroes, such as the disillusion felt after WWII, and the darkening of the public psyche.
Unit 1) What is an Anti-hero?
Unit 2) Early Anti-Heroes
Unit 3) Pulp Fiction
Unit 4) The Man with no Name (Western Vigilantes)
Unit 5) The Dark Knight: Batman
Unit 6) Anti-Heroes in film
Unit 7) The Modern Anti-Hero
posted by Kieran on 1-30-2009 at 12:46 am
Oh, and as a fellow red-head, I salute you, Kara.
posted by Kieran on 1-30-2009 at 12:48 am
I would teach “Studies of Belief: What We Believe, and Why.” Our lives are shaped by our beliefs. They color the lenses through which we see the world. Yet we do not encourage our children to consider exactly what it is that they actually believe (as opposed to what they have been told and still follow out of habit), nor do we encourage them to ponder why they believe what they believe.
This would not be a class designed to convince anyone to change their beliefs. Rather, it would encourage them to think, and to discuss, what the nature of belief is and how it impacts our every choice and thought. To discuss this topic in a moderated space, where every perspective is honored and none ridiculed, would allow these expanding minds to begin to truly think for themselves.
I have studied philosophy, religion, metaphysics and the human condition for over 30 years and have experience in leading people through a problem to find their own answers. And as a PK (preacher’s kid) who realized in her youth that she did not share the beliefs that were espoused in church or home, I know how damaging it is to allow the beliefs of others to rule your life, and how healing it is to stand up and say, “This is what I believe, and I am comfortable knowing that my beliefs are a unique combination of experiences and perceptions that may parallel certain beliefs of others but whose path only I can walk.”
posted by Davena on 1-30-2009 at 12:49 am
I would use my currently useless degree in French to teach French Literature (if I have to pick specific century then the 19th). The class would focus on how most of the French classics are stories are very well know since they are the basis for many current books and movies. I could teach the class in French or English, depending on whether the class is intended for as a lit class for French majors or just as a general Literature Appreciation-elective style class for English/Literature majors.
posted by Martha on 1-30-2009 at 1:20 am
Course Title: Procastination 101
Description:
We will explore the causative theory, process, and consequences of this ubiquitous art found on every major college campuses. The evaluation criteria will contain a final discussion paper, no more than two pages double-spaced, due by 11:59 pm of the last day of the finals. Being true to the spirit of the courses, the lectures will not be scheduled until the last day of the semester; on which date, we will have a marathon 12-hour lecture and discussion that follows.
Instructor:
A true master of procrastination that has specialized in this art for more than last decade has agreed to teach this course for the upcoming semester. He is a renowned expert in this field with a very few individuals who can compare his passion and time put in to make sure no assignment ever gets completed before the deadline with extra time to spare. Though there will be never be a guarantee regarding the punctuality of his actions, he can guarantee that he will get the job done: when the deadline looms.
posted by HP on 1-30-2009 at 1:23 am
Personal Finance (or, How to bail yourself out when the government is handing your bucket to someone else.)
I am completely baffled by the fact that personal finance is not taught in schools. Not only is consumer debt growing at an alarming rate, a sign that people don’t know how or have the self discipline to manage their own money, but now large corporations (banks and the automotive industry to name a couple) can’t seem to manage their money either. The current credit system doesn’t seem to be doing much good either. Poor credit ratings lead to higher interest rates, which are intended to lessen the risk to the lenders, but somehow that’s not working out.
