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As each country has its own laws, ways of driving, celebrities, and accents, each also has its own chip flavors. In the US, we’ve got our Sour Cream & Onion, our BBQ, our Salt & Vinegar. And here in the UK, one chip-maker – or rather, crisp-maker – is hoping that Crispy Duck & Hoisin could be topping the list of Britons’ favorite flavors some time soon. Or maybe it’ll be Chilli & Chocolate. Or possibly even Cajun Squirrel.
Walkers Crisps, a subsidiary of Frito-Lay and therefore Pepsico (you may notice the similarity in logos between Walkers and Lays), already markets such time-honored flavors as Smoky Bacon, Steak & Onion, Roast Chicken, Prawn Cocktail, Pickled Onion, Marmite, Tomato Ketchup, and Worcester Sauce. But in recent years, and despite the global recession, which normally drives people to low-cost, high-fat food, the cheap crisps market is on the wane. It seems that the market for “healthier” crisps (read: fancier and more expensive) has been growing at a rate of 14 percent annually, muscling out the greasier crisps of their share of the snack pie.
In an effort to inject a bit of life into the cheap crisp market, Walkers appealed to the public: Give us your whacky, out-there crisp ideas, they said, and we’ll make them happen. Ideas were submitted by people from across Britain, judged by Walkers’s panel of experts, and ultimately whittled down to these six finalists: Onion Bhaji, Cajun Squirrel, Builder’s Breakfast, Chilli & Chocolate, Fish & Chips, and Crispy Duck & Hoisin. It makes you wonder what the judges rejected.
Of course, I had to try them. All of them. And yes, it was embarrassing to be an American purchasing six packets of crisps in one go from the grocery store, but in the name of journalism, I pressed on.
What follows is an account of what happened next.
Builder’s Breakfast: The bag of Builder’s Breakfast features a picture of an English breakfast arranged in a little builder’s face: A smiley sausage for a mouth, fried eggs for eyes, a tomato nose, bacon ears, and a little swirl of ketchup for hair. That could give some indication of what the crisps tasted like, but then again, in the great tradition of chip flavors bearing no resemblance to what they’re supposed to be, it might not. You could just discern a bit of egginess and a bit of tomato tang, but the rest was a bit of a blur. My husband liked them; I wasn’t entirely sure what I was eating. But it was a good start to the Tour de Crisp, we both agreed – it could only go down hill from here.
Cajun Squirrel: This was my husband’s reaction to the Cajun Squirrel: “Pleasant aroma,” he says, opening the bag emblazoned with a fluffy grey squirrel peering wistfully from behind a picket fence. Chomp, chomp. His face slowly rearranges itself into a mask of horror. “What is that? I don’t like it!”
To clarify, the crisp tastes a bit like a BBQ chip, with an extra bit of something – could that be the squirrel? Sure, Walkers promised that no squirrels were harmed in the making of this crisp, but something died in that bag.
Onion Bhaji: Oniony. Indiany. Not bad. They seem like something I could definitely get into after a night of drinking, and with gusto, sort of a poor man’s late night curry. What I do object to, however, is the illustration on the packaging: A figure in what is intended to be Indian dress with an onion for a head is standing next to a plate of what look like deep-fried Tribbles. These Tribbles look vaguely menacing and the posture of the onion man is difficult to understand – is he afraid of the Tribbles? Is he embracing the Tribbles? Is he proud of them? It’s a mystery.
Crispy Duck & Hoisin: I had to Google “hoisin” and discovered that it is a sort of sweet soy sauce typically spiced with red pepper. This could be good, however, this particular offering tastes neither of duck nor what I would assume hoisin sauce to taste like, but instead tastes of a perfumed armpit.
Fish & Chips: Fish and chips is a dish absolutely pioneered by the British. A slab of battered cod or some sort of other suitable white fish, a side of fries, and maybe a little mushy peas to accompany the whole mess, and you’ve got yourself a very fine meal, or at the least, an excellent coating to the stomach in preparation for a night of drinking.
But what you do not have is a crisp flavor. These crisps smell like getting punched in the face with a fish; they taste like grease, or, as my husband claimed, “It takes like when they make the fries in the fish oil.”
Chilli & Chocolate: This, our final flavor, tastes like a dusting of Swiss Miss hot chocolate mix on a bad idea. It’s not exactly spicy, not exactly chocolatey. The less said about this the better.
