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Whether you’re looking to glow in the dark, swallow a sword, quit smoking, find Atlantis, get out of jury duty, buy the Moon, sink a battleship, perform your own surgeries, or become a ninja, our new book Be Amazing covers all the essential life skills! This week, we’ll be excerpting a few lessons from the book.
Visit beautiful North Korea—because this way, somebody might actually be interested in your vacation slide show. And by “somebody,” of course, we mean the U.S. State Department! Despite (and partially because of) the nearly 60 years of oppressive and increasingly crazy totalitarian leadership, the “other” Korea does have some fascinating tourist attractions—from the natural glory Mt. Paektu, a 9000-foot-tall inactive volcano, to creepy-but-impressive Mass Games, a sort-of communist half-time show extravaganza with a cast of thousands. But to see any of North Korea’s sights successfully (i.e.,not in a gulag), there are a few tips you’ll need to remember.
YOU WILL NEED
• A love of adventure
• A desire to experience new cultures
• A way to figure out whether or not your room has been bugged
Tip 1: PRETEND TO BE CANADIAN
Granted, it’s best not to lie on your official entry applications—we don’t want to get anyone branded a spy. But, as you may have noticed, the United States and North Korea don’t really have the best relationship right now and this animosity spills over into practical areas, like currency exchange. North Korea is one of the few countries in the world where flashing greenbacks will get you nowhere. Instead, you’ll need to trade your dollars for euros before you get in country. Even then, don’t expect to be able to trade euros for souvenir-quality North Korean wan; the government is touchy about letting foreigners have access to local currency.
Tip 2: GET PERSONAL WITH YOUR PROPAGANDISTS
Tour guides are mandatory in North Korea. Every group of visitors must have two state-authorized guides with them at all times. And while it’s handy to have a couple of Korean-speaking locals around to keep you from getting lost, they’ll also be keeping you from a few other things—like ever having any contact with an average North Korean. The guides are there to make sure you stick to the Kim Jong Il–approved paths. For instance, they’ll undoubtedly take you down to see the capital city’s immaculate, art-filled subway . . . but you’ll only ride from the Puhung station to the Yongwang station. In fact, since 1973, this one-way trip is all most visitors have ever seen, inspiring rumors that the rest of the system is dilapidated and abandoned. However, there are ways to charm your guides into complacency. Reportedly, they’re big fans of chocolate and American souvenirs.
Tip 3: CATCH UP ON YOUR SLEEP
If you like the nightlife, baby, North Korea may not be the place for you. There are, according to Lonely Planetguidebooks, a grand total of 3 nightclubs in the whole country, and these are reserved for the small group of foreigners who live and work in Pyongyang. No casual tourists allowed. This fact probably doesn’t bother most North Koreans, however, as they’re not allowed out that late anyway. Citizens have compulsory political education classes every night after work and only get Sundays off. By the time the propaganda schools shut down for the night, curfew has already kicked in.
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Comments (14)
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reminds me a bit of V for Vendetta, rules, censorship, and rules!
posted by Andrew on 3-2-2009 at 2:07 pm
A communist police state thugocracy where freedoms are brutally repressed? Unpossible!
posted by Rob Hartsock on 3-2-2009 at 2:27 pm
if anyone is interested in watching an interesting documentary on N. Korea, head over to VBS.TV. Though VICE can be annoying sometimes, this is a great piece to watch.
posted by chris on 3-2-2009 at 4:10 pm
Do you get to tour the camps where they test chemicals on parents and their children?
Do you get to tour the mass graves of those who were courageous enough to speak out?
Do you get to have dinner with the millions who are starving to death?
Wow, what a great idea! I can’t wait to go! Let’s glorify a country and in effect a regime that makes the Nazi’s look like little children. Morons. Mental Floss is doing a dman fine job in trying to convince me to drop my subscription. I’m almost sold to the idea.
posted by Hurricanes on 3-2-2009 at 4:56 pm
I’m guessing “Hurricanes” just doesn’t get satire.
posted by Pam on 3-2-2009 at 7:25 pm
Hurricanes, there was no glorifying of anything here (except how gloriously backward NK is). Calm the freak down.
posted by Admiral Byrd on 3-2-2009 at 7:55 pm
Pretend to be Canadian…
Unless, of course, you actually ARE Canadian ;)
posted by Susanna on 3-2-2009 at 8:28 pm
#4 Join the Military
I went on a trip to the DMZ when I was stationed in Korea, and there is a building situated on the DMZ line. In the middle of the room is a table…if you go to the North side of the table, you’re technically in North Korea. I was only about 3 feet into North Korea, but I think it still counts :)
Also, that base has the most dangerous golf course in the world…it is only one hole and it’s right next to the DMZ…I think there were even live mines in the area…
posted by Brandy on 3-2-2009 at 10:57 pm
That was satire? I guess it was so poorly done I didn’t recognize it. Thanks for pointing it out I guess.
Sorry to be a spoilsport but there is nothing funny about that country and the immense brutality it has brought upon its people as well as the region. I find nothing funny about Auschwitz either. Upon the collapse of the government the world will witness a humanitarian crisis like it has never seen. But I guess it is just easier to laugh it off instead.
posted by Hurricanes on 3-3-2009 at 10:31 am
@Hurricanes – I can understand your wish to bring to light the pain and suffering of the people of NK – thanks to your comments – and this article – I am a little more enlightened.
posted by Meri on 3-3-2009 at 12:42 pm
Brandy- the building actually reverts to the territory of the country/side who is in the building. For example, if your UN tour was in the building, the entire interior of the building is technically part of the ROK- albeit a 40 foot wide, 80 foot long penninsula of the ROK surrounded on three sides by the DPRK. The deal with the table is that you are free to walk past it to enter the northern half of the building but only on one end of the table. the gaurd at the other end is there to “remind” you that if you walk past him on that side of the table you are indicating you want to defect to nKorea.
Hurricanes- relax. There is nothing in the article that is implying “Dear Leader” has turned the place into Disney World. I see nothing in the article that could be described as “comedic” nor anything that would cause the reader to laugh. If you are going to get spun up over an article lke this then maybe you should drop your subscription. Let me know if you do so I can be sure to renew mine.
posted by Scott-O on 3-3-2009 at 12:45 pm
Uhhhhmmm, I believe the satire was pretty evident. Get a grip. Everyone knows this is a horrible place that would be one of the last places on earth to visit.
posted by BW on 3-3-2009 at 2:35 pm
Thanks Scott-O…pretty cool! I do remember the guards…one stood on the short end of the table (the “Eastern” side), and one stood by the North door. They had this squatting posture with their clenched fists/tensed arms in front of them. Believe me, I was REALLY paying attention to the rules that day…didn’t want to accidentally defect to North Korea ;-)
posted by Brandy on 3-6-2009 at 1:51 am
LOL I meant “Western” side…I just got off of work and it’s nearly 2AM…pardon my mistake :)
posted by Brandy on 3-6-2009 at 1:54 am