I am qualified to teach this class because I have a Master’s Degree in Accounting, have been an accountant for over five years, and I still can’t manage my own money.
posted by Adrien Cooper on 1-30-2009 at 1:45 am
I have been a pastor to the homeless and mentally ill for ten years and a Bible student for twenty five. This qualifies me to teach the crazy side of the Bible:
Bible 321: Bible Esoterica
Including such facinating subjects as
a. genetalia surgery (Why was it necessary for David to obtain the foreskins of a hundred Philistines?);
b. Prophet torture (Why Ezekiel had to lay on his right side for a year and a half and not cry at his wife’s funeral);
c. Apocryphal humor (How Jesus as a youth killed a boy with a curss until his mother scolded him and made him raise the boy from the dead)
and d. Little Known Books (Just how sexy is Solomon’s girl in Song of Songs?)
posted by Steve Kimes on 1-30-2009 at 3:11 am
I’m pretty sure I’d be qualified to teach a class on how to be awkward and weird. I got one of my past jobs based on the fact that I embarrassed myself and danced during the interview. I don’t mean good dancing, not by a long shot. I mean the disco dancing, fingers in the air, hopping from foot-to-foot dancing that only someone as awkward as me could possess.
Anyway, the main focus of Awkwardness 101 would be learning the following skills:
-Dancing in public, wildly and not well.
-Quoting weird and obscure movies, music, books, and television shows in public.
-Embracing your inner dork and accepting that everyone is awkward, weird, and a dork in his or her own way
-Ignoring the weird and strange looks one might get from strangers
The final exam would be held in a public place and would involve every student dancing weirdly in public to a song by an obscure artist not widely known by the English-speaking world. The class will vote on the song before the exam. If you get funny looks during the song, you pass. If people don’t give you a second glance, you have to retake the exam.
Hooray for 3 am brainstorms while having a cold! :D
posted by Myleti on 1-30-2009 at 3:50 am
I think I would teach ‘Leaving the Country and Never Looking Back’ 101
Required courses would include:
Stage Craft
World History I, II
Aerobics
Course Structure:
Aquiring Documents
Faking being Canadian
Faking being British
Picking and Knowing your destination
Being polite to strangers without speaking the language
Keyword Alternate Language Notebook
Finding Work and Keeping It
Using your mother language to your advantage
Using ‘being foreign’ as an advantage
Cultural Research
Final Examination:
Research a country, aquire all information about documents and licenses needed for immediate citizenship and/or long-term visa.
Aquire maps of cities, bus systems, and Important every day life sites.
Create a keyword notebook with words, sentences, and phrases important for daily life (50 words, 25 phrases, and 25 road signs/public advise signs). Lastly, calculate what your posessions would be worth and plan your exit to the last minute and give a speach to the class about your ‘upcoming voyage’.
posted by Kate on 1-30-2009 at 4:05 am
Educational Pop Culture. It’d be quite the mish-mash of topics, but would cover stuff like reading In Cold Blood and watching Capote, or watching Band of Brothers and researching the battles and events they’re involved in (or any other based-on-a-true-story movies), or watching the Food Network (probably Good Eats) and making whatever they make, or watching an episode of House and learning about every single medical test and condition mentioned, that sort of stuff.
posted by Sara on 1-30-2009 at 6:53 am
“History via Doctor Who”
Homework: before class, watch whichever episode we’ll be discussing. Do independent research on some aspect of the related period in history. (Whatever interests you.)
In class: round-table discussion: if aliens really had invaded that time period, could history still have played out the same way? Use supporting details from individual research.
Final: watch any episode of the student’s choosing where the Doctor and companion go into the future. Submit a short paper on how you think humanity got to that point in technology / culture etc.
posted by Kristin on 1-30-2009 at 8:59 am
Forgot to mention: my qualifications are based on my incredible geekiness.
posted by Kristin on 1-30-2009 at 9:01 am
“Who’s a good boy? Yes you are; yes you are.” – a survey class of conversations with my labrador.
posted by Will on 1-30-2009 at 9:12 am
How to Stay Sane While Working with Idiots – 1301
This class will help you determine with what type of Idiot you are dealing (e.g. The True Idiot, The Annoyance or the P.I.T.A) and help you learn techniques to deal with them. You will learn the finer points of the “Smile and Nod†and “Pretend to Listen While Mentally Making Your Grocery List.†Later in the course, you will learn Idiot avoidance skills and how to make fun of the Idiots for your own amusement without them realizing.