***
On the whole, Builder’s Breakfast and Onion Bhaji emerged victorious from our very scientific taste test, although I would hasten to mention that all of the flavors uniformly tasted of the inside of a gas station convenience store. Eating them made me feel dirty. But don’t just take my word for it: Guardian columnist Charlie Brooker also tried the new flavors and came up with far more clever and colorful ways of describing their badness.
The contest lasts until May 1, at which point Walkers will announce which of these will become part of the regular line up. Anyone out there who’s tried these crisps want to weigh in? Any other weird chip flavors that you’ve tasted?
Comments (22)
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Wednesday they filled the Walker’s chip/crisp machine at my husband’s job. Because my mother’s family is from Louisiana, you know we had to try the Cajun Squirrel.
…
The “suitable for vegetarians” comment on the bag made it even worse. What did vegetarians ever do to deserve that!?!
posted by t on 3-7-2009 at 11:45 am
I do remember having Roast Chicken and Prawn. Wasn’t a big fan of either really, primarily because they DID mostly taste of what they said; chicken and prawn. It was just sorta weird. I do miss Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps though.
Do you like how it’s a bit harder to find a large bag of crisps though? All I could ever find was a large bag with little bags inside.
posted by Sarah on 3-7-2009 at 12:11 pm
Nice writeup. I don’t think I’ll be tasting any of these Walkers crisps flavors when I head to the UK later this year.
Did you know that one of our so-called “healthy potato chip” companies, Kettle Chips (maker of my personal favorite chip, the Salt & Pepper), has been doing this for years? The annual Kettle People’s Choice campaign is how we ended up with Cheddar Beer and Spicy Thai Kettle chips on our co-op grocery shelves. Every summer, they come up with five new chip flavors and ask customers to vote for their favorite. Of course, the biggest difference between Kettle’s People’s Choice and … this Walkers thing … is that the new Kettle chip flavors are actually tasty! Plus, you can even buy a test pack containing bags of all 5 flavors online — much less embarrassing than buying Cajun Squirrel crisps at a store.
Here’s the Kettle People’s Choice web page: http://www.kettlefoods.com/our-all-natural-products/chips/peoples-choice/
posted by Nathan on 3-7-2009 at 12:21 pm
I spent 5 months in the Czech Republic last year and while there tried the roast chicken chips. they were amazingly good, they really tasted like roast chicken. it was weird but good.
posted by Lucy on 3-7-2009 at 1:56 pm
Oh thank you… I’m an American living in Ireland, and i’ve been watching all those Walker commercials and been wondering if i should give them a try…
I actually looked at a bag of the Cajun Squirrel in Tesco’s this afternoon and seriously considered buying it… but most things here that are modeled on “american” food taste nothing like the real thing, so i gave it a miss…
and now thanks to your article i can skip them all …
Thanks :)
posted by Leeenda on 3-7-2009 at 2:32 pm
Actually, I’ve got a bag of the smoky bacon flavor sittig next to me (had to write a late-night paper and figured why not), and they actually do taste like bacon, in a good way, though, if you like bacon. Oddly enough, these too are marked ’suitable for vegetarians.’ They’re also marked ’suitable for coeliacs’ but I don’t know what a coeliac is.
Also, I totally agree with you Sarah. All I could find was a big bag filled with little ones (which I guess does make it a bit less messy-looking when I’m pigging out).
posted by Yelena on 3-7-2009 at 4:35 pm
I lived in London for four months and miss the potato chips more than anything else sometimes. Cheese and Onion and Thai Sweet Chili were my favorites, but of course I had to try the roasted chicken (tasted EXACTLY like roasted chicken), I vaguely remember a rosemary lamb chop, and the wonder that was aged cheddar with red onion chutney flavor. The Pringles there had crazy flavors, too, like Southwest BBQ (or something like that), salsa, prawn cocktail, and a million others I was too afraid to try.
posted by Jo on 3-7-2009 at 9:35 pm
My American boyfriend took a packet of the Cajun Squirrel crisps home for his family to sample, the result seemed to be “gamey”.
