Benjamin Franklin said that nothing is certain in this world but death and taxes. In our more fast-paced times we might add the certainty of having to replace our iPods at least once every two years, but you get the point. Taxes are a part of the fabric of modern human society, yet they are totally beguiling to most ordinary folk. With laws like this, it’s no wonder.
1. The Jock Tax
You can thank Michael Jordan for this one. After Jordan’s Bulls put the hurt on the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1991 NBA Finals, the state of California began to enforce a nonresident income tax on visiting performers, especially athletes.
Basically, the tax applies to any income earned while competing or performing in California, and it allowed California’s Franchise Tax Board to reach into the pockets of Jordan, Pippen, et. al. to extract some revenge for the hard-court beatdown.
Not to be outdone, Illinois, and eventually 18 other states, instituted a jock tax, making a patchwork quilt of tax laws that basketball, baseball, and other sports figures have to consider. Thanks to these regulations, it’s more difficult to file a professional athlete’s tax return than to map the human genome on a Commodore 64.
2. The Crack Tax
In 1983, Arizona became the first state to implement a “Cannabis & Controlled Substances Tax” in order to boost state revenues and further punish those found guilty of possession. It works like this:
if you are in possession of an illegal drug or illegally produced liquor (AKA moonshine), you need to go down to the state tax collection agency and pay the tax on your illegal substances. You are then given tax stamps to affix on your illegal goods.
Sounds insane, right? Well, part of the code now on the books in more than 30 states says that the tax collection agency is not allowed to rat you out to the local law enforcement agency. This should put every drug dealer’s mind at ease, yet so few of them pay their required taxes. The truth is, many of these taxes are levied in arrears after the local constabulary has caught the criminal dealer. It’s really an additional fine for dealing that gets paid straight to the state coffers.
And what of those few people that pay the tax? Records show that the vast majority of them are stamp collectors.
3. Take in a Midwesterner
For 2008 and 2009, the IRS is allowing a $500 exemption for each person that you help house from a Midwestern disaster (e.g. the floods in Iowa and surrounding states). In typical IRS fashion, the rules dictating who can and cannot be counted for this charitable act are both coldly technical, and moderately vague. Need more info? Check out the scintillating IRS Publication 4492-B. It’s a great beach read.
4. It’s not a tattoo tax, it’s a body art tax
Arkansas has added getting a tattoo to its list of services that require an additional 6% state tax. One other service that’s subject to the tax is electrolysis. [Tattoo image courtesy of Inked Methods.]
5. Hide the window, the taxman is coming
You’ll never have to worry about this last tax since it was repealed in 1851, but it’s just too silly not to mention.
In 1696, a tax was placed on British homes based on the number of windows the home had. Previously the tax was levied per household, no matter the size of the house or the number of residents. The law changed, however, to levy higher taxes on larger homes with, presumably, more windows.
Instead of paying the higher taxes, people just bricked up the windows that they found to be extraneous. An astute visitor to England can still see evidence of this law today in the scores of walled up windows in older buildings throughout the country.
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Warning: “Inked Methods” (link in #4) is NSFW!
posted by Jeff on 4-8-2009 at 12:38 pm
Re: 5, apparently in Philadelphia they used to tax you on the number of steps you had in front of your house. I think I’m remembering that right….
posted by Kate on 4-8-2009 at 2:19 pm
Antebellum plantation homes in the south were often taxed based on size (i.e. square footage). But the size of a home was based on the rooms; hallways didn’t count.
So many of the large plantation homes have huge, wide hallways stretching from one end of the house to the other with smaller rooms on each side to increase the home’s size without increasing taxes.
ReCaptcha: insure horribly.
I’m a little scared.
posted by 8rustystaples on 4-8-2009 at 2:24 pm
There’s an easy way to fix this… the Fair Tax! It taxes people equally via a sales tax. A certain amount of money to buy personal necessities is not subject to the tax. But if we have to go with a tax, wouldn’t it be better to have it be applied equally, and without these insane rules?
posted by Carolyn on 4-8-2009 at 2:25 pm
Rusty and Kate, thanks for the Philly and Southern info. Fascinating stuff.
posted by Greg on 4-8-2009 at 3:16 pm
WOW – really NSFW. I’m not even sure that link is appropriate even with an NSFW warning.
posted by Steve on 4-8-2009 at 4:03 pm
Another case of taxes dictating architecture – in Boston taxes were based on square footage of the foundation, so you end up with floor-to-ceiling window bays on most of the buildings in the Back Bay.
posted by DoggyDad on 4-8-2009 at 4:49 pm
“Taxes are a part of the fabric of modern human society, yet they are totally beguiling to most ordinary folk.”