I actually took a class in college called “Dealing with Difficult People” and it really is a class that everyone should take! My version would simply be more entertaining. In addition, I’ve been dealing with Idiots in their many forms for over 30 years.
posted by Kendyl on 1-30-2009 at 9:17 am
I would teach “How to Survive 8:00 -5:00â€. The class would be about how to stay mentally stable in a crappy office job. Sections would include “Reading with the Appearance of Workingâ€, “Unnecessary Errands Made Necessaryâ€, “How to Find Free Foodâ€, “Maximizing Break Timeâ€, “The Internet: What to do When You Don’t Have Access†and “Looking Busy†amongst others. I am qualified to teach this class because I have worked crappy office jobs in high profile offices that would be horrified if they actually knew what they what they paid me for all of these years…
posted by Lauren on 1-30-2009 at 9:20 am
“My Stovecovers, Myself” – survery course of personal growth and unanticipated purches made during the college years;
posted by Will on 1-30-2009 at 9:25 am
I would have to teach “How to be the younger, hip, technology savvy, interesting guy in an office full of middle aged, bitter divorced people”. Not only do I have 4 years experience in the subject, I could add a geographical experience to the Mid-Atlantic region that would make me very qualified to teach at several major universities. Also, in the 201 class, I would cover how to deal with the “how to give advice when one of your colleagues is having a nervous breakdown appearing concerned and empathetic but while remaining detached enough to maintain your coolness.
posted by Garrett on 1-30-2009 at 9:36 am
IT 001: Using a Keyboard
This course will cover the basic use of a keyboard. Topics discussed will include basic shortcuts, the difference between “s” and “z”, and a comprehensive tour of all those pesky extra keys like “Insert” and “Print Screen”. All students enrolled in this course will be required to write a term paper on the difference between and appropriate usage of the “Caps Lock” and “Shift” keys. Grades will be determined on attendance and the ability to properly type a real sentence.
posted by Corrine on 1-30-2009 at 9:42 am
And I’m qualified to teach IT 001, because I didnnt TYPE MY POST LIKE THIZZZZ!!!@@!@ w00t! Ur all dum!!
posted by Corrine on 1-30-2009 at 9:45 am
I would teach the “Physics of Fun”. The class would be two thirds lectures and one third field trips. First you would discuss the physics of something like a rollercoaster, the flying trapeze or Billiards. Then you’d have a field trip to do experiments and measurements of physical forces. Then you would have a final lecture to go over your findings and discuss.
posted by Melanie Feller on 1-30-2009 at 10:12 am
Philosophy. Not as in this is my work philosophy but rather as it was intended; for people of all backgrounds to come together and discuss the great questions of the universe. I belive philosophy is more or less a constant questioning of all that cannot be proven. Cover logical fallacies first. The only way to enjoy a debate is to outlaw encompassing terms like “ALL”, “EVERY”, and “NONE”. I have found these 3 words to fault a sound theory, becuase there is always an exception to the rule. With that being said Im sure there is a reason for one of these words to come up in dialogue, but the speaker would need an arsenal of information to support what would be initially considered reductio ad absurdum.
What is real? What is thought? What is free will? What is morality? What is the meaning of Life? What caused all this (if there is a cause, and if time truly exists outside the “now”, what will the outcome be?), Is life just a dream and if so are we row-row-rowing away or toward this dream? Are we the dreamer or merely a figment of another’s imagination and will we cease to exist when he/she/it awakes? These are but a few of the questions that I would openly discuss with strangers. I have always heard “Do what you love” There is nothing I love more than conversing with not so quite like minds in the attempt to open up limitless doors of perception. I know i dont have all the answers but thats not the point of philosophy, is it?