I’ve tried most of them under the duress of my young son, and they all pretty much taste like death. THe duck and hoi-sin flavour I found tolerable though.
posted by Tally on 3-8-2009 at 4:28 am
You know, reading this article has piqued my morbid curiosity – and I wish I had any of these down here in NC to taste (and then pawn off the [probably mostly] uneaten portions on some unsuspecting individual.
posted by Amy on 3-8-2009 at 9:56 am
Just thought I’d chip in by saying personally, I love the Cajun Squirrel ones – I’m the creator of them! I’m disappointed that you don’t like them, but everyone has their different tastes so hopefully some people out there do. What I would suggest is that people go out and try the flavours and decide for themselves (and hopefully they’ll like mine!
posted by Martyn Wright on 3-8-2009 at 3:30 pm
I have to say that Thailand is constantly being put to the test with weird chip flavors.
Off the top of my head, I have tasted: nori seaweed, curry crab, American cheeseburger (more like American salt), sweet basil, and green tea.
Yes, GREEN TEA. What on Earth they were thinking over at that company (or smoking), I will never know. Potatoes and green tea DO NOT GO TOGETHER.
posted by Anna on 3-8-2009 at 10:50 pm
My brother in law works for PepsiCo, and I’m constantly dissappointed they don’t bring ketchup chips to America. They’re delish, no matter what anyone says.
posted by Tiffany on 3-8-2009 at 11:47 pm
Well, there was the Lays ‘tatoe chips that were dill pickle flavor that I liked a LOT but everyone else in North America hated with a fiery passion… I have, in fact, been SERVED a choice of Perfumed Armpit chips and Onindian chips (AKA Duck Hoisin and Onion Bhaji) on my British Airways flight to Italy. I luckily chose the onion flavor, where my neighbor (a young teacher from Minnesota) chose the duck-ass flavor. I liked mine quite a bit, but I could smell her chips for miles… She couldn’t wait to have them taken away.
posted by Kate on 3-9-2009 at 4:05 am
Tiffany, I have seen the ketchup flavored chips here in the Southern US. (Georgia to be exact)
posted by Vickey on 3-9-2009 at 6:12 am
I’ve tried the Cajun Squirrel and Chili and Chocolate. The squirrel crisps were nasty, but I liked the Chili and Chocolate flavor. I haven’t gotten up the nerve to try the rest of them, but I bought several bags of Cajun Squirrel to give to my friends from Louisiana. Personally, I’m partial to the Prawn Cocktail crisps. They’re awesome.
posted by Jen on 3-9-2009 at 9:37 am
Well I live in Louisiana and we have Zapps potatoe chips here and they are delicious. They have flavors such as Cajun Dill, Cajun Crawtaters, Sour Cream and Creole Onion, Hotter N’Hot Jalopeno, Bee-Licious (Honey Mustard). There are a few more. Like I said I like all of them although all Zapp’s chips no matter what flavor are extremely SPICY!
posted by Kaitlyn on 3-9-2009 at 10:15 am
Kate,
Dill Pickle chips are very popular here in Canada, and one of my favourite flavours. You can also find Smoky Bacon and (sometimes) Roast Chicken. I remember a Fries and Gravy flavour from ages ago, and there used to be Pizza flavour as well. My new favourite is Curry flavour, but they are only available in the large size.
Now, who wants to mail me some Marmite or Worcestershire flavour crisps?
posted by Blitzen on 3-9-2009 at 10:17 am
cajun squirrel tastes good at first but the breath nastyness lingers for sooooo long.
posted by allison on 3-9-2009 at 12:10 pm
Nathan,
You made me panic; I thought for a moment that the Kettle brand Spicy Thai chips were still in the running and might get canceled soon. Luckily, it seems they’re a past winner and here to stay — and rightfully so.
Kettle Spicy Thai chips are hands-down the best chip ever.
posted by Katie on 3-9-2009 at 2:42 pm
hmm..i had the squirrel-crisps (chips) yesterday…it was sort of OK…had the duck and hoisin just now…no duck flavour at all…like you say..they should go to Simba/Willards in South Africa to learn some tricks… :)
posted by nikita on 3-29-2009 at 9:46 am
Why? Why the revolting flavors? The Walkers website has incredibly creepy descriptions and pictures of the chips. Ugh.
posted by isabelle on 7-23-2009 at 6:40 pm
Oh, and Builder’s Breakfast won. A little less revolting than the rest. Aaah. Now I can wake up every morning happy knowing that we have a breakfast-flavored potato chip.
posted by isabelle on 7-23-2009 at 6:44 pm