Taxes are bewitching to most people? Was that really the adjective you were looking for?
posted by lee on 4-8-2009 at 4:56 pm
very funny article. i just wish it wouldnt be so true! many of my connections at http://www.affluence.org that own businesses are being hit with a plethora of new taxes. these taxes are taking away the incentive for people to create real value (and JOBS!)
posted by sam on 4-10-2009 at 4:49 pm
Wow wow wow!!! My recaptcha was
Celtics 88…
Speaking of jock law.
posted by Chrystani on 5-11-2009 at 7:12 pm
I believe Kansas had a similar tax law to the window tax, but people were taxed by the number of doors they had. There are some old homes with very large windows that slide up to open on the a balcony instead of a door.
posted by Jen on 1-19-2010 at 5:39 pm
I believe at one point, Philly also had a tax based on how deep your closet was(!). So lots of West Philly Victorian rowhomes (mine included) have at least one or two “working man’s closets” which is a recess only 5-6″ deep, with hooks for hanging up your Sunday best and not much else.
And even the rowhouse itself comes from a rather silly tax: many years ago in France, homes were taxed based on how wide they were, so people began building homes that were far longer from front to back than side to side.
posted by Strubisatoaster on 3-12-2010 at 11:46 pm
Re: Website for #4. So that’s what Cindy Lauper is up to these days? Lol.
posted by James on 4-6-2010 at 1:32 am
I’ve actually had to pay the jock tax myself! Not only does it apply to athletes, but to anyone appearing on a game show. So when I won $30K on Jeopardy in 2002, imagine my surprise when I got a tax bill from the state of California in addition to my home state. I’ve heard that people who win merchandise actually have to sell it just to pay the tax bill on it.
posted by keith on 6-20-2010 at 10:30 am
Everyone wants their roads shoveled/paved, their trash picked up, their libraries, their police officers, their schools, and countless other necessities but no one wants to pay for them.
Shush and pay your taxes. And be grateful you live in a country where you don’t have to walk down streets flowing with your neighbors feces.
posted by blahy on 8-1-2010 at 10:47 pm
What country would that be blahy?
posted by Angelique on 9-2-2010 at 12:27 am
My mom and I visited her sister in England last year, and I did notice a lot of older houses with bricked windows. Haha, I always thought that it was some type of fashion of architecture. Thanks for this article!
posted by Pip on 9-2-2010 at 2:29 am
@Angelique
That isn’t a serious question, right? I think some of you have lived very sheltered lives.
posted by Christian on 1-2-2011 at 9:31 am
@blahy: Boy are you naive. We Americans pay a substantial portion of our income out as taxes, I believe much moreso than many supposedly “socialist” countries in Western Europe. Yet we don’t receive nearly the return for our investment in social benefits, nor is our government nearly as efficient. I believe in Canada, they pay 40% of their total income in taxes. In the U.S., it’s 60%. Yet in Canada, you get health insurance, good schools, well maintained roads pretty much everywhere, a better-maintained social net, etc. This is one of the reasons why I’m libertarian; if the U.S. government were as efficient as Canada’s, sure, I’d entrust them with a lot of things. But the U.S. government’s so stupid it’ll pay $200 for a toilet seat and invest tens of millions of dollars for a bridge to an uninhabited island, so why should I trust them with my health insurance?
posted by Diane on 1-20-2011 at 2:52 am
@Diane, Do you have a source for that information on the 40%/60% taxes that Canadians and Americans pay? I’m curious to read more about that as those numbers seem quite a bit higher than I expected..
posted by Beck on 9-16-2011 at 12:51 pm
@Diane, I make a little over 50k a year and live in California and about 23% of my paycheck is deducted as federal and state taxes. That gets pushed up to 40% IF I included my employer’s medical, dental, and 401k plan deductions. I also always get a refund every year after filing so what I am actually paying in taxes is even lower.
The federal income tax rate, according to Wikipedia, for people in the highest income tax bracket is 35% so unless you can name a state with a 25% state tax or you earn A LOT of money by means that includes some of the things mentioned in the article, then I’m pretty sure you are full of it (but it explains why you are a libertarian).
posted by Joman on 9-30-2011 at 3:49 pm
Joman, I’m not 100% informed about US taxes but I’m pretty sure there are taxes on your “buying power” that you wouldn’t think of straight away. Like import duties, cigarette tax, alcohol tax, stamp duties, govt fees etc. These add up. If you pay for a service then your “buying power” is further eroded by the fact that the guy doing the service pays tax on his income too. Say the job is worth $500 then you add the service persons tax to that. You’re now looking at $625 plus. You had to earn more than $750 before tax to get the money to pay for $500 of services.
I probably could have been a lot clearer but at least I’m not trying say that you only pay 23% of your effort in tax because you pay a lot more than that.
posted by Marc on 10-22-2011 at 5:09 am