The Richard Linklater film “A Waking Life” would be a prerequisite for the class. I doubt I will win and get to teach or even be involved in something of this calibur, but a man can dream can’t he. (Yes, pun intended)
posted by solipsismal displacement on 1-30-2009 at 10:28 am
Literature 175 / Criminology 100: Detectives of Literature and their Real-Life Counterparts
MW 1:00-2:15, 1 Weekly Discussion Section to be announced
A comprehensive study of the famous detectives of literature and the historical figures upon whom they were based, as well as their authors, historical context, and detection methods. Featuring close studies of Sergeant Cuff of Wilkie Collins’s “The Moonstone,” Poe’s C. Auguste Dupin, Émile Gaboriau’s Monsieur Lecoq, and Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot. The class culminates in an intimate study of A. Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes. The final exam will involve two parts: a paper discussing a modern detective or mystery novel in the context of one of the works we have read, and a logic experiment involving solving a staged crime via one of the studied methods.
Booklist:
Christie, Agatha. “And Then There Were None.”
Christie, Agatha. “Murder on the Orient Express.”
Collins, Wilkie. “The Moonstone.”
Conan Doyle, Arthur. “The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes.”
Gaboriau, Emile. “Monsieur Lecoq.”
Poe, Edgar Allen. “The Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe.”
Skinner, Keith. “The Scotland Yard Files.”
Summerscale, Kate. “The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher.”
Professorial qualifications: an intimate knowledge of the booklist and a passionate interest in the subject of the detective.
posted by Monika on 1-30-2009 at 10:50 am
To go with the flow, I would teach a course called…”Getting through this Life”
It would feature the following all of which I have witnessed personally:
a. Circumcison
b. Tonsellectomy
c. Broken Bones Repaired
d. Replacement of Inner Ear bone
e. Laser treatment of Glaucoma
f. Hernia surgery
g. Smart Lens Insertion for Glaucoma
h. Open Heart Surgery
i. Root Canal work
Believe I am an expert in each and expect to be able to add to my list as the class and my life continues. After all I am only 73.
posted by olal on 1-30-2009 at 10:51 am
ART 312 – Muse In The Cubicle: Post-Modern Procrastination and the Rise of the a New American Folk Art
This course will explore the myriad ways in which corporate hive workers manifest the supressed creativity through art including: photo collage, found object, office supply handicrafts (papercutting, paperclip sculpture, etc) and multimedia (screensaver koans and an intro to the Art of PowerPoint).
Topics explored will include Sports Fetishism as Tribal Indicator, Celebrity Worship, Family: Motivator or Intimidator?, and Cries for Help.
posted by EMStoveken on 1-30-2009 at 11:07 am
I would teach common sense 101.
I am qualified for this because there have been several instances during my life where I am the only one to posses any common sense. For instance, today in one of my classes I had to explain that Giraffes do not have udders even though they produce milk. I have also had to explain why computers need power,why pens run out of ink, and why pigs cannot fly.
posted by MatthewT on 1-30-2009 at 11:11 am
I would teach a senior level Applied Attraction course (PSY 450):
What are we’re attracted to, why, and how can we use the knowledge of attraction to our advantage (not necessarily for singles only!)?
Flirting tips and instinctual attraction cues can get even the geekiest scientist a date (or two). Not full of social graces? That’s ok. This class bases attraction on mostly nonverbal techniques.
A comprehensive review of evolutionary attraction literature will provide a base for applying this knowledge to various life situations.
posted by TJLittleton on 1-30-2009 at 11:16 am
Crustacean cognition: Relevant neurological substrates of the lobster brain and its influence of 18th maritime literature.
I am qualified to teach this because I spent several years in a maritime port learning from alcoholic fishermen.
posted by Andrea B on 1-30-2009 at 11:49 am
Crustacean cognition: Relevant neurological substrates of the lobster brain and its influence of 18th century maritime literature.
I am qualified to teach this because I spent several years in a maritime port learning from alcoholic fishermen.
posted by Andrea B on 1-30-2009 at 11:52 am
Religion 401 – No, Atheists are not Evil
The class would be a look at “non-believers” and how they and their work have contributed to society, good and bad. Topics would include:
a. The similarities and differences between atheists, agnostics, humanists, secularists, and other non-believers
b. Famous non-believers, both past and current
c. Overview of great works from and about “non-believers
d. Why you shouldn’t try to convert non-believers (hint: do you like it when someone tells you what you believe is wrong?)
e. How to have an intelligent debate with a non-believer (hint: don’t say “Because [Bible, God, my preacher, etc...] said so)
f. Dealing with your child when they don’t believe what you believe
I’m qualified to teach this as both a person deeply interested in religion and one who does not “believe” in a religion. I’ve gone through all the above categories of non-believer, and have a deep respect for letting people believe what they want, so long as they respect other people’s beliefs and do not infringe on the rights of others.
Oh, and as a huge fan of redheads, I would love to take Kara’s class.
posted by bpurswell on 1-30-2009 at 12:07 pm
Awesome 401:
I would teach Awesome 401, an upper level Awesome course because my awesomeness is so advanced. Meet me once and you will understand my qualifications as an Awesome instructor.
posted by Jacob on 1-30-2009 at 12:24 pm
I would teach “The Art of Insanity”- a third level crossover literature and art course.
It would focus on the idea that insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results each time. The only thing is that, ofttimes, we do get different results, but are so confused by what we really wanted in the first place(possibly because we have already begun to fall off the bandwagon), that we are still termed insane.
Course guides: dysfunctional lives of repute, choice novels (or characters from a series of novels, to be exact).
Course work: An art journal (kept either daily or weekly, depending on preference of the student).
Hopefully, no one will feel the desire to chop off an ear, or rip out an organ to enable expression. Or, further, to use blood, bile, or any other bodily fluids in said expression.
Pre-requisite: Psychology 101, 201.
Materials required: yourself, wit, intelligence, artistic materials (paints, brushes, crayons, paper, cotton, twine, pins? etc.)
My qualifications: A quarter-lifetime worth of repeatedly doing the same things and expecting a different result each time.
Above average prowess in artistic expression.
Fluent in French and English.
BSc. in Psychology.
Sufficient wit and sarcasm to pull off such a course.
(This sounded better the first time, but I forgot to type in the Captcha stuff… It wasn’t procrastination- I just overlooked it… But I would love to take HP’s Procrastination course.. if I could ever find time for it. Maybe I could just get the credits whenever I happen to show up at the very time the lecturer is present?!)
posted by AriaDne on 1-30-2009 at 12:28 pm
“Japanese cultural attitudes towards the United States and nuclear proliferation as seen through Godzilla movies.”
posted by Craig on 1-30-2009 at 12:34 pm
European History via BlackAdder.
Learn the major (and minor) points of important parts of world history in this exciting course. Throughout this course, we will examine the different epochs of European history starting with the Medieval era through Elizabethan times on up into the first World War. Meet exciting figures in history including King Richard, Shakespearean notables (albeit fictional), and Queen Elizabeth. We will also learn culture, fashion, and daily life aspects of each time period. As a bonus, we will take a look back at each era with the “Back and Forth” episode, and will finally see Edmond get his comeuppance.
my qualifications for this course include my avid enjoyment and viewing of the series, my warped sense of humour, and my interest in everything that Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie has done.
Either that or Music Appreciation.
posted by the creature on 1-30-2009 at 12:44 pm
I would teach Assumed Engineering 101.
The class would focus on teaching techniques and stratagies to employ in order to make people assume that you are actually working as an engineer instead of realizing that you spend 58% of your day reading mental_floss. Besides the obvious benefit of allowing you to read mental_floss all day and get paid for it, you can adapt the techniques for use with a variety of nonwork-related activities.
Preparing and analyzing your project’s budget proposal? Nope, you’re balancing your checkbook and doing your taxes.
Calling a vendor to discuss a quote and negotiate terms? Nope, you’re shopping around for new car insurance.
Mindlessly listening to a boring conference call and using the internet to keep your brain active enough to stay conscisous? Nope, you’re intently studying the _floss (pretending to be bored) with a silent phone pressed against your ear!
reCaptcha: bill buehler
(only significant because I went to school with a William (not Will) Buehler)
posted by John H on 1-30-2009 at 12:50 pm
How to survive long distance relationships.
Qualifications: Having had to survive one for two years, before finally being able to be together with the one I love. =)
Now we have been looking together for more than 3 years. She is from the furthest North possible in Europe (Finland), and I am from the Southest (Malta).
Lesson 1) Recognise if it is worthwhile. I had too many friends start out without asking this simple question, and after lots of expenses, realising they were barking uo the wrong tree.
Lesson 2) How to get along cheap. Saving money to actually spending it into meeting and being together. Includes how to sign up to MSN, and setting up that web cam. Might include Skype if time permits.
Lesson 3) How to share moments together, without actually feeling sadder. What to do to avoid unnecessary jealousy. Also, how to deal with physical urges.
Lesson 4) What to talk about when you talk online, and what to look forward to in moments of despair. (Like taking online lessons together at the mental floss university) Also how to answer awkward questions about your relationship.
Lesson 5) How not to feel awkward when you actually meet.
posted by Reuben B. on 1-30-2009 at 1:13 pm
I would teach Sarcasm 101 as a requirement for communications and speech students…or perhaps as a foreign language, since it seems to be an alien language to some.
Too often, I have found myself facing people who believe every remark I make to be true, regardless of tone or context. I think it’s time that the world is educated in the art of sarcasm and learns to understand the differences between literal language and a sarcastic remark. Since I use sarcasm in everyday life and in journalism when I’m called upon to write an opinion article for my classes, it’s time that people understand the way that sarcasm works and that it is not to be taken literally.
posted by Steph on 1-30-2009 at 1:20 pm
Introductory Law For Actors: A class for people who want to play lawyers in movies or television. Having watched plenty of shows like “Law and Order” and “The Practice”, I feel completely qualified to teach someone how to pretend to be a lawyer. I know all the big words (both Latin and English) and I can almost always pick the right time to yell “Objection!”.
posted by Scraper on 1-30-2009 at 1:21 pm
I would teach on the rise and fall of an Illinois governor. The last six years with Rod Blagojevich have inspired me to not be a bad person, or at least not to get caught.
posted by Kevin Beeson on 1-30-2009 at 1:35 pm
I would teach Philosophy: Socrates Was Right All Along, Or Was He?
The entire class would be based on a quote from Socrates, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”. Students would discuss the literal meaning of his words, the metaphoric meaning, and then realize that none of it matters because we know everything and nothing all at once. Because how can you know the true meaning of something if to know something is to not know anything?
During each class meeting students talk about what this means for humanity, our perceptions of the world around us, and if we even exist or is everything we see, sense, and assume to be “real” just some dream.
I am qualified to teach this because of the ridiculous CORE general ed. program I am taking at my school. We sit and discuss philosophy, art, religion, democracy, capitalism, psychology and try to relate them together somehow. Of course no one ever follows the connection and we must give up our futile attempts to write paper and complete assignments because we realize that even though we know and understand the information given to us, we still know nothing useful.
posted by Kathryn C on 1-30-2009 at 1:42 pm
I would teach the course “How to Survive a Job You Hate because You Have No Other Options.”
Those of us who haven’t been hit with layoffs are grateful for jobs, but like me, I’m sure there are many people who would like to leave.
Subjects include:
- How to do just enough so you won’t get fired
- Headphones: Tune in and tune out
- Paper clips and their many uses
- How to create Post-It art
- How to waste time on the Web, but look like you’re working
- How to use mentalfloss.com to annoy you’re co-workers with different trivia facts (and appear smart in front of the boss)
- Gossip: Check the stalls in the bathroom before you open your mouth
- Why you need 10 different highlighters
- How to position your computer so people can’t see what’s on your screen
posted by Shelly on 1-30-2009 at 2:08 pm
I forgot to mention (though it should be quite obvious) why I’m qualified for this teaching position.
I’m in in my first “real” job out of college and just had my two-year anniversary, which I believe was about a year and a half too long.
I’ve employed many of these tricks and still just got a stellar review. Apathy does pay off, sometimes.
posted by Shelly on 1-30-2009 at 3:07 pm
Course
TRIV 243
Course Title
Introduction to Applying Useless Trivia and Facts to Everyday Life
Credit Hours
3 Cr. Hrs.
Course Description
Using elements of fiction, film, history, politics, etc., this course develops standards for the critical evaluation of facts and trivia to increase understanding and appreciation of the world around us. Students read and analyze trivia and facts in its many forms from early to modern times and practice applying said trivia into everyday conversations.
Prerequisites
• ENG 101 with minimum grade of 3.5 or consent of instructor.
• Any History course.
• Film 101 recommended.
• Familiarity with the “mental_floss†magazine and website as well as search engines such as “Google.â€
Course Competencies
Upon successful completion of the course, the student should be able to:
• Identify the basic elements “useless†trivia.
• Implement said trivia into conversations while enduring signs of annoyance from colleagues.
• Comprehend, analyze and evaluate websites like “mental_floss†through critical thinking.
• Work with other readers to understand research and respond to “mental_floss†meaningfully.
Instructor
Professor Josh F. has steadily gathered random factoids and bits of useless trivia over the past quarter century. He watches “Wheel of Fortune,†“Jeopardy,†and “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?†daily. While working his day job he spends entirely too much time perusing such websites as “mental_floss,†“Wikipedia,†“neatorama,†and Googling random points of interest. For years Professor F. has inserted seemingly unrelated facts into everyday conversations with ease (i.e. “What’s the weather like this weekend, Professor F?†is responded to with the diatribe “Onion skins very thin, Mild winter coming in; Onion skins thick and tough, Coming winter cold and rough.†along with the condescending explanation of the origin of the saying).
posted by Josh F. on 1-30-2009 at 4:05 pm
Ethics in Big Business:
I’d teach leaders in business how not to cheat their customers and employees, how not to lie, and take responsibility for your actions, and how profit only matters if you can produce something of value.
I believe I would be good teaching this subject because I’ve learned from all my past mistakes, have learned to tell the truth, and have been dismayed by all the “big businesses” crying for help when they should never have had the need to ask for it.
posted by Paul on 1-30-2009 at 5:05 pm
I would teach nude coed underwater basket weaving. It is surprising more useful than it sounds.
posted by dirk gently on 1-30-2009 at 5:14 pm
“Five-Minute Funny” — the history of sketch commedy, from Monty Python and SNL through The State and the Kids in the Hall. I’ve watched a crapton of sketch comedy in my life, so I think that makes me qualified for this gig.
posted by MH on 1-30-2009 at 6:34 pm
My class would be entitled: “Neville Longbottom”, The Most Important Unappreciated Character in Literature”. I wrote a 6 page paper on it when I took my Harry Potter class last year (yes they offer that class). He started out as the kid who lost his frog and turned into a snake killing hero! With everything he’s done he’s not mentioned enough as being pivotal to the plot of the Harry Potter series. I could do a top 10 for this subject, I’m pretty passionate about it.
posted by Tricia on 1-30-2009 at 9:07 pm
History of Urban Public Universities 101
Learn the reasons, actions, and milestones in the history of public universities in cities. Discover reasons why public universities inch closer to their downfall.
Reason for knowledge: I go to a school named after the founder of City College (and thus CUNY), and am well-read in the subject.
posted by Daniel Pecoraro on 1-30-2009 at 9:52 pm
I would teach a course on fan behavior.
Among the topics covered:
* Fanfic 101: From Mary Sue to Kirk/Spock – learn the history of fan fiction, the psychology behind it, and its emergence from under the table to the mainstream
* The spectrum of celebrity worship
* The Stigma of the SciFi Fan (Or: Why is that guy in the Star Trek shirt who knows the plot of every episode ever made “Weird”, but that guy in the baseball jersey who knows the stats of every NY Yankee who ever played “Normal”?)
The course would culminate with a field trip to a large convention, to observe subjects in their natural habitat.
posted by Mel on 1-30-2009 at 9:59 pm
I would teach the Physics of Cuddling.
prerequisites include Physics 103, Pre Calculus, and at least one semester of Phys Ed. It is recommended that students taking this class sign up with a partner, or plan on partnering up with a fellow student on the first day of class. If you have a fear of touching or being touched, do not take this class.
Topics discussed include
- measurement of the cuddle gravitational field (the closer you get to your cuddle partner, the harder it is to pull away)
- the cuddle event horizon, from which not even cuddles can escape
- the different layers of the atmosphere of the cuddle.
- too much cuddling, will it hurt your relationship?
the final exam for this class is a physical representation of what the student has learned. Exams presented in modern dance will not be accepted.
posted by redhead on 1-30-2009 at 11:23 pm
I would teach a class in the proper manner in which to make a mess as well as the history behind messes and a cultural look at the subject. Included would be the following:
-All I ever needed to know I learned in Kindergarden – pick up after yourself
-Why our society has no regard for other people’s possesions or our own home (Earth)
-Why our society is so obsessed with trash and how we can help to allieviate it
-Why recycling, while part of the answer, is only hindering our ability to understand the problem at hand
posted by Devin on 1-31-2009 at 2:17 am
Air Hockey
because I’ve never lost
posted by PartiallyDeflected on 1-31-2009 at 11:46 am
I would like to offer a series of lectures on Happiness. They would include:
Beyond the Happy Pills: An Objective Examination of Chemically Induced vs. Natural Happiness (Course can be taken in place of Chemistry 101)
Morality of Happiness: Do You Not Care Because You Are Happy? Or, Are You Happy Because You Just Don’t Care?
Perpetual Happiness: Why It Just Pisses Off Most People
Being Successful in Your Pursuit of Happiness: An Overview of the Laws Concerning Happiness (a requirement for law students)
What is the Source of Your Happiness? (A course for those esoteric students who truly want to contemplate “finding†themselves)
How to Determine Who will be Happy? Nature vs. Nuture
Ode to Joy: What is the difference between Religious Joy and Ordinary Happiness?
Your instructor, with her sickening sweet positive attitude, is uniquely qualified to teach all the nuances of that elusive emotion: happiness. Having smiled her way through Boot Camp in her younger days, and through chemo just a few years ago, she paid her dues in her field of study.
By the way, I would enjoy signing up for Sarcasm 101 as I am a big fan of the genre.
Also, I would like to sign some people up for the course on Common Sense. It is truly becoming a lost art.
posted by Karen L. on 1-31-2009 at 12:04 pm
Course: ENGL 1899
Course Title: A detailed analysis of Alan Moore’s and Kevin O’Neil’s Leauge of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vols. I & II
Basic Info: A series of graphic novels wherein characters from victorian era literature band together to fight the evils that threaten England. The primary characters are: Mina Harker, Allan Quatermain, Captain Nemo, Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde, and Griffen-The Invisible Man.
Class Goals: A detailed analysis and understanding of the two graphic novels and the novels/characters that inspired them.
Textbooks:
-The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. I (required)
-The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. II (required)
-Heroes & Monsters: The Unofficial Companion to the League of Extraordinary Genntlemen (recommended)
-A Blazing World: The Unofficial Companion to the Second League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (recommended)
-The novel from which the subject character of your final paper originates (see Class Expectations).
Class Expectations:
-Participation in class discussion.
-5-8 page paper about a MINOR character from the series. Due at the middle of the term.
-One exam that will take place roughly three quarters into the term.
-10-15 page paper about one of the five MAJOR characters from the series. Due on the second to last day of class.
-On the final day of class, we will watch the horrendous film adaptation of this amazing work of art. Students will be encouraged to openly criticize and comment on the awfulness of the film. Pizza and soda will be provided.
My qualifications- My main qualification is simply that I am a huge fan of all of Alan Moore’s writing. Specifically, though, this series inspired me to become a reader of literature again. As the first volume come out (in comic form), I sought out and re (or re-read) all of the original stories about the core characters. I haven’t stopped my habit of reading since and I think that it could inspire others to do the same.
posted by Mike on 1-31-2009 at 4:48